This is My Wish
by ericastwilight
Summary: Dear Wishes for You, My name is Riley Biers and I'm nine years old. Soon, very soon I'll leave behind my mom because I have terminal cancer. I write to you today and this is my wish... Rated M for language
1. Meeting the White Ranger

_**Betaed by kyla713, thank you**_

_**Written for FGB for Vanessa_Ventura**__**  
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**This is My Wish**

**Chapter One – Meeting the White Ranger**

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**Riley**

Mom is going to make us late. I'll miss everything if she doesn't hurry up, not only me, but also Brittney and David, too. I will not remind her again, I will not yell at her. It will only hurt her feelings. I look at the rearview mirror and see that she knows I'm mad.

"I'm sorry, Riley," she says. "It's not my fault traffic is so bad."

Mrs. Newton puts her hand on my mom's shoulder. "It's fine, Bella. We held you up."

"It's no one's fault, Jessica," my mom says. She turns to Mrs. Newton and smiles. "I'm just glad that Brittney gets to come see Mr. Cullen."

Mrs. Newton smiles at my mom and I see her lip tremble. We all knew why Brittney is going to the hospital tomorrow – to start treatments, again.

I really hate hospitals, but I wouldn't have met my friends if it weren't for them. I look at Brittney and her big blue eyes are wide and glassy. She cries a lot, not that I blame her. It's not easy being sick all the time and see people look at you funny.

Me, I'm used to it. I have no hair. I lost it all in my first round of chemo and it hasn't grown back since. I'm in remission – I think that's what my mom calls it. My ears stick too far from my head and I look like a vampire since my skin is so white. My mom calls me her little angel though, which I hate. But I will never tell her that.

"Look, Riley," my mom says. She points at something outside and I can see searchlights coming from somewhere close by.

"Is that where we're going?" I ask excitedly. "Are we almost there?"

She nods and smiles at me before turning down another street. "We need to walk a little, since parking close to the theater is next to impossible," she says to Mrs. Newton.

Once we park and everyone is ready, we start to walk toward the place that I'll finally meet Edward Cullen, aka The White Ranger. He's so awesome and cool. He knows karate and he likes to help people, just like my dad. I start to practice my karate chop and try to do a spin kick, when my mom puts her hand on my shoulder.

"I don't think so, mister," she whispers. "I don't want you falling."

I scowl at her and shake my head. "I won't fall, look." I spin and kick my foot high in the air. Once both feet are on the ground, I turn to see her laughing. "What?"

"I think Brittney likes when you do karate," she says and smiles. I roll my eyes, because girls are gross and cry a lot. I sigh because I cry, too – only when my mom's not looking. I won't tell that to Brittney, she may tell some of our friends.

I look at Brittney, who's holding her mom and dad's hands, walking between them. Her dad is big, with blue eyes like hers and mom says he does a sports show on television. Mike, I think is his name. I just know him as Brittney's dad. He's nice, though; he's always with Brittney at the hospital or taking her places.

Sometimes, I wish dad was still with me.

~oOo~

They gave us a place to stand close to the red carpet with seats and everything. But we're standing because we want to see the movie stars. There's something blocking us from walking around. I see many people there – a lot them girls – some screaming and crying as these two men walk on the carpet.

They're the bad guys in the movie. Why would anyone like them? I'll never understand girls, they are so weird sometimes. I look up at my mom, who is rubbing my hands together. She's afraid I'm cold. I feel a little cold, but not enough to go home. Not yet. I need to see him.

Then finally, I see this big limo pull up. My mom squeezes my hand and smiles at me. Nodding, she tells me all I need to know. I'm finally going to see Edward Cullen in person. I'm not stupid. I know he's an actor and that he played a part in my favorite show the Power Rangers.

He played Kyle Jacobs and was the best Power Ranger ever. He was the legendary White Ranger, and his power came from within and not some dumb animal or robot.

Even though I knew Kyle Jacobs wasn't real, the man behind him was a good person. I see him from time to time at the hospital. He comes to sing, talk and play games with some of the kids in the children's ward. He's always with a tall woman with light reddish hair. I only remember a few times they came to see us.

I know he won't remember me; I was too sick when we last saw each other. He did sing a song, though, and I'll never forget him. Or her. I wish I could remember her name.

Another cool thing is that Edward's martial arts moves weren't made up. He used to teach at the same place I go to now. I know this because Mr. Chang keeps his picture and his trophies there for all of us to see – they're best friends. In other words, Edward Cullen not only played a hero, he really _is _one.

"I can't see, Momma," I say and stand on the tip of my toes to see. Brittney is on her daddy's shoulder and I want to tell him to help me up, too, but I don't. I look up to my mom and see her sad eyes again. She saw what I was looking at, and what got me upset.

I shake my head and squeeze her hand. "Is he really here?" She stands and gazes over the crowd and she starts to nod. I see her purse drop and pulling her hand, I point to it on the ground. I can't reach it. I hear her mutter something I can't repeat, since I'm not allowed to. She looks at me and I can see she's sorry for the word.

Kneeling, she picks up her purse and starts to put back some of the things that fell out. The screaming gets louder and somehow I lose my mom's hand. I turn to her and tell her I'll be right up front. I don't want to miss him. I can't. I _have_ to see him once at least.

I think I hear him say something as I push my way to the front. I fall once because Becky's wheelchair caught my shin. I want to cry because it stings a little, but then I hear him say something to Brittney. I see a hand give a picture to Brittney and she's laughing.

I get on my feet, telling myself that I can do this. I will see him – meet him face to face this time.

"I need to talk to him," I say. "Please excuse me. I _need_ to talk to him." I have to push because if I don't, I won't see him. I am being nice, though; my mom will have my butt if I'm not.

Right before I get to the ropes, I see him, just a part of him. He's in a suit, which reminds me of the suit grandpa wears when he takes grandma out. I'm not paying attention and I trip over my own feet and fall forward. Brittney's dad catches my arm and smiles at me.

I grin at him and look up in front of me. It's _him_ and he's looking at me. _Right_ at me, it's the first time I see how green his eyes are. He doesn't have his hair as short as he did on the show, so it's longer. My mom says it makes him look older and handsome. I think it looks messy.

"Well, hi there," he says, extending his hand. I'm still looking at him. He still looks the same, though; like the hero I know he is.

I smile real big and I take his hand to shake it. Grandpa always told me a good handshake makes a good impression. I can't believe I'm touching him! This is so awesome. Eric and Ryan are not going to believe me. I really hope Mom brought her camera.

I feel my red baseball hat get a little loose. I quickly pull it down at the back to keep it in place. I don't want everyone to see that I have no hair.

I looked up at him and I see that he's so tall. He's like two of me. Wow. "Hi, I'm Riley Biers the second," I say, still smiling. "I'm your biggest fan." My hand is still in his and he's still shaking it. All right! Grandpa's advice works! This is perfect.

Mr. Cullen uses one of his big hands and measures me. He places it on my head and I see that I'm just below his chest. "You're absolutely right. You're definitely my biggest fan."

I smile wider and wonder where my Mom is, looking over my shoulder I see her coming this way. "My momma let me take karate because of you. She liked the show, too. So she's a big fan also."

"Riley," I hear my mom say behind me. "You shouldn't run away from me like that."

"Sorry, Mom," I say with a big smile but roll my eyes. She worries too much. I hope I don't get in trouble. "Edward Cullen, this is my mom, Bella Swan." I smile as I look up at my mom. She's all red on her face, but she only does this when she's embarrassed. Why is she doing that now? I shake my head, remembering what Grandpa said once – 'you'll never understand women.'

I look back to see Mr. Cullen looking at my mom. He's really looking at her weird. Like he's not breathing, what the heck is wrong with him? I check my mom's face; she doesn't have anything on her teeth or coming out of her nose. Then I see that none of them are talking, just staring. I sigh, she's gonna embarrass me –again.

"Mom," I say firmly. "You're supposed to shake his hand, not stare." Several people around us laugh, including a woman with Mr. Cullen. I know her, I've seen her at the hospital a lot times. She is the pretty girl that always comes with Mr. Cullen. Mom's eyes get big and her face is red again. Did I say something?

They're still staring at each other. I smile because maybe they like each other. I see Brittney's mom and dad making googly eyes at each other all time. They're looking at each other that way. Maybe I can lend them a hand. I take Mr. Cullen's hand and put it in my mom's soft, warm one. I look up at them both, and they're smiling at me.

I hear people making strange noises and laughing. There are many flashes from cameras around us. Laughing, Mr. Cullen takes my mom's hand and brings it to his lips, placing a small kiss there.

Eww. Gross.

"Thanks for bringing my biggest fan out to see me," Mr. Cullen says to her.

"It was a pleasure," she says softly. "He'll be talking about this for the rest of his life." Then I look at her and her eyes do that thing again, get all sad. Grandma says when she sees my mom's eyes like that, her heart breaks every time. I know what she means now. My heart hurts a little every time, too.

Mr. Cullen looks funny, too, like my mom does when she helps me if I get sick. He looks back at me, smiling. It's the same smile I get when people know I'm sick, and wish they can help. People sometimes don't realize that just caring is enough.

The tall lady beside him taps his shoulder and smiles at him. She's so tall, that I can't hear what she tells him. Whatever she says to Mr. Cullen, his eyes get all big and stuff. Just like my mom, when she knows she can't do anything but hold my hand. But he's looking at the woman, so I know whatever it is, it's not only about me.

"Hello," I say to get her attention. "I'm Riley number two but I'm five years old."

She takes my hand and shakes it like I'm a grownup and not dying of cancer. She treats me like any other person. I like that. After she tells me to call her Tanya and Mr. Cullen Edward, she takes Mommy's hand. They talk while Edward takes a picture from a girl to sign, but he doesn't move away from us. This is so cool; he likes to talk to me.

Ms. Tanya looks at me, after she gave my mom a hug. I can see both of them have teary eyes, so I know they talked about me. "Did you enjoy Edward's new movie?"

I nod happily. "Yes, and thank you for letting me and my friends see it. Momma said you helped put it together for us."

"I sure did," Tanya says with a pretty smile. Wow, she's as pretty as all the girl movie stars. "How about one picture with him before we head inside?" she ask this to my mom and Edward. I don't think my face has ever hurt from smiling too much, but I'm positive it will later. I nod again and look up to my see my mom smiling at me.

"Is it all right if I pick him up?" Edward asks my mom. She's pulling out her camera from her jacket pocket. She nods, smiling at him with those gross googly eyes again. "Come on big guy," Edward says. I put my hand up to stop him.

"Let me show you what I can do," I say, before my mom can stop me. She hates when I do this. With what my grandpa says are my light feet, I climb up Edward. I use his knee, hip and waist, until he shifts me to one side, laughing. We turn toward my mom, who I know wants to tell me to behave. But she doesn't.

"Smile, Riley," she says holding her digital camera up.

"Ma! I'm already smiling!" I say, giggling. She really needs to wear her glasses all the time. I look over Edward's shoulder to see people waiting to see him. I hope he doesn't get in trouble. All these people are here to see him. "Hurry, Edward needs to go!"

After mom takes the picture, Edward takes the small poster of him I have in my hand. "To my biggest fan, Riley," he says, winking at me, "from your biggest fan, Edward." I shake my head and laugh.

"I don't do anything for you to be a fan," I say, still smiling.

"You make your mom smile every day, that's something," he says and smiles at my mom again. She blushes so red that I think she's going to explode. "There you go, smart guy." He gives me my poster back and pulls my ear like my mom does all the time. "See you around."

"You will!" I say loudly. "See you around!" Oh, I have to show him what I can do! I give him my best scowl and do a quick karate chop mid air and strike the same pose the White Ranger has done many times before.

Laughing again, he smiles at my mom. They start talking about something, but Brittney is calling me. I show her my poster as her daddy puts her down so we can talk. I see Edward leave with Tanya and I wave at them both. They whisper something to each other and the look Edward's face says he knows. His eyes are sad again, like the way my mom's get when she thinks I'm not paying attention.

He knows what I know, what my doctors know, and what I wish my mom would understand. I won't be making it to even my twelfth birthday; at least that's what something called "statistics" say.


	2. Mom and Me

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Two – Mom and Me**

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**Three Years Later **

**Riley – Nine Years Old**

"Mom," I call out for her as I hear her banging around in her room. "Mom!"

"What?" she says out loud, cursing as I hear her stub her toe, again. I really should just move that dresser from beside her bed. She's always hitting her foot or knee on that thing.

"I'm out of the little green pills!"

"All right," she says loudly and slightly out of breath. "I'll get the new bottle from my medicine cabinet."

Of course, she already has the bottle. She is always on top of these things. I roll my eyes and go to the counter where all my bottles of medication are. I scrunch my nose as I examine them. "I'll need refills for the rest by the end of next week."

"Got it!" she replies as she comes out of her room. I hear her cursing under her breath, which is not something I hear often. She must be nervous. "I don't think this is going to work, Riley."

"Oh Mom," I gasp as I took in her clothes, while she tries to button her new shirt and skirt. "You look really pretty."

She rolls her eyes. "You have to say that, you're my son." She never believes me when I tell her this. Maybe if a man tells her, she'd believe him.

I smile at her. "Do you want me to call Emmett from across the street?" I ask. "He'll tell you the truth."

My mom shakes her head. "No, thank you," she grumbles. "He's a little um…"

"You can say it, Mom," I say with a smile. "He has a dirty mouth." I roll my eyes and grin. "And I'm pretty sure he likes yooooooooooooou."

My mom laughs and smiles. "He has that pretty woman always there, at all hours of the night, son," she says as she grabs the orange juice from the fridge. "I think he's taken."

"Rosalie, Mom." I grab a bowl from the cabinet and spoon from the drawer. "That's her name." I'm not hungry but my mom always gets scared when don't eat. I hate scaring her. So, I'll eat just to make her happy. It's the least I can do.

"Oh, so you've met her already, have you?" she says in a voice that means she's teasing me. My mom is always doing it, ever since I told her a girl was pretty in my class. I don't mind, I like to make her laugh and smile.

I blush and nod. "She came by when Emmett was watching me the other day while you went to the store."

She gives me one of those looks, the look that says she knows I'm lying. How am I supposed to tell her that Rosalie is the love of my life? Screw Emmett, as he always says to the television screen when his team is losing. He watches a lot of sports.

As for me, I'd rather read anything I can get my hands on. I think I get that from my Mom. That and there isn't much for a kid to do when you're stuck indoors for ninety-five percent of your life. As for what I got from my dad, my mom says I got his smile and his math skills.

Mom lost my dad while she was pregnant with me. He was somewhere in Iraq when his division was attacked. They were supposed to get married when he got back, but he never did. I never got a chance to meet him. Mom managed to capture a few videos of them together before he deployed, and sometimes, when it's late at night, I can see the television on in the living room – she watches them when she thinks I don't know.

Since then, it's been just her and me. I don't have any grandparents left alive anymore. Papa Charlie died about two years ago, exactly one year after my grandmother. He just couldn't live without her anymore and he died in his sleep. My grandmother died from breast cancer, something I worry that my mom will get when she gets older.

I know a lot about death since I've been surrounded by it for years. I've watched some of my friends die, my grandparents and, even though I never met my father, I still get sad thinking about how I never met him.

Then the worst happened when I was almost five. I had to give away my dog because I kept sneezing and coughing a lot. My chest started to hurt also, and that's when my mom took me to see a doctor. The same little old family doctor had known my mom since she was born – Mr. Wiseman.

He did this thing with a stethoscope and got a look in his face. He checked, rechecked, and smiled at my mother, reassuring her that everything would be just fine. He told her that I just needed an x-ray just to be sure. But I wasn't fine. I had cancer.

_To be exact, I have Neuroblastoma_. It's a cancer that develops in the nerve tissues – in other words, not good. I was diagnosed at age five and have been in and out of hospitals since then. I've been in remission for about eighteen months, but when you know, you know.

Except my mom doesn't know, or at least, she's not ready to accept it. I don't think she ever will be ready.

I worry about what will happen to her when I get sick again. I worry about it almost every night, and every time she watches my dad's videos. I'm all she has. She hasn't been able to work, because she's constantly taking me to doctors, therapy and play dates with other kids like me. The only friends she has are other parents with kids like me.

If it wasn't for grandpa's life insurance, we wouldn't even have a roof over our heads. But that money is almost gone and she has to find work. Today though, she's going to a job interview, something she can do at home. If it all works out, she'll be editing for a publishing company.

I turn on the small television on the counter to my Mom's favorite morning show. _"Edward Cullen is once again in trouble after physically assaulting a cameraman while trying to catch a cab..." _My mom sighs as she looks at the video of Mr. Cullen with his mouth wide open as he's yelling, half of the lens covered by his hand as he shoves it away.

I shake my head – it was strange how much his life had changed since I met him outside of the theater. At first, since the picture of him and me was on many magazine covers, he did great for a while – some of his best movies. Mom loved some of his classic roles the most. Then it all went downhill after he was in a car accident that killed his manager. She was that nice lady that was with him that night. Since then, he'd been in a lot of trouble.

My mom sighs and turns the show off, giving me a small smile. We both know Edward was a good man before all the bad stuff happened. He had given a donation to the hospital that my friends and I got our treatments from when we saw him. He even came over and played games with us. My mom and I had met him a few times again, though there were always cameras around. I think there was something else between them, but Mom denies it. Edward never treated me like a sick kid. He was nice.

Sometimes, money and fame wasn't everything. Sometimes a person needs a nudge in the right direction to help. I sometimes wish I could do something to help him.

After the news, we have to eat breakfast relatively fast; we're always on the go. I have to be at school in an hour and mom has to deal with freeway traffic for about an hour to get her interview. There are times I wish we could slow down, maybe head to the park, especially on a nice day.

"Go take your shower," Mom says. "I'll get the dishes."

I cock my head to one side and smile. "You sure?'

She nods and pulls on the top of my ear. I both hate and love when she does this. It's something she does secretly to tell me she loves me without embarrassing me in front of other people. But it's still embarrassing. I roll my eyes and playfully push her hand away, she only laughs.

While Mom washes the dishes, I go back to my room to take a quick shower. Looking in the mirror over my sink, I see my reflection. I don't look sick anymore, not like I did a few years ago.

I'm skinny, but I see some muscle as I flex my arms. I run a hand over my shortly cropped hair. There's still spots where my hair hasn't completely grown in. I hate that, but turning, I can see some of them are filling in with peach fuzz.

I sigh as I start to pull off my clothes. When I bend down, I feel dizzy. My head spins, as does the room. Trying to regain my balance, I grasp the towel bar as bile rises in my throat. Everything looks blurry and seems to be moving around me. I shouldn't have ignored the warnings I felt last week.

Maybe I just wanted a little longer before I had to watch my mom cry again. I just wanted a little longer before it was nothing but hospital visits and false hope. Before I have to remind her again, that no one had ever survived the type of cancer I have. Before they give us an estimation of when I'll die. She'd have to let me go. We both know if I get sick again, that I won't make it to my next birthday.

"Mom!" I gasp as I call out for her. Unable to support myself, the feeling of pins and needles trickle from my waist to the tips of my toes. "Mom!"

I'm not able to hold it together long enough to make it to the toilet. I cringe and gasp as I throw up on clean white tiles of the ground. My morning cereal and orange juice are nothing but muted colors on my mom's clean floor. I want to clean it up for her; I know what she'll do when she sees me.

I'm so sorry, Mom, I say to myself. I'm sorry I can't be normal.

"What did you forget this time?" my Mom asks, knocking on the door.

Tears sting my eyes as my stomach churns again. I gasp out her name again and wipe my mouth. The door opens slowly and her head peeks out from behind the door. There's two of her as my legs finally give out and I hear her cry out my name.

"Riley! No, baby no!" I feel her arms around me and then the cool blue walls of our bathroom fade to grey and then, finally, black.


	3. My Not So Secret Life

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Three – My Not So Secret Life**

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**Edward-2 1/2 years after meeting Riley**

I wanted damned privacy, didn't these assholes get that. I brought it upon myself; I knew that. However, it had been a year and still I was asked questions about that stupid video that bitch Heidi leaked to the internet.

I should've known better, especially since everyone had warned me that Heidi was a barracuda. One thing I learned was not to think with my dick anymore. I sat in the back porch of my new house, secluded in the hills. Away from reporters, cameras and crazy ass people that thought they had a right to know every single thing about me.

I watched the sun start to set over the horizon as I drank a couple of beers. My new agent had left a few messages for me to make a few appearances with some Hollywood starlet that needed the publicity. I was being hired to be a fucking escort. Christ, how had I let my life become this shit?

Letting my head fall back against my chair, I thought back to the day where everything had changed. I had left television to try my hand at better movie roles. I had worked on several in my Power Ranger days, but mostly high school or heartthrob films. They were the kinds that were never taken seriously.

Some new up and coming director took a chance on me and allowed me to get out of my stereotyping and I landed my first major role. Yes, it was an action flick, but it brought in big money. It helped that on premiere night, one picture changed "my look" because of one cute kid and his mother.

The picture I had taken with Riley Biers and his beautiful mom landed on several magazine cover and sparked articles. After that, the media focused on my humanitarian efforts and my work with children. I landed not only big budget films, but also roles that earned me nominations and an Oscar.

I had wished that I would've been able to see Riley and his mother Bella, more often soon after we met. Most of the times we had made public appearances, paparazzi had always surrounded us. The few times we had to ourselves were few and far in between. I wanted desperately to be a part of their lives, but after the night where Bella was exposed, it had turned her life insane. God, I missed her – them.

After that, I knew I didn't belong in their world. All I could offer was a smile and their faces on the front pages of the latest gossip rags. Whenever I thought of them, I remembered my aunt Tanya. And how much her death affected me. She was there when I first met Riley and his mother. She was there for my first red carpet night.

_The limo came to an abrupt halt in front of the red carpet and I could already make out the roar of the crowd nearby. I cringed and shook my head. This was one part of becoming famous that I still hadn't become accustomed to. _

_"Relax, Edward," Tanya, my aunt, said. She patted my hand as the limo driver came around the car. "Take a deep breath, you'll do fine."_

_That was my first red carpet appearance since I left television and started in big budget films. The past year had been nothing but filming, photo shoots and press junkets. I sort of missed the days where I was just filming episodes of Power Rangers. The people I had worked with on the set were genuine and I missed sparring with Jason and James, my fellow Rangers. Despite that, I had to get away from the stereotyping the show had brought upon me. I wanted to be taken seriously, and that wouldn't happen as long as I donned the white spandex suit._

_"I can do this," I said, swallowing a quick glass of water. "I can do this."_

_"Honey," Tanya said softly. I turned to her, her strawberry blond hair lightly dusted with white and grey hair, made her all the more approachable. "I'm proud of you. This film will the one that get you the multi-million dollar pay days."_

_"It's not about the money, T," I said with a sigh. "I just want to do roles where they take me seriously. I'm twenty-five years old, I shouldn't be playing lovesick seventeen year olds."_

_She smiled. "They'll take you seriously after this one."_

_I nodded and stepped out of the car when the door opened. Immediately, I was accosted with screams and hundreds of cameras flashing in my direction. I did my best to smile and nodded toward the cameras as they continued to momentarily blind me. With a small wave, I turned my attention to the limo and took Tanya's hand to assist her. _

_She was my rock, the only person that really, truly believed in me. My father was an asshole and didn't see acting as respectable work. My mother supported me, but she turned the other cheek while in my father's presence. Without Tanya, I would've been stuck doing underwear ads and diarrhea commercials for the rest of my life. _

_I walked the red carpet when Tanya pointed out a small group of children. "Those kids are from the local school and hospital. They're White Ranger's fans." I smiled at that and shook my head. It amazed me that, even after a year, I still had kids that admired me for my work as Kyle Jacobs, The White Ranger. _

_"Let's say hi," I said with a smile. I knew how much the local children's hospital meant to her, and it meant a lot to me, too. Tanya nodded and helped me navigate through a throng of reporters under the night sky. I realized it was getting a little chilly as I stepped toward the bleachers that held some of the kids that came out to see me. _

It had been one hell of a busy eighteen months after that event. My aunt died just over eleven months ago, because of me. She had been working hard, along with my new publicist, Heidi Gibson, to maintain my schedule and my career.

I kept my life as private as possible. I had always tried to keep my relationships out of the public eye. I had to be safe, I was never positive that who I was seeing wouldn't sell her story to the highest bidder. I hadn't wanted to add fuel to my father's insistence that acting was not work and a waste of my intelligence.

Bella was a different story.

Tanya had worked diligently to make sure I got the roles of a lifetime, managed my money and contracts. While Heidi just made sure, I looked good and kept me on schedule. It was after the incident with Bella that made me turn to Heidi for something casual, and only after finding her in my bed the night following a drinking binge.

That was my mistake. Despite the rumors that she had leaked information on some of her former clients, I refused to believe them, giving her the benefit of the doubt. Heidi however, saw our casual relationship as something much more than I had.

When she started booking public appearances at the same time I had obligations to my aunt or charity events, that should've been my first clue that something wasn't right. After she had done it a third time, I knew there was something seriously wrong with our communication.

I confronted her and she had indicated that I shouldn't _waste_ millions of dollars on something that wasn't helping my career anymore. She said helping kids made me look boring, and that I needed to drop the good guy act. When I told her that I wasn't fucking acting, she threw a fit and a vase at me. I broke our personal relationship that day.

When she publicly announced that I wouldn't be a part of the annual baseball game that benefited the local children's hospital, I promptly fired her ass. She got even, by leaking out a sex video that she had filmed without my knowledge. Heidi seemed to have erotic tastes and that first night with her was something different, a threesome with her friend, Megan that I had no recollection of. I had no idea we'd been filmed, worse yet it was obvious I was fucked up. It was the first night I had even slept with the bitch.

For days, Tanya did was she could to help me, but it was a lost cause. That short video fucking ruined my career. Disney dropped my three-movie contract and soon others were pulling out. I had needed to get away, hoping to dodge a few bullets from the media. I needed the time to figure out what I could do. Tanya and I left to take a month long vacation. We took some time off at a private beach and it seemed to be what we needed.

However, our return flight home was leaked to the media. The paps were there, chasing us through the airport and on the way to my house.

My aunt was at a loss on what to do, and stressed from the media frenzy. The paps at the airport said the most revolting things to her because of me. As she drove us home, the fear, the sadness that had weighed heavily on my during our vacation hit me harder than ever.

I had a panic attack. She tried to calm me down, pulling over, which was a mistake. Cameras surrounded our SUV in under a minute, she was yelling at them, telling them to leave me alone. I couldn't fucking breathe and I put the car in drive, getting us out of there.

She managed to get control of the car, and after another minute, I was able to get myself under control. I fucked up, and I needed to find a way to fix the shit situation I created. I had turned to my aunt, and found her slumping over the steering wheel and then the car weaved into oncoming traffic.

I had almost died, and she suffered a heart attack. Along with her injuries, it had killed her. It was my fault. It was all my fucking fault. I'd never forgive myself.

If she saw what I had become, she would've never approved. I became the asshole the papers made me out to be. I couldn't stand to be around people, I looked like shit wherever I went. I smoked, and I never fucking smoked before. I knew what that shit would do to my body.

I drank in pubic, had become intoxicated on more than one occasion. Apparently, I fucked many women, though it was nowhere as bad as the media made it out to be. I could easily count the number one damn hand! I was upholding the image of Hollywood's latest bad boy after Tanya's death. I didn't care what anyone thought of me, and told off anyone that said I couldn't act.

I still gave money to same charities that Tanya focused on and the foundation named after her daughter, Mia. My sweet baby cousin died before her eleven birthday and was the light of my aunt's life. There was no way I'd ever turn my back on those causes.

I still got work. Plenty of scripts crossed my desk every day. I ignored the pornos, because that shit just pissed me off. Besides action films, I got plenty of Sci-Fi and B movies. However, there were no comedies, romantic or nomination worthy roles.

My career ruined because of grainy video of me _about_ to fuck two women, a night I don't even remember. I lost my aunt because of the video, any chance with Bella, the respect of my peers, the respect I had from critics, and along the way, and I lost who I was.

I was no longer Edward Cullen, hero and heartthrob. I missed being the White Ranger, when things were much simpler. I had to do something to change my life. Then maybe, I'd worthy to see _them_ again.

~oOo~

**Six months later**

I sat in my agent's office, months after choosing to change, wondering why the fuck everything the room was white. That was supposed to be latest in decor? I rolled my eyes, wishing I could leave already. Jane was a bitch, but she got things done. So I had to put up with her shit.

"Edward," I heard from behind me. "Darling, don't slouch."

I wanted to growl at her, but the problem was, she'd growl back. She was feisty, tiny little thing and gay. So, she was perfect to work with. She had no inclination to get in my pants, and frankly, she scared the fuck out of me. I never allowed her tiny stature or her pretty elfin features to fool me. Her bubbly voice was just a fucking lure. The moment she trapped anyone with those grey eyes, she had you.

After I lost Tanya, and I had no one representing me for almost six months, she sought me out. One dinner with her and I was convinced that she could flip my career around again. I had told her to fuck off at first, and after another failed working relationship with another agent, I went crawling back to her.

In the past six months, she had managed to clean me up. I looked better, but still felt like shit. She put me in therapy. I hated that, but it was the only major stipulation she added to her contract. In the end, I figured she was only trying to help me out. In addition, before Tanya died, she had been working with Jane to take over for her eventually. If Tanya trusted her, I had to learn to do the same.

"You said you had something serious for me," I said, running a hand through my hair.

"Cut your hair," she said, as she took a seat behind her desk. The blue of her suit stood out in dark contrast against the white of her chair and the wall behind her. It rather looked like she was floating in mid air. Fucking creepy.

"Whatever," I said.

"I should make you an appointment with Laurent," she said, pulling out her phone. "You have an engagement next weekend."

"The baseball game," I said, smiling. I had looked forward to the annual charity game, where a bunch of Hollywood actors came together to raise money for the local hospital. Plus, I might be able to catch a glimpse of Bella and Riley, though I wouldn't approach them. Not in public at least.

"Yes," she said sweetly. "You need to look good. The kids will be out there as will the media. You've kept yourself out of trouble for the last six months, so it would be best if you make a good impression."

"Jane," I said, cocking my head to one side. "Is that your way of saying I haven't gotten laid in over six months?" More like eleven, but she didn't need to know that.

She looked up at me, giving me that lethal "don't fuck with me" look. I hated that look, because it always gave me nightmares. I swore it felt as if she could burn me with that glare. "I didn't say you couldn't date anyone, Edward," she said, looking over a script.

"You said to keep my dick in my pants and my hands off anyone for a while," I grumbled. "Meanwhile, you've been setting me up on these 'dates' with beautiful women that I wasn't allowed to touch."

"They needed you to help sex up their image, and you needed them to clean yours up. You could've tried to really date them," she said, handing me the script. I hoped it was the one that everyone was all abuzz about lately.

"All three of them believed the rumors and had no interest in me," I said, rolling my eyes. Not that I really cared, I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with any of them. They weren't the one I wanted.

"What a blow to that ego of yours."

Without looking at her, I scratched my forehead with my middle finger, earning a snort. I did a mental fist pump after opening the package to find a copy of a script. I had hoped for a chance to do that movie. "They want me for the lead?"

"Hold on," she said firmly. "They think you look the part, but whether or not you're ready for this kind of role after the past eighteen months is what they're worried about."

"I figured as much," I said thoughtfully. "What do you want me to do?"

"Make sure you don't yell at cameramen and try to push them out of the way."

"That asshole deserved it," I snapped. "It had been the first time my mom gave me a chance to take her out and they fucking ruined everything."

"That's life in Hollywood," she said loudly. She never sugarcoated anything. "You should know better than to expose yourself to that kind of environment with your mother. They wanted fresh meat, something to help fuck everything we've worked so hard to fix in the last six months."

"All right," I said, holding up my hands in defense. "You're right. I need to keep out of the limelight."

"Yes you do," she said as she gestured toward the script in my hand. "I know you miss going to the children's hospital, why don't you stop by sometime this week. Keep your ass out of trouble and be nice out on that field."

"I should stop at the hospital," I said softly. I ran my hands through my hair. I hadn't heard from Bella for a while. I had sent a present for Riley's birthday a while back and his return thank you card was from only him. Bella had to hate me, after what I'd done.

Why taint and stain their lives with all my shit? The problem was, I had no clue if Riley was alive or not.

How fucked up was that shit? All it would take was a phone call to find out, yet I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feared to hear that sad lilt in her voice, the one that would tell me that he was sick or that he was gone.

"I think I will," I whispered. "Thanks for this." I held up the script and smiled at her.

"Don't get your hopes up," she said, dismissing me with a wave. "Read and get a feel for it. Remember what I said."

"You said a lot of things, Jane," I teased as I made my way to the exit.

"You know exactly what I mean," she said angrily, the shrill ring of her phone causing her to jump. "Keep your ass out of trouble."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said.

Script in hand, I whistled as I walked out into the cool October, California air. Deciding that a sandwich from the nearby deli sounded damn good, I went over my plans for the week. I had plenty of time to visit the hospital, and maybe – just maybe – find out how Bella and Riley were doing.

If they weren't there at the hospital, it meant it was a good sign. It would mean that Riley was still in remission. If he was there, in one those tiny hospital beds, then it meant that he was ill again. There was of course the possibility that Bella wouldn't want me around her and Riley.

I had to have faith that everything would work out in the end. Maybe I wouldn't see them at the hospital, and if I didn't, I wouldn't let that stop me from finding them. With that in mind, I had a quick lunch and headed out to the nearby parking garage.

As I contemplated on going back to my place for my guitar before heading to the hospital, my cell phone rang – Jane. "Did I forget something?" I asked, turning on my car.

"You once told me that if someone named Riley Biers or Bella Swan called looking for you, to give them your number, right?"

My heart pounded in my chest – they called. "Did you tell them my number?"

"I wasn't so sure, but I told her I'd give her a message. She said to meet her for coffee in an hour, where you used to go and see her."

"If she calls again, tell her I'll be there."

"You sure you want to be seen somewhere publicly?" she asked, concerned. I wanted to roll my eyes. My "relationship" with Angela James had been over for weeks.

"We're not meeting somewhere publicly," I said as I pulled out into the street. "You have nothing to worry about. I need the rest of month off." I wanted to make up for lost time. Take Riley to a ball game, maybe camping. Have dinner with Bella and see if she'd forgive me – maybe try again.

"What!"

"Figure it out, Jane." I hung up before she could start ranting at me; I swore the woman could go on for hours. I wasn't that busy anyway.

I looked through my cell's contacts list, stopping on Bella's name. Should I call her? I could, just to tell her that I'd be there. With a light touch, I called her for the first time in over a year.

"Edward," she answered breathlessly. Just the sound of my name and the small sniffle afterward, told me that my fear had come true.

Riley had fallen ill again.


	4. Closure?

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Four – Closure?**

* * *

**Edward**

I pulled up in front of the simple white house, the same one where Bella, Riley and I had spent a several dinners together. And one breakfast we shared together. It was bittersweet to be back to the one house that felt more like home than any other I had. It wasn't even mine.

I had no idea what was waiting for me inside. Fear clutched at my heart as a multitude of possibilities crossed my mind. Besides the fact that I had to face whatever Riley had to say to me, I was sick at the thought of the pain I'd see in Bella's eyes. Her soulful brown eyes had haunted me for so long.

How long had I wanted to walk up to the door and beg them for forgiveness?

The kitchen window's curtain fluttered an indication of life inside of the cozy little house. It was how fragile that life was that pained me. Resolute to hear what Bella and Riley had to say, I climbed out of my car and tentatively knocked on the dark green front door.

The door opened slowly, as if the person behind it was regarding me, perhaps even wishing I wasn't really there. Red-rimmed eyes set in a lovely face looked at me, and there was no hint of a smile. Her eyes closed briefly as she exhaled, her bottom lip trembled.

I stepped forward; I wasn't sure why. Maybe only to provide the comfort I had once given. "Don't," she whispered with her eyes wide open again. "You're no longer entitled."

Averting my eyes, I nodded and willed my hands to my sides. I ached everywhere; just the sight of her caused so many emotions and questions to boil to the surface. Her words stung me deeply, but were brutally honest. I wasn't entitled and never really was.

The door opened fully and she crooked her head for me to come inside the house. Her long, beautiful hair fell across her shoulder, causing a few strands to obscure her face. My hand of its own will, lifted to move them as I had done so many times before. However, she stepped back immediately and shook her head.

She wanted nothing to do with me. I knew then, that the only reason I'd been notified of Riley's condition was that the lovable, little boy asked for me. I sighed and walked past her into the living room. I could hear music coming from the hallway that I knew led to two bedrooms and one bathroom. Riley was home.

"I'll grab some coffee to take to the den," she said softly, closing the door behind us. "Why don't you wait for me there?"

I nodded and without another word, walked across the room and into another. New pictures hung on the walls now, different from the ones I'd seen before. There had been photos of a man that Bella desperately loved at one point of her life before, now there were pictures of her parents, various one's of Riley and of me. Guilt cut deep and brutal, a stab to the gut that they still had things in their home to represent me.

There was one picture of Riley on my shoulders outside in the summer sun. Bella had taken a profile picture, while Riley and I watched a motorcycle event at a local charity event years ago. Riley's little hands were using my ears to direct me where to go that day, but at the moment the picture was taken, we both looked up at each other and smiled.

What the fuck had I done? How could I have left behind something so good and sweet?

"He insisted," I heard her say behind me. "He has a few more in his room."

I nodded again, a lump formed in my throat from the guilt that tore through me again. Why had I let my own fears allow me to walk away from something so utterly blissful? I gave myself a moment to gather myself, because I knew the moment I laid eyes on Bella again, that I'd either run or beg her to forgive me.

Neither would do any good.

I turned and gave her a smile; I was an actor after all. I could easily make it seem that seeing her wasn't killing me. "Something smells good," I said with a smile. It fell the moment I laid eyes on her. She looked pissed.

"Don't pull that shit with me," she spat. "I know when you're acting or lying." I shrugged and plopped down in the chair farthest away from her. Normally, I wouldn't have been so damn rude, and would've offered my assistance with the coffee. But I knew trying to get closer to her would only make her angrier. Drive me crazier.

"Who says I'm acting?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "You know I loved your coffee." I cringed when I saw her jaw clench at the obvious bitter memory of the last morning I spent with her.

"Damn it," she muttered her breath and threw the tray in her hands on the coffee table between us. Thankfully, it landed safely. Her face was in her hands as a sob escaped her. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Tears were my kryptonite.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, leaning forward and aching to go to her. "Please, don't."

She seemed to snap out of it instantly and wiped at her tears in haste. Her eyes met mine, and the pain, the sadness had darkened their color. "Riley asked me to call you, he wouldn't tell me why," she said, lowering her eyes to her hands. In moments, her hands served us both some coffee in large red mugs, keeping her busy. It was something she'd always done when she was nervous.

I took my cup from hers, longing to feel the tips of her fingers that curled around it. But she didn't allow me to. "Before I have you go and see him," she said, looking toward the hallway. "I have some questions."

"All right," I said warily.

"You have to understand, after you left, it was hard on him," she said. _Fuck._ "And I think before I let you see him again, I need to know that you're willing to stick around long enough."

"What do you mean, long enough?"

Her eyes met mine again, this time tears lingered there. "They gave my baby four months," she whispered harshly. Her hand thumped on her chest as new tears fell. "Four months, maybe a little more if he goes through the treatments again."

I exhaled deeply, as if the rug was pulled from under me. I felt like I was falling and there was no one to catch me. I wasn't too late, he was still here with us, but it was such little time. Why hadn't I come to them sooner?

"What I meant was, long enough to say goodbye," she said softly. "I think that what he wants."

"Four months," I repeated in disbelief, maybe even denial. "I want to be there for him as long as he wants me to be." _For you, too, _I thought_._

She looked confused and she wrapped her arms around her chest almost as it was the only way to hold her together. "You didn't hesitate. You didn't have to think about your answer. If that's the case, then why did you leave in the first place?"

I could hear the anger and hurt in her tone. I stood up suddenly, unable to stay still or touch her when I was desperate to. "After that night, after we were on the cover of all the tabloids and on all those awful television shows, I knew I had to walk away."

"Don't give me that shit," she spat, rising to her feet. "You could've handled it differently, ended it to my face and his. Instead, I had to find out that the relationship was over when you were caught in the arms of another woman a week later!"

She was working hard to keep her voice down, looking down the hall again. But the music that came from Riley's room never faltered. "What you did to me was so wrong? But to use our failed relationship as an excuse to stop seeing that little boy was much worse."

I ran my hands through my hair, tugging on it, as I tried to find the words to explain. "I was scared, damn it."

Bella stilled, her face hardened further. "Get out," she whispered. My eyes snapped to hers, she was serious. "I will not let you walk into that room, give him the hope of having you in his life again to have you walk away from him the moment things get tough."

I looked at her, momentarily confused, and then it dawned on me. She thought I left them because I feared his illness. "Christ, Bella," I said harshly. "I never left because I knew that one day he'd get sick again."

She shook her head, allowing it to fall back. Her fingers clenched around the pendent around her neck, the one I had given her that night. She still wore it after all this time. "Then I don't understand."

"You made it so damn easy, you know," I said firmly. "So effortless and I could see that you were there, too."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was falling for you," I whispered. I sat once again in the chair. Avoiding her gaze, I resigned myself to be honest with her. I'd do anything to get her to let me stay, even if it was only for Riley's sake. "That night we spent together was incredible. Then your face was all over the news, they started to disrupt your life. I couldn't risk his exposure. I knew I had to leave, Bella. I had to find a way to take the media off you."

I had to do something, anything to get the focus off Bella. I had asked a friend to stage a run in with the paparazzi. I had hoped that they'd run with the new story of my latest "love interest" and stay away from Bella. I also knew it would be enough to have her never want to be with me again.

"It would've gone away," she whispered. "All that attention would've moved on to the next thing sooner or later."

I shook my head. "I thought if you didn't leave me after that, that you would eventually. And you would've the moment Riley become harassed, hounded by those vultures."

"You were scared," she said softly. "And for good reason, Riley shouldn't be exposed in that way. However," she sat on the coffee table in front of me, "I'm sure we could've worked it out."

"Why would you?" I asked, looking into her eyes, searching for her answer.

"We loved you, Edward," a timid voice said from the hallway.

I looked up to see Riley standing in the hallway, his arms crossed over his chest. He was rail thin, with short-cropped hair and unbelievable dark blue eyes. "Riley," I whispered.

_Damn, he has grown so much._

He shook his head when I tried to get up, and stood behind his mother. Bella looked up at her son, tears still in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me he was here?" he asked her.

"I needed to know first," she replied. "I had to make sure he wouldn't hurt you again." I cringed and couldn't find the words to argue, it was the truth after all.

"And what do you think?" he asked her again.

Bella looked at me for a few moments and her shoulders fell. "He won't hurt _you._"

I heard the infliction and accusation in her words, but it wasn't the time to attempt to correct her. This meeting wasn't about her and me, but about the boy who watched his mother with adoring eyes. Their dynamic had changed from what it used to be.

Bella had been the adoring mother that watched dutifully over her son, cared for him. However, it seemed as if Riley was trying to hold her together. He worried for her and for good reason. She'd be alone after he was gone. I barely suppressed a deep shudder. Bella rose, asking if he needed anything.

"Just this," Riley said softly. He wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling his face against chest. "Thanks for calling him."

She sighed, and with a trembling hand, pulled his right ear. He looked at her, giving her a bright smile. "I love you, too, Mom."

"Take him to your room so you can talk to him," she offered. "I'll get your lunch together."

"Thanks," Riley said and squeezed her once more. "Come on." He gestured for me to follow him, so I rose to my feet.

"I'll be right there," I said to him. He nodded and walked into the hallway toward his room. Passing Bella, I bent down to whisper in her ear. "Our discussion is far from over."

"If you have anything to say that isn't about Riley, then I'm not interested."

"There are things that need to be said," I said softly, brushing my hand over her shoulder. Her breath hitched from my unexpected touch, the tension between was still there. "And some wishes that need to be heard."

"That was a mighty fine line, Mr. Cullen," she hissed. "But I got the closure I needed. You were scared of what was happening between us. I get it."

"That's not it at all," I said, dying to take her in my arms. To soothe the ache that I was sure we both felt after hearing about Riley's illness. "You will hear what I have to say."

She shook her head and smirked. "Aren't you afraid I'll leak the video?"

I bristled and I could feel the heat rise in my face, not of embarrassment but of anger. "That was a low fucking blow, Bella."

She looked horrified for a fleeting moment, but seemed resolute to keep the distance between us. She said it in anger, perhaps fear, too. She held up her chin and turned away, walking into the kitchen without another word.

Determined to tear down a piece of the wall I had helped construct around her, I followed. "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you," I said, grabbing her arm and forcing her to look at me. She stumbled slightly, but caught herself by placing her hands on my chest.

"And why not?" she hissed and tried to push away from me. "You did the day after I let you in my bed."

"Shush," I murmured and wrapped my arms around her. "This isn't about any of that." At least, not at that moment, I thought to myself. "I think we both need this right now." My hands ran over her back, reveling in the sigh that left her. She melted against me, but within moments, her body shook with barely restrained sobs. She had finally let herself go, but it was short lived.

"Mom," Riley said from the hallway. Bella stilled in my arms and quickly wiped her eyes, using my body as a shield in case walked into the kitchen. I knew what she was doing, trying to remain strong for her son. Be the rock she knew he needed.

"Yeah," she said, pulling from my grasp.

"Can you come, too?"

"Um, sure," she answered and shrugged when I cocked an eyebrow. "We'll be right there." She turned from me and quickly washed her face using the kitchen faucet. After a few deep breaths, she returned her attention to me. "I can't do this with you," she said firmly. "You really hurt me and I can't let you do that to me again."

I nodded. "Then don't let me."

Determination hardened her gaze, as she ran a hand through her hair. "I won't. Come on, we should see what he wants."

I nodded and led the way toward his room. The door was ajar, I knocked on it lightly to announce our arrival. "Riley," I said, pushing the door slowly. He stood in the middle of the room, holding onto a copy of the magazine cover that changed my life. In a good way.

"Riley," Bella said from the doorway. "You need to rest. You haven't slept all day."

His shoulder rose and fell easily. "Neither have you," he said softly. "I saw you up last night." For some reason he wouldn't meet her eyes.

Bella sighed and walked past me. She laid a hand on his shoulder and turned him. "What's wrong?"

Riley's eyes darted from his mother's and mine before settling to meet my gaze. "I won't do this if you don't want me to, Mom."

Bella shook her head. "Do what?"

"If having him around is too much for you, then I'll send him away." The little boy I once knew had grown to be Bella's protector. He'd deny himself anything if it meant that she'd be happy.

Bella took his face in her hands and looked him in the eye. "I'll do whatever makes you happy."

Riley shook his head, his whole body in protest. "I won't have you crying again," he said. "Not over him, not again." Even Riley was aware of the pain I had caused his mother and he'd been a child.

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Riley Andrew Biers the second," she said firmly. "I'll do what's necessary and nothing more. It's the least I can do."

"You do enough," he whispered.

"I'm fine, let me worry about me."

"I won't hurt her, if that's what you're worried about," I said as I stepped closer to them.

Riley nodded and kissed the inside of Bella's palm. "All right," he said with a gentle smile. "It's time to talk to you both seriously. Please have a seat." His tone hadn't hinted to playfulness, he was serious and using his business tone. He had often used it when I was around, and used it when he hoped to talk us into getting him something.

Bella's eyebrows rose in question, but there was undeniable smile that rose with them, too. Riley turned his attention to me, his smile falling slightly. "Do you want to be here, Edward?"

I nodded and said, "There's no place I'd rather be."

He nodded and went to sit on his bed. Bella moved to his side and wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. I sat at the foot of the bed, a little farther away from them as Bella sat beside Riley.

"I asked my mom to do something for me," he said warily. "She doesn't want to do it, but it'll give me the time I need."

"I'm listening," I said, patting his leg.

"You know I've never really had a Dad before," he started, his eyes quickly darting to Bella's face. She gave him a small watery smile and pulled his ear in response. He smiled at her and continued. "Grandpa Charlie had his hands full with my sick Grandma, and he didn't live nearby. So I didn't see him much, then he was gone."

I squeezed his little toe on one of his over-sized feet. I had known this, having met Charlie on more than one occasion before his death. "Then, of course, there's no one in my mom's life to take the place of my dad. It's my fault that she's alone," he said. Bella gasped, holding her hand over her mouth in shock. He turned to her again. "Sorry, Momma."

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around him. "Don't ever think that," she whispered. "It's not your fault, its mine. I'm not alone, I have you."

"No, you're not alone, for now," Riley whispered, closing his eyes briefly. They slowly opened them to watch me for a moment. "I want to do all the things a son would do with his dad. I need your help, Edward."

"Anything, Sport," I said, smiling gently.

"I want you to pretend to be my dad, for as long as I live."


	5. Lunch with Edward

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Five—Lunch with Edward**

* * *

**Riley**

The look on Edward's face is so funny. He's sitting by my feet, on my bed and I smile. He's really here, for me. I look up at my mom and see tears in her eyes. The same ones she thought she could hide from me.

Silly Mom.

The day we got the prognosis, I asked my mom for something; a chance to live my life to its fullest until the day I died. I had to explain to her what I meant several times. She cried a lot, telling me I couldn't ask her to do it. But I did ask her. I had to.

Then I told her I had to talk to Edward; I could see something in her eyes wasn't right. She told me she would try to get a hold of Edward's agent, but made no promises. That night, when she thought I had fallen asleep, I snuck in the living room to find her crying while watching one of Edward's movies.

I had made her buy every single movie he ever made, even the ones I can't watch yet, because I'm too young. The fact that she was crying told me that there was something more between them than I thought at first.

I had wracked my brain trying to remember; there had been a few nights I had to stay with a friend. Almost every time, when I saw my mom again, she was happy, smiling so pretty.

While I watched her cry at Edward's movie, she had paused the DVD and rewound it before she let it continue. After she'd done it twice, I knew I had to know what he was saying since the sound was too low. I had snuck behind the couch, listening as hard as I could.

"_I love you,"_Edward said from the television.

My mom's sob had me retreating to my room, scared that she'd find me there. What had he done to her?

I feel my mom shake her head and placing her hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my thoughts. I look at Edward again and see that he looks like a fish out of water. His mouth is opening and closing as if he's talking but no words are coming out. His eyes are almost popping out of his face.

I laugh, and he instantly smiles at me.

I feel my mom tense beside me and I know I upset her. To her, no one should replace my dad. She never tried to find anyone after I was born. She could've, I was sure about that, because Emmett said my mom was a milf. I don't know what that is, because my mom had popped him on the back of his head before he could tell me.

Maybe Edward knows what it means. I should ask him, but maybe when my mom isn't around. She might pop him on the head too hard. Edward is _not_ as big as Emmett. He's huge and almost scary looking, but he's like a big teddy bear.

But he's busy with Rosalie and work. He's a comic book writer and works from home, which is why he can watch me while my mom needs to run to store or to the bank.

Besides, I want Edward as my pretend dad, and he is an actor. He got an award and everything.

I cock my head to one side and notice that Edward still hasn't said anything. I look up at my mom and she has that look in her eyes. The look that says she's about to get really mad. I've seen her do it a few times, but not at me. She had to do it once when we got kicked out of our apartment when I first got sick.

Then again, when some man with a camera shoved something in her face, I wasn't there for that one. But it was on the news that Grandpa had been watching.

I look back at Edward and see that his smile is now a frown. He doesn't want to do it. I feel my eyes sting, but I won't cry. I can't because then my mom will get really mad.

"I can't replace your dad, Riley," Edward says, running his hand through his messy hair. "No one could, but I'd love to spend time with you, though."

I smile and nod. "We don't have much time," I whisper. Edward's eyes close for a moment and he tilts his head back. I can see him swallow and his bottom lip trembles a bit. He looks back at me, his eyes are bright, and he's smiling again.

He's much better at hiding how he really feels. But I've been around tears a lot, so I know when someone wants to cry.

"As long as your mom agrees," he says, looking at my mom beside me. "I'll see what I can do."

I smile again, unable to control myself. I scramble over my bed to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and whisper, "Thank you." I feel his hands on my back, and he presses his nose against my cheek breathing deeply.

I hear my mom say something and the sound of feet running out of the room. Edward's arms get tighter around me when I try to look at my mom. "She said she had to go to the bathroom."

I nod, but I know he's lying. She's upset again. I've been doing that a lot lately. I don't want to though, that's the difference. I love her – always will.

I pull back to look in Edward's eyes, it's the way I can _really_ see him. I place my hands on his cheeks, and I laugh when he raises his eyebrows really high. "Thanks, for doing this," I say.

He smiles and shakes his head. "It's not a problem, Riley," he whispers. "I was about to call your mother when I got her call. I've missed you two very much."

"Really?" I ask, and I see his eyes get wider. He nods, smiling still. I know he's not acting now because his eyes tell me so. "Do you remember our secret way to say the things we can't in front of other people?"

He laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little bit. I sit in front of him and we both shift so that we're sitting with our legs crossed in front of our bodies. He can't quite manage it but he does his best.

I take his hand and tell him it's my turn. I squeeze his hand four times, he smiles and squeezes mine three times too. I laugh and I have to think for a bit, about what comes next. I squeeze his hand twice and he squeezes my hand really, really hard. I yelp and pull my hand away from his, laughing.

"My turn," he says, taking my hand again. We repeat the same ritual until he's shaking his hand out from the pain. We hear my mom yell that lunch is ready, but I'm not hungry. Not that I'll tell her that.

I have to eat, to keep my strength. I'm going to need it.

Edward looks like he doesn't know what to do when we walk into the kitchen together. He's watching my mom as she settles three plates of grilled cheese and tomato soup on the table. Without a word, he pulls out my mom's usual chair and she looks at him like she wants to say something.

But she doesn't. She just shakes her head and sits in the chair.

Edward and I are talking about this year's World Series when the phone rings. My mom excuses herself and goes to pick up the phone. I see her walk into main living room but I can still hear her.

"How much?" she asks, her voice so soft. "I can't do some kind of payment plan?" Edward tries to catch my attention again, because I know my mom is about to be upset again. "I need to have the system installed. It's the only way my son can stay home. Please, there has to be a way."

Edward pats my shoulder as he gets up and walks over to my mom. Without a word, he takes the phone from her and starts talking to the person on the phone. She looks like she wants to tell Edward off, but she bites her lip instead. After a few minutes, Edward hangs up and takes my mom's hands, she tries to pull away but he doesn't let her.

He bends to whisper in her ear and she turns her eyes to mine. She nods, her bottom lip trembling. She nods again. "Fine, thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella," Edward says, leading her back to her seat. "Let's finish eating lunch and we can see about going to the store."

My mom looks confused for a moment. "Store? For what?"

Edward grins as he sits down."Rockband," he says, laughing. "Every kid _has_ to play Rockband."

"Yes!" I laugh and throw my hands in the air. "I still have a Gamecube, though. I don't want you spending money, Edward."

My mom makes a choking sound and her face is red. I think she's embarrassed that she can't give me the things other kids have because she has to pay medical bills. "Riley, it's all right. Let him spoil you, it's a dad's right."

Edward looks at my mom and takes her hand again, squeezing it. She's going to let me do this. Let me have Edward in my life like I've always wanted. The chair I'm sitting on makes a loud noise as it drags across the floor. I walk over to my mom and wrap my arms around her neck.

"Thank you," I whisper. "Thank you for letting me do this."

"I understand," she says softly, running a hand over my head. "He was always good to you." I can hear the way she said "you" as if he wasn't good to her.

I pull back, frowning. "But not to you," I say harshly. "Something happened between you two that made him go away."

"I made a choice, one that I regret very much," Edward says, his eyes on me then on my mother. "But it wasn't because of your mother, Riley. I did it to protect you both."

"By leaving us?" I shake my head as I take a seat again. "That makes no sense. The best way to protect someone is to be _with _them. Do you know how hard it is to forget someone when their face is everywhere?"

Edward looks at my mom, but she looks away from us both. He sighs. "I can take a guess that it isn't easy. I never forgot about either of you, though."

I'm getting mad and it was because he can't give me a good reason. "Why, Edward?" I ask harshly. "Why did you leave us?"

"Riley," my mom says. "That's enough. The why, is no longer important, or it shouldn't be. He's here now."

I shake my head as I get up and start to pace. My mom hates when I do this, I'm a bit clumsy. "Mom, I know what you're trying to do, but I need you to stop. I'm not a little kid anymore." She's on her feet, watching me as if I'll fall over any moment.

Her face is blank, but her watery eyes tell me everything. I hurt her feelings, but she's hurting mine, too. "No, you're not," she says, and I know she wants to say something else. She doesn't though, and she bites her lip and apologizes.

"Riley," Edward says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Have you seen me on television on those news programs?" I nod. "Well, before I left, I was always surrounded by cameras when I went out and it would've been that way for you and your mom if I would've stayed."

I look at my mom and I know she hates attention. I don't mind it so much; it's kind of cool to see myself on TV. "Okay, so, no privacy. I get that."

"It had nothing to do with how I felt about you, Riley," he says as he leads me to the table again. "Or your mother."

"What Edward is trying to say is," my Mom starts but stops when I roll my eyes.

"It's just an excuse, Mom. I'm not dumb," I say, shoving Edward's arm off me.

Edward sighs, pulling the chair out for my mom again. I should be doing that, not him. I'm the man of the house. I huff and sit in my chair. My mom immediately tells me to sit up since I'm slouching. I grumble and take a bite of my sandwich.

"No one has said you're dumb," Edward says, shrugging. "I was and I'm sure I'll make more mistakes, but I'm not leaving again." He looks away briefly, taking a deep breath. "Not unless you ask me to."

"What's changed that made you want to come back?" I ask, a little scared of the answer. "Are you just here because I'm dying?" If that's his reason, I'll go call Emmett and have him kick Edward out.

"Shit, no." Edward snaps his head toward my mom and gives her a small smile. She rolls her eyes and waves her hand to say it's all right. "I told you earlier, I had planned on calling your mother."

"You did?" My mom looks at him and rubs her face. She does this all the time when she's confused or getting mad. "Why?"

Edward shrugs. "I wanted to be a better person," he says softly, watching my mom for a moment. "I made so many mistakes, all because I was scared."

"Scared of what?" I ask.

"That you and your mom would've figured out I wasn't worth it and leave me."

"Oh," I say, thinking about how I sometimes feel. How sometimes I wonder if a round of chemo is worth living an extra few weeks while I'm sick and stuck inside. How sometimes I wonder if I'm worth all the pain I cause my mom.

But she tells me everyday how much she loves me and I forget about those worries. Maybe if we would've told Edward that we loved him back before he left us, maybe, just maybe, he never would've left.

"All right," Mom says. "About this Rockband, will I be able to play too?" She gives me a smile.

"Yeah," I say happily. "Are we still going to go?" She turns to look at Edward and together we give him "the puppy pout" and he's a goner.

"Like I'd say no to those faces," he says, smirking. "The Smirk", that's what my mom used to call that smile. The smile that says he's getting exactly what he wants. He wants us.

"Oh wait," I turn my attention back to my mom. "I'm not grounded anymore for last night?"

My mom's eyes get all big and she's shaking her head. It's our patented "don't say a word more" look.

"What did you do last night that got you in trouble?" Edward asks me, unable to see my mom shaking her head, zipping her lips.

This is all part of my test. I want to see just what kind of relationship my mom and Edward had two years ago. Rosalie is so smart and pretty, and she said that what Edward's reaction to what I'm going to say next will answer all my questions.

"I set up my mom with our neighbor, Emmett," I say, not looking at my mom. I'm sure this is going to earn me a loss of my allowance. But it's so worth it. "Made them have a candlelight dinner alone, _together._"

Edward's nose does that funny thing and that vein in his forehead totally pops out. He did this once when some guy tried to take my picture when he took me to lunch once. He's upset. "Who the fuck is Emmett?"

_Bingo._


	6. Plans

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Six – Plans**

* * *

**Edward**

Instantly, I remembered all the names of Bella's friends while we dated, but there was no Emmett among them. It left me startled and somewhat pissed, though I knew I had no right to. Was I too late?

I hadn't failed to notice that I hadn't been celibate since I left her. In fact, the world knew I hadn't been. There was no way she hadn't learned about all my indiscretions. Though they were nothing in comparison to what the media made them out to be, there was one too many. Fucking hell, she'd never allow me back in heart.

"Oh, Emmett's our neighbor across the street," Riley chatted amicably as if the tension hadn't thickened around us. "I invited him to dinner and secretly pretended to be too tired to eat with them so they could be alone. He calls her a milf. What does that mean anyway?"

I clenched my hands into fists, trying to keep my anger under control. I had no reason to be mad, but when it came to Bella, she caused all kinds of emotions to boil to the surface. It was jealously that always been on the very top of the list at times like this. After all, the emotion had exposed us at the restaurant that last night.

"That's enough, Riley," Bella said firmly. "It's of no concern to Edward." She raised an eyebrow in my direction as if in challenge, but she was carefully avoiding my eyes.

"No," I said through clenched teeth. "I'd love to hear more about this _friend _of yours."

A heavy knock on the door had Bella's eyes widening. Her eyes immediately narrowed and turned toward her son. "You didn't," she whispered, it took some effort, but I could hear the venom in her voice. I had been on the receiving end of that voice on a few occasions.

Instead of answering, the look on Riley's face was one of pure innocence. "Come in!" he called out.

"Riley," Bella said loudly. "You will _not _be getting a new gaming system today." I wanted to protest, but thought better of it. For some reason, I believed that Riley's innocence was not pure, but a very good act. I had no idea what he was up to, but I was determined to find out.

"But Mom!" he said, glaring at her. She pointed a finger toward the hallway and he lifted out of his chair dramatically, not bothering to pick up after it fell over. That was unexpected. Not once had I seen him act out in anger in such a way. "I'm just trying to help." He squared his shoulders and looked at me for a moment. "She'll just find some stupid excuse to make you go away." I shook my head and rose to my feet. He needed to stop talking to me about Bella as if she weren't in the room. It would only serve to make her angry and hurt her.

"Riley!"

He continued as if he Bella hadn't said a word. "Every night, she watches your movie, _In the Arms of Fate_, crying." I winced as his words painted a vivid scene in my mind. I imagined the scene she watched repeatedly, the same scene similar to the one in her bedroom. The same evening I made love to her all night. Three months later, after seeing her at an event, I looked for a way to ease my pain in a sure thing; the same woman that ruined my career.

A sob escaped Bella, causing us both to look at her. A large imposing man stood just outside of the kitchen, wary. "Riley," he said. "Go to your room, now." His hair was dark, just a bit too long, causing it to curl around his ears. He looked familiar, but I couldn't see anything past the red-haze of my uncalled for jealously. I wanted her to be with me again, and he stood in the way.

Riley turned toward his mother one last time, glaring. However, when he turned back toward the hallway, I could see the look of regret on his face. I looked back at Bella, and the large man had her in his arms as she cried against his chest. It pained me to see the intimate nature of their embrace. I had to look away. My heart sank into my gut. The pain in my chest didn't ebb as I turned away, because the image was still behind my eyes.

"I have no idea what he hoped to accomplish from all that," I said softly. "But if you don't mind, I'm going to talk to him."

"Edward," Bella whispered as I passed her. "He hasn't been that angry with me in so long, not since-"

"Tell him, Bells," Emmett said, watching with dark, lethal gaze. "Tell him how Riley at six years old blamed you for the White Ranger leaving. Told you he hated you for it." Fuck, I deserved his glare.

"Emmett, that's enough. I really don't need this on top of everything else. I just had to listen to a doctor tell me three days ago that my time with my little boy is almost over." She closed her eyes for a moment and then laid her hand on my arm. "Go talk to him. Something must be bothering him about you or me. Maybe you can get him to talk."

"I'll try," I said. "But we need to talk, too, Bella."

She shook her head. "Not now, Edward," she whispered. "Please."

I left them to talk, refusing to listen to their quiet whispers. But I looked over my shoulder long enough to see the overgrown, testosterone-filled man wrap his meaty arms around her again. No matter the pain, I'd endure it if meant I could be a part of Riley's life again.

I didn't bother knocking, maybe because I felt his behavior hadn't warranted him the privilege of privacy. Riley sat in a large bright orange beanbag chair. He had put on a dark blue hoodie and his face hidden under the hood. There was an acoustic guitar in his hands, his fingers strumming it softly.

"I have to say I'm rather disappointed by what just happened," I said.

"Great," he said. "Now you're going to pretend to be my dad to ground me."

"I'm not acting, Riley," I said firmly. "Look at me." When he refused, I sat at the foot of his bed, and waited. The silence must've been too much for him, something I knew already. He never liked sitting still. His eyes met mine, and I could see the tears in them.

"I need to know she'll be okay," he cried. "She was happy when you were with us."

I nodded. "She's with someone else now, but it doesn't change how I feel about you."

Riley shook his head, his hand quickly shoving off the hood. "I wanted to know what was between you two. I may have been only six when you left us, but I remember some things."

I was confused, I felt another "but" coming. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"He's trying to tell your sorry ass that I'm nothing but a friend," a deep voice said from the doorway. "It was my girlfriend's idea to see if mentioning a new guy in her life would upset you."

I had to admit the instant the big guy said "girlfriend", my fucking heart unclenched and maybe even soared a bit. In my mind, I was fist pumping along with Riley's obvious excitement and chanting "fuck yes" repeatedly.

"It did," Riley said softly, grinning smugly. I arched in eyebrow, because I wasn't about to confess that I was relieved. Discussion of my relationship with his mother would remain between Bella and me – for now. Riley shrugged. "You did. You even used the f word." He turned his attention after a moment, on Emmett. "Where is she?"

"She stepped out," Emmett said flatly, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He looked a bit menacing, yet in his blue eyes, there was warmth there for Riley. For some reason, a pang of jealously twisted my heart. This man had been a part of Riley's life, while all I had were memories.

Riley winced, turning away from him. "I'm sorry I made her mad," he said, looking back at me. "But both of you are stubborn."

Emmett laughed and shook his head. "I've never met someone more stubborn than Bella."

I smiled and nodded. "Trust me, I've seen that trait in her a time or two."

Emmett stood a few feet in front of me, extending his hand. "Emmett McCarty." I stood up and took his hand in a firm grip. He had to have had about sixty or seventy pounds over me, but my handshake was as strong as his was.

"Edward Cullen," I said.

"I moved in across the street about three months after you were gone," he said firmly. "I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty but you have to know that if you plan to leave her again, it will kill her. She doesn't need that right now."

"Em!" Riley gasped. "I'm trying to get them back together."

I shook my head. "Riley, he's right. She's not ready for anything else. Her only concern should be you, buddy."

Riley looked as if he stood on the line between anger and tears. "So again, because of me she can't be happy."

"No, Riley," I said softly and pulled him into my arms. "Don't think for one moment that I don't lo-care for your mother, but I'm not about to get in the way of her caring for you."

"I think I understand," he said, mumbling something under his breath. Something he refused to repeat. "I'm sorry I yelled at her," he whispered, nuzzling my chest as his thin arms wrapped around me.

"You need to tell her that." I tightened my arms for a moment, and he nodded. I looked up at Emmett and saw a small, sad smile on his face.

"She'll be back in about thirty minutes," he said. "I had Rosalie, my girlfriend to take her to get a coffee."

I sighed in relief, the thought of her driving while upset made me nervous. I nodded. "Thanks."

"I have to head back to work," Emmett said, grinning. "I think I just got inspired for my next project."

I looked at him, wondering what he was talking about. "He draws and does comic books, Edward," Riley said excitedly. "He said he's going to write me into one."

"That's right," Emmett said, grinning down at Riley. "I think I'm going to have you save the hero."

"That's so cool!" Riley said, fist pumping a few times. "I'm the sidekick." He said to me for clarification. Suddenly, the bright smile on his face fell. "Are you going to finish it on time?"

Emmett choked up a little, covering it up with a cough. "Yeah, I'll finish it on time, kid."

Riley nodded. "That's good. Do you think you can put my Mom in it, too?"

Emmett smiled. "Who do you think the hot damsel in distress is?" I growled under my breath, causing Emmett to grin wider. "You got it bad," he teased. "Just don't make me hit that pretty face. I'm pretty sure all of America would cry if I had to."

"I have no intention of hurting her," I said with a shrug. "I'll walk you out." Emmett nodded and patted Riley's back, causing him to fall into the beanbag chair, laughing.

I led the way through the house and stopped near the front door. "Was she really that bad, three months after I left her?"

Emmett sighed deeply. "Yeah, I came over to introduce myself and I recognized her instantly. She blames herself for your downfall."

"What the fuck?" I scratched the back of my head, running my hand through my hair. "Why the hell would she think that?"

"Well your playboy reputation didn't start until you faked that rendezvous with that actress friend of yours right after being caught with Bella. And it wasn't until the night after you saw each other at that Gala a few months later that you hooked up with that bitch that fucked you over."

It may have been true in some ways, but Bella had no say in the choices I had made. I punched that asshole at the club. I cursed a blue streak to the pap that shoved Bella and caused her to twist her ankle. I faked a kiss with a well-known actress to get the spotlight off her, and I chose to fuck Heidi in a drunken haze, hoping to forget Bella.

I made those choices, and every one of them contributed to my downfall. Not Bella and not Riley.

"I'm the one that made the choices that shaped my career. Not her," I said firmly. "Most of them were very wrong. She has all the power now, I won't force my way in or out."

"She could really hurt you," Emmett said slowly.

"She's always had that power."

~oOo~

Riley and I were just finishing the dishes when I heard the front door open. Riley froze instantly, and then looked up at me. I nodded, so he continued as if we hadn't heard anything.

Her footfalls were light as she entered the kitchen, but she remained silent. I felt her eyes on me, something I had always been aware of whenever she was near. God, I missed her. As Riley picked up the glass I gave him to dry, Bella retreated from the room.

"She's not going to talk to me, is she?" Riley asked softly.

"Maybe you should try first," I suggested. "Try to remember she's just as frustrated as you are."

"She's like that because she can't really do anything for me."

"Something like that," I whispered. "I'll put the dishes away." Riley nodded, taking in a deep breath before turning and walking out of the kitchen. I started to put the dishes away, smiling that I knew where everything belonged. She hadn't change a thing; yet things were so different.

Riley was dying. However, in the back of my mind from the moment I had met them, I had always known this time would come. Bella would be alone in this world. For some reason, I believed that would be my biggest obstacle in reclaiming her heart.

Would she think I was only here because of Riley? And how could I not question if she was with me only because Riley wished it. Shit like that fucked with my mind.

I finished with cleaning up the kitchen. It wasn't something I was used to doing. I usually had a housekeeper come to my place three times a week to clean up after me. It was a rather soothing task, but fuck if I was going to clean at my apartment. I was a slob; well, maybe not that bad.

I walked slowly into the living room to find Bella curled up in one corner of her couch, with Riley fast sleep on her chest. She gave me a small smile and mouthed for me to come closer. She held up one hand for me to take, she squeezed me tightly.

"Not sure what you told him, but it helped," she whispered. "Thank you."

"Anytime, love," I said softly.

"Don't," she gasped, her eyes instantly shimmered with tears. I realized what I said, what I had called her. "It hurt so much, Edward. I can't go through this with Riley and lose you again, too."

Refusing to talk about this, I offered instead to take Riley to his room. She had to realize what I was doing, but she hadn't fought me on it. "No, I like holding him like this."

"Should I go?" I asked, not wanting to, not even knowing if I'd be there the next day.

"Do you want to?"

I shook my head, and said, "Never."

Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed and her lovely mouth parted as if words escaped her. After a moment, she smiled. "Join us?" she asked softly.

I removed my shoes and the light sweater I wore, leaving me in a black t-shirt. Bella shifted on the couch so that I could slip in behind her. Neither of us questioned how attuned we were to each other, we just continued to move accordingly. With her back to my chest and my legs wrapped on either side of hers, I kissed the top of her head and together, we drifted off to sleep.

I awoke a couple of hours later with Bella curled in my lap and Riley not with us. He had to have gone to his room. I looked down the hallway, and sure enough, the light was on. I really needed to use the bathroom, but I refused to disturb Bella. I ran my fingers through her hair, reveling in its silkiness.

There had been times that I had her in my arms like that. I could recall each one of them. I had worked a lot after I had met her, but every free minute I had, I spent with them. Sometimes we had gone weeks without seeing each other, but we communicated everyday. Perhaps because of my busy schedule, it allowed for our feelings for each other to grow before it'd become physical. Whatever time we had alone, we spent it talking, slowly getting to know each other. And it wasn't until I could see her eyes reflect the love I had for her, had I slept in her bed.

It should've been the turning point in our relationship. At the time, hours after making love to her, I had planned how I could convince her to marry me. In the morning, we shared breakfast in bed, while we waited for Riley to return from his friend's house. When I looked at her across the table as Riley spoke of his sleepover, I had every intention of picking up a ring that very afternoon.

However, when I stepped out of her house, chaos interrupted.

"You keep squirming like that, you're going to make me fall," Bella mumbled against my chest. "You have a bladder of a five year old."

I chuckled and tightened my hold on her for a second. "I do not. I think Riley left us a while ago."

"About an hour or so," she whispered.

"You stayed," I said simply. It was neither a question or fact, but an answer to a prayer.

"Yes."

Her eyes were wide as I looked to see her smiling softly. "I've really got to go," I grumbled, wishing I didn't have to ruin the moment.

"Beat you there," she gasped as she scrambled off my lap and ran down the hallway.

"Cheater!"

I heard Riley laughing from the hallway as Bella ran past him toward her room. I gave Riley a weak apology as I pushed past him to his bathroom.

A few minutes later, we all converged in the living room, and we were all smiling stupidly. "We look like idiots," Riley said, laughing.

"You're still not getting a Wii today," I said firmly.

Riley shrugged. "Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," Bella said, looking at me, "If Edward has time, of course."

"I have a few things here and there, but for the most part, I'm free for the next month."

"Yes!" Riley said excitedly. "We can go fishing, camping and maybe surfing."

Bella paled with every one of Riley's suggestions. "Fishing is something you boys will have to do on your own," she mumbled, holding her stomach.

Riley grinned. "My mom gets seasick really easily."

I laughed. "I was the first few times, too."

"So what are we going to do today?"

I looked at my cell phone to see that it was after two. "We can head to the batting cages."

"That sounds like fun," Bella said. "You two go ahead. I have some things I need to do, like grocery shopping." I looked at her confused. Why the hell wasn't she joining us? "Go get ready, Riley."

Riley ran out of the room quickly, chattering about miniature golf.

"Why aren't you coming with us?" I asked. "Please don't let me get in the way of you spending time with Riley."

She shook her head and smiled. "For his first time hitting the batting cages with you, it should be just the two of you. You know dad and son type of thing."

"All right." I smiled and rubbed my jaw as I thought of something. "But for everything we do as father and son, we do two as a family."

Tears filled her eyes, and I must've looked alarmed because she started to giggle. Fuck, I hated when she cried. "It seems to be something he wants."

"He's not the only one," I murmured.

"No, he's not."

We remained rooted to the spot, just a few feet separating us. The pull that had always been there, tripled. The desire to touch her was bordering on desperate. I wanted to feel the warmth of her skin against my own. Suddenly, Riley tumbled into the room, excitement clear in his mind.

"Mom," he said. "I'm going to take your small camera."

"That would be great," she said, shaking her head as if to clear it. I had to do the same. "I'd love some photos of you and Edward."

"Do you think we can ride the go-carts?" Riley asked me.

Bella looked thoughtful. "Do you think you can wait to do that next time?" she asked Riley, brushing a hand over his cheek. "That way I can join you."

"Where are you really going, Mom?" Riley asked warily.

"I need to see a lawyer," she replied. That got my attention, but neither of them elaborated. "We'll talk about it later."

Riley nodded and kissed her cheek. I stuffed my feet in my shoes and pulled my sweater back on. "We'll be back for dinner," I said. "I can pick up a pizza on the way."

"That sounds perfect."

"I'll take good care of him."

"I have no doubts about that."

"Hurry," Riley said, tugging my hand. Then I remembered what I wanted to ask them.

I asked Riley to wait. "Would you two like to join me at the charity game this weekend?" I asked, nervous that Bella wouldn't join us. It was a public event, where media will attend.

Though Riley asked for a dad, I felt what he really wanted was a family. His family was his mother and his friends, having lost his grandparents. I loved that he asked me to be a part of it, despite what I had done.

Bella looked at Riley, rolling her eyes as he clasped his hands together, giving his best "please" expression. The kid could literally get her to do anything with his sweet eyes and dimpled cheeks. Hell, I was ready to give her the same expression just to help him.

"We were planning on attending, but," she said. "We can go with Edward."

I smiled, unable to keep it at bay. She'd join us; the more time they'd be with me the better. I knew the consequences of what the media could do with us arriving together, but I wouldn't let it stop me from loving them ever again.

"Why don't you ask some of your friends to join us?" I asked, as we all walked to the front door. "Let's see if I remember Brittney, Jerry, Peter and Felix. Maybe they'd like to go, too."

The radiant smile on Riley's face fell. His eyes met his mother's gaze for a moment, so I turned to watch her. "They can't be there, Edward," she said softly, but her shoulders were squared and her chin held up strongly. She was determined to show that she was unaffected by everything, for Riley. However, I noted the slight tremble in her hands, the little quiver of her lip and in her voice. "Brittney's in the hospital and the rest are –" Bella said, averting her gaze from mine.

"They're gone," Riley finished for her.

Damn. Knowing things like that made me aware that no matter how much time I had with Riley, it wouldn't be enough. Soon, I'd have to say goodbye to him – for good.


	7. Oops

**This Is My Wish**

**Chapter Seven—Oops**

* * *

**Riley**

The car ride to Adventure Park is very quiet. I'm not sure if it's because of what I told Edward about my friends that died. Maybe it made what is happening to me more real to him. Or maybe it's because I caught him and my mom looking at each other really funny when they were on the couch.

Whatever the reason, it's driving me crazy. I'm usually like my mom, quiet when I need to be, especially as I'm being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses. I'm quiet most of the time when my mom comes to check on me. I don't want her to know I'm awake, because then I'd never get a chance to check on her and pull the covers over her.

Someone has to take care of her.

I hear Edward chuckle as he drives. "What?" I ask, looking at him. He turns to give me a smile, then returning his attention to the road. Before we left, my mom made it clear, he couldn't drive like he used to.

"You're squirming," he says, laughing. He's older now, but I only just noticed. The laugh lines are deeper now, but something in his eyes is missing. "Are you excited about the park?"

"Yeah," I say, smiling. "I've been there, mostly to the arcade. My grandpa and I used to go all the time." I shrug, ignoring the little pain in my chest. I get it all the time, when I think of Grandpa Charlie. I miss him.

Edward sighs, the small smile he had earlier is now gone. "I'm still sorry I couldn't be there for you and your mother for the funeral."

"It's okay. Mom told me that you had called everyday after he was gone. She said you were doing a movie."

"Yes, I was filming in Africa at the time."

I gape. I must look stupid or something because Edward starts laughing. "You've been to Africa," I say slowly. "Wow."

"You can't fly, can you?" he asks softly. I shake my head because it's the truth. I don't know the details on why, and I don't really care, either. I just know that my sickness had something to do with me having to stay on the ground.

"I took some amazing pictures up there," he says. The corners of his mouth turn upward and his smile almost reach his eyes. "I'll bring my album for you to see them if you'd like."

I nod harshly, causing him to laugh. I start to bounce in my seat as I see the park ahead of us. "We're here," Edward announces in a funny accent. I think British.

I remember the time that he asked my mom to help him go through lines, and they were both talking in that funny voice. I also know that my mom blushed a lot when Edward talked like that. No idea why; I thought they sounded funny.

A few minutes later, Edward's paid for our time in the cage and bought me tons of token to use in the arcade. I pull out my mom's camera and he holds it in front of us to take a picture.

"Okay, funny faces for this one," Edward says. He scowls at the camera while I make the same face. Then we pose with our arms up, flexing. Soon we're both laughing over the pictures on the camera.

We have an hour before we have our time in the cage, so we start to play games. Edward has a dumb beanie on because he's hoping no one will recognize him. There aren't many people, because most kids are just getting out of school right now. I should be, too, but my mom has been home schooling me for a while.

"How about we go play some air hockey?" Edward asks, rubbing his hands together. I remember how he used to be very competitive. It looks like things haven't changed that much. I roll my eyes and tug him toward the table.

We put four tokens in and start to play. He's terrible at first, making excuses about how he hadn't played in a long time. "Quit your whining, limpy," I say, laughing as he stares at me strangely. I blush, I hate that I picked that up from my mom. "Sorry, Emmett said trash talking is a part of the game."

Edward grins widely and nods. "It is, but if you repeat any of the trash talk to your mother, you'll get it."

I stick out my tongue. "I'm so scared," I tease, dancing in place. He's watching my hand that's in the air, but not the one on the table. Quicker than I thought possible, I snap my hand forward and send the puck sailing across the table.

I throw both my hands in the air and holler. "I win, I win!"

"You cheated," he says in mock anger, snorting afterward. "Two out of three?" I nod and take out a more tokens from my pocket. "First I need to go to the little boy's room."

I laugh. "I'll wait right here."

"I don't think that's a good idea," he says, looking around. I point to the bracelet they had given me. It matches his, so the only way I can leave is with him.

"I'll be fine," I say. He shakes his head, still looking to make sure no is paying attention to him or me.

"Just come inside with me," he says uneasily. "I don't feel comfortable leaving you out on your own."

I ran to argue but I know it's a lost cause. I nod and with a satisfied look in his eyes, he runs to the bathroom with me close behind. "Here," he says quickly, handing me his cell phone. The bathroom is huge and he goes to the farthest stall. He really does have a small bladder.

I look at his cell phone and remember the call I made before we left my house.

"_Hello," her beautiful voice greeted me. _

"_Rosalie," I said quietly as I looked over my shoulder toward the living room where my mom and Edward were talking. "I don't have a lot of time." _

"_Then talk quick, Ri," she said. "I take it you're going out with the movie star."_

"_Yeah," I answered and sighed. "What if I record him playing games and baseball with me? Do you think that will help his reputation with the media?"_

_She sighed and I know if she could curse, she would. "It's going to take a lot to save his a—butt, Ri. But it's a start. Are you sure you want to do that? You'll expose yourself as one of his friends."_

"_I just want to help him," I whispered. "The same way I know he'll help my mom after I'm gone."_

"_You don't know that, sweetie."_

"_I gotta try, Rose," I said a little too loudly._

"_All right," she relented. "Send me the video, and I'll post it on one of the more reputable websites."_

"_Thank you," I replied, noticing Edward coming toward my room. "I gotta go, bye."_

"_Be safe," she said as I hanged up._

Edward comes out and washes his hands. "What has you staring off into space?" he asks, pulling his phone from my hand.

I grin. "I'm thinking up a strategy to beat your butt in some air hockey."

He chuckles, laying an arm across my shoulder. "Is that so?" His bushy eyebrows rise in question and I can only laugh. Together we walk to the table.

"You ready, punk?" he says all serious and with a mean scowl on his face.

"Wow," I say. "You're good. If it wasn't for the pretty eyes, I'd believe you'd want to kick my butt."

He snorts and says, "Pretty eyes?"

"Mom says they're pretty." He blushes. _Score!_

Edward clears his throat and nods. "That's nice, but hers are prettier."

I shrug, because I know it's true. One look in my mom's baby browns and you're lost in them. She's always getting her way with one look, mean or sweet. God, I love her. I look up at Edward, who's setting up the table again. I love him, too. What I'm doing is the right thing to do, if I don't, I'll never be able to leave my mom without knowing she'll be okay—eventually.

~oOo~

I place the camera at the perfect level so that it'd point to where Edward and I would play. I knew what I am doing is sneaky, but I'm desperate.

I'll have Rosie post the video on YouTube and on Edward's fan websites, then sit back and watch the magic happen. Who can resist a man playing with a little boy? Especially, if it's a man and boy as cute as we are together.

A smile pulled at my lips as Edward calls my name. I run to where he's getting the pitching machine ready.

"What are you all smiley about?" he asks.

"Nothing," I say innocently. His eyes do that thing that adults do. That look where they stare right through you, trying to get the truth out. Besides my mom, no one can get me to cave that easily. I have to admit, Edward's good. I smile and scratch my nose to distract him, and it works!

Sometimes I love being a kid.

"All right," Edward says, picking up two bats and two safety baseball helmets. I don't really want to wear one of those ugly things, but I know they park says that kids have to. Edward not so much, but he still took one from the guy at the counter. I think he did so I'd feel better about wearing mine, or maybe to hide his recognizable hair.

He hands me a bat. "The first ten balls are yours then the next ten are mine. We got sixty total pitches to play. Mine are programmed to go a little faster, harder so let's make sure you're out of the cage when my turn starts. There's a minute delay between the change of pitches and twenty seconds between each pitch."

I nod and wait as he holds his bat between his legs, throwing his helmet to a corner of the cage. He takes the child size helmet and puts it on me. "Think you remember what to do?"

I nod and with a smile, Edward walks over to the machine to switch it on. "It'll take a minute to start. It will make a noise to let you know when it's ready. Got it?"

"Yeah," I say as he walks out of the cage and stands nearby to watch. I rub my hands together and pick up my bat. It's not as heavy as I remember from when I used to come with Grandpa Charlie.

"Take another step closer to the plate," Edward says. I nod and do as he says, but I miss the first pitch anyway. "It's okay." I can hear him clapping and I smile. It's exactly what I'd expect a dad to do. There's an ache in my chest when I think about it, and it leaves me unprepared for the next ball. This time I manage to swing, but only the tip of the bat catches the ball. Edward tells me to take one more step closer and this time I'm ready.

I bend my knees a little and watch the machine as the ball comes sailing toward me. I swing and the famous whack of the ball against a bat is all I hear. That and Edward cheering me on.

I do a little dance, causing Edward to laugh. "Mom does that every time she balances a checkbook." I hear him mumble something, that maybe I wasn't meant to hear. I turn toward him. "What did you say?" His eyes are wide and he immediately shakes his head.

"Watch for the ball, sport." I turn back and get into position and again, I hit the ball. I hear Edward hooting and hollering behind me and I feel—amazing.

I had no idea how much I need this in my life. I look back at Edward, who's smiling so big, he almost looks goofy. Playtime isn't what I need—it's Edward. "Did you see that, Edward?" I ask, pointing at the ball as it rolls away from the soft black netting. "That'd been out of the park."

He smiles and claps his hands a few times. "No doubt about it. Good job, Riley."

The sun is bright overhead, as I get back into stance and swing just in time to get a good hit. Edward cheers on and I realize that I really miss my mom. I really hope that Edward and my mom will enjoy our time together, later today.

I miss the next pitch and the next I bunt it, just to try it out. Edward's laughing, saying it's almost his turn. Now, it's time to talk to Edward about my mom. No more of that jealously stuff, since that was obvious with Emmett. "My mom needs a night off," I say as I prepare to take a swing again.

"I'm sure I stay with you tomorrow night," he says then hoots when the ball I just hit, sails to the far side of the cage. "She can go have a night out if she'd like."

I grunt. Doesn't he get it? Grownups are blind. I hoped he'd want to take her out. Guess I have to go back on my thoughts about making him jealous. "Yeah, maybe she can go with Rosalie and Vicky to some club. She misses dancing."

I hear Edward cursing behind me, but it's mostly mumbles since he's talking softly. "I'm sure she'd like that," he hisses. I'm good, really good.

"Then again, the last time she went, she broke her knuckles."

"What?" Edward asks loudly. I smile. "How did she break her hand?"

"She said some guy touched her without her permission."

I hear him curse again, and inside my head, I'm dancing. After a few more curses, Edward sighs. "You should never touch someone without their permission."

"Yeah," I say as I get ready for the next ball. "That's what she said."

"She didn't tell you exactly what happened, did she?" I could hear something in his voice. "Was she on a date or something?"

"No," I say, as I shake my head. "She was out with Rosalie and her friend, Vicky."

"Well, maybe we _all _can go to a movie or something," he says.

"I'm sure dancing will be fine with her," I say as I take another swing. _Is he growling? _"You and me can stay at the house and play video games." I smile innocently, but he shakes his head.

"No, she should join us," he says, smiling now. "Maybe some Band Hero, that way your mom can play with us."

"Yes," I hiss, fist pumping. "They let us play that a few times when I visited Brittney last week at the hospital." Edward looks happy that I stop talking about my mom going out dancing and I smile at the thought. I turn back to get ready for the next pitch.

"Brittney?" he asks as I turn to see his smile fall. "She's the girl with big blue eyes. Her dad works as a sportscaster, right?"

I smile and nod. "You remembered. She'll get a kick out of that."

He shrugs, but looks away. "Do you think we can go see her together sometime?"

"I don't see why not," I say, turning back before the next ball is pitched. "I'll have to ask her mom and dad first."

"We can probably make a day of it," Edward says, stuffing his helmet over his beanie. It is almost his turn. "Lunch, movie and stop over to see her."

"Sounds good to me," I say, taking another swing at a ball. "Last one."

"You're doing pretty good," he says as he opens the gate to come inside with me. "You might want to tighten your grip on the bat next time, though."

I roll my eyes as he removes my helmet, ruffling my hair. "Get outta here, before one of these fast ones gets you." He gives me a smile and pushes me out of the cage. A ball hits hard inches from the both of us, the thud surprisingly hard.

"Damn," I mumble, causing Edward to raise an eyebrow. "Sorry." He nods, promptly getting me out of the way. "You sure you should've started on fast balls." I'm behind the other side of the chain link fence, watching as Edward takes his place. "I have a feeling you're a little too old. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Edward gives a look and chuckles. "I may be a little rusty, but I used to do this all the time when I was a kid." The next ball hits its mark, on the fence, barely missing Edward. I laugh as he grumbles. "Stop distracting me."

"Hey batter, batter," I tease. He misses. Edward turns and gives me that look, he sounds like he's growling. It's actually funny, because I can tell he's trying not to laugh. "I'm so scared." I pretend to shake my knees, and this makes him lose his fight against laughing.

"Damn, I missed you, kid," he says.

That's all he says, but it leaves me smiling. He'd said this to me when I was younger, though some of my memories are a bit fuzzy. He turns back around and squares his shoulders, and he even rolls his head from side to side. With a fierce determination, he lifts the bat as the ball is hurling toward him.

_Whack!_

I yell and clap, pointing as his ball made it across the field. "That's more like it."

"Told you," Edward says, getting ready for the next one. "This one's mine, too."

"I had no idea you were so conceited," I tease, this time adding my own accent. "You know what they say about bragging. It's very close to nagging."

He laughs and only manages to clip the next ball. "That is something I can imagine your mom saying," he says, still laughing.

"Yeah, she's said it," I say with a smile. "Watch it." Edward barely lunges away from the path of the ball. "Maybe you should work up to the fastball." I grin as he rolls his eyes. "I'm pretty sure Mom will not be happy if you get hurt."

"If you say so," he whispers. He shrugs and swings for the next one. His words, the way he says them was somewhat sad. He doesn't think my mom still cares about him.

"She still thinks about you."

"I don't know if that makes me feel better."

"Why? Because she couldn't move on like you had?" He sighs and barely hits the next ball a hundred feet in front of him.

Edward shook his head. "There was never a day that you two weren't on my mind."

"Except your nights," I hiss. I had no idea why I was so mad all of a sudden. Maybe because I start to see all those nights I watched her die a little after he was gone.

I'm not stupid, because my mom had told me about sex. Maybe I'm mad because I had to watch her cry herself to sleep after accidently watching some entertainment show that broadcasted something about Edward and his latest girlfriend.

"Especially at night," he says, refusing to look at me. "This isn't something you and I should be talking about, sport."

"Then talk to her," I whisper.

His shoulders slump as he shakes his head. "There's no freaking excuse for what I did to her. I thought I did the right thing." He says something under his breath. "I don't think she'll listen."

"It doesn't hurt to try, Edward," I say, and even I can hear the desperation in my voice. "She's worth it."

He turns this time and nods. "Hell yeah, she is."

"Last one," I say as he hits his last ball. There's a sixty-second delay between pitch speed changes, so I run into the enclosure as I'm trying to put on my helmet.

"Riley!" I hear Edward just before his body wraps around me, forcing me around. Edward hisses in my ear as the thud of a baseball against flesh and bones rings in my ear.

Oh man, my mom is going to be so mad at me.

There are a few voices as a couple of people rush into the enclosure to help us. I feel my whole body shaking. If that ball had hit me, I would've been in the hospital for weeks—at least. "Edward," I say, looking at him as he tries to tell the people that he's fine.

"Holy shit, it's Edward Cullen," someone says. There are so many faces everywhere I turn. I feel like I can barely breathe. Had the cancer already spread to my lungs? The thought leaves me breathless, after that, I'd only have weeks, not months.

Edward curses under his breath as he gathers me close. I tug at his hand until I reach my mom's camera. We're in trouble, big trouble. More people are coming toward us. The manager is in Edward's face, but Edward is trying to keep them away from me.

"He's trying to keep us here," Edward says in a whisper to me. He's angry, I can tell in how hot his cheek is against mine. He grabs me, holding me tight against him, running toward his car. Once we get there, there's a bunch of cars coming into the parking lot. Cameras are flashing every few seconds. It's crazy.

Edward curses again, sliding me inside the back seat. "Put your belt on." He throws my jacket over my face. "Keep your face covered." The car door slams hard behind him.

I nod and swallow the fear in my throat. What have I done? I see him shaking his head at a few people when I peek. He's mad, and I can see the vein his head get bigger. If I weren't scared, I'd find it funny. "Leave us the hell alone," he snarls at somebody as he climbs in the car. He starts the engine quickly, pulling out. There's a loud squeal of tires as we leave a big group of people behind.

The minute we're on the road, he puts on his Bluetooth. My mom has one, and I always thought they made people look crazy. A person looks like they're talking to themselves.

"Bella," he says once she answers. I can't hear anything she says though. "He's fine, but I got paps following us, baby," he says. "You're right, I can't bring him home. If I do…Yeah…Fuck, I'm so sorry." I can see him looking at me in the rearview mirror. He's not talking, but listening to whatever my mom's telling him. I hope she's not mad.

"Damn, you are one smart woman. No wonder I lo—I mean great job." He rolls his eyes for some reason. "That should work. Tell Emmett to give me twenty to see if I can lose the tails."

Edward turns for a second at a stop light and hands me his phone, turning off his headset. "Your mom wants to talk to you."

"Hi, mom," I say softly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But…" I see Edward's reflection in the rearview mirror and he shakes his head. He doesn't want me to tell her what happened. "We had to cut our day short, but I gotta a couple of good hits."

"That's great, Ri," she says. "I need to call Rosalie and Emmett. You behave until Edward can bring you home."

"Okay," I say. "I'm sorry, Mom. It isn't going to be easy for me to spend time with Edward, is it?"

"Anything worth doing is never easy, Ri."

I smile. "And that's what makes it worth doing."

"You got it," she murmurs. "Okay. I'll talk to you soon. Love you."

"Love you, too," I say before she hangs up.

"She okay?" Edward asks as he pulls into a parking garage. A guard is there and Edward talks to him quietly, passing him some money. I have no idea what's going on, but the sneaking around is kinda awesome.

"Sounds like it," I answer as he pulls further inside the garage. After a couple of minutes of driving around, Edward parks his car on the eighth level and tells me to get out.

"Keep your face covered just in case," he instructs as Edward pulls out another set of car keys. A car passes by, and Edward pulls me behind a car so they can't see us. "Stay down."

A few minutes pass and the car disappears. I look up and see two cars just like Edward's parked by the one we just got out of. "It was a three for one special," Edward says with a grin. "I had to use this escape plan a few times."

He takes my hand and we walk toward another car, this time a red one. "Get in the back and stay down." I nod and nearly scream as Emmett pops out of nowhere.

"Hey, punk" he says. Edward tosses him his keys, jacket and beanie. "I'm not as skinny as you, pretty boy."

"Thanks for the help, but you need to move fast," Edward says and slips into the new car. "Get in, Riley." I look at Emmett and hand him a memory card. He gives me a stink eye for two seconds and shrugs.

"See you later, kid." Emmett takes off toward Edward's other car.

"What's going on?" I ask as I buckle myself in the backseat.

Edward gives me a smile over his shoulder. "Emmett's going to lure the media the other direction. Good thing this parking garage is private."

"And what are we doing?"

"We're going to catch a movie," he says as he pulls out of the parking space. "Your mom said she still needed another couple of hours." I sigh. I really hope everything with the lawyer goes okay. She's there because of me.

"Why is your mom seeing a lawyer?" he asks.

I have to lie. If I tell him the truth, he may get mad at her like Rosalie did at first. They don't understand, though; none of them do. Only my mom does. Or least she's willing to do it for me. I don't really think Edward would.

How do I tell him I asked my mom to let me live? I mean _really_ live. For now, he doesn't need to know. "I'm not sure. I think it's something about grandma's old house in Arizona."

"Cool," he says. "What do you want to see?"

I smile as we pull into a 3D movie theatre. "What do you think?"

He smiles and turns to look at me after parking. "I like that we have the same tastes in movies."

I snort. "Well, your taste in movie_ roles_ lately has been terrible."

"Everyone's a critic," he grumbles, smiling. He extends his hand and I know exactly what he's looking for. It's our secret handshake.

He squeezes my hand four times. _Do you love me?_

I squeeze his hand three times. _Yes I do._

He squeezes mine again, this time twice. _How much?_

Then I squeeze his hand really, really hard. _A lot. _

Then he gives me a smile that pretty much says it all. It's so clear and written all over his face. How can my mom not see it when he looks at her?

Edward ruffles my short hair, touching a spot where the hair is much shorter because of the chemo and radiation. "I know I'm not supposed to, but I love you, kid."

"It's only not allowed in front of people, Edward," I say. He nods as he rubs his eye for some reason. "I love you, too."

He chuckles softly, but smiles at me widely. "We better get out of here before we get caught."

~oOo~

By the time we make to my house, it's dark and really late. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired, I can barely feel my feet and Edward has to carry me to bed. I can barely mumble a good night before I'm almost falling asleep.

I'm so tired. I'm really, really sleepy. When the door closes behind Edward and my mom, I wait the customary five minutes. Sure enough, my mom pokes her head in again. After a minute, I can hear the door close.

I shoot off the bed and grab my laptop. In seconds, I'm on the internet, looking up Edward Cullen on Google. "Google it, Google it," I chant happily.

In 3.73 seconds, I get millions of hit. The latest are video and picture links to the eye-popping headline.

_**Edward Cullen saves kid from runway baseball.**_

Yes! It worked. I scan the comments and all of it is good things that they're saying. That probably explains all the calls Edward was getting while we were out. He eventually turned it off and ignored it. Which was totally awesome.

I watch the video for the first time and I cringe. Wow. I never meant for him to do that, to take a baseball straight to the ribs. I only wanted to show him playing with me, show the world the man he really is.

I hope in the end this will be worth it. After I turn off my computer, I decide to sneak a peek in the living room. I know Edward hasn't left, because from my bedroom window, I can still see his car parked just down the street.

I can hear my mom and Edward arguing. Oh, this can't be good. "Let me see, Edward," she says in a forceful whisper.

"It's not that bad," Edward says as he sits on the couch. "I barely feel it."

I can see my mom walking in from the kitchen with a glass of wine. "I've been watching the news for the past hour. The video doesn't make it seem like you'd barely feel it."

"It's fine, Bella."

"Prove it."

He shakes his head as he takes a sip from his glass. "You're not going to let this go, are you?" My mom just stays quiet and she's giving him the look. I can tell because Edward immediately sighs in defeat. My mom is such a cheater. "Fine." Defeated, Edward puts down his drink.

My mom gets off the couch and places her glass on the coffee table. Then Edward lifts his shirt off. Then there's a lot of cursing from my mom as she runs to the kitchen again. "I can't believe you tried to play this off, Edward."

She comes back with a bag of peas and towel. I can't see from where I am, so I crawl a little closer. His whole left side, from under his armpit to a couple of inches over his jeans, is purple. My mom wraps the peas in the towel and places it over his bruise.

They're both quiet and looking at each other, like there is no one else in the room. And that's my cue to leave.


	8. Bruised Heart

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Eight – Bruised Heart**

* * *

**Edward**

I have to admit that I'd never been more scared in my life than I had been when I ran toward Riley in the batting cage. Not even the accident that took my aunt's life compared to that moment. My only thought was of him, and I wasn't even sure I'd seen the ball. But I knew it would come and I reacted instinctively. Thank fuck.

It was worth the pain I'd endured while sitting in the dark movie theater. If I had that much pain, I couldn't imagine the damage it would've inflicted on a skinny little boy like Riley. Soon, I was able to overlook the pain and had a great day with the kid.

The way he saw everything was amazing. He was young, but he still had a perspective that left me thinking how much I took for granted. I had known for a long time what I'd been missing in my life, but it hit me harder that afternoon. I'd wasted so much damn time, something that would remain so important to me.

The moment we returned from our fun-filled day – well, except for the incident at the park –Bella was attentive to Riley and, surprisingly, me. Christ, the tears in her eyes when they met my gaze were my undoing. I was tempted to pull her close and find comfort in her arms. Though I was sure she'd sell me to fuck off if I tried. Thankfully, I had to carry Riley to bed, even though my ribs were killing me.

I wanted that little extra moment with him, holding him close as I used to do. I'd done it before. We had some movie nights we shared while I wasn't filming before I left them. God, what a fool I'd been to believe that he would've forgotten me, that they'd move on. When I left, I hadn't left only Bella, but I'd also left a sweet little boy that loved me.

When I returned to the living room, I found Bella standing in the kitchen. The lighting was dim throughout the house. A soft moonlit glow from the French doors near the kitchen, spread across the room and came to rest on Bella. Her back was to me, and I took my time to admire her. She was so beautiful.

Her hair was longer, much longer than I'd last seen. She had cut it once while I was filming in Vancouver, something she'd done so she could donate to a charity that used the hair to create wigs for cancer patients.

"Your hair is longer," I whispered, walking into the kitchen. An always-present ache of desire to touch and love her made the distance between us unbearable. I fucking hated that I couldn't wrap my arms around her like I wanted.

Her head fell forward as her shoulders lifted and fell gently. "I'm going to donate what I can," she said softly. "After…after he's g-gone." Silence filled the room, and I knew she was holding herself back. Slowly, I walked toward her. With each step, her body tensed further and it felt like a fist to my stomach.

I wrapped my arms around her completely, pinning her arms down her sides. Her body shook but she didn't pull from me. "Let go, baby," I murmured in her ear. "You need to. You're so wound up."

"Was he asleep?" she asked. I nodded and rested my chin on the top of her head. Her hands moved to grasp my arms that crossed over her chest. I loosened my grip just enough to allow her to turn in my arms.

With her head over my heart, she cried. Delicate fingers clutched at my shirt as tear after tear fell. Heart wrenching sobs only muffled as she pressed her face against me. Unable to hold back, I wrapped my arms around her more fully and just held her.

Unfortunately, life has a way of intruding at the worst times. Bella's arms had wound around me so tightly that I hissed in pain. She gasped, her fingers grasping the sides of my t-shirt. "You're hurt," she whispered, her breath tickling my neck.

Fucking hell, I'd take the pain if only to hold her close. I wanted her to need me as much as I needed her. Which was really fucking unfair to her, I was such a selfish asshole.

"I'm fine," I replied, holding her against me again. She shook her head and looked up at me. Then she proceeded by tugging at the hem of my shirt. When I realized what she was trying to do, I grasped her wrists before she could pull up my shirt. _Now is not the time to get an erection, shit. _"Um, how about some wine?"

I stepped back from her. There was no way I'd survive having her touch me like that. And I'd be a Class A fuckhead if I took advantage of it. I was damn sure I would if she asked. It was better to be safe than sorry.

She looked confused as I walked toward the little wine fridge I had given her as a house-warming present shortly after meeting her. "Help yourself," she said icily.

"Look, I'm fine." I grabbed a few glasses from the cabinet over my head. "It was nothing."

"Then why did you whimper in pain when I tried to_ hold_ on to you?" There was a hint of hurt in her voice and in her words. Shit. Once again, I fucked up. I had made her think that I didn't want her anymore. Hell, it'd been my first thought when Riley mentioned Emmett.

I had to think of something so that she'd both understand I wanted her and prevent her worry about what happened with the baseball earlier. "My body reacted to having you so close," I said, since it was partly true anyway. _Do not look her in the eye. _"I didn't want you to know, because it wasn't exactly appropriate." Again, it was part of the truth.

"Oh." She looked thoroughly surprised. "I know you haven't been seen with—"

"I haven't been with anyone in months, Bella," I said. _Try more like almost a year. _"The last _date_," I used my fingers to make some air quotes, "was a—"

She laughed and smiled. "Setup? Edward, I know that Angela, Leslie, Katie and Becca were all fake relationships."

This time I had to look fucking surprised. "How the hell did you know?"

"I told you, I know when you're acting," she said, shrugging. She gestured toward the living room. "You never looked at them like you look at me." Her eyes were on mine as she took a sip from the glass of wine I handed her.

"You mean the way I still look at you," I said.

Bella cocked her head to one side, taking a long look at me. "Yes."

Nervously, I ran my hand through my hair. Big fucking mistake. I freaking yelped like a little bitch when my side hurt like a fucker as I moved. Bella's eyebrows rose in question and in challenge. I cowardly walked away from her and into the living room.

My cell phone rang in my pocket. I turned to see Bella watching me as I answered. She rolled her eyes and passed me to walk toward Riley's room. I hoped I managed to put all her thoughts of checking my injury out of her head.

"Yeah," I greeted again.

"You've been busy," Jane said firmly.

"I take that my afternoon activities are all over the news?"

"What the hell do you think, Edward? You took a ball to your ribs for a little boy. Is this kid someone you know?"

"Yes. What are they saying?"

"Everything's good so far, but my phone won't stop ringing. They want to know who the kid is."

"Sorry, I won't be disclosing that at all. He needs his privacy."

"The thing is, I know exactly who it is. Tanya had left some things for me, including the copy of the magazine with you and this kid at a movie premiere."

"Shit," I hissed. Of course, it would've been easy to recognize Riley. No one would mistake that smile on his youthful face, three years hadn't changed it that much.

"If I figured it out, they will, too."

"I need to buy some time," I said, sitting on the couch. "What's my schedule like this week?"

"Tomorrow you're free, the next you have a photo shoot, then on Sunday you have a date with Lauren McCall."

"No," I spat. "I told you that I wasn't doing that shit anymore."

"You can't back out now," she hissed. "She's not that bad, anyway."

"She's a fucking bitch and you know it," I reasoned. "We're trying to clean up my image not damage it beyond belief. Besides, I'm off the damn market."

"This is news." She sighed deeply and I could hear the tap-tap-tap of her pen on her desk. A fucking annoying habit drove me crazy whenever I heard it. "Are you canceling your date with Lauren?"

"Yes," I said firmly. "Where the fuck was I taking her to anyway?"

"A charity event," she replied. "Now that I think about it, I'm glad you're not taking her. She got intoxicated last time and showed off the fact she wasn't wearing underwear when she fell on her ass."

"Don't make any more of those dates, I'm not fucking interested."

I turned on my speakerphone since it was hurting to keep my arm up to hold it to my ear. Fuck, my side was killing me. "For how long are you not interested?"

I felt her eyes on me and I turned to see Bella watching from the hallway. "Indefinitely," I answered. Bella raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. I averted my eyes, only because I couldn't stand the intensity of her gaze. Nor could I understand what the hell that look meant.

"All right, does this mean you're not attending Sunday?"

"I'll go alone if I have to," I said. I ran my hand through my hair and over my face. Fuck, I was tired. So fucking tired of the direction my life was going. The only way it was going to change was if I wanted it to. I looked up at Bella again, and yes, I wanted it to be better. "I have something for you."

"What is it?" she asked.

"Remember that idea I told you about?"

"The screenplay?"

"Yes. It's done," I replied.

"Send it over, but I can't make you promises."

"I'm just looking for an opinion."

"You'll get it," she said. "Try to stay out of trouble."

"When do I get into trouble?" I asked in a teasing tone.

"You're right, because you don't get into trouble, you cause it. Keep your nose clean."

Bella giggled as she walked back into the kitchen. _Damn, I missed that sound. _I tossed my phone on the couch, and stupidly looked at her cute ass, all snug in jeans. Damn, it'd been too fucking long for me. This was Bella and if I wanted anything with her, I needed to start slow, as we had the first time around. I didn't want to lose her before I had a chance to win her back.

"You need to let me check your side," Bella said from the kitchen.

I groaned. "Will you please drop it? It's fine. It doesn't even hurt." _Liar, liar. _

"Let me see, Edward," she said, poking her head out from the kitchen.

"It's not that bad," I replied. "I barely feel it."

With a glass of wine in her hand, she made her way over to me. "I've been watching the news for the past hour. The video doesn't make it seem like you'd barely feel it."

My eyes were on hers, the fire I'd witnessed many times before was there. I had always thought she was fiercely loyal, loving and protective. How the fuck had I given her up? "It's fine, Bella."

"Prove it." Damn, how she pushed my buttons.

With her darkened gaze on me, I shook my head. I picked up my glass from the end table, sipping to keep my hands from doing stupid, like reaching out for her. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

Determined, Bella decided to pull the look on me; it got me every time, and Bella knew it. I sighed because she was a goddamn cheater. "Fine." I put down my glass and waited for her to make a move. There hadn't been a chance for me to look at it myself, so I had no idea what she was in for either.

I watched her every move. She pulled herself off the couch and placed her glass on the coffee table. She knelt on the cushion beside me, too close and her knees brushed my thigh. Her eyes are me were filled with intent and focused on her task. I pulled my shirt off quickly before I chickened out.

Bella's eyes start to water and fuck, those tears were enough to break my resolve not to touch her. I reached for her but she started cursing like a damn sailor and jumped to her feet. I sighed and watched as she ran into the kitchen. When I look down at my side, I could see why she was pissed.

If I'd seen that on Bella, I'd have a fucking coronary and force her to go to the ER. Thank God, I hadn't let Riley check earlier as he wanted. The little guy would've probably felt even more guilty.

"I can't believe you tried to play this off, Edward." Bella returned from the kitchen armed with a lethal look, a bag of peas and a towel. She sat on the coffee table and leaned forward to place the peas on my side. My breath hitched, and it had nothing to do with the cold.

Damn, she smelled so good. Her eyes were on me again and this time I can't look away. Skin to skin, her hand was soft and warm, my own body bruised and cold. Despite the ice, I could feel her warming me. She moved a little closer just as I had. "Does it hurt?" she whispered. I shook my head and I could see that the color of her unpainted mouth was natural. Pale pink and the same color as her…

Unbidden, the thoughts of her under me, my mouth on a reddened peak and the sounds she made as I made love to her rushed through my mind. A soft moan in the present told me she felt whatever it was between us. It'd been there the first time I'd met her, and every time after that.

We started slow and there was no one but her for months and months. Texts, phone calls, video chats while I was away on location, allowed us to get to know each other before anything physical happened. I fell for her and the few chances we had to be together, we'd always been surrounded and busy. The night I took her out, ready to confirm that she was my girlfriend to the world, was the same night I told her I loved her. Made love to her.

Bella blinked, breaking the connection. She exhaled harshly and stood up, taking her glass of wine to her lips. "Damn you," she murmured. She turned to look at me. "You know I can't resist." Her hand lifted from her side and ran through my hair. I groaned as she stepped in between my parted thighs. I tossed the peas and towel on the table, my eyes on hers. She looked down at me with such desire and heartache.

I ran my hand up her jean-covered thigh and watched as her chest rose and fell faster. She was warm, felt so good to me. Leaning forward, I buried my face in her stomach. How many times had she comforted me this way before?

There'd been the time after my fucking father failed to come to the damn Academy Awards show after I'd invited him. The other time I remembered that, I had to leave earlier than I'd anticipated and I couldn't spend the night with her, as we'd planned, on her fucking birthday. I'd felt so badly for leaving, yet she had said she understood and comforted me.

Slowly, I ran my hand up over her hip and dipped beneath her top on her back. Her skin was so fucking soft. I'd never forget the first time she let me touch her like this. It'd been our second date, she had cooked me dinner at her place and Riley was in bed. We had spent the day moving the last of her boxes in her new home. God, I missed her so much.

"You can't forgive me," I said softly. The feel of her skin beneath my palm, warmed under my touch. A whisper of my name escaped her parted lips. "I don't blame you. How could you if I can't forgive myself? I hurt something so precious, so beautiful to me. You gave me your heart that night, and by the next, I destroyed it."

She trembled as a tear slid down her cheek. For a moment, I believed she'd pull away, instead her fingers combed through my hair again. Another sound escaped her, it sounded like both heartache and longing in that one little sigh.

"I refuse to give you that power again." She shook her head and took a step back. "Not again, Edward." Her fingers clenched into fists, as if she fought to gain control. The same control I lacked, reaching out for her again. I couldn't stop myself, didn't want to.

I nodded, averting my eyes from her darkened gaze. "Can you ever love me again?"

She was silent, but she hadn't moved away from me. I groaned softly, her fingers still in my hair. I pressed my lips against her stomach, wrapped my arms around her hips. "Oh Edward," she sighed and arched closer to me. "I never stopped, honey." I nodded and I felt something lodge in my throat. "That doesn't mean anything can happen with us again." Fuck, I'd known this, too. "At least not until we talk about what the fuck happened."

I look up at her, confused. "I was an asshole to you, baby," I said through my clenched teeth. "I thought I was doing the right thing. Fucking Heidi said it was for the best and Tanya said that I had to wait out the media before I went back to see you." I tried to pull her onto my lap, to talk to her.

She shook her head and this time, she pulled away. "Don't," I pleaded. "Don't please."

"Wait. I told you things couldn't be the same as they were before. You called all the damn shots in our relationship, because of who you were. You won't be doing that _if_ we try again."

My fists clenched at my sides and I nodded. "Just know that I'm not about to let you call all the shots, either. You're fucking stubborn at the thought of me taking care of you. How long did it take before you finally allowed me to get you a _safe_ car?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "We're getting way too ahead of ourselves."

I frowned. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Our last night."

If only we could redo that damn night. I'd never regret making love to her, telling her how I felt, but there were still things I wished I could change. "We were having a good time until that asshole at the club put his hands on you," I growled.

Bella looked thoughtful as she nodded. "Do you remember that we'd seen Heidi there?"

"Yeah," I snapped. "She wanted to leak the information out to the press about me being there. I told her to fuck off, because she thought I'd been alone."

"I saw her talking to the same asshole that put his hands on me." She shrugged. What the fuck was she talking about? "Did she know who I was?" she asked, but I was stunned speechless.

It took me a few moments to answer. "If she didn't, it would've been easy to find out from Tanya or my PA at the time."

"All right," Bella said. "That can't be coincidental."

"Fuck no, it wasn't," I growled. Fucking bitch, if I found out she was the one that ruined our night, I'd kill her.

"So we can assume she probably could've gotten my address." I nodded, and inside, I was seething. How the fuck hadn't I seen that shit? Put two and two together. "So it's probably safe to say that she leaked where I lived."

When I'd left her house that following morning, the entire street was filled with paps. It was total fucking chaos, my bodyguard and driver barely managed to get me inside the car safely. After that, I had called Bella immediately and told her not to go outside at all. I was so damn angry that I had demanded it and hung up before she could respond. Fuck, I was an asshole.

"I called you," she said softly. "Several times."

I sighed. "I knew if I heard your voice, that I'd come back running. I didn't want to risk the paps showing up at your door again."

"So you chose to humiliate me by pretending to suck face with someone else."

"Fuck." I roughly tugged at my hair. "I thought it'd take the heat off you and Riley."

"Who suggested it," she said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Heidi," I mumbled. "Fucking hell, that bitch manipulated me from the very beginning, hadn't she?" I didn't bother to hear Bella's response, jumping to my feet. I started to pace and started to go through things in my mind. Trying to unravel all the fucking lies and deceit that I'd been told. "The Charity Gala," I looked at her, "He was just a friend, wasn't he?"

Bella nodded. "He was in the same unit as Riley's father, he came to escort me."

My damn body trembled with rage. I had gone to that Gala in the hopes to talk to her, see her and beg her to take me back. After the pictures came out of that kiss I'd arranged, Bella wouldn't return my calls. Or had she? Heidi had my PA screen all my damn calls until the shit died down.

"I'd gone alone, I wanted to see you."

"She cornered me in the bathroom and said she was your date," she said, shrugging. "She also said that you had already grown bored with me."

"Please tell me you didn't believe her," I said and she shook her head. "I saw her come out of the hallway, looking pale. She said that she'd seen you making out with your date. She didn't want me to see. I had to leave."

"That didn't happen. Robert was trying to console me after I'd seen you two walk in. I tried to run after you," she whispered as tears gathered in her eyes. "She stopped me, and I saw the look on your face. You looked so angry. She said you wanted nothing to do with me, that I meant nothing to you."

"Christ," I hissed and stood by a wall, leaning on it. "I asked what you told her, she said that you moved on and," I choked and swallowed before continuing. "She said that Riley had forgotten all about me."

She sobbed and shook her head. "He never forgot, Edward. Neither of us ever could."

"All that pain for _nothing_," I murmured, my voice rising toward the end. "I was so fucked up after seeing you with someone else."

"I know."

"I had to find a way to forget you."

"I know that, too," she whispered.

"It's no damn excuse, though," I said, gripping the wall with my hands and leaning my forehead against it.

"She sent me the video," she replied. My jaw snapped shut. _Fucking hell. Please, don't tell me she watched it._ "It was before she posted the edited version of it. You were drunk, totally fucking out of it." How do I tell her it was the first and _only_ time I tried fucking coke? And with no memory of what happened? And not to mention that because I woke up with Heidi I had thought I was fucked already, she helped keep me numb to the pain. "As soon as I saw what was going to happen I shut it off and sent it to Tanya. I warned her."

"That's how my aunt knew to get me out of fucking dodge," I said. "Even though you saw a part of that, you still tried to help me."

"Someone had to," she replied. "You called both of them Bella. That was the part that was completely messed up."

How do I respond to that? Fuck! I hit my head twice on the wall and growled as I sent my hand through plaster and sheetrock, hitting a damned stud. Rubble fell at my feet, my hand covered in a fine powder. The room was silent, and I turned to see her watching me. She looked down the hall and back at me. Damn it, Riley might have heard that shit.

"I have to go," I snapped, grabbing my shirt and throwing it back on.

"You've had two glasses of wine and you're pissed," she spat. "You're not getting into your car like that."

"Fuck that," I barked and walked toward the front door. "I have to leave before I do or say something stupid."

"I get that, but if you get into your car like this, you'll never see me or Riley again."

My eyes snapped to her. "You'd do that?"

"In a heartbeat. If you're capable of getting in a car in your condition, how the hell do I know you won't do it with my son in the car?"

"I'd _never_ do that, ever," I said fiercely.

She smirked. "Now, that's the Edward I wanted to see." I was fucking confused. "The same one that didn't hesitate to protect his son," she said. My heart flipped at her words, from the intensity in her gaze. "The same one that growled at some pap who was trying to get his picture. The same one that loves unconditionally."

"Is that what you see?"

"Yes. Go walk around the block to cool off, then I'll consider," she reached into my jeans and pulled out my keys, smirking all the while, "giving these back to you."

"When did you get so bossy?" I couldn't believe she put her hand in my pocket.

"I'm a mother," she said with a smug grin. "Hurry up."

I give her a small smile, though inside of me, I was still churned up from what we'd learned. "We okay?"

She placed both of her hands on my chest, tiptoed and pressed her lips to my cheek. "I can't promise you anything, because I have to focus on my son. But yeah, we're okay, for now."

I nodded and walked out before I did something stupid, like kiss her. The moment I was out of hearing range, I pulled out my cell phone. "Jane," I said as she answered.

"You don't call me that, unless you're in trouble."

She knew me so well. I relayed to her everything I learned about Heidi's deception. By the time I was done, Jane had to walk outside of her bedroom to scream. "Let me take care of this," she said. "You need to keep your fucking shit together. Going after her would only make things worse. Plus we have no idea if she has anything else against you."

"I'm giving you a month," I said firmly. "If I don't hear that she's done in Hollywood, it's my turn to fuck up her life."

"Edward," she hissed. "You listen to me—" I hadn't bothered to listen since I hung up. She loved me so she'd get over it.

The walk seemed to help, since the air was cool and there wasn't a lot noise. I'd been on a damn rollercoaster of emotions since I'd gotten Bella's call. Pain interlaced within them all; love, hate, happiness and sadness. Fuck, I wished I could talk to Tanya and ask for her help. Six months ago, I set out to get better for her, for them and for myself. Ashamed of the person I'd become, losing myself momentarily to alcohol and meaningless encounters. I strove to be someone Bella could love as unconditionally as I loved her.

_I never stopped,_ she had said. Oh fuck, I was an idiot. She practically confessed that she still loved me, and I hadn't returned the sentiment. Shit. I'd rectify that the minute I saw her again. Determined to have my say and kiss her like I'd wanted from the moment I laid eyes on her, I made my way to her house. I checked my phone and I'd been gone for about fifteen minutes. Not long, but I hoped that Bella hadn't fallen asleep. Slowly, I walked inside and found her on the couch with her laptop.

She raised an eyebrow as I approached. "Feeling better?" she asked. I stared, hard to avoid when she was in lace-trimmed shorts and a thin matching camisole.

"What the hell are you wearing?" I asked stupidly.

Smiling she got to her feet, placing her laptop on the coffee table. "You like?" She fucking did a sexy twirl in front of me.

"Like," I said, still staring. Again, it was hard to avoid, so much skin. "I'll let you know once I put my tongue back in." I scratched my chin and ran my hand through my hair. "Um, may I ask why you're wearing," I pointed at her, ah shit; I could see that she was cold or aroused, "that?"

She smiled and shrugged. "A girl likes to know she's still got it."

Stunned, I shook the fogginess in my head. She had always left me stunned. "You got, um, fuck you sure do." She giggled. Yeah, we're going to be okay.


	9. Tickle Me This

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Nine – Tickle Me This**

* * *

**Edward**

The woman had me tied in knots. No one had been able to do that to me since…well, since her. Damn, I was ready to explode in my jeans and she hadn't even kissed me – _yet. _The fact that I hadn't had sex in over six months, great sex in even longer, had me on the edge every time I took a sniff of whatever perfume she wore.

I also knew I had to be careful with Bella. I didn't want the casual sex I'd had in the past. I wanted it all with her, the same _everything_ I wanted since I last made love to her. To get there would take time; time was fucking precious to us. The timing was way off and Riley had to come first.

I wasn't about to distract her when her son would need her the most, but I also wanted to be there for her, for him and for myself. That left me with one conclusion – I'd let thing progress naturally. It had worked just fine the first time we tried the relationship thing.

I'd been honest with her, I wasn't about to let her walk all over me. She'd been right, the first time we tried _this,_ and I had called all the shots. For instance, where we ate, as to avoid prying eyes, where we danced, again to avoid media and shit, and what she wore, and I felt shitty for that one. She hadn't had the money the few times we went out, to buy a nice dress or sexy heels. I had actually picked something out and had it delivered.

She actually slapped me when I had arrived to pick her up the first time I'd done that. I hadn't had a chance to call her beforehand to let her know I'd bought her something. She actually thought that I was, as she put it, "Dressing up my whore."

It wasn't what I had intended to make her think of our relationship. Tanya had even pointed out that Bella wasn't the type of person that would take my usual shit. I couldn't win Bella's heart by buying her things. I should've known that from the very beginning. That and she wasn't the type to take orders, either.

It had taken almost an hour of pleading outside of her house for her to listen to me that night. I didn't want a repeat of it. That meant I'd have to rein in my usual need to get her everything she wanted. But fuck if I wasn't going to give her everything she _needed. _

And she needed a lot. A friend, lover and supporter, and I strove to be all those things for her.

I had no idea how long I stood in her living room, staring, but it had been a while. Her giggling was clear indication of my daydreaming. I was over thinking, something I hadn't been accused of doing in a long time. I should have been daydreaming of the gorgeous woman in front of me.

"You know just because you keep staring at the hole in the wall," she said as she walked toward me. _Stalked_ toward me – all right, that was definitely something my libido dreamt up. "It doesn't mean it will disappear."

I sighed. "Sorry about the wall," I said, watching as she closed the distance between us. I swallowed; Jesus, she made me nervous. "Riley and I will fix it tomorrow. If you don't mind, that is."

She shook her head, strands of her dark hair tumbled from her messy bun. My hand, as if with a mind of its own, took one of those curls and wrapped it around my finger. "You're beautiful."

"I try," she said with a nonchalant shrug. I smiled, loving how carefree she seemed. So different from the hurt and broken woman I had seen only a day earlier.

"If you try any harder, I won't be responsible for my actions," I teased, halfway serious.

She bit her lip, the cheater. From the very first time I'd met her, I had told her what that little habit of hers did to me. I smirked and bent down to whisper in her ear, "You might regret that, baby."

Just as she knew what biting her lip did to me, I knew what calling her that did to her. The soft moan that escaped her was music to my ears. My fingers curled around the nape of her neck, reveling in the small gasp my touch elicited. She was going to be so mad at me for what I was going to do next. I kissed her forehead and stepped back.

She whimpered. I mentally pumped my fist, but managed to maintain my composure. Barely, though; every fiber of my body wanted me to take her in my arms and show her how much I wanted and loved her. She scowled.

I'd almost forgotten how hot she was when she was pissed. She clearly hadn't liked that I managed to turn the tables on her. Tempting as she was, we were going to take things slow. Live in the moments as they happened, and when the moment was right, we'd know it. It wasn't there in her living room, minutes after I put a hole in her wall. It wouldn't be on the same night she told me the level of deception that had taken her from me.

Despite that, she needed to know where my devotion was. "I want you so much, but we need to take things slow, Bella," I said softly. She cocked her head to one side, looking at me intently.

"Slow may have worked the first time," she whispered. "But I don't know how to do that anymore and I don't want to." I sighed because she was making this a lot harder than I thought she would. Wasn't I supposed to be the one trying to lure her into my bed?

"Bella," I said as I took her hand in mine. "I understand, and maybe we don't have to move at a snail's pace as we did the first time," I ran my free hand through my hair as I tried to put my thoughts into words. "I think we need to take it one day at a time so we're both sure that this," I gestured between us, "is what we want."

"You have doubts?" she said, dropping her eyes from mine. _Fuck._

Taking her face between my hands, I forced her to look at me. "Not about my feelings for you. Not about Riley."

Her eyes filled with tears and my heart broke, she'd been near tears often since I saw her again. "Then, what is it?"

"I doubt that you can care for me as much as I care for you."

Quivering, her lips reached up until they met my still frowning ones. Tentatively, her mouth moved over mine, waiting for me to pull back. I didn't. I wanted it, a little moment to carry me through the rest of the night. The night I would forever know as the night she tied herself to me.

The same night I irrevocably became hers.

My fingers, with an undeniably soft touch, traced up her neck and took her face in my hands. An equally soft moan escaped her lips, taking it inside me as I stroked her mouth with mine. She was pliant and warm in my arms, as she had been the first night I kissed her years earlier. Eager, delicate fingers found purchase my hair, as mine sought hers. Fitting perfectly together, soft against hard, bodies so attuned to one another.

"God, I missed you," I murmured, laying my forehead on hers. Her sigh was sweet and perfect, a fitting end to a kiss that would stay with me forever. However, life had a way of reminding us how short it could be.

"Mom!" his voice, so achingly, heart wrenching called out as we heard the sound of his feet running down the hall. A stream of light spilled from the hallway, instinct had both Bella and I moving in seconds after Riley.

The sounds of him retching in the bathroom had a whimper escaping his mother. We reached him, and as many times before, we took care of a little boy that we loved unconditionally.

I reached for the disposable cup and the small spout to activate the filtered water system. Waiting for it to fill, I watched as Bella hovered over her son. Soft murmurs of love matched the loving touch of a mother. She remained strong as he gasped and pleaded for it to stop. He wiped at tears he had no control over, and continued to weep as his stomach continued its torture.

Inside, I died with every desperate sound; outside, I'd be in the running for a fucking Oscar, composed as ever. I smiled as he tentatively reached for the glass and gave me a whispered thank you. "No problem, buddy," I replied softly.

Bella took the wet towel I offered and wiped at Riley's sweat covered forehead, where after, she placed a single, soft kiss. The only time she showed how hard she was trying to hold herself together as her glazed eyes met mine over Riley's shoulder.

"You sure I didn't scare you away?" Riley asked as Bella and I settled him into bed several minutes later.

I scoffed. "A little vomit isn't going to scare me away," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Not even pus filled sores?" he said, sticking out his tongue and scrunching up his face in disgust. I shook my head. "Prickly and peeling skin?" I laughed as I continued to shake my head. "What if I turn the color green and smell like an ogre?"

"Nope, sorry," I said. I shook my head, smiling. He was making an effort to make light of a serious situation. It wasn't for himself or me, but for his mother. "Though if you start sprouting horns, that might be the deal breaker."

He grinned and reached out for my hand. With our secret handshake, his hand enclosed in mine, telling him how much I loved him.

"You know," Bella said as she bent to kiss Riley's cheek, "one day, you two are going to tell me what that is all about."

Riley smiled an I-got-a-secret grin and shook his head gently. "Not today, ma," he said firmly, giving me a little wink. "Love you, Mom." This time, his words held a conviction that no one could ever doubt. "Night, Edward."

"Night, Ri," I said. I had hoped I wasn't overstepping my boundaries, but when I bent to wrap my arms around him, Riley held no surprise by my gesture. "Love you, buddy."

"Love you, too," he replied in the softest whisper. I left the room, to both allow me time to pull myself together, and to give Bella a moment with her son. Out in the hall, I leaned against the adjacent wall and closed my eyes.

I thought of nothing, only allowed myself a moment of peace.

"Edward," she whispered – a welcomed way for me to return to reality. Her hand took mine, leading me to the living room. "Thanks for that."

"I'm here for you both," I said softly, touching her as she touched me. Hands clasped, cheek to cheek before I bent to take her into my arms, lifting her closer. "I want to be here." A small sound – a whimper or sob – escaped me. "I should've been here from the-"

"You're here now," she said, her hands releasing mine to hold me more securely. "That's all that matters. You're here now, baby." I nodded against the crook of her neck. "You'll be here tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," I repeated as I kissed her soft lips. "I'll be here first thing in the morning. You sure you'll be okay tonight?"

She nodded. "I'll have to stay up for a while, just to be safe." I noticed she hadn't answered my question; instead, she misdirected me with her reply. I chose not to call her out on it, because I needed to leave – for the both of us.

"Not too early," she said. "In case I don't get any sleep."

I agreed and asked her to walk me outside to the curb. "Call me," I said, leaning against the door of my car. "If anything happens or if either of you need me." She gave me a small smile, wrapping her arms around my waist, resting her cheek over my heart. I sighed, pulling her closer, laying my head on her hair. We remained that way for a while longer, soaking up the only comfort we'd get for the night. It was enough for the moment.

As I drove home, I blasted the music, so I wouldn't be able to hear myself think. Blindly, I dropped my car keys on the side table just inside my door when I got into my apartment. Clothes fell to the floor, leaving a trail as I walked toward my bathroom. Stripped naked of the armor that protected me for so long, hot water scalded the skin that lay beneath.

I slid down a tiled wall and wept.

~oOo~

With breakfast in hand, I knocked on Bella's door at nine the following morning. Riley answered it seconds later, as if he'd been watching for my arrival.

"I've been waiting foooorever!" he said, smiling and rolling his eyes. I laughed and asked him to give me a hand. He took a couple of bags from me and ran toward the kitchen. I sighed; he looked so much better considering what happened the previous night.

"Is your mom up?" I asked. Riley shook his head and started to grab plates from a nearby cabinet. "You let her sleep in."

He shrugged. "I know she stayed up to check on me every once and a while, so I was as quiet as a vampire all morning."

I looked at him, a bit confused by the metaphor. He rolled his eyes and exhaled in annoyance. "Come on, Edward," he said. "How else do you think vampires suck people's blood? They have to be really quiet and all stealth like." His reasoning was sound. If not, it was a good theory.

"Well it's better than the saying, 'quiet as a mouse'," I said. "Mice are not quiet."

Riley grinned as he started to get out some forks and spoons. "No, they're not," he said. "I remember at our old place, we found a mouse, it made all those squeaky and scratchy noises. Mom called grandpa to come take care of business."

"I'm sure she did." I grabbed some juice from the fridge and found a few trays in the pantry. "Did she scream like a little girl when she saw it?"

Riley bit his lip, looking behind him. I thought he was making sure his mother wasn't behind him before he told me the answer. "She did. So loud, I thought my ears would bleed."

I laughed and had him help me pile everything I bought onto a couple of trays. "Did she stand on the toilet and scream for help?"

Riley shook his head. "She was on the washer, armed with detergent." We grinned like dummies and laughed for a few minutes. After we gathered ourselves, I managed to take two trays while Riley brought our drinks on another.

I noticed the door to Bella's bedroom was ajar and kicked it the rest of the way open. There in the middle of a big bed, she lay amongst crisp blue sheets, her hair splayed in every direction around her. Beautiful.

"It's kinda creepy," Riley said, looking up at me. "How you seem to like to watch her sleep." I fucking blushed, even though I knew he'd been teasing. He was right, though; it was a little creepy. I ignored his observation and chose to call out softly to Bella.

I didn't want to startle her with my sudden appearance. She mumbled as Riley placed his tray on the nightstand beside Bella's bed. He crawled onto the bed and pressed Bella's cheeks together with his hands, giving her the fish face look. This was something he'd done when he was younger. It was good to know that some things hadn't changed.

Her mouth started to make kissing noises and I could see the fluttering of her lashes. "Mom," Riley said, staring at her hard. "Mooommmm!" In seconds, he was giggling as Bella flipped him on this back and started to tickle his sides, trying to kiss him. "No! No!"

"I want a kissy," she crooned, continuing until they're both breathless. "Come on, give up."

"Never!" Riley exclaimed as he wiggled in her grasp to across the bed. "Edward, help me!"

"You know I would, Riley," I said, teasing in my voice. "But my hands are full."

Bella turned to find my gaze and her blush was apparent, heating her entire face and neck. Realizing her compromising position, her eyed widened and she quickly dove under the covers. "You made me breakfast," she said, a bit out of breath.

I grinned as Riley burrowed under beside Bella. "He _bought_ you breakfast." I growled and gave him a mocking lethal glare. Riley gave me the "I'm so scared" look.

"It was for the best," I said with an overdramatic sigh. "We all know I can't cook water."

Riley laughed. "You don't cook water, Edward," he said, rolling his eyes. "You boil it."

I shrugged. "See, can't do it." I gave them both a smile. "Here's breakfast in bed for two." I laid one tray across Bella's lap; she looked at the food laden plates and bit her lip. She was about to say something but Riley beat her to it.

"There's enough here for you too, Edward," Riley said as he grabbed a strip of bacon. "Come and join us."

I looked at Bella, to see any indication that I shouldn't follow Riley's request. Her eyes wouldn't meet mine, but she shrugged and smirked. The brat. She was leaving the decision up to me because she wanted me to _want_ to join them. Two can play her game.

"Not sure that's a good idea, buddy," I said softly. I laid the other tray over his lap and gave him a smile. "What if your mom doesn't want me to?"

Riley looked at Bella, who gave me a lethal glare through narrowed eyes. She moved an inch toward Riley. He noticed that. "See that there," he said a big smugly, in a mock stage whisper. "She unconsciously moved to make room for you."

Bella laughed and smiled at her son. "I'm starting to wonder the nature of your conversations with Rosalie and Emmett."

Riley blushed. I laughed and tapped Bella's shoulder, making her scoot over. She moved enough so that I could sit beside her, our bodies touching along one side. With my back against the headboard, Riley started to chatter away about the upcoming baseball game for charity. All the while, Bella leaned part of her body against my shoulder and chest. We laughed as Riley spoke with both an enthusiasm and his hands. I pressed my lips on Bella's hair as her laughter gave me a sense of comfort. They both did.

We ate through most of the food that I had brought, making plans for the remainder of the day. First, we'd hit the nearby Gamestop and get a Wii and several games. Bella said a few, Riley said about a dozen, and I compromised and made them agree on six. After that, we'd hit a hardware store to find everything we needed to patch up the hole in the wall.

"Did my mom throw something at you?" Riley asked.

"No," she said and shook her head. "Edward got upset about some news and hit the wall."

"Oh."

"I would never raise a hand toward your mother," I said, seeing the concern in his eyes. He quickly shook his head.

"I know you wouldn't," he said softly. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" I flexed my fingers and showed him that all was in working order. He seemed satisfied. "Well, now you can't use that as an excuse as I beat your butt on Guitar Hero."

Bella giggled and dove under the covers and started to tickle her son again. Thankfully, I had put aside the tray or there would've been a mess. "Edward! Help! You have…no…excuse…now!"

I growled and threw the blanket over my head. "I'm with your mom," I said as I found his little body under his mother's moving fingers. "I think you deserve a little retaliation for that GH comment."

"Ahhhh!" he cried out, laughing and wiggling in our grasp. "I call it as I see it."

Bella laughed, her face flushed and the smile on her was breathtaking. Her eyes met mine and it unfortunately distracted us enough so that Riley got away and dog piled the two of us. After a several minutes where we laughed, cried tears of laughter and tickled each other until we couldn't breathe, Bella reminded us we had a busy day.

While Riley showered, Bella and I cleaned up the mess of her bed and breakfast. I called to check in with Jane and left a message, I had a photo shoot the following day. Bella pulled out her laptop and had me look on the DIY website to get the instructions on how to fix the hole in the wall. She left me to it, while she went to get ready for our outing.

While I was on the site, I found a few simple plans on birdhouses and planters. After printing out the list of supplies and instructions for everything, I found Bella in her bedroom. "Hey, you don't mind that I buy some things for a couple of projects for Riley and me to do?"

"Nope," she said, looking over her shoulder. "Can you come here, please?" I walked further in the room and watched as she turned, lifting her hair. "Can you help me with my necklace?" I nodded, admiring a trio of freckles along her shoulder. Unable to control the urge, I pressed my lips there, tracing the area with a fingertip before taking both ends of her necklace.

I smiled in the mirror when I realized what necklace she put on. The same one I had given her. "I'm glad you kept it," I whispered. "It's stupid, but it feels good to know that you had a little of me with you while I was gone."

She sighed, melting against my body. "I wished it could've been the same for you."

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. "You were with me, in my thoughts and heart every fucking day. I tried so hard to forget, drowned myself in my vices and yet every morning, I awoke with the pain of my mistakes. Regret does ugly things to a person."

She nodded, because we both knew what I was talking about. The alcohol, the women, the drunken rants on some celebrity news show, all were part of my destructive solution to the pain.

"You need to know something," I whispered. "But I don't know if it would be worse to know or not."

"Just tell me," she said in a soft voice. Our gaze was on the mirror in front us, never wavering.

"I wanted it all with you and Riley."

She closed her eyes as she took in a shuddering breath. "All?"

"I wanted to be here with you both, as your husband and as his father." A sob escaped her, her whole body shaking as she took another breath. "I still want that."

"It's not too late," she gasped. "To be his father." I closed my eyes – she was still unsure of us. Her hands squeezed mine, forcing me to look at her again. "And to be mine."

I sighed, releasing the breath I'd held. "I already am." She gave me a smile, turning in my arms, giving me a sweet kiss.

Together we walked into the living room, where Riley was watching the news. "Sorry about the ribs, Edward."

I shrugged. "I'd do it again. I couldn't let that ball hit you."

"Still sucks. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," I said as Bella picked something up from the couch. "What's that?"

"Your disguise," she said with smile. "We need to cover your hair since it's your most recognizable feature."

Riley snickered. "I thought it was his eyes," he crooned, teasingly. Bella rolled her eyes and asked me to bend down a bit. She really was a tiny little thing. I could easily tug her inside my jacket if she got too cold.

Bella stuffed the beanie over my head, laughing as she tried to hide all my damn hair. Riley ran toward his room and said he'd be right back.

I looked down as Bella continued, and I couldn't help the overwhelming need to touch her. I bent, kissing the tip of her nose. She scrunched her brows and shook her head. "You can't do something like that," she chastised.

I grinned. "Can't help it," I replied. "You're touching me."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around my waist. "What does this earn me?" she asked sweetly. What a tease. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, resting my chin on her head. She sighed as she laid her head on my chest. We both turned when we heard Riley run into the living room.

We laughed as we took in his attire. He had on a grey beanie, dark blue hoodie, and sunglasses, all matching my clothes almost exactly. "Let's roll."

We shared a perfect morning. And as I led them to Bella's car, I tried not to remember that the mornings like that were numbered.


	10. Tears, Twirls and Smiles

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Ten – Tears, Twirls and Smiles**

* * *

**Riley**

I'm sitting in the backseat of Mom's car, watching the two grownups closely. The fact is that they are _not_ acting like adults, far from it.

This is worse than watching the Lifetime movies Mom likes so much. First, they both try really hard _not _to look at each other. They are failing completely. Second, Edward seems to have a nervous tick with his twitchy eyebrows and right leg. They both keep bouncing like crazy. Third, Mom's hands are on her lap, in constant motion. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they both have ADD or something. I don't think they'll appreciate me pointing what they're doing, either.

I look back at their eyes after observing them, and realize that they are totally focused on each other. At least, for a few seconds, before they turn away again. This is something I wanted since the moment I asked Mom to call Edward for me. I know in my mind that getting them together will not be easy. It will be even harder to keep them together. My hope relied on my faith. My faith that the love that brought us together the first time, will still be there after I was gone.

Who would give up on such a wonderful feeling? I know in my heart, as I look at Edward smiling at my Mom that he will always be there for her.

Deep down, I know he's always loved her, too. I think he may have never stopped, just like my Mom. Grownups are stupid when it came to talking things out. Not me, I say what I feel.

"Will you please hold hands or something," I say, rolling my eyes and groan. "You're both driving me crazy."

Edward lets out a nervous chuckle, running his hand through his hair. He mumbles something under his breath because he forgot about his beanie. Shoving it on again, he looks at Mom and smiles. He holds out his hand, causing her to blush, as usual. She gives him a tiny smile, places her hand in his, and sighs. Perfect.

The tension in the car is lighter and we all start singing along to the radio within minutes. Edward starts rapping to Ludacris, which is really funny to see. He looks all serious, but his eyebrows keep going up and down like the seesaw Mom used to take me to. I try not to laugh at him, but it's too much. And it's okay, because he's laughing with me and Mom. She's trying really hard not to giggle as she reaches to change the station.

"I draw the line," she says to Edward, pursing her lips in a thin line, "at you rapping about my butt in front of the kid, babe." Her face is still in blush mode and her forehead scrunches up, but a giggle escapes again.

I know she's only pretending she's mad. I know because her eyes are happy and the smile that she had earlier is still on her pretty face. For some dumb reason, I'm jealous. Why do I feel like this? It doesn't make sense. I take the time to figure out why, still watching the two people that claim they're adults.

Edward stops at a traffic light in town, and I can see the happiness seep out of him. He leans over to whisper in her ear, something that makes her blush and smile wider. It's now that I understand why I'm jealous.

For a long time now, I've been the only person in Mom's life capable of putting a smile on her face or to make her laugh. It's been my job since I'm also responsible for all the frowns and tears. It wasn't a chore, because I love my mom. The world needs her smiles and laughter. I hated to see her upset, so I do what I can to make sure she's never sad for long.

Soon, the task will fall on Edward. Even though a part of me wishes that I were the one making her smile so pretty right now, I'm okay with it because she's happy. That's all I want. For a little while, she's able to forget how sick I am. For this, I'm truly thankful that Edward is in my life and that he wants to be a part of it.

When we get into the game store, Mom and I start to argue about how many games I can get. Edward tries to intervene but he doesn't seem to want to go against either of us. "You two need to make a compromise," he says, shaking his head. His hands are full with several boxes.

My mom sighs and rubs her temples for a moment. I hope she's not getting a headache again. "Riley," she starts. Here it comes; she's going to find some way to get me to do whatever she wants. "I don't want you spending all day in front of the TV."

I shake my head as I carry several games in my hands. "It won't be like that," I say, picking up another game from the shelf. "Like you'd let me."

She knows I'm right. From time to time, I get a little obsessed about some program on Discovery and she makes me turn it off so I can play outside. She's right, I don't want to spend so much time playing video games, but this is a good way for me and Edward to bond. You know, guy time. Just like graphic novels was a great way for me to relate to Emmett.

"If you get too many games," she says as she helps put some the things in Edward's hands into a cart she brought. "When are you supposed to play with them all? You don't have a lot of time for that kind of thing."

I stare at her, because I can't believe she said something like that to me. I scowl. "Thanks for reminding me and everyone here that I won't be around much longer." Turning, I stomp toward some other games.

She gasps as I walk away, my heart breaks more. I know she didn't mean it that way, and I made it worse. But this is hard enough without a constant reminder that I won't be here for my tenth birthday. That I will never grow up and do something that she'd be proud of.

She'll never see me go on my first date, she'll never see me go to the prom or graduate from high school. Never pin a flower on my tuxedo when I finally get married or hold my son or daughter. She'll never be able to do any of those things with me because my time on this planet is limited to only a few months.

It's a waste of time for me to blame her for any of it; she never asked for any of this to happen. Since finding out that the cancer is back, I've been twenty-five percent preparing, twenty-five percent scared and the other fifty angry.

This isn't fair to me, and really isn't fair to my mom.

I turn to see where she's standing – in Edward's arms. He's whispering to her and I can see that she's crying. This really sucks. I know I need to apologize but I don't want to make it worse. I just want to make it better.

I turn away, looking at the shelves of model airplanes but see nothing. Tears are in my eyes, I really hope my mom won't see them. I wipe them away quickly and just before Edward drapes his arm across my shoulders.

"You know she didn't mean it, Ri," he says softly. I only nod, because if I start to talk I'll do that word vomit thing my mom does when she's upset. "And I think we both know you've been taking advantage of her."

I snap my eyes to his. His gaze is soft, not harsh as I expect to see. "You were rude to her in the kitchen that first day I visited and you're trying to get her to do _anything_ you want because you're sick."

I shake my head, because I have never done anything like that. Have I? I look back at the past few days, there's been more arguing, more giving in to my wishes, and yet, I haven't taken the time to ask what Mom wished for. How could I've been so stupid?

Here I am asking to spend more time with someone that hurt her. She only agreed because I asked her to do it for me. Just like getting a Wii and the video games. Then the whole thing that I asked of her, making her have to go see a lawyer. I know she didn't want to do as I asked, but she's going to try because I did ask her.

I feel Edward's thumb brush under my eye. "None of that," he says. "I'm only asking you to take it easy on her. She's hurting just as much as you. You know she would do anything for you."

"Yeah," I whisper. "But you're right. I was taking advantage of that. I got the guitar at home the day I got the prognosis."

"It's a very human thing to do."

"I guess," I say, looking at him again. "Can we do something for her tomorrow? You know when you and I go out alone."

He nods and drops to his knees. "I will gladly help you in any way I can, but only if you please stop crying, son." He shakes his head and takes my hand. "I can't stand it." I nod, and squeeze his hand tightly. In our secret way, he tells me how much he loves me.

It's a lot, since my fingers always ache after. Just like my heart.

My mom watches as Edward and I walk toward her. Her hand is on her chest but there aren't any more tears, thankfully. Just like Edward said he can't stand me crying, I can't handle my mom doing the same. I run to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and try not to be a baby as I nuzzle her stomach.

She sighs, sadness and happiness all in one sound. Her hands rest on my back and she kisses the top of my head, whispering how much she loves me. She doesn't say sorry again, because she knows I won't want to hear it. Not this time.

We go through the games and pick seven of them before Edward and I are fighting about the last one. My mom agreed to eight games instead of twelve. She comes and grabs the games we already decided on and tries to settle the matter on choosing the last game.

But Edward doesn't want to show her which one I want. "It's fine, Bella," he says, turning away before she can even see it.

"Come on, Edward," I say and pull the game out of his hand.

Edward shakes his head. "Not that one, Riley," he says firmly. Before, when he tried to tell me no on the game, he sounded like it was no big deal. Not this time. Now, he looks upset. Why would a game upset him?

I look up at my mom and see the tears again. She looks like she's about to fall apart. "Mom?" Her eyes don't meet mine and she looks over me, behind me. "Mom?"

"Not that game," she whispers. Her voice is so low and it cracks like she's going to cry again.

"What? Why?" I don't want to fight, but I at least want to know why I can't get the game.

"That's enough, Riley," Edward says behind me, taking the game away from me. "Not that one. Even if she says yes, I still won't get it for you."

Again. Why do they treat me like a little kid? Can't they at least answer my question?

"I want to know why I can't get it." I know I'm whining, but I'm tired and it's been a long day already.

"I'm going to wait in the car," my Mom says. Her voice is almost robotic. She turns fast and walks stiffly. Like every step is killing her. I don't understand. What have I done now?

Edward sighs and hugs me to his side. "Can you think of any reason why you're mom doesn't want you to play Call of Duty?" He hands me the game, a sad look on his face. He looks so tired, too. I look at the game cover, study it for a second.

I can't believe I just asked Mom to buy me a war game.

I look up at Edward again, he only shrugs. "She knows you didn't mean it."

"I never knew him," I say, placing the game back on the shelf. "She won't even tell me how he died. Only that it was during combat."

Edward nods and leads me to the counter to pay. At this point, I'm only following him, not really there. When the sun hits my face, I turn toward Edward's side, his arm around me. I look up at him.

"Can we take pictures together?" I ask. "Me and you tomorrow. Then again with my mom."

He gives me a smile that makes remember why I want him with me until the end. "I think that's a wonderful idea, but I don't have to be in them. You and your mom would be perfect."

I shake my head. "No, one of all of us is better. One of her family." He smiles again and pulls me onto his back.

"Family," he says quietly. "I like that." He pushes the cart where my new gaming system is and chats about getting lunch. My mom smiles at us, snapping a picture. She's been doing that all day. I shake my head and laugh as she helps me off Edward.

"Let's grab lunch," Edward says to Mom. She nods and helps to put everything in the trunk of my car. She raises an eyebrow when she sees that Edward also bought a huge Lego set.

"What?" he says with a shrug. "Every kid needs to have Legos."

"He has Legos," she replies. It's a little funny how they argue but get closer to each other with every word they say. I don't understand it.

"Yes, but he doesn't have this set." He closes the trunk and I can tell he's hoping that it would end their discussion.

"You're channeling _your_ inner geek with a Star Wars set," she says, laughing.

Edward scratches the back of his neck and turns red! I've seen him turn a little pink whenever Mom quickly kisses his cheek, which she does a lot, but never the color of a tomato.

"It's my right as his…" he starts, but stops, like he doesn't know what to call himself.

"Dad," Mom and I say at the same time.

Edward smiles and nods, continuing, "It's my right as his dad to instill all things Star Wars and Lord of the Rings from my vast knowledge."

"No Star Trek?" she asks, teasing. She's actually has a half-smile, her lashes fluttering. I've seen this work on Grandpa, it worked every time.

Edward instantly perks up, almost vibrating in excitement. "Do you think he'd like that?"

"Yes, Captain." Mom starts giggling like crazy and soon, she's in his arms. Twirling, laughing and smiling. I don't think I've smiled so much in so long. Edward isn't only here for me.

He's here for her, too.


	11. Tools and Hammocks

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Eleven – Tools and Hammocks**

* * *

**Edward**

The day started with smiles and laughter, and almost ended in tears. Somehow, with an ease I hadn't known I was capable of, I brought two people who hurt at a level so deep, to a place where they could forget.

Even for just an afternoon.

Despite the tension that arose at the game store, we left that parking lot in high spirits. Laughter and music filled the interior of the car as I drove to our next destination. I looked over to Bella, to find her smiling. I felt the hope that fled me so long ago, light anew. She had no idea the level of love I still had for her, even after all the time we'd been apart.

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, indicating a text. At the next stoplight, I pulled out my phone long enough to see that it was from Jane. A reminder for the shoot I had the following day. It fucking sucked, because I wanted to devote all my time to the two people with me at that moment.

I hadn't felt that good in a long time; it even felt better than when I went on stage to collect my first, and only, People's Choice Award. Hell, even the Oscar. I shook my head, dispelling those thoughts. I hadn't been working in films at that level in over a year and my future held few project prospects.

Not that any of that shit mattered anymore. I wanted to write, maybe even work on a documentary idea I'd had for years, since my aunt died. It was then that I noticed that Bella had gone unusually quiet. Her eyes were on the scenery outside her window, whirling by as I drove.

"Bella?" I said, pulling into an IHOP parking lot. Not my choice. That was all Riley's doing. The kid loved breakfast, morning, noon and night. Once I parked, I took her hand, so small in my own. "Baby?"

"Jessica, Brittney's mom called," she whispered, her eyes still gazing out the window. The words were so soft, the pain so evident in every syllable. "We need to see her tomorrow, Ri."

"How long, momma?" he asked from the backseat.

"A couple of weeks at most." Oh God. Had she been pretending in the parking lot? Fuck, I didn't want that. "I should've told you this morning, but I didn't want to ruin our day." She sniffled, wiping at the tears that fell down her cheeks.

Riley climbed into the front seat and into her lap, her arms wrapped around him instantly. A sigh fell from her lips as she nuzzled his cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Averting my eyes, I climbed out of the car and went to Bella's door. Careful to open it, I knelt beside them to offer something. I didn't know what, just that I wanted to let them know I was there for them. An outstretched hand reached for mine—Bella's.

Holding it in mine, I reached for some tissues in the glove department. Her watery eyes watched my every move, as her son clung to her, his face hidden against the crook of her neck. Tissue in hand, I swept it over the tears from her eyes. The corners of her mouth lifted into a small smile. Riley stirred and turned to look at me, and for a moment, I saw the little boy I'd seen years ago. He'd been a happy little boy with sad eyes. Back then, he grieved for his mother, the suffering she had endured during his illness.

In that moment, he grieved for the friend he would soon lose.

~oOo~

After I carried Riley inside the restaurant, Bella turned to me in alarm. "Your beanie!" Shit! I made a run for the bathroom. Inside, I found my hat stuck in the hood of my jacket, grumbling as I pulled it back on.

Fuck. I hated this shit. To have to hide while I went out with the two people I loved the most. A person couldn't help but love that sweet little boy. And there was no doubt in mind that I loved Bella before I had left her. Even when are relationship hung in the balance, I knew I loved her so damn much.

However, I knew where her attention should be, and that was on Riley. I could be patient, and I would be there for her, for Riley and for myself.

~oOo~

"You know the Ray Bans are a nice touch," Bella whispered, not looking at me. I smirked at her teasing tone and cocked an eyebrow in question. "I can't tell what you're looking at." She giggled and Riley rolled his eyes at us from across the booth.

"What do you think he's staring at?" Riley asked, shaking his head in mock disgust. "He's been at it all morning. It's gross." He proceeded to cross his eyes, pretending to be me, making kissy faces toward his mother.

Bella shifted beside me, blushing. Unable to help myself, I lay my head on her shoulder and smiled up at her, puckering my lips. She tried to ignore me, but it didn't seem to be working. I felt her shoulders shake as she tried to hold in her laughter.

"May I have a kiss, my sweet?" She shook her head as she tortured her bottom lip, scanning the restaurant. Turning, she gave me a pretty smile and pressed her lips on mine. A quick peck, enough to satisfy and totally gross out her son.

"Ugh!" he said, tossing his napkin on the table. "I'm going to the bathroom." Bella gave him a look that had Riley smiling sheepishly. "May I please be excused?" She nodded, smiling at him.

Once he was gone, I turned to watch Bella. Earlier, when she'd taken my hand to pull me in beside her, it left me speechless. The telltale blush after, indicated she knew how I would interpret the gesture. Slowly, perhaps cautious, I raised my fingers to her shoulder. Her top had slipped off, invitingly so, and I was unable to resist touching her.

As if she could see me from the corner of her eyes, her chest rose and fell rapidly. Skin met skin. A sharp inhale and exhale left her, eyes on the fingers that lovingly touched her fair skin. Her eyes lifted to meet mine, a smile twitched into place slowly.

She laughed that laugh she'd done time and time again, a nervous one. "You can't do that," she said, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Leave me breathless and wanting."

My forefinger and thumb brushed against her collarbone, along her neck and back down again. "Do you want?"

That time, a shuddering breath left her, lashes fluttered closed over the windows I'd used to decipher her nuisances. Yet, I read her easily, because her body sent all the signals. "Yes," she gasped as my fingers once again chanced another circuit along her skin.

Goosebumps rose over flushed skin. So fucking beautiful, but I knew I couldn't push. With a reluctant sigh, my hand fell to my side. "Thank you for allowing me to be here," I said. I heard her huff angrily beside me.

I grimaced, she misinterpreted my actions. "You also can't do that," she said in a harsh whisper. "Don't dismiss me so fucking easily."

I shook my head, making sure no one could overhear us. "It's hardly the time to discuss matters of the heart."

"Oh boy," she said, cursing under her breath. "You just fucking quoted one of your characters."

Shit! "It wasn't intentional, I assure you," I whispered, taking her hand in mine. "It's just… hard to not touch you. I thought it'd be best that we'd wait until we were alone."

"You were always so capable of charming me to do what you wanted." She tugged her hand from mine, turning to face me fully. "I can't allow you do that again. You really hurt me, Edward."

I nodded. "I know." Once again, unable to resist, I touched her shoulder. "I can't make any promises, but one."

She shook her head. "I don't want another promise you can't keep." I closed my eyes, remembering the promise I made to her that night.

"_Please don't hurt me," she whispered, as her breath ran along my neck. I held her close, enough to feel the raising staccato of her heart against my chest. _

"_I could never hurt you," I replied. I kissed her lips once, waiting for her to deny me as she had many times before. Delicate fingers ran along the nape of my neck and pulled me toward her. "I promise."_

"_Make love to me," she murmured, trembling as I kissed her again. _

I opened to find her eyes wide and concerned. Her tormented bottom lip, reddened by teeth that ruthlessly bit it. To torture myself— maybe her, too— I slid my fingers along her collarbone. Another sigh, this time from me, I cupped her cheek. My thumb released her lip and reveled in its softness.

"This is promise I'd never break."

Her eyes fell to my lips; her mouth parted once, an invitation. I leaned closer and felt the question and her breath on my lips. "What promise is that?" Maple syrup and cinnamon overwhelmed my senses, my lips inching ever closer to where I wanted to be.

Fuck. We could get caught, not only by Riley but by the media. And it was hardly the time for them to be exposed. But I told myself and her that I'd be honest. I never allowed myself to be in such a vulnerable position since everything that happened with Heidi. Worse yet, Bella could really destroy me. Break me so fully that I'd never be able to recover from the heartache.

I pressed my lips against the corner of her decadent mouth. "I promise that no matter what happens, I will always love Riley…" I pulled back to see her eyes tear up. "And you."

Her gasp acknowledged her surprise. However, before she could respond, Riley slipped into the booth, seemingly unaware of what he interrupted, as it should be. I gave him a smile. "You done, kid?" He nodded, but his eyes were on his mother.

I chose not to look at her, maybe I freaked her out. I wasn't sure, but I had no idea what I'd find on her face. Her love for me? I could only hope, however, I told myself I wouldn't push her.

"Ma! Earth to mommy, mother, madre." Riley giggled as he waved his hands in front of Bella's face. She snapped out of it and caught the eye of a waitress, asking for the check.

~oOo~

Ten minutes later, we were looking questionably at some wall patches. "Those aren't big enough," Riley said beside me. I looked down at him and rubbed the back of his neck. "You have big hands. I think that's the size we need." He pointed at a four by four yellow mesh patch.

"Probably," I said. I asked him to grab it, looking down the aisle for Bella. She disappeared the moment we stepped into the store, only indicating something about the tool section. "Here you take these." I handed him what I had in my hands. "I need to take a tub of mud."

"We need one of those trowel thingies," he said. "And one of those."

I gave him a smile and grabbed the items. "How do you know so much about this stuff?"

He shrugged. "My grandpa had to fix a hole like the one you made." When I turned to him with a questioning glance, he sighed. "There was some guy my mom dated for a while. It didn't work out, and he didn't understand that."

"Did you meet him?" I had no idea why was asking, because it wasn't my business. Did I really expect her to have not dated while I fucked around? Fuck, the idea hurt like a bitch. I couldn't imagine what she felt when I made the damn headlines with my antics.

Riley shook his head and pulled on my shirt. I squatted in front of him so that I was eye level. "It was only a couple of dates. She came home one time upset, he came in after her."

Fucking hell. "Grandpa was watching me, stopped him from hurting my mom." His eyes filled with tears. "After that, she never went out on a date again."

"You know I didn't hit the wall because I was angry at her, right?" He shrugged and refused to meet my eyes. "There were things that happened after I left, things I didn't know. It hurt to hear about them. I swear to you, I would never raise a hand to your mother." He nodded as I pulled him to me.

"Hey," Bella said as she approached us. In her hands, she had a tool belt for me and a junior tool belt for Riley. "I thought it would be nice to have these handy." She smiled, but it fell when she saw the tears in Riley's eyes.

I mouthed, "Man stuff."

She nodded and smiled gently. "I might as well get you two to put up my laundry room shelves while you're at it."

I grinned. "We're your guys," I said as I rose to my feet.

Bella cocked her head to one side and said, "That you two are." Riley laughed and shook his head. He took my hand and squeezed it four times. I smiled and answered his question. "Are you trying to break Riley's fingers?" she asked jokingly.

"Nope, it's a guy thing," I replied, taking the things in her hands. "Ready?" She shook her head and started to list various things we needed, including a cordless drill and hammer.

"Of course, we'll need to get you something for pain," she said with a snort.

"And why is that?" I asked, pushing the cart down the row with Riley hitching a ride on the front.

"You're bound to hurt yourself." She smiled mischievously innocent. Something that shouldn't be possible, but somehow, the woman could pull it off with ease.

"Hey," Riley said, clearing his throat to get our attention. "Can we get a hammock? I've always wanted one of those?" Bella gave me a smile and gestured for me to answer Riley.

"Sure thing." I looked around the vast store. "Not sure where we'd find one. It has to be big enough for the both of us, too."

Riley jumped off the cart, grabbed hold of my hand and tugged me toward another section of the store. "I know where. And it's really big. All three of us can take a nap on it, since I'm small."

I pulled him up and onto my back. "Show me the way," I said, laughing as his arms wrapped around my shoulders. "Hold on tight." I faked a cough when his hands tightened a bit, earning a chuckle from him.

"Look, Mom," Riley said excitedly. "I'm like a Spider Monkey. You know that ones we saw on Discovery last week with the cute but weird faces."

"Mr. Cullen?" I heard someone ask from somewhere behind me. Years of training myself not to react to my name, I continued to walk as if I hadn't heard anything. "Edward Cullen." This time said a little louder, firmer, harsher. Fuck.

Bella giggled. "Honey," she stage-whispered, walking beside me. "I think someone else has mistaken you for that _gay_ actor again."

I snorted and gave her lethal look. "Sorry, love," I said in a British accent as I gave the woman who called me a smile.

"Who's Edward Cullen, Dad?" Riley asked, playing along. Bella giggled at whatever faces Riley made. "Is he the one in that gross movie Mom loved?"

Smiling, I turned to see Bella's cheeks tinge pink. "Yes," I said smugly. "I think that would be the guy." The lady gave us an embarrassed apology and left. Thank fuck. As if I needed any more trouble.

That was the problem. Riley and Bella's plight would no doubt clean up my image more, but I wasn't interested in using them like that. Or as Jane so kindly reminded me that morning, they could make it worse. The media could choose to play another angle and make me look like a bigger asshole.

It was for the best to keep our relationship under wraps for a while longer. That was until the charity game on Sunday. I knew I needed to discuss it further with Bella later, after Riley went to bed.

When fingers slipped into my free hand, all my musings came to a standstill. Without looking at Bella, I tightened my hold on her hand and didn't let go until we left the store as a family.

~oOo~

When we returned to Bella's house, she put Riley and me straight to work. She set up a video camera to record us working while she prepared for a cookout. Riley looked up at me with a questioning look. "You know what you're doing, right?"

"I think so," I said as I handed him a pair of safety glasses. "You better put these on." He nodded and slipped them on. I tried not to laugh, considering how the stems made his ears pop out further. He rolled his eyes and popped in his head into the kitchen to call out to Bella.

"Mom!" She turned to face him from the kitchen sink and smiled. "How do I look?"

"You look like my little handy man," she said, placing a hand on hip. "One that I'm paying hourly, get to work."

Riley laughed and shook his head. "You're not paying us." He turned to me and patted my arm. "We're doing this because we love you."

I rubbed my hand over his head. "Yeah, what he said."

She laughed, blushed and mumbled, "Thank you."

Two patch kits, one white-goo'ed little boy, and a lot of laughing later, the hole in the wall was no longer. In its place was a little boy's handprint and the date. Riley stood back to admire our work and asked his mother for her opinion.

"I think it's missing something," she said thoughtfully. She pressed her thumbprint at an angle in the middle of Riley's palm on the wall. Taking my hand in hers, she placed my thumb against the sticky mess, creating a heart.

"Yup," Riley said. "That's all it needed." He looked up at her. "You'll never cover it, will you?" Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head.

"Never," she whispered. Riley excused himself to go bathroom, leaving Bella and me alone in the silence he had left behind. "Thank you." She turned and laid her head on my chest, allowing the chance to offer some support again. "Thank you."

My arms held her impossibly closer as I pressed my lips against her temple. "I'm where I want to be. There's no reason to thank me, love." I felt her nod, her tears and the warmth of her mouth against my skin. "Bella." My fingers clutched tightly around her, curling around her hips. That time, I felt her giggle.

"What's so funny now?" I asked, confused by the sound of her laughter at a time like that.

She did that cute-I-don't-snort snort thing. "You were always an ass man." I choked on retort when it was then that I realized that my hands were indeed on her butt. _Oops._ It was good to know that despite what she was going through, she still wanted to live life to the fullest. It was also good that she didn't seem to mind.

Running footsteps had us reluctantly pulling apart. Riley ran toward the patio doors. "It's time to put up the hammock." I chuckled as he almost ran into very clean glass door, calling out for me.

"I better go," I said to Bella. She waited for me to say something, so I shrugged. "What? I'm a man." She laughed and pushed me outside, tapping my ass. Well shit, if _that_ wasn't encouraging.

An hour, lots of cursing, twenty fucking dollars in the swear jar, and a bruised thumb later, the hammock was up between two big trees. As Riley ran into the house to grab a book, I watched as Bella moved around the patio dining table and grill. My girl knew how to barbeque, and she needed no man to show her how it was done.

"Stop staring," she grumbled as she placed some chicken on the grill.

"Can't help it."

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "Liar."

I shook my head, tried to get up and ended up flat on my face. Fucking hammock. I heard her and Riley laughing, and once I untangled myself from the damn thing, I ran toward them both. Growling, I threw Bella over my shoulder, earning a cute little squeak and chased after Riley. When I couldn't catch up to him, I threw Bella in the hammock and grabbed him as he passed.

Screaming, Riley and I tumbled onto the swinging hammock. Out of breath, I handed the book to Bella. "I'm tired," I said. She smacked my chest, calling me an asshole. That cost a dollar. "Read to me, woman," I grunted. Riley giggled and climbed onto my chest.

My hand ran up and down his back, while the other sat comfortably on Bella's shoulder. She shifted until her head to lay back into the crook of my arm. "Where should I start, Ri?" she asked.

"From the beginning," he replied.

Bella pressed her lips once on my hand, and read. "There was once a little boy lost…"

Sometime later, I awoke to Riley asleep beside me and Bella tending to the grill. I watched unabashedly, the grace of her walk, her movements unmatched by anyone. "You're staring at me again."

"You're beautiful," I said softly, not wanting to interrupt the intimacy of the moment. For a few minutes, she didn't say anything. When she turned off the grill, she turned to watch me. I smiled. "You're staring." I recognized the look in her eyes, a deep longing, telling me everything I wanted could be possible. I both loved and feared what it meant.

Fear because I wasn't sure if she'd still want me after Riley was gone. However, I needed to trust my gut and go with it.

"What is it, Bella?"

"Will you stay?"

My breath caught, and numbly, I nodded.

"How long?" Her eyes were wide, the same fear I had in them.

"I'll stay until you tell me to go, love." _Please don't make me go. Let me stay with you._

Her eyes closed before she replied. "I don't think I'd be able to let you go again."

"Then don't."


	12. First Night

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twelve – First Night**

* * *

**Edward**

The day had been promising and nothing like I expected. A part of me thought that whatever was between Bella and I would be somewhat awkward. If I were to take into consideration the breakup and the reasons behind it, the day should've been filled with tense bits of silence and glances. However, it almost seemed that we started where we left off.

I wasn't stupid, because there was no way that was the case. I'd done some shit that was unforgivable and unforgettable. There was a part of me that wanted that all encompassing passion and love from Bella and Riley I had felt before I'd left.

Then another part of me believed that I needed to earn their love. Not with what I could buy them, but by being a part of their lives. It wasn't going to be easy and as my father had said to be hundreds of times before, nothing worth doing is easy. That's what makes it great.

I pressed my hand on the ache on my chest. The same ache I'd felt since Bella said that Riley was sick again. It lessened a little while they smiled, laughed and allowed me to be with them all day. However, as I held onto Riley as he slept, my heart clenched.

I had no idea how much time we had left together. That scared me so much.

"He didn't eat much earlier," I said softly, watching as Bella finished setting the patio table.

She shook her head and gave me a small smile over her shoulder. "He's having trouble swallowing, I think."

"You think?"

"He won't say," she whispered and I could make out the tiny shiver that ran through her. "He has an appointment tomorrow."

I nodded and rose to my feet, cradling Riley in my arms. I laid him on a lawn chair. Slowly, I approached Bella and wrapped my arms around her from behind. She sighed and melted against me. Pressing my lips on her temple, I whispered in her ear, "I have a shoot tomorrow at six in the morning, but I'd love to see you two later."

"We're going to the hospital pretty early, you can meet us after."

"I'd like that," I said. "Any chance I could take Riley somewhere tomorrow afternoon?"

She turned her head enough to look up at me. "Where are you taking him?"

I grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. "It's a secret." She scowled, causing me to laugh. "I had forgotten how much you hate surprises."

"When it involves my son, of course, I do."

I squeezed her and pressed my lips to her shoulder. "He asked me to do something with him. Don't worry, it's perfectly legal."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better," she said, turning to finish setting up, but not before bumping my hip with her butt.

"Don't you trust me?" I hadn't meant to ask the question out loud, fearing the answer. She stilled and I knew I'd hate whatever she said next.

"I think so," she replied softly, turning to look at me. Her eyes were wide and a lovely color washed over her face. Her soft lips brushed over mine. "I want to." She gave me another kiss, even softer than the first. "I do."

My hands splayed over her torso, following the curve of her hips. Slowly, I deepened the kiss and pulled her closer. I groaned softly when I felt all her curves mold against my body.

"Ewww!" Riley said, wiping his eyes with his fists. "You two are so gross."

Bella laughed, pecked my lips twice more before she gave a mock glare at her son. "Go wash your hands," she said and then turned to me. "You, too." I pouted and kissed the tip of her nose. I ran toward Riley, throwing him over my shoulder.

While we washed up in the Riley's bathroom, I asked him how he was feeling. He shrugged and didn't meet my eyes. I had a feeling that he was keeping how he really felt from his mother, possibly hoping to keep her from hurting further. "It's been less than a week since we found out, but I don't feel too bad." I nodded and reminded him about taking pictures tomorrow.

"What do you think we should wear?" he asked, scrunching up his nose. "Something cool, I think would be best." I laughed and hefted him under my arm before walking into the kitchen. Bella called out, asking to bring the bag of chips on the counter. Riley laughed, red-faced as he grabbed the bag and tried to toss to his mother when we walked outside.

With one hand on her hip, Bella cocked an eyebrow in question. "Thought I'd save him the trouble of walking," I said with a grin.

"Yeah," Riley added, still laughing. I dropped him into a chair and kissed the top of his head. He sighed and smiled up at me. And that made my day.

~oOo~

After dinner was done and the dishwasher loaded, Riley and I got his gaming system set up. After an hour of playing Rockband, I realized that Bella wasn't watching us any longer. I told Riley I'd grab us some drinks, and made my way to the kitchen.

I found Bella sitting out on the porch, just outside the patio doors. A cup in tea in hand, she looked pensive as she watched the sun set under the horizon. Tears, though dry by then, appeared like tracks down her pale face.

"Baby," I whispered, touching the curve of her cheek with a fingertip. "You need to come inside." She nodded and shivered slightly, the cooler air from a breeze teased her hair. When she stood up, she tried hard to pull herself together. I took her in my arms and pressed her head against my shoulder. "Make a stop at the bathroom before you come back to us." She nodded, understanding that Riley couldn't see her like that.

"Thank you." I only nodded in response and plastered a fake smile on my face as I returned to Riley. It hurt me to see Bella in such a state of sadness and it would gradually get worse. I was determined to be there for her and Riley every step of the way.

Riley looked at me as I entered the living room and his smile fell. It seemed that Bella wasn't the only one that could tell when I was acting. I wasn't sure if I should be happy about that or not. "How is she?" he asked.

I grabbed the guitar he passed me and smiled. "She'll be fine, Ri," I replied and pointed to the game. "She said she'd join us in a bit."

He sighed softly, watching me closely. "I know it's a lot to ask, after everything you've already done—pretending to be my dad –"

I stopped him right there. "You're not forcing me to do anything I wouldn't do for you anyway. As for pretending, I stopped doing that the moment you shook my hand the way we used to before I left. Anything you ask of me, I can't deny you, Ri, but I ask you to respect your mother in all this."

He nodded. "I know I misbehaved earlier," he murmured. "I hadn't even realized I'd done it. I feel real bad about it. I want to do things for her, things she would've looked forward to if…you know. And I need your help."

I nodded and swallowed hard, attempting to keep the emotion from my voice. "I'll do what I can, buddy." He nodded and smirked, something I hadn't seen him do before. I considered that for a moment and realized that maybe I was rubbing off on him.

I better stop cussing before Bella kicked my ass.

Shaking the thought from my mind, I plopped down beside him and started a new round. After a few minutes, I noticed Bella had walked into the room, watching us quietly. When she hadn't said anything for several moments, I chanced a glance at her and found her trying not to laugh.

"What?" I asked, turning my attention back to the screen. "Riley! When the hel-heck did you change the song?"

He laughed and wiggled his eyebrows. "Yeah, when you were making eyes at my mom."

Bella snorted and giggled, walking over and sitting on the arm of the couch beside me. To me, it really wasn't fair, since she made it impossible to concentrate. "What?" I asked again, possibly sounding rude.

She smacked the back of my head. I glared at her playfully, earning a sweet smile. "You both look constipated when you're playing." That said, she was laughing again. Fuck, it felt good to hear her laugh like that. So fucking free of all the bad shit that had to plague her.

I growled, surprised to hear Riley doing the same thing beside me. As if we were both sharing the same thoughts, we replied, "Do not."

She only laughed harder.

~oOo~

"You don't have to tuck me into bed," Riley said softly as I threw a pillow at his face. He deflected it easily, laughing.

"I thought it would be a good time to discuss what it is you'd like to do for your mother," I said as I pulled his handmade quilt over him. It was rather small, faded, worn. After a moment, I realized the front of it was made of t-shirts. "Where did you get this?" I asked, recognizing a few logos.

He shrugged. "My mom made it." His fingers lingered over a Seattle Seahawks logo in one corner. "Some of them were my Grandpa Charlie's shirts. This one," he pointed to a UC Berkeley one, "belonged to my mom, she went to school there, but only for a year. She had to move here because the hospital nearby would be better for me." His voice sounded firm, yet there was a sadness that tinged it. The boy in front of me felt he was to blame for what was happening to him. Before I could respond, tell him he was wrong, he continued. "This one and that one there were yours."

My eyes snapped to his, and then back to the blanket. "Mom said you left a few things behind in our suitcases." He smiled at me then. "I think she has another one." From time to time, I'd taken Bella and Riley places, the beach, an amusement park that had required overnight stays at hotels or one of my homes. She had kept them with her, even after I had left.

A part of me loved the idea that a piece of me remained with them. However, a part hated that they were driven to keep them because they were all I had left behind. Fuck, I didn't deserve their forgiveness.

"Wow," I said hoarsely. "That's awesome, Ri." I choked on the words that wanted to spill forth, to beg for him to forgive me. I cleared my throat before I continued. "Your mom did a great job."

He nodded and smiled. "Now, about what I wanted to do for my mom."

I chuckled and smirked. "Something tells me you might need to convince your mom to let you do whatever you're about to ask me."

"I hope not," he said thoughtfully. I could see the cogs working in his mind. "You may need to convince her."

"All right." He crooked his finger, asking me silently to come closer. Thankfully, Bella had allowed me to put her son to bed. I was positive she knew that Riley had been chomping on the bit for some privacy. He'd been antsy all night.

After having me double check to make sure Bella hadn't been listening in, he told me what I wanted. I was fucking floored. I couldn't make any promises and his request could lead to disaster, even if it was what I'd wanted for some time.

It was one that may destroy me – and us. As we said our customary good-byes with our handshake, I had to wonder if Riley was capable of reading my mind. When I turned out the lights, my hand on his door knob, Riley suddenly cried out my name.

"What is it, Ri?"

He looked embarrassed, but reluctantly and silently pointed toward a nightlight on his desk. I nodded and smiled, turning on the light again. I grabbed it and plugged into the outlet farthest from him. He nodded, blushing.

"You never used to be afraid of the dark," I whispered.

Riley looked away. "No, I wasn't. Not 'til recently." I chose not to ask, because I knew he was embarrassed, but also realized why he might be afraid of the dark. Maybe he was afraid he wouldn't wake up.

~oOo~

I sighed deeply, gathering myself before I made my way back to Bella. She smiled when I entered the kitchen. Unable to resist, I wrapped my arms around her from behind. Kissing the nape of her neck, I whispered, "Is this okay?" She nodded, tipping her head to one side to allow me further access.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, turning in my arms. Her eyes wide and warm greeted me, but her smile was tentative.

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, he wants me to take him to get pictures of us for you." It was true in a way, but it wasn't what had been bothering Riley earlier. I wasn't ready to announce what Riley asked of me.

"Oh! That would be great," she said as her arms wrapped around my shoulders and neck. "You two look great together."

I laid my forehead on hers and breathed deeply, she smelled so fucking sweet. "You sure you don't mind?"

She laughed, caressing my cheek with one hand. How the hell was she so comfortable with me after only a few days? Had she really forgiven me? Was she willing to give me all of her?

"What are you wearing? The idea of having great shots worthy of GQ of my men sounds pretty damn good to me." Damn, Riley and I were going to have to grab some suits or tuxes. I'd wear anything to get Bella to smile as she was at that moment and to say "my men" again.

"It's getting late," I said. It was a subtle way to bring up our earlier conversation while she barbequed outside, the discussion in which she asked me to stay. She stilled in my arms and pulled back to look at me in confusion.

"I thought you were staying?" She bit her lip and seemed embarrassed.

"I want to," I said simply. "But I'm not expecting anything, baby."

She nodded and took my hand in hers. Leading throughout the house, we checked the locks and windows, set up the alarm before walking toward her bedroom.

At the foot of her bed, she pressed her lips to mine and sighed. "We're not ready for that, yet," she said and I nodded in agreement. "But I don't want to be sleep alone tonight."

Once again, I nodded, unable to say anything. Completely lost to the look in her eyes, I watched her face as she pulled my shirt over my head. I hissed slightly, my ribs still throbbed painfully, but it was easily forgotten as her fingers skimmed over the bruised area.

"Brat," I moaned, causing her to laugh softly. She kissed my jaw and led me to the side of the bed. "Um…should I," I looked down at my jeans and met her eyes, suddenly nervous. She laughed.

"Boxers are fine, Edward," she said, walking to her dresser. She pulled out much too little fabric to be pajamas and made her way to the hallway restroom.

The woman was determined to drive me insane. I willed down my reaction and climbed into bed after removing my jeans. That was a fucking futile attempt because the moment she stepped back into the room in my old t-shirt and cut off sweats, my reaction was the least of my worries.

She smiled that not-so-innocent smile and slipped into bed beside me. "Good night, Edward." I swallowed hard and tried not to assault her when she curled around me. She wiggled into place and laughed when I groaned, stilling her by placing my hands on her hips.

I murmured, "You, my dear, are a devil in disguise." To get even or maybe just to make matters worse, I kissed her thoroughly. It was enough to leave us both breathless and wanting more. "Good night, Bella."

It had only taken her a few minutes to fall asleep and as I held her, I realized I forgot to ask her what the hell we were going to tell Riley the next day. Was she okay with him finding us in bed together? Fuck.

"You think too much," she whispered. Apparently, Bella was a fantastic actress.

"I thought you were asleep," I replied, nuzzling the back of her neck with my mouth.

"Can't sleep."

"Why?"

"Not without asking you something."

"What's that?" I asked warily.

"That last night, you said something in your sleep."

I stilled, hating the fact that I still fucking sleep talked. It was something I'd done since I was a kid. Most of the time, I'd never worried about it, since_ nobody_ slept in my bed with me. Well, until Bella.

"What did I say?"

"You called me something," she murmured.

"What?"

"Yours."

I sighed and kissed her shoulder gently, loving the fact that my shirt was too big for and bared her skin there. "You were then, as you are now, love."

"You said specifically your—" she trailed off, squirming in my arms.

I pulled her onto her back and looked at her curiously. "What did I say?"

"I'm not sure if I should say anything."

"Why is that?" What the fuck could I have said that made her look so upset.

"Because if you meant it, it would make what happened that much worse. And if you didn't, I don't know how I'll feel."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I sat up, turning on her lamp.

"You called me your wife," she blurted out, biting her lip nervously.

Well, shit. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?


	13. Wishes

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirteen – Wishes**

* * *

**Riley**

My eyes snap open as sun filters through my window blinds. I sigh softly and wonder for a bit what the day will bring. Brittney. She is one of my very best friends, the last of those that I met years ago when I first got sick. I feel my lip quiver but try to keep myself together. She can't see me that way when I go see her later. It would only make her feel worse.

We made a pact a long time ago, to be strong for each other and for the one that died first, to be waiting on the other side when it's time. A part of me hates that she's going first, because I don't know how I'll be okay after she's gone.

I wipe at my eyes, angry and sad at the same time. It really isn't fair. I decide to stop feeling sorry for myself and get up. My lungs burn from the simple movement and I think that I may not have three months. I sit on my bed, dangling my legs, stupidly thinking that I will never touch the floor like this. I won't grow tall enough. I shake my head and wonder what the heck is wrong with me.

"Today I woke up, time to live it the best way I can," I whisper to myself.

It's a mantra that Brittney and I made up a while back. I stretch and see if I will have to take something for pain. My side hurts a bit but not enough to take a loopy pill. I yawn a little, since I'm having trouble sleeping again.

I scratch my side and get up, ignoring the dizziness. It happens almost every time I get up nowadays. I look for clothes to wear, not really caring what my hands reach for. My jeans are loose again, and I hope that I don't have to make another hole in my belt. Mom might freak out.

After a short shower, I decide to make breakfast for mom. It has to be something simple like coffee, juice and a bagel, because she doesn't like when I use the stove. Maybe I'll even bring her breakfast to bed. I whistle one of the Rockband songs that got stuck in my head since last night. I snicker because I remember how bad Edward was when we started to play. I think he did it on purpose, because after thirty minutes or so he was a pro. Something tells me he's been spending a lot of time playing games lately.

Yesterday was a very good day and I really like how it feels to be part of a family again. I haven't felt like that since Grandpa Charlie died. As I step out into the hall, I hear the click of my mom's bedroom door opening. I'm a little disappointed that I can't make her breakfast, but then again it's really fun making pancakes with her.

I look up to say good morning, but it freezes on my lips, because it's not Mom coming out of the room, but Edward. He looks like a deer in headlights with wide green eyes. I'm not sure how I should feel about this situation, but my first instinct is to smile. I guess I'm happy about it then, but…I smirk, because this is going to be fun.

"Um, hey, Ri," Edward says, running a hand through his already messy hair. Seriously, how can the man see with all that hair in his eyes? He looks like he wants to run back into the room.

"Edward," I say in a firm tone. It's the same one that my Grandpa Charlie used on that butthead James last year. "I thought you'd be gone by now." I raise an eyebrow in question. Much like my mom does all the time. It's very effective, because Edward drops his eyes and mumbles something.

"What was that?" I ask, but I heard him. I just want to see him sweat. My grandpa would be proud. I take a something out of his book and cross my arms over my chest. I even try to look intimidating by crinkling my brow. It kinda hurts.

"Your mom said she didn't want to be alone," Edward mumbles again. My eyes narrow and I swear he swallows hard, but this time he meets my gaze. "Um, nothing happened."

I make a sound that disbelieving and his brow furrows. His look is much more convincing. "Are you planning to make an honest woman out of her?" Inside my head I'm laughing, rolling around the floor. He's totally buying my act.

His eyes widen further and his hands, two of them, run through his hair. "If she'll let me!" He looks so lost and frustrated, but it's funny because his hair is all over the place. A giggle slips out and before I bite them back, I'm laughing.

Edward's eyes narrow and he smiles. He playfully growls and closes the distance between us. In a blink of an eye, I'm tossed over his shoulder. "Be quiet," he hisses. "Your mom is still asleep."

"Jeez, what did you do to her?"

He stills before setting me on the kitchen counter. "I am not having that conversation with you, Riley. And I already told you, nothing like that happened. But we did talk." He's serious and I wonder if he said anything about my request.

I nod because I have no clue where he's going with this. He sighs as he starts to make coffee for my mom. Edward shakes his head as if he can't find the words to tell me something. "She's scared that I'll leave her, no matter what I tell her."

Edward really loves Mom, because he chokes on his words. Before I can stop it, a tear falls from my eye. I wipe it away as I whisper, "She has reason to be scared."

He nods and I know he's sorry – really sorry. "And I'm telling you because of what you asked me yesterday."

I sigh and rub at the ache in my chest. "I want to be a big brother."

He nods again and takes out a mug and travel cup. "Last night," he says as he grabs something from the fridge. "I had no idea how to respond because that came out of nowhere. I mean, I knew you wanted your mom and me to be together, you know, afterward." This time I nod, listening carefully. "But Riley, I want what you want. But I need your mother to want it because she loves me and wants a future with me."

"She does," I protest.

"Maybe," he said hoarsely. "She hasn't come out and said she loves me. And right now, I don't know if she's with me only because she needs me. I have no idea what will happen after you're gone."

"She not like that, Edward." I'm getting upset, but I know he's right, too.

"I know she's not," he replies and turns to look at me. "She gave me hope last night, because we both _wanted_ the same thing a couple of years ago. The question is, does she still want those things with me now?"

"I know she loves you."

"I hope so, but she's afraid. She thinks I'll walk away and she doesn't understand how much leaving her almost destroyed me."

"Do you still want her?"

Edward nods and says, "I do, more than ever."

"I still want to be a big brother. I'll be able to watch over him or her."

He looks away for a bit, and I can see his jaw clench. Because I know when I say things like this, it upsets him. "First things first, okay," he says after a few moments.

"What's first?"

He smiles and wiggles his eyebrows. "I have to woo her." I laugh and high five him. Oh yeah, Mom doesn't stand a chance. After we make some plans, he leaves, already running late for his photo shoot.

Five minutes later, I hear Mom getting ready. We have to be at the hospital in an hour, then after, I'll be able to see Brittney again. And when Mom finally emerges, I decide to have a little fun with her, too.

"Um, good morning, baby," she says, kissing the top of my head.

"Edward just left," I say firmly. She stills as she reaches for the coffee. "So what do you have to say for yourself?"

She holds up her chin, challenging me in her mom way. "Nice try, did you do try the same thing with Edward?"

I shrug. "Of course, someone has to watch out for you."

She shakes her head and laughs. "Did you channel Grandpa Charlie?"

I grin widely and nod. "Oh yeah. Gave him the stink eye and everything."

"That's my little man," she says as she brushes a kiss on my forehead. "Smells good. You made me coffee?"

"Edward did." I pull on the back of her blouse and when she turns, I wrap my arms around her waist. She sighs and rests her head on mine. "Thanks for giving him another chance." She doesn't say anything. She doesn't need to, because the tightening of her arms around me is enough to know she'll be all right.

~oOo~

Mom decides to go with Mr. and Mrs. Newton to have some tests done on Brittney's mom. It's just me and my best friend. She looks tired but she's smiling at me.

"What are you doing way over there?" she whispers hoarsely, patting the side of her bed. I shrug because I don't want to tell her that I'm sick again. But I know I need to tell her. We both knew it would happen again someday.

"Sorry," I say and crawl carefully on the bed. She pulls her hand away, the one that has a needle in it, because she's dehydrated. The treatments, as usual, make her throw up all the time. She rubs the back of her head, blushing a little.

I take her free hand and play with her fingers. "You know I don't care, Brittney."

"I know, it's not like you haven't seen me without hair, right?" I nod and smile up at her. She's wearing a knitted beanie that I started for her but Mom had to finish. It's blue and pink, and brings out the color of her pale ocean eyes. There are only a few wisps of her blonde hair beneath the cap.

"I need to tell you something," I say and I can feel the words stick in my throat. She gives me a sad smile and pats my hand.

"I know," she whispers softly and laughs when my mouth drops open. "I can tell. It's written all over your mom's face and my mom's, too." When I don't say anything, I look away. Her eyes always made her tell her everything.

"Did you ask your mom?" she asks and I know what's talking about.

"Edward has been with us for the past few days."

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it." I nod, unable to say the words. "How much time do you think you can hold off treatments?"

"Mom says the lawyer can hold off for at least forty-five days," I reply. "She's going to take precautions, just in case social services try to do something."

Brittney sighs, "I wish people would understand why we want some time before the end. You know, time where we're not too sick to be with our family."

"Mom understands, but she didn't want to do it at first." She squeezes my hand.

"I seen what Edward did on television," she says. "Somehow they still don't know it's you."

I nod. "It's a miracle, but on Sunday, everyone will know."

"You ready for that?"

I smile and nod. "If it means that we can be together, then yeah."

"Has your mom told him that she's trying to stop treatments for as long as she can?"

I shake my head. "I have a feeling he might be mad."

"He might."

I sigh and decide to change the subject. "So, what's your mom and dad going to the doctor for?"

She smiles. "My wish came true."

I smile, too. When Brittney smiles, you can't help but do the same. She has this little dimple in one cheek that causes a tiny freckle to rise. She's pretty in a little angel kind of way.

"They're going to have a baby?"

She giggles and nods, wincing because her side has to hurt. It always hurts to laugh when you're this sick. I cover up my thoughts by laughing again. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and whisper, "Congratulations."

When I pull away, she's blushing again. I'm a little shocked to see color in her cheeks but she didn't have a treatment today. Maybe that's why.

"They're downstairs where they'll find out what they're going to have."

I smile and laugh. "That is so cool. I'm happy for you."

"I won't be here when the baby comes." Somehow, my tears don't manage to fall. But they want to, so bad. "Can you do something for me?" I nod. "If you're not too sick, can you tell him or her that I love them and give them a big hug from me?"

"Sure." What else could I say?

"They can make your wish come true, too," she says, breaking the silence that fell after her request.

I look at her confused. "Who can? Make a Wish?" She shakes her head. "They already made one of my wishes come true, you know that. Remember? Me and Mom went to the coast and stayed at a beach house last year for like a month."

"This company is different. They make special wishes come true." The smile on her face widens suddenly, her eyes are on something or someone behind me. I know it's not Mom, because she's with Mrs. Newton and her dad downstairs.

"Thanks for coming, Alice," Brittney says softly. I hate it, because it's not her voice. She clears her throat and reaches for my hand. "Riley, there's someone here that wants to meet you."

I turn to this Alice person as she walks toward the bed we're on. She's small, like way shorter than Mom. Her eyes are green, so familiar, too. She has long dark hair that reminds me of Edward's shiny black car. She glows. I don't mean like happy glow, more like neon sign glow. Wow, she's really pretty, too.

I turn to Brittney and whisper, "Who is she?"

Her smile lights up her face, making the bruises under eyes almost disappear. "She is the one person that can help make your wish come true."

Alice smiles at me and even though she doesn't say a word, I know she'll do everything in her power to help me. "What kind of wish?" I ask.

"The kind that requires special help from someone else," Alice says as she extends her hand for me to shake. I do and I feel warmth run up my arm and fill my heart.

"Okay," I say thoughtfully. "What do I have to do?"

Alice smiles and takes out something from her bag. It's an envelope and a gold pen. "I need you to write out a wish, like you would to Santa."

"Santa doesn't exist," I say stupidly.

She smiles again and winks. "Are you saying you don't have a wish that you need granting?" I open my mouth to say something but it stays at the tip of my tongue. "I can't cure you," she says sadly. "And there are rules. One wish and there has to be something there for it to happen."

"You sound like Genie." She tugs on my ear, just like Mom does. "What if I want Mom and Edward to get married?"

She points to the envelope. "We can't make someone fall in love but if they love each other, we can speed things along." I smile and fist pump. She laughs.

"Mom totally loves Edward and I know he loves her, too."

"All right, if that's all you wish for then write it up," Alice says, pulling the roll up bed table to beside me and Brittney. "Are you sure that's all you want?"

The smile on my face falls. "No."

"Word it carefully," she says with a smile. "You're a smart kid. I'll be back in a while." When she leaves, I turn to Brittney.

"Did she really help you?"

She nods. "Mom lost a baby a couple of years ago. Since then, the doctor told her she may never be able to have more, but she can now. Thanks to my wish."

I open the envelope and inside is bright white paper with a logo on the top in golden raised letters. "Do you think this will really work?"

She nods. "It did for me and for Jerry, before he died." I nod again and put the paper down on the table. "Do you know what you're going to ask for?"

"I want too many things," I say. I don't want to be greedy, but one wish only?

"You'll find a way, just word it carefully like she said."

I nod and think as I start to write.

_Dear Wishes for You…_

~oOo~

Alice returns as I sign my letter. When I pass it to her, she smiles and starts to read my letter. With each passing second, her smile falls then comes back up.

She shakes her head as she seals the letter in the envelope. "I knew you were smart, but three things in one wish. Wow. That's a first."

I blush and nod. "Thank you. Do you really think you can help make it come true?"

She smiles and holds up a finger for me to wait. She closes her eyes for several seconds and then looks back at me with a smile. "It'll take a lot of work. I may need your help, too, so yes."

I smile. Mom and Edward were going to be okay.


	14. Pictures

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Fourteen – Pictures**

* * *

**Edward**

As I drove away from Bella's the next morning, all thoughts of the previous night rushed through me. She was right. Knowing that she had wanted the same things I did, concerning our future together, actually made me feel shittier about what happened after I left.

Though I had been caught in an awkward situation with my subconscious confession, I had been honest with her.

_My jaw felt like it fell to the fucking floor as I stared at her in complete shock. I couldn't believe that my sleep talking had made me so vulnerable. I wasn't aware of how much time had passed or of anything else, but Bella. When my mind finally cleared, I watched as she bit her lip nervously, her eyes suddenly scrunched closed. Curls of her dark hair fell around her face, as she shook her head. _

"_Never mind," she said and I could see as she distanced herself from me, even though she was within inches of where I lay._

"_No, no, no," I said hoarsely, taking her face in between my hands. Her eyes remained closed, refusing to look at me. "Baby, look at me." The tear that filled one corner of her eye broke me. "Just shock, please let me explain."_

"_You were probably dreaming of your movie role. You had just filming From Within My Arms."_

"_No," I said firmly, kissing the top bow of her beautiful mouth. "I dreamed of you, of us together."_

_Her eyes slowly opened, blinking twice before she met my gaze. "You did?"_

_How could she think that I'd dream of anything or anyone else after spending a night in her arms? _

"_I still do," I whispered. "Bella…I –" I shook my head and groaned. "That night, I knew I wanted everything with you. You, Riley, a home together and yes, I wanted you as my wife."_

"_Why, Edward? Why did you leave me…us like that?"_

_I shook my head again and pulled away, falling onto my back. "I thought I was doing the right thing. They were fucking vicious about Riley's cancer, to you and that caused me to lash out, which made me look like the bad guy." _

"_You know that's the way it works in Hollywood."_

_I pulled her close to my side, happy to feel her fingers brushing over my chest. She wasn't angry at me, she wanted answers. _

"_You know what the first thought I had the morning after spending the night with you had been?" I felt her shake her head, her fingers, her breath on my skin wrecking havoc on my senses. "It was about how ready I was to buy a ring and ask you to marry me."_

_Her hand curled into a fist over my heart and I felt the telltale sign of tears along my side. "But they were waiting for you," she murmured._

_My hand tightened around her shoulder before I slid it down her back. She was warm beneath my palm and it felt good to hold her like that again. "I was broadsided. The shock and the anger I felt toward the breach of privacy put that thought out of my mind. The only concern I had been to protect you and Riley from those assholes."_

"_I understood the reasons," she replied softly. "Even the need to stay away until things died down, but Edward, you could've called me and warned me. Riley and I were watching television when we saw that picture of you with that woman. Even though I knew deep down that it wasn't real, I still had to deal with the humiliation and the doubt. If you would've called me, at least I would've been prepared."_

"_I know and I'm sorry." _

_She climbed over me, taking my face in her hands. "I know you are, the thing is, all that will come out again and they'll hound us on Sunday. Are you ready for that?"_

"_Are you?" _

_She nodded. "If it means we can be together, then yes. I know it won't be pretty and Jane has already sent me proper responses to the questions they're sure to ask. But I need to know that you won't leave again just because you think it'll be easier on me."_

_I looked into her eyes, searching for something that I hoped would still be there. _Do you still love me, Bella? _My fingers gently swept a wayward curl behind her ear and cupped her cheek. _

"_I can't stay away from you anymore. And I don't want to." She smiled softly and bent to place her lips over mine. And I wasn't sure if I asked what I asked only to torture myself more, but I had said the words and it was too late to take the question back. "What would have been your answer?"_

_Her curtain of dark curls swept over my face and kept her expression from me. Before I could move it from her eyes, she kissed me deeply. Desire, love and regret filled the kiss. Sure, strong strokes of her tongue along my own, the tight hold of my face in her hands and I had my answer even without the words._

_There was no doubt in my mind, had I not been an ass, Bella would've been my wife._

_I groaned and switched our positions, and her thighs automatically cradled my hips. She moaned softly, her arms wrapped around me. "We need to talk."_

_I nodded, because I knew it was the truth. We did need to talk. Reluctantly, I pulled away and brushed my lips over hers, once more. When I tried to move off her, she held me closer. _

"_Don't," she said, "I like the way you feel this close."_

_I groaned and coughed to cover it up. "I like it, too. A little too much, baby." I gave her one more kiss before I settled on my side with my hand wrapped around her hip. She was still blushing when she shifted so that she could face me. _

"_I want you to know something," she said, cupping her own cheek against her pillow. "Do you remember when you asked about that scar when I wore that green bikini when we went to the beach that one time?"_

_I nodded, my fingers automatically finding the small ridge of her scar just above her panty line. It wasn't very long, but I knew it was from a car accident a few weeks after Riley was born and around the time his father had died. Thankfully, Riley hadn't been involved in the accident, but Bella had been seriously injured. _

"_What about it?"_

"_There was permanent damage," she said softly, closing her eyes for a few moments. "I may never be able have children again."_

_I watched all the emotions run through her eyes; fear, sadness and tenderness that broke my heart. God, the woman before me was made to be a mother, and I did not mean only because she was a woman. No, Bella loved so fucking fully, unconditionally that it was actually unfair for her not to share that capacity to love with another. _

"_And if you could, are there risks?"_

_Her lips formed a small smile. "I know it's been hard, so hard to watch my son get sick," she shook her head gently, "—But I wouldn't let that stop me from having more children. And I know he wouldn't want that, either."_

_I smiled then and nodded. "Yeah, he's a great kid, Bella. Most kids would be jealous of sharing their mom, but not Riley. He'd want to make sure someone else is lucky enough to have you as a mother."_

_Her bottom lip trembled as tears filled her eyes again. "That's exactly right. And knowing all that, you have to make sure you still want to be with me." When I tried to respond, she covered my mouth with her hand. "No. Don't give me an answer tonight. Sleep on it, and I would understand if you don't want to still be with me. I won't hate you for it." She slid her fingers from my lips to cup my cheek. "I could never hate you."_

_I brushed my lips over hers, gathering her as close as possible. "I'll sleep on it, baby. But I'm damn sure my answer won't change." She hummed, snuggling against my chest and sighed. In only a few minutes she was asleep. And despite the fact that I had a lot on my mind, I fell into a peaceful sleep, too._

_The first good sleep in over two years. _

Shaking the thoughts from my head, I decided that I would do my best to make sure Bella never doubted my feelings and my determination to share a future with her again. I knew the coming months would be hard on all of us, but we'd do it together as a family. As it was meant to be.

Once at the photo shoot, Jane introduced me to the photographer. A young man, named Jasper shook my hand, instantly putting me at ease. With a new in depth interview for People magazine that I had agreed to, I had been nervous as hell. I had hated cameras in general after the incident that led to my Aunt Tanya's death. But the blond-haired man with familiar blue eyes made me feel comfortable enough that I didn't feel like I was posing. Not really. And that was hard to do.

His assistant, a dark haired, tiny little thing named Alice, smiled as she offered me a drink about an hour later. "You did fantastic, Mr. Cullen."

I grinned and shook my head. "It's Edward, please. The only Mr. Cullen is my father."

She laughed and nodded. "Jasper said he'd like some shots inside his studio, do you think you can come on over later today?"

I grimaced and looked at the time on my cell. "I'm meeting my family later, to have pictures taken."

Alice cocked an eyebrow. "Family? Never mind. Do you have a place in mind?"

"You mean like where we're going to go?" I shook my head and realized how stupid I was. I hadn't taken into account that I'd have to make an appointment. "Probably the mall."

She gasped, fluttering her hand over her heart, looking as if she would faint. "That will not work. You must bring them over and Jasper could do it."

I stood up and shook my head. "No," I said flatly. "Pictures with them will not be in some magazine."

"I wouldn't put your family portraits up for sale to the highest bidder, Mr. Cullen," Jasper said from behind Alice. "I'm a professional and if you say you don't want their pictures in the papers or magazines then I won't."

I rubbed my hand over my face. It wasn't their fault that I didn't trust anyone that wielded a fucking camera. "It's with my boy and my girlfriend. I know their pictures are going to hit the tabloids soon enough."

"You might consider this an opportunity, Edward," Jane said, walking up from behind a cluster of trees. The photo shoot was poolside of fantastic backyard. "For them to see the real you."

"I need to talk to Bella first," I said. "But if you're willing to not sell them Jasper, then yeah, I'd love for you to take pictures of me with my family."

Jane smiled and looked over at Alice. "You look familiar."

Alice gave her a megawatt smile, her bright green eyes popped out against her dark lashes. "I have one of those faces." Jane shook her head and shrugged.

"Come on, Cullen," Jane said, shoving me forward. "We need to talk about that documentary idea and that script." She mumbled under her breath as she strode forward, not bothering to look to see if I followed.

I looked over my shoulder and Jasper and Alice, grinning. "Isn't she lovely?"

"I heard that!"

~oOo~

A couple of hours later, Bella and Riley had called and said that they were home. Within twenty minutes, I was inside the kitchen, having lunch, joking around about the kind of pictures we'd take.

"You're coming with us right, Mom?" Riley asked as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve, earning a glare from me. "What?" He grinned and rolled his eyes. "You're taking this Dad thing to epic levels there, Edward."

I laughed and bumped my shoulder against him. "Sorry, I was channeling my own mama."

Riley's smile fell for a moment and he looked up at me with a hopeful expression. "Do you think they'd like me?"

Bella made a soft sound from across the table. Instinctively, I reached out for her hand, her fingers curled in around my palm instantly.

"They've never forgotten about you, Riley," I said, regret thickening the words in my throat. "They loved you from the day they met you. Do you remember?"

He nodded. I had introduced Bella and Riley to them while I wasn't busy with work shortly after they had come into my life. It broke Mom's heart to know that he was sick, and Dad had been so choked up with emotions, he had to leave for a bit to gather himself. He'd seen firsthand what cancer did to a child; his own niece, Tanya's daughter, had fallen to leukemia at age six and died years later.

Though my schedule hadn't allowed a lot of time with my family, Mom and Dad went out of their way to welcome Bella and Riley with open arms. My father seemed to actually be proud of me, and then when I ended my relationship with them, he didn't talk to me for months. And even in the times we had spoken since then, it was usually tense and curt. He had no idea how much I had already hated myself for leaving. His distance had cut me deeply, and made reconciliation impossible.

I'd be damned if I'd use my son as a way to get back in Dad's good graces.

"I remember them, a little. Your mom always smelled like cookies and she always had a treat for me in her purse." I smiled and hugged him to my side. "Do you think I can see them again?"

"I don't have a problem with it, if your mom doesn't," I said, looking over at Bella.

She was biting her lip, obviously not keen on the idea. Bella was well aware of the strained relationship with my father and wouldn't want to expose that kind of hostility to Riley. I squeezed her hand gently and smiled. "If I know anything, Bella," I said in a reassuring voice. "It's that my parents would never do anything to hurt him."

She sighed and smiled. "Then I don't have a problem with you going to see them."

"Yes!" Riley said, jumping from the table and heading toward the hall. He stilled when Bella cleared her throat. He winced as he turned to look at her with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Mom. May I be excused from the table?"

Bella nodded slowly and smirked. "Get cleaned up and grab the bag on your bed."

Riley smiled and ran toward his room. "Yes! Gonna totally look cool in the new jacket, Mom!"

I laughed as Riley skidded to a halt in front of his door and ran inside. "New jacket?" I asked, taking our dishes to the sink.

"Emmett stopped by earlier," she said. "Someone had to be here for the installation of the filtration system."

"It's been installed?"

"No, they replaced a lot of the duct work, it needed upgrading. They should finish tomorrow. But Emmett bought Riley a leather jacket for picture day."

I kissed her lips gently. "I'd be jealous if you didn't look at me like that."

Bella rolled her eyes, blushing. "I take it you slept on it."

I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows. "Barely, do you know you snore in your sleep?"

"Do not!" she said with wide eyes.

I took her face in my hands and whispered against her lips. "Do to."

She grumbled as she rose to her feet and started to wash dishes. "And here I thought I faked my sleep pretty darn good."

I looked at her confused. "Why would you pretend to be asleep?"

Shrugging, she replied, "I was hoping you'd talk in your sleep again."

I cocked an eyebrow in question. "Did I?" She pouted and shook her head. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and swayed us a little. Against her neck, I whispered, "I may have not said a word, but I still dreamed of you and Riley."

I felt her cheek moved against my own, and I knew she was smiling. "Oh yeah?"

I hummed and pressed a kiss where her neck met her shoulder. "I dreamed of taking pictures together, as a family." She grumbled, because she hated to take pictures. "Did you think you'd get away from going with us?"

"I had hoped," she mumbled but sighed when I kissed her again. "You haven't answered my question?"

I tightened my arms around her. "There was nothing to think about. My future is with you. The truth of the matter is that you're the only one that can send me away. And that's because I'd never walk away from a future with you willingly again. Having said that, I have some doubts of my own." When she tensed and stopped breathing, I soothed my words with another press of my lips on her skin. "Are you with me because Riley wants us to be together?"

Before she could respond, Riley called out for me, "Edward! You're on the news again!" I groaned and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

It was her turn to think about our future. One I hoped we'd share together.

~oOo~

"Are you sure about this?" I asked Bella for the tenth time since I told her about the new interview that the network had been already advertising. Her fingers crushed mine in hers. Tiny thing had a strong grip and I had no idea she could be so violent.

As if she knew what I was thinking, she squeezed harder! I winced and glared at her playfully. "Like a girl," I lied through my teeth.

"Stop asking. I said I was okay with it. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Though I'm not ready for one on one interview with anyone, pictures for yours will be great. It's time for the world to see the man behind the tabloids."

Riley piped in from the backseat, "Are you kidding? You're going to look like the hottest guy in the world when they see pictures of us together." He grinned and then tried to look serious and stroke a pose. "Like Mom says, you with kids will make ovaries explode."

I snorted, and if I had something in my mouth, it would've ended up on the windshield in front of me. "Your mom said that, huh?" I grinned and looked over at Bella, she was blushing. God, I loved it.

I playfully puckered my lips and made kissing noises to get her to look at me. "Do I make your ovaries explode, baby?"

Bella pretended to hit her head on the window and glared at me and then at Riley. "Don't encourage him."

Riley grinned. "Aw, come on, Mom."

Bella giggled and pointed at the big ass house where Jasper's studio was located. "Wow."

Twenty minutes later, Riley and I were sitting on an awesome Harley. We were both in leather jackets, worn jeans and combat boots. Riley had a blue bandana around his head and a fake tattoo on his arm, with his jacket tossed over his shoulder. Bella had taken a turn with us, but said she wanted some of Riley and me alone. I didn't mind and it was fun to watch her, watching us.

She smiled and laughed as Riley and I flexed our muscles and scowled at the camera. After a few more shots, Alice had us change into another outfit and once we were dressed in more casual clothing, we waited in Jasper's game room as they setup the background.

I tried to show Riley how to play pool while Bella gave terrible advise that had her son in stitches. "Mom, seriously, you do not know how to play."

Bella smiled and shrugged, grabbing the pool stick in my hands. She smirked and as she lined up her shot, I tried my best to remain a fucking gentleman. There was a kid present and I wasn't an animal. She made it extremely difficult, though.

She sunk three stripes easily, smiling coyly all the while. "Grandpa," Riley muttered under his breath. "How come I never knew you could play?"

Bella shrugged. "You never asked."

I heard the click of the camera from the corner of the room as Bella showed her son how best to hold the pool stick. It didn't bother me for Jasper to take pictures of us just being us. It was something that I wanted, something to capture the moment forever anyway. Candid shots of the little moments that I'd never want to forget.

Riley threw his fists in the air the moment he managed to land in ball in the corner pocket. I grabbed him and lifted him atop my shoulders. "I am the champion," Riley sang, horribly off key and fucking perfect.

I set him down on his feet, and Bella wrapped her arm around my waist. Hugging her close, I smiled down at Riley. I extended my hand, earning a smile from the kid. When I winced as he expressed how much he loved me, Bella spoke up, "All right. I would really like to know what's with the hand crushing handshake."

Riley groaned, "Come on, this is our thing!" Though he sounded like he was whining, there was a look in his eyes that said he was only playing. "Fine!" He extended his hand for me to take. And as he squeezed my hand four times, he said, "Do you love me?"

Squeezing his hand, I answered, "Yes, I do." From the corner of my eye, I could Bella start to cry.

Riley smiled and continued, "How much?"

I squeezed his hand, hard enough for him to understand how much I loved him. "A lot," I whispered.

Riley smiled and then looked at his mother as she tried to wipe her tears away quickly. She gave him a small smile and rubbed a hand over his head. She turned to me with a look in her eyes that seemed like determination.

She asked for my hand. "Let me make sure I got this right." I swallowed nervously and squeezed her hand four times and nearly went to my knees when she returned it with three of her own. And as she squeezed my hand, hard enough to almost break my fingers – I knew.

She loved me, too.


	15. Sweet Child Don't Cry

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Fifteen – Sweet Child Don't Cry**

* * *

**Riley**

I smile as Edward's jaw drops and his eyes start to glaze over. The look on my mom's face is a little scared, full of love and if I'm not wrong, a tiny bit smug. She tugs on his hand that she's still holding, laughing as she wraps her arms around him.

For a second, Edward is completely lifeless in her hug, but the next moment his hands are in her hair and he's whispering something to her. I can't see his face anymore, but I can see my mom's. She's crying still, but these are happy tears. Her eyes meet mine and she winks.

"He's fine," she mouths. "Big baby, too." I cover my mouth to avoid laughing out loud. From the corner of my eye, I see Alice. I should been surprised to see her, but I wasn't. She did say that she'd help speed things along.

But taking pictures? I finally realize why she looks like someone I know. Though she wasn't as tall as her mom had been, she has the same high cheekbones and shape to her eyes. The color was from the Cullen side of the family, her hair probably her father's. I had no idea that kids, if they wanted to, could grow up in heaven. At least, I think she's some kind of angel.

Then there was Jasper. I wonder if Brittney met her late uncle like I have. He has his brother's eyes and from what Brittney has told me, he died at age thirteen from leukemia and her dad was just six.

I have to wonder, if maybe this is something I'll be able to do myself or Brittney and me. And it didn't really seem weird that I like the idea that I may be able to help others like me. Make a difference in the lives of their families.

Alice winks at me as Jasper snaps pictures with his camera. I give them thumbs up and a smile. When I turn back to Mom and Edward, they're holding hands and smiling at each other.

"I never stopped," Mom whispers, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. I notice that he's doing the same.

"Neither did I," he says and closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he smiles and pulls her into his arms. He whirls her around, apologizing to me since I was a little too close and I almost get hit by Mom's flying legs. As he sets her down, I can hear him saying her name in a little chant. Like he can't believe what's happening. And when he pinches his arm, he laughs and spins her around again.

I'm laughing and crying, all because I'm so happy that I'm able to see this. For now. I don't let my thoughts run down that road, because it'll do me no good. Instead, I concentrate on the two dopey-faced people that are my parents.

I place my hands over theirs and smile up at them. And as they look down at me and grin, I hear the click of the camera. Jasper says something to Alice about it being similar to the first picture taken of us together.

Edward pulls me up onto his hip. "Let's get out of here," he says to my mom, his hand still in hers. And I know, from the look in his eyes, that he'll never let her go. Not if he can help it.

"I think I have everything I need," Jasper says. "We have those cool pictures of you _men_ on the bike, some of you together in my studio and the ones I took of you around the pool table."

Edward smiles, nods and says, "Then we're outta of here." Keeping my mom's hand in his and me on his hip, we head to the car ready for what's next.

~oOo~

We spend the day at home, doing what we've been doing for the past few days. Being a family. After dinner, there's a knock on the door. I smile as Emmett's looms in the doorway, looking intimidating but his eyes and smile say he's not.

"Hey, sport," he says, rubbing my head. He does that a lot and I really don't mind. It's one of those guy things, I think. "Your mom and Edward home?"

I smile because it's at this moment that I realize that _this_ is Edward's home. "Yeah, they're in the living room battling on Rockband."

He smiles and rubs his hands together. "I want a turn," he replies, but hisses midway through.

Rosalie smacks the back of his shoulder. "No video games for you," she says firmly. "You're too competitive and a poor sport when you lose."

"I don't lose," Emmett growls. "Besides, Edward and Bella are no matches for my awesome bass guitar skills."

Before I can say anything, Edwards walks up behind me. "Hey, Emmett." He smiles at Rosalie, and though I know he loves Mom, I expect to see the usual reaction to her beautiful face. It never comes. He's only friendly, offering his hand as Emmett properly introduces him to her.

"Did you need to talk to Bella?" Edward asks as he leads the way to the living room. When we walk inside, Mom is doing, what she thinks is a private victory dance. She twirls to a stop and drops her arms immediately. She gives Edward the stink eye and smiles at Emmett.

"If any of you breathe a word of my dancing abilities –"

"Or lack thereof," Edwards says, smiling. Without of looking at him, she smacks his stomach, earning a heavy grumble.

"I know people," she finishes, looking at each of us in the eye. She bows down as we clap and gives me a wink, pulling me onto her lap. I can't believe Mom is putting me on her lap, like I'm a baby. But I look up to see Rosalie, Emmett and Edward smiling, like seeing me and Mom like this is normal.

I look back at Mom and I can see something in her eyes. She's waiting for me to complain. I smile and lay my head on her shoulder. I will do anything to make her happy and if she wants to hold me when others are watching, I can do this for her. And for me, too.

Edward plops down on the couch besides us, wrapping an arm around Mom's shoulder. "What's up?" he asks Emmett and Rosalie.

"Well," Emmett says firmly. "We know it's not easy for you and Bella to go anywhere. You know, in public."

Edward nods and shrugs. "We're going to the charity game on Sunday, together."

Emmett smiles and whoops. "Yes! I knew you had it in you, Ed." Edward raises an eyebrow. He really hates when people give him a nickname. "But still."

"What Emmett is circling around is," Rosalie interrupts. "We'd like to offer babysitting services whenever you'd like."

Bella smiles and whispers something in Edward's ear. He blushes and then clears his throat. "Um, yeah. That would be great." He swallows hard and I think he's sweating. Jeez. Why is he nervous?

"Rosalie, Emmett," Mom says in the voice where she's trying to get something out of a person. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"How does she know, you're not even wearing it?" Emmett says to Rosalie, who shrugs.

"We're getting married!" Rosalie says and stuffs in her hand in her jeans. She pulls out a big giant ring that has a big red stone in the middle of diamonds. Mom asks me to get up and she and Rosalie start hugging and sniffling.

Women. I roll my eyes and look over at Edward. He seems like he's trying hard not to look upset. He watches Mom and Rosalie's hands. They're looking at the ring. And I know. He wants that, too.

I nudge his shoulder and he gives me a small smile and wink. Emmett sits beside us and sighs. "This happens every time she shows off the ring. It'll last at least ten minutes." This earns him another smack on the shoulder.

Rosalie smiles at me and takes my hand. "Emmett has something to ask you, sweetie," she says. God, she's pretty. It's the baby blues.

"What is it?"

Emmett hauls me over Edward's lap and onto his. "We were wondering if you'd like to be in our wedding."

I smile sadly, and I shake my head. "How can I? Weddings take forever to plan. I won't be here."

Rosalie kneels down in front of us. "We're having something small, at a friend's house, in less than a month."

I look at Mom and she's giving me that fake smile. She thinks I don't know the difference, but I do. Even a month might be too long. I might be too sick to walk down an aisle. But I don't want to make everyone more upset than they already are.

"I can try," I say.

Emmett claps and grabs a guitar. "So who am I going to annihilate first?" He wiggles his eyebrows and starts bobbing his head.

I laugh and toss the other guitar to Rosalie. She catches it and growls at Emmett, "I swear if you start acting like a baby, we're leaving."

Emmett grins and cocks his head to one side. "I can play fair."

I snort and shake my head. This is going to be fun. Edward grabs the microphone and sits on the arm of the couch, grabbing Mom to sit with him. She blushes, but places her hand over his that's around her waist.

I grab the drum set, and for almost ten minutes, we argue about what song to do. I look around at the people sharing this time with me and smile.

Life can't get any better than this.

~oOo~

Edward spends the night again. This time though, Mom asks if it's okay. I'm all right with it, but I really wish I had time to talk to Edward alone last night. I need to tell him something. By the time Rosalie and Emmett left, it was time for bed.

We're having breakfast together and Edward asks about our day.

"We're going to see Brittney again," Mom says. "Her mom has to go see her mother for a bit, so we're going to sit with her."

"Mind if I come?" he asks. He helps clear the table along with Mom.

"I don't see why not," Mom says. She sends me to my room to finish getting ready while she and Edward finish cleaning up. After dressing, I grab the card I made for Brittney the last night. It's nothing special, but Mom got all teary eyed when she read it.

When I walk back into the living room, I find my parents swaying to some song on the stereo. I don't want to disturb them because they look like they're in their own little world. I don't want to break that bubble. It's probably the only place where everything is perfect, even if I'm not in it with them.

I try not to let that bother me. And really I shouldn't let it. Edward suddenly holds out his hand, reaching for me. Before I know it, I'm dancing along with them. I give them a small smile, which they return.

And as we dance I listen to the words of the song. My smile widens and I can hear Edward softly singing the words, "I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss way the pain. I will stand by you forever. You take my breath away."

He's not only singing to Mom, but to me, too. I wrap my arms around them both, nuzzling Edward's chest as he continues. He is my hero, not only is he helping me, but he's saving Mom. I know this and wonder for only a second, who's going to save him?

~oOo~

We arrive at the hospital about an hour later and Brittney's dad is talking to a doctor outside of her room. He smiles as he sees us and extends his hand to Edward.

Mom is laughing about something as they talk, but my eyes search for Brittney. She's sitting in her bed and I see her newest accessory. She has a tube under her nose and all her hair is gone. What a difference a day makes. I want to cry and just crawl into bed with her and tell her everything will be okay. Tell her that she's the prettiest girl that I've ever seen.

It's the truth, because even without her hair, her smile still lights up a room. She turns and gives me that smile and cocks her head for me to come to her. I don't even wait to see if it's okay. I just do it.

When she takes my hand, she smiles. She points to the television where it's showing reruns of the Power Rangers. "It's the third season," she says. The last season before Edward left the show. I laugh and shake my head. I have the movie, and since that season, there has never been a better set of Rangers.

Brittney totally agrees with me. She rubs her free hand over her head and shrugs. "It's okay, Brittney," I tell her. "No matter what, you'll still be my best friend."

She nods and pats the side of her bed. There isn't a lot of room on it, but I get on anyway. I have a mask over my face, just in case I'm carrying any germs. I'd hate to be the one that gives her something that can kill her.

Before I get a chance to tell her that Edward's here to see her, I hear her dad come into the room. "Hey, baby," Mr. Newton says. "Guess who's here to pay you a visit?"

Brittney looks over my shoulder and before I know it, her hand pulls away from mine – hard. Her eyes go wide as big fat tears start to fall. "How could you?" she sobs, placing her hands on her head. She's trying to cover herself, pulling at the sheet that is stuck beneath me.

"Brittney," her dad says, trying to get her to calm down. She scrambles under the sheets and blankets, crying hard and I know it has to hurt her.

"He can't see me like this!" she sobs, hiccupping, choking on her words. "Please! Tell him to go away."

Mom lifts me off the bed and hands me to Edward. She's trying to get Brittney to come out but I can see where her head shakes from side to side. She's still crying and my heart breaks. Her dad is running his hand through his hair, and he looks so sad, like he's barely keeping it together.

I feel Edward's body shake around me. I turn to look at him and see that he's very upset. His eyes are wide and filling with tears and his lips are pressed into a thin line. "I didn't mean –" he whispers in a voice that's full of regret. "I'll just go."

Bella turns to us all, tears in her eyes as she holds a covered, sobbing Brittney. "Go. All of you," she says sadly. She looks at Edward, touching his hand that's holding me up. "I'll talk to her, babe."

Edward nods and quickly leaves the room. Even from outside in the hall, we hear Brittney cry. Edward leans against a wall, shifts me around and slides to the floor. He thumps his head two times against the wall and holds me tighter.

"It really sucks to be famous sometimes," he mutters.

What can I say that will make him feel better? The question that worries me now is if he can handle what being famous will do when the world knows about me and mom soon.


	16. Guy Time

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Sixteen – Guy Time**

* * *

**Edward**

As the thought of the pretty face crumble in embarrassment and shame filled my vision, I felt the tug of Riley's hand. It lay over my heart, clutching my shirt tightly. When I opened my eyes, I found him watching me warily. I hated to see him in any type of pain, emotional or physical, but what I saw hidden in the depths of his eyes was worry.

As if there wasn't enough for him to worry about. Fucking hell. I hated feeling so helpless. I tried to think of why what happened in Brittney's room would cause him to worry. Did he think that once he got too sick that I'd walk away? I didn't want him to think that.

However, what could I say? That everything will be fine. Because the minute the words would come out of my mouth, they'd be a fucking lie. Everything will not be okay.

"There will be others that will react like her," he said softly. "People that won't like you being with Mom and me. They'll say mean things, like they did before."

Was that what he was worried about?

I shook my head. "No matter what happens at the game, no matter what they have to say, I won't leave you and your mom again, Riley." I sighed when he only shrugged in response. "The only thing I'm concerned about it is your safety and privacy."

He nodded and looked back toward Brittney's room. "I was stupid. She'd been funny about me seeing her like that. I should've known better."

I ran my hand over his head, feeling the short but soft hair beneath my palm. "It's not your fault, Riley. No one's really."

"Good, I don't think she'd like you blaming yourself. In a while, she'll be more embarrassed about how she acted."

"Probably," I murmured and sat up a little straighter when Mike came out of Brittney's room. His hands were in his hair as he bent at the knees and choked on a sob. Fuck. He looked as if he was barely holding himself together. I smiled at Riley, who thankfully, hadn't seen Mike. I rubbed his back and told him to grab me a bottle of water from the machine down the hall.

He looked down the hall, seeing one of the nurses he'd known from before. Riley waved at her and I looked her in the eyes, gestured toward Mike and then back at Riley as we stood up, hoping she'd understand. She nodded knowingly, gesturing for Riley to come on over. Handing him some change, I waited until he was in good hands before I turned to Mike.

"You need to get up," I whispered, hauling him upright.

"This is so fucking unfair," he said hoarsely. "You're like her favorite actor and I really thought she'd be happy to see you." His glazed blue eyes met mine and I couldn't help but feel bad for him. For his family. For that sweet little girl that was embarrassed to meet someone when she felt she no longer looked her best.

"You can't let your daughter or wife see you like this," I said, leading him toward some chairs nearby. I glanced toward the end of the hall and saw Riley talking animatedly at the nurse.

"I know," Mike responded. "I know. But damn it. I have no idea what do to in this situation. She's so fragile right now but at the same time, she's stronger than I am."

And I knew exactly what he meant. Riley had to be one of the strongest people I had ever met, besides his mother of course.

"She's so happy about the baby," Mike whispered so softly, that I had to lean a little closer to listen. "And I'm scared, scared that we'll have to go through this all over again." He shook his head fiercely from side to side. "And how could I love someone as much as I love my baby girl?"

Before I had a chance to respond, I saw Bella walking toward us. "Hey, baby," I said loud enough to alert Mike. He sat up, wiping at his eyes before plastering a fake smile over his face.

"How is she?"

"Asleep," she said with a small smile. "It's not anyone's fault. Just a girl, being a girl." She laughed a little. "I think you three need a little break. Why don't you head out, have a burger or something. I'll stay with Brittney."

"You sure?" I asked, patting my pockets for my keys. I was always misplacing them.

"Yeah, in fact, Rosalie is coming over. We're going to do makeovers and I already called Jessica."

Mike smiled and jumped from his chair. He wrapped Bella in a bone crushing hug that had her squealing in laughter. "Thank you, thank you," he chanted. "I have no idea what we'd do without you and Riley."

Bella laughed and patted his arm. She wrapped her arms around me, earning her a big smile. I needed her touch and her smile so fucking much at that moment.

Brushing her lips softly against mine, she said, "Try to stay out of trouble."

I smirked and wiggled my eyebrows. "Don't I always?" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. I gasped and pressed my hand over my heart. "I'm wounded."

She giggled as Riley ran up, tugging her shirt. It seemed that he wanted to tell her something. She bent to listen to him whisper something in her ear. Her eyes widened but she simply told us to get going and to pick her up in a couple of hours.

Wondering what was going I on, I tried to ask Riley. "What's up, buddy?" I said, leading him and Mike toward the north entrance of the hospital.

He looked over his shoulder, causing me to do the same. A doctor, with graying dark hair came around the corner, looking for someone. "Nothing," Riley said, walking a little faster and out the automatic door. It must have been some doctor he didn't like or something.

Mike looked up at the sky, letting the warmth of the sun hit his face. "I needed a little break," he said softly. "Thanks. I love being with her, but…"

Riley looked up at him and said, "But you need your guy time."

Mike nodded and smiled. "Yeah, just a little."

"We can head out, grab a couple of burgers and then I think I need to make one other stop."

"I'm game," Mike said to me as he pulled open the car door for Riley. "What other stop do you need to make?" I smiled and shared my idea with them. They both smiled and said they were in.

"About time," Riley mumbled from the backseat.

I gave him a glare over my shoulder as I pulled out. "I heard that."

"I'm surprised with all that hair around your ears," he said, snorting and snickering.

~oOo~

"Edward," Mike said from beside me. I looked over and shrugged. "Are you sure, man?"

I nodded. I was positive. Hopefully, Jane wouldn't kill me. I looked at the mirror in front of me and swallowed deeply. Riley stood just behind me, his eyes reflected doubt.

"This isn't just about Brittney," I said easily.

"You shouldn't be doing this because of me, either."

I shook my head. "I'm not. And hopefully I can say this without sounding like a girl," he laughed and grinned, as I had hoped. "But this is a start of a new stage of my life—"

"Sound like a girl," Mike said with chuckle. I leveled him a mock glare, making Riley laugh harder.

Ignoring him, I continued, "A new me." Mike started to pretend to play a violin, closing his eyes as he played. Riley copied him, swaying to their fake music. "And this is something to commemorate it."

Riley's "violin" came to a screeching halt when he rolled his eyes. So I added, "And it's just hair, it doesn't make me who I am."

Riley shrugged and looked serious for a moment. "If you say so, but you tell Mom it was all your idea."

Mike laughed as his hairdresser, Sharon, adjusted his smock around his neck. "While you're reasons are all noble and stuff, I'm doing this for my baby."

Sharon smiled at their reflection. "What will it be, Mr. Newtown?"

He took a deep breath and grinned. "As as short as you can manage."

Laurent, my usual hairdresser, shook his head. "And I'm assuming you'd like the same, Edward."

With hesitation, I answered, "Yes, please."

Within minutes, the sounds of clippers buzzed around me. Riley cringed with every pass through my hair. Laurent complained, mostly since my hair was too long and that he'd hoped to create a new me with a stylish cut.

"Instead you're making me a butcher," he hissed. "I suppose it's for a good cause, though." He sighed and had one of his assistants start to gather my hair. "We wouldn't want another incident like last time."

Riley perked up where he sat, watching me warily. "What happened last time?"

"Some of my sweepers started to fight about who would keep his hair."

The poor kid looked shocked and ready to gag. "What? They wanted to keep his hair!" I shrugged, earning an ear flick from Laurent. I let it go, since he'd had been cutting my hair for years. Riley shook his head and looked somewhat confused. "Next thing you'll tell me that they sell your used napkins on eBay."

I coughed and cleared my throat. It would probably scare him if I told them that they usually went for one-hundred-fifty a pop. Crazy, stalker fans. I would've thought that all the bad publicity would make me less desirable. It did in the film industry, but not to rabid fans. Not that I hadn't appreciated them.

I remained as still as possible as Laurent continued to shed lock after lock of my hair. Damn, it had gotten long. I hoped that Bella wouldn't mind the drastic change, considering how much she used to play with my hair while we watched television or lay in bed together.

Bella.

I still couldn't believe what had happened earlier. Though she hadn't said the words aloud, her actions were more than enough. She fucking loved me! I had to do something, get her a present to show her how much I loved and appreciated her.

Then I cringed as I remembered an incident while we were dating, shortly after meeting her again.

_I was nervous and I shouldn't have been. She was a remarkable, strong, smart and beautiful woman. I'd met hundreds like her. Not like her, I told myself. No one was like her. She laughed at her own jokes, often at herself, and she found a reason to smile despite all the turmoil in her life. _

_And she'd given me a chance. Though I knew she'd lost her fiancée during her pregnancy with Riley, I knew she'd loved his father. High school sweethearts, she'd said. She loved him for half her life and was willing to wait for him until he returned from serving his country._

_What the fuck had I done that would impress her? Star in a children's show? What a joke. Our first date would end in disaster. It didn't help that we were unable to go out publicly. Neither of us were ready to announce anything. _

_Though we'd been communicating for months in any way we could, it would be the first time we'd gone out on a date. Maybe that was the reason I was nervous. Because I already had feelings for her and we'd barely managed a kiss. _

_What a fucking kiss it'd been, though._

_As I pulled into her driveway, I'd seen the porch light turn on. Seconds later, Bella emerged and rushed toward the passenger door. I jumped out of the car and walked over to her side. _

"_I had no idea you were so eager," I teased, smirking. _

_She rolled her eyes. "I assure you, that's not the case," she said firmly. "But if you don't want my high school babysitter to come out of the house screaming for you, I suggest we get moving."_

_My eyes widened. "High school, huh? Screaming?"_

_Again, she rolled her eyes as I opened her door. "As if you didn't know your appeal," she grumbled. _

_I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows. "Do I appeal to you?"_

"_It's the hair," she deadpanned._

_I laughed as I closed her door and ran to my side. Slipping behind the wheel, I did the thing I'd wanted to do since I spoke to her the night before. She smiled sweetly as I took her face in my hands, and with just a brush of my lips over hers, I was gone. _

_God, the woman owned me already._

"_Hi," she whispered against my mouth. _

"_Hey," I replied back with a matching goofy ass smile. _

"_You're making me cross-eyed."_

_I snorted and shook my head slightly, kissing the corner of her mouth again. "Why is that?"_

"_I like your eyes."_

_I smirked and gently nipped on her bottom lip. "First the hair and now the eyes, Bella," I murmured. "Admit it, you like me."_

_Her nose twitched and scrunched against mine as she tried not to laugh at something. "Just a little."_

"_How much?" I gave her my best smile that had her rolling her eyes instead. The woman seemed immune to all my charms. She held up her thumb and forefinger about an inch apart, all the while she closed one eye as if looking thorough the small space. I gathered said fingers and gently nipped at them both. "Let me know when it's about…" I maneuvered her fingers as far apart as I could, "this much."_

_She laughed, pecking my lips once more. "You'd be the first to know."_

"_Good," I said, settling back into my seat. I pulled out of the driveway a few seconds later. "Open the glove department, please."_

_She shrugged her shoulders. "Did you need a breath mint or something?" Laughing at the look of horror on my face, she complied. "I'm joking!" I shook my head, chuckling as she removed the small jewelry box inside. _

_Her face was completely unreadable, a first, since I had always thought that she wore her emotions. My palms started to sweat and felt some bead on my forehead. What if she didn't like it? "Open it," I whispered._

_With her shoulders slumped, for whatever reasons I couldn't understand, she opened the small box and pulled out the small heart-shaped silver locket. She admired it for a several moments, silent as I drove us toward my apartment. _

_She gave me a soft smile and said, "Oh that's pretty, and I have just the picture for it. But that is an expensive gift, and if the box is any indication, a _very_ expensive gift. Why don't you hold on to that until, I don't know, our tenth date or so."_

_It was too soon for jewelry. I knew it had to be. Then again, she'd told me off when I offered to buy her a new computer so we could web chat. She wasn't like the others, where they'd squeal in delight at any little thing I bought them. Then soon afterward, they'd ask for things and expected them from me – expensive things. Bella was simply showing me, that she didn't need me to buy her things for her to like me. _

_And of course, she made light of the situation. Going over her last words, I smirked. She played right into my hands, even if she didn't want my necklace. Technically, she hadn't refused it, either. _

"_You mean there's gonna be a tenth date?" I asked with a wiggle of my eyebrows. I wouldn't take her rejection of my necklace to heart. She was merely protecting herself, and in that case, showing me that she wasn't like anyone I'd ever been with. _

_She rolled her eyes, placing the necklace back in the box, tracing the shape once before putting it back in the glove department. "I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be going on a first date, if there wasn't a possibility of more."_

_My grin widened and she laughed. "Still, I'm holding you to the ten dates at the very least." I pulled into my building's parking structure and looked back at her. "And you have to admit, since we haven't even started our first date and I already have you promising another nine." She shook her head, trying not to laugh. "Damn, I'm good."_

Riley took my hand, bringing me out of the sweet memory. He looked at me and from what I could see in his eyes, he appreciated what I was doing. After the last of my hair fell away, he sighed and shook his head in disbelief.

"Mom's gonna be so mad," he teased. "You're going to have to make it up to her." I grinned, running a hand over the short hair on my head. Riley laughed and smiled. "Now you can't pull at your hair when you get mad or nervous."

I rolled my eyes, as Laurent evened up my sideburns. "It'll grow back quickly," I murmured, looking at my reflection. It wasn't that bad. I thought I looked a bit older and more polished. Like a solider or something, shit I hadn't thought of that.

"At least it looks good," Riley said. "And you don't have a funny shaped head." Mike laughed beside me, taking in his own reflection.

"Not bad at all," Mike said. His blue eyes and ears stood out more than ever. Thankfully, Riley didn't say a word about mine. I luckily had grown out of that awkward look of big ears in my teens.

"All done," Laurent murmured as he brushed away what he could from my neck.

Cautiously, I looked around afraid that I'd find some fucking pap peering through the windows. "I think we're in the clear." I paid Laurent and led Riley toward the back door, with Mike at my heels. "Let's head out back to the hospital."

Laurent waved and said, "Don't tell anyone I did it! I wouldn't want to be burned at the stake!" I flipped him off behind my back, and hurried Riley to the car. On the way out the door, I heard the unmistakable sound of a camera click.

My new haircut would hit the internet in seconds. Fuck. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about, considering I had Riley with me. Hopefully, the media wouldn't intrude for a while longer.

~oOo~

I would never forget the look on Brittney's face when her father and I walked in. She gasped, her sweet face lit up with surprise and wonder. Glistening blue eyes lingered on her father's short hair, famous for his golden boy locks on Sports Center, I could see the tears as they formed in his eyes.

"Hey, baby," he whispered, sitting beside her on the bed. "You look beautiful." And she did. Bella and Rosalie had made her look like a pretty little china doll. Porcelain skin, just a kiss of pink at her cheeks, her lips glistened with gloss, her golden lashes darkened that make her eyes pop. On top of her head was a multi-colored crocheted cap and a tiny tiara placed over it.

She carefully adjusted herself, her limbs so thin and weak from the therapy that she struggled for a bit. As she sat on her knees, she ran a hand over her dad's hair. "Oh, Daddy."

Her thin arms wrapped around him as he whispered words only she'd hear. As she held him, her hand reached for mine. I looked at Bella, wondering if I'd done the wrong thing, all I saw in her face was the love that surely reflected on mine. Tears fell from her eyes as she mouthed, "You're amazing."

I would've teased her about the compliment, but instead, I smiled and shrugged. As if it was the first time she ever said anything like that. It wasn't, but still felt good to hear. I felt a tiny pull on my hand as Brittney moved away from her dad, but still kept him close. She smiled and tugged me closer. When I sat beside her, she asked, "May I?'

Confused, I only nodded in response. Her small hand raised and touched the top of my head. She whispered in the softest of voices, "I'm sorry." I shook my head as I tried to say something, but was too choked up to do so. "I am. Thank you so much." She pulled me into a hug.

"You have nothing to feel sorry for and no reason to thank me, sweetie," I murmured against her cheek.

She shook her head. "You made them smile again," she cried softly in my ear. "You're such a beautiful person."

Unable once again to say anything, I just squeezed her harder. "That he is," Riley said from somewhere in the room. I looked up to see him holding Brittney's free hand. "Now maybe without the hair, everyone will see it. But then again his dreamy eyes might be too much for them to handle."

Everyone laughed as he intended.


	17. PreGame Warm Up

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Seventeen – Pre-Game Warm Up**

* * *

**Edward**

The tension of the day had been lifted by the soft words of two incredible children. The growth that they had undergone since their diagnosis was overwhelming and sort of unfair. They had every right to be children and not worry about the next test or treatment.

We spent another hour there before Brittney started to show how tired she was by the closing of her lash-less lids over her expressive blue eyes. Mike and Bella spoke in whispers as Riley said his good-bye. Soon, she'd be too sick to even feel the touch of his lips on her pale cheek.

Choked up with emotion, I simply ran my hand over her small head. As tears pricked at my eyes, I felt Riley's hand slip into mine. Looking up at me, he smiled in that way that said everything would be okay. Though a part of me dreaded what was coming, I felt better knowing that they'd be together – after.

"Edward," Bella said behind us as a nurse walked out of the room. A few seconds later, a few security guards filled the doorway. "All the hospital entrances are swarming with reporters and paps. I called for a ride."

Fuck. The fact that I had gotten a damn haircut was apparently newsworthy. It seemed stupid that I couldn't do something as simple as that.

I nodded and pulled Riley into my arms. "Let's go," I said firmly. I nodded toward Mike, who gave me a small smile. We should be used to that kind of shit and normally I was, but when it affected my family or friends, I wasn't. Though I loved acting ninety percent of the time, I started to feel that it was no longer for me.

Taking Bella's hand in my own, I brushed my lips against hers for a moment. "I'm sorry, baby. Stay as close as possible once we get outside and keep your head down."

"We've done this before, babe," she said with a roll of her eyes. She released my hand and threw her hooded sweater over Riley's head and chuckled at his lopsided grin. "You're enjoying this way too much."

"I like being carried by my dad." And that both broke my heart and made my day.

Bella gave him a loud smacking kiss that earned her a disgusted "yuck." She giggled and took my hand again. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," I replied with a squeeze to her hand. She returned it three times, letting me know she loved me, despite the bullshit. And knowing that led me to believe that we'd handle anything Hollywood could dish out.

A security guard led us through a series of doors, twists and turns in the lower floors of the hospital. At a side entrance, likely for supply trucks, there were two more guards waiting for us.

I introduced myself since I knew it was no longer a secret that I was there anyway. Paul, one of the guards, gave us a warm smile and high-fived Riley.

"We're near our trash bins, which happens to hide a side entrance in a restricted area," Paul indicated to me and turned toward Bella. "We allowed the man you said would come to the secured area and he's waiting outside."

She nodded, offering a quick hug for their help. It was good to see that they both knew some of the people that worked in the hospital. And obviously, they didn't treat them any differently and that was a real good thing.

"Thanks," I said, shaking their hands again. "I owe you one."

"Hey, no problem," Paul said. "Bella's a godsend around here."

I looked curiously at her and she only shrugged in response. "Tell you later."

I nodded and looked at Riley, who was still hidden beneath Bella's jacket. "You ready, buddy?"

"Yup," he said with a smile. "Any chance I can flip them off?"

"Riley!" Bella said, her eyes wide in shock.

"What? It'll be front page news!" he said, laughing.

"Your mom's right," I said firmly, though I really wanted to laugh along with him. "We don't need that kind of news right now." Riley pouted but nodded.

I gestured toward Paul and he opened the door, leading the way. I looked left and right, sighing in relief when there weren't star-creepers anywhere to be seen. We were going to make it; that was until – we weren't.

In seconds, it seemed, flashing, rolling cameras and the people that wielded them started to run toward us. Growling, I took Bella's hand and ran toward the SUV that awaited us. It had to be Emmett; who else would she have called?

Bella stepped ahead of me as a pap stuck a camera nearly in her face. I snarled at him but she pulled me toward the car. Paul opened the car door quickly and Bella dove in, and seconds later, Riley and I followed.

The car idled for a moment before it squealed and lurched forward. Bella gasped as her shoulder hit the front seat since she was still unsteady. "Oh, that was insane," she said and climbed into the front seat. "Thanks for coming." I pulled Riley from beside me, buckled him in and was about to thank Emmett for his help.

"I'm happy to help, Bella," the driver said. It was not Emmett, but my father.

Riley gasped from his seat, smiling widely. "Grandpa!"

My father's blue-eyed gaze filled the rearview mirror, meeting my eyes for a brief moment. He turned slightly and offered crooked smile to Riley. "Hey, squirt."

"I can't believe you're here!" Riley said excitingly. "You came for us."

"Of course, I'd do anything for you and Edward." He offered Bella a smirk. "And you, too, my dear." My dad was a notorious flirt with any pretty face, but it was always harmless. Bella seemed to like the attention, always returning it sweetly and with sarcasm.

I thought it was the funniest shit when they first met. But at the moment, I wanted to growl at him. What the fuck was he doing here?

"Thanks for the help, Carlisle," I said, cringing internally at my flat tone.

He brushed off my brisk tone and offered a smile. "Any time, son."

"Oh! This is so cool. Can we go see grandma?" Riley looked at his hands on his lap, biting his lip. "Um, sorry, I meant Esme." He hadn't caught that he called my dad grandpa, but noticed when he said grandma. Poor kid was probably confused, since it was what he called them before.

Before I had left them. Fuck. I don't think I'd ever forgive myself for that. And maybe I shouldn't.

Shaking those thoughts from my head, I wrapped my arm across Riley's shoulder. It was obvious my dad and Bella were waiting for me to say something.

It was time to offer an olive branch. "I'm sure my mom would love to see you," I said smiling. "Don't you agree, Dad?"

My father actually sighed in relief. A part of me hated the fact that he might only be there because I finally got my head out of my ass where Bella and Riley were concerned. Another part of me appreciated how much he cared for them.

"She'd love to see you all," he said softly, betraying his usually contained emotions. It was a trait he'd always valued; the ability to control his emotions. Growing up, it had always made me feel as if I had to work exceptionally hard to get a reaction out of him.

I knew it wasn't entirely his fault, considering that his father was an asshole and it was likely how he was brought up. However, at fifteen, that kind of shit fucked with a kid's head. I had always felt that no matter what I'd do, it wouldn't be good enough for him.

After a while, I quit trying to please him and did everything that I could to rebel against him. Within reason, since Aunt Tanya and Mom were hard women to pull the wool over their eyes. And then, his opinion of me stopped mattering to me.

And that, as I looked over at Riley, would never happen with Riley and me –ever.

"It actually took a great deal to leave the house without her suspecting anything," he said with a deep chuckle.

"Why didn't you just tell her where you were going?" I asked.

He sighed as he pulled onto the freeway. "I didn't want to get her hopes up, son."

_Well, thanks Dad, way to make me feel shitter. _

"Well," Bella offered from the front seat. "How about we head on over there for an early dinner?" She bit her lip nervously. "We're probably going to be a shock, though. Maybe I should call her."

Carlisle nodded but said, "She knows that Edward was with Riley because we'd seen the video from the batting cages."

"Still would like to know how anyone got that close to record anything," I said, cringing at the thought of Mom seeing that. It was a miracle she hadn't called me.

Riley coughed slightly and when I turned to look at him, his face was flushed red. "I don't remember seeing anyone else there," he murmured. That was very interesting. He was not lying, but something had him unable to meet my eye.

"Not sure who it was, but he had the perfect shot," Carlisle said, looking over his shoulder to Riley.

It seemed that I wasn't the only one that suspected the pint-sized troublemaker had something to do with it. The only thing that concerned me was what he had hoped to accomplish by it.

Before I could dwell on it, Riley started to ask Carlisle lots of questions that provided the perfect distraction. Bella had called my mom, though whatever was said was lost from where I sat in the back seat.

I tried to listen in to my dad and Riley talking as if the time they'd lost had never happened. However, my mind kept drifting to Bella. There was an insistent little voice that kept asking, "Now what?"

Why that was, I wasn't sure. Maybe because that voice knew exactly what I wanted and that was everything. But do I stop the relationship from progressing further because Riley was sick? Something told me that if Riley knew, he'd be angry at me for even thinking that.

And what was the "everything" I wanted? I looked over at Bella at that moment and I knew the answer. With a smile toward Riley, I knew guy time was far from over.

"Hey, Dad," I said, watching his face light up a tiny bit, but it was gone just as quickly. No matter, I wouldn't let his lack of emotions deter me. "Any chance you, Riley and I can hit a couple of balls today?"

It was an activity we'd done a few times with Riley when I was with Bella. At the time, Riley had wanted to play golf, but found that he'd tire too quickly. So, we stuck to driving range at the club, but after a while, the media had gotten wind and going there was too much trouble.

And what did my dad do? He made a small mini golf course in his expansive backyard. That first day Riley seen it, I loved my father for it because the smile on his little face was priceless. Plus, I knew my mom had loved designing it.

Riley expressed his thoughts on the idea, right in my ear. "Yes! Let's do it! That would be so freaking cool! Can I, Mom? Can I?"

Bella looked preoccupied on her phone, when she looked over her shoulder, she glared at her son. "Do you have something you should tell me?"

Riley's back straightened as his eyes widened and brightened. "Whatever do you mean, Mama?"

Oh man, he was laying it on a little thick. I thought it would be best to hide my chuckle that leapt forth between a few coughs. Bella only needed to arch her eyebrow to make the kid spill.

"That was quick," he muttered. "I take it that they have a picture of me?" Bella nodded. Riley grimaced and offered a soft apology.

And then, Bella turned that lethal glare at me. What did I do? And for that matter, what had Riley done to deserve that look?

"Care to explain what's going on?" I asked, though I had a feeling why she was upset with me. That lovely eyebrow of hers arched even higher, making her look slightly evil. Okay, lots evil. She pressed a few buttons on the phone I got her a few nights before, but she had taken it rather reluctantly. I had to be able to get a hold of her somehow.

She turned her phone toward us with a picture of me and Riley on the screen. I thought I looked rather handsome, even if my middle finger was scratching my cheek. The haircut did have a rather good effect on my overall appearance and made me look a little older. I appreciated that, thank you very much.

What I had no idea about at the time was that against the dark blue of my jacket was Riley's small white hand that clearly indicated how he felt about the media.

Hell yes, Ri!

Bella glare took on an even harder look. Shit, I had said that out loud. I grinned at Bella, giving her the smile she always loved and told her I'd make it up to her later. As for Riley, he was on his own!

"Traitor," he hissed as Bella told him how long he was grounded from playing video games. I hadn't objected, mainly because she was right. Riley shouldn't have flipped off the paps, because that was for me to do, whether Bella liked it or not.

~oOo~

While Bella and my mother bonded over coffee and cake, we guys took to playing a little mini golf. When we had first arrived, there were a lot of tears and hugs from my mother, and not only for Bella and Riley.

She smothered me for a several moments, apologizing for the incident at the restaurant that landed me on the cover of a few tabloids a while back. As if it was all her fault I punched a guy when he stuck a camera in her face and almost made her fall.

"Way to go, Riley," Dad said, patting Riley's back as he jumped up and down. Damn, it was so good to see Riley full of energy and excitement. The kid hadn't stopped smiling all afternoon. It also felt good to be on speaking terms with my father. Though there were things that needed to be said between us, I knew we'd work it out.

And maybe I knew that because if Riley and I ever had a problem, I'd work hard to talk to him about it. Instead of letting it fester as it had with me and my dad. He was a hard man and one that hadn't shown his emotions when I was younger. But when I looked at him with Riley, all I could see was a loving grandfather.

It should have bothered me on some level, maybe even stirred up a little jealously, but it hadn't. All that mattered was that he was trying, not only for Riley, but for me, too. I knew that eventually I would need his support to get me through the tough times that lay ahead.

I needed to remain strong for Bella, but I was no Superman. I knew that, eventually, I would crumble.

~oOo~

After that day at my parents', they insisted on Riley spending the night the following weekend. Bella surprised me by saying yes immediately. She had later said that they needed to spend time with Riley as much as he needed them.

The day before the game, we spent a lazy day at home. On occasion, Bella would answer calls and took them in her office. She even left for an hour to run errands. For some reason, I felt she was hiding something from me and the worried look on Riley's face was enough to know that he might know what that was.

I was determined to find out after Riley went to bed, even if I had to seduce my girl to do it. It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it. And it _had_ to be me, since I'd tear any other man limb from limb.

Turning on the nightlight in Riley's room, I closed his door so that we could speak privately. "Oh-oh," he muttered. "You have that serious look on your face."

I smiled and sat on the bed beside him. "Were you the one that recorded that video at the batting cages?"

Whatever he expected, it didn't seem to be that. His eyes nearly cross-eyed in shock, but he quickly recovered and cringed. "I hadn't meant for you to get hurt," he whispered, averting his eyes.

I tipped his chin up and cocked an eyebrow. "I know you wouldn't do that on purpose. You'd never do anything like that, but the video, Riley. Why?"

He sighed deeply and shrugged. "I thought if the world saw you playing with me, and how you were around me, that they'd see the real you."

Wrapping my arm across his shoulder, I hugged him close. "I appreciate the thought behind it, but I need to know that when we're together, some of what happens is private."

His chin trembled and his eyes started to water. I knew I was being hard on him, but my privacy was important to me. And everything between me, Riley and Bella was fucking sacred. I didn't want every single second of our lives together to be splashed across everyone's televisions.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. "I didn't think about that. I'm so sorry." He climbed onto my lap and asked for forgiveness that was easily earned.

"Don't worry about it anymore, buddy," I murmured against his cheek. "Get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow. And I have a surprise for you."

His eyes lit up again and his smile was infectious. That was the Riley I wanted to see. He climbed under the covers and muttered another goodnight. I pressed another kiss atop his head before I left the room.

~oOo~

Waiting outside of Riley's room was Bella. My lips curved up into smirk that had her backing up toward her bedroom. "Oh no, I know that look. That's your patented, I'm-gonna-get-you-look." Her hands fisted on her hips, standing up to me. All that passion and fire in her stance and eyes only made me smile wider.

"You're hiding something," I murmured, stalking toward her. "And I'm determined to find out what it is."

She blushed! That was not the reaction I expected. What the heck was she hiding? I closed the door behind me and continued toward her. "What's going on?"

She bit her lip and shrugged. "I went to get the shot."

My jaw was on the floor and it was my turn to flush. Then again, I was worried about what it meant. Did that mean she was ready? Did it mean she never wanted kids? Was she moving that fast only because she thought it was something I wanted?

She appeared completely serious, and yet shy about what she'd said. The color that flushed her face and chest indicated something else. She wasn't necessarily nervous, just not sure about my reaction. And for me to be standing in front of her, gaping, seemed to only make her more fidgety.

"Tell me what you're thinking," she said, tracing the strap of her camisole with a fingertip. And that was the subtle hint I needed. She was ready, but because she wanted me. _That way._

I swallowed, my mouth and throat suddenly dry. "My brain is currently unable to respond."

She smirked and bit that lush bottom lip of hers. "Why is that?"

Couldn't she tell? It was rather obvious to me. "Because all my blood flow headed south," I groaned, pulling her into my arms. She giggled as we tumbled on the bed, as I kissed along her jaw and neck. "Are you sure? When? It's been a while. Where?" She started to kiss my neck and her fingers delved beneath my t-shirt. "We should talk some more," I gasped.

She pulled up and straddled me, her hair curtaining around us. "Yes, I'm sure. It'll be safe by next weekend, I'm glad it's been a while and we can stay here if you want. Now, when was the last time you tested?"

"Um…" I couldn't focus on anything but her soft, warm hands on my chest. She wanted me to talk, but that wasn't likely to happen when her fingernail scraped over my nipple. It had been way too long. She smiled that smile that said she knew exactly what she was doing to me. "Last month, and then six months before that," I replied breathlessly. "And I never had unprotected sex since you."

She nodded and pressed her lips against mine, whispering, "Are _you_ sure?"

Taking her face in my hands, I kissed her deeply for several moments. "I want you, but we could wait if it's something you don't want yet. I understand."

She smiled again, propping herself up on her hands against my chest. "You really would wait, wouldn't you?"

"For you, yeah."

"Why?"

I cupped her cheek and placed my other hand over her heart. "What's a week, a month or even a year, if we have a lifetime to explore."

Her eyes softened, tearing up slightly, whispering, "I love you."

"And I never stopped loving you."

"I know."


	18. Batter Up!

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Eighteen – Batter Up!**

* * *

**Riley**

It's the morning of the charity baseball game and everything has completely changed in less than twenty-four hours. The picture of Edward, me and mom hit the tabloids and news worldwide and we were the new big thing that people couldn't get enough of.

Even though I know that it's bad because of the no privacy thing, I can't help but think it's kind of cool. Not many of my friends can say that they've been on television. And I can. I can't stop watching the video of Edward and me climbing into the car at the hospital.

Last night's talk with Edward did make me open up my eyes a little more, though. Not only had I done something that, in some ways, hurt Edward, I now know what going out in public will mean after I'm gone.

Every time my mom or Edward step out in public after I die, it'll be on some stupid television show. I can almost see how my mom will look, her head down, sun-glasses covering red-rimmed eyes as her bottom lip trembled like it always does when she's about to cry. I can also see Edward there beside her and know that even though the secret is out now, he'll be there for her after.

I stretch as I usually do, taking inventory of what hurt and what didn't. The pain in my stomach is minimal but my chest feels tight. I sigh and rub my hands over my face softly. The tears I feel sting my eyes only last a second longer than yesterday. I shake it off and repeat my mantra twice as I get out of bed.

_Today I woke up, time to live it the best way I can. Today I woke up, time to live it the best way I can. _

I can hear mom and Edward talking in the kitchen after I change. They don't seem to notice me tiptoe, so I use the opportunity to see how they're really doing.

"Why are you doing this?" Edward asks, his voice thick with anger and maybe a little fear.

"It's nothing, Edward," Mom says. It's the voice she uses when something is a big deal but she tries to make to sound like it's not.

"Are you sick?" My breath hitches as I try to think of anything that would clue me in on her being sick in the last few months. "You want me to sign this just in case something happens to you. What am I supposed to think?" The anger is back in his voice and I know that it's his way to deal with the fear.

I hear Mom sigh and I want to see her face. I can read her easily most of the time, and when she's with Edward, even more so. I quietly kneel and look around the corner of the kitchen entrance. They're sitting on one side of the table, his hand in hers as she looks at him with her big brown eyes on the verge of tears.

"I've seen things happen to other children. They become wards of the state if there's nobody else. I need to know that if something happens to me, that you'll be there to take care of him and be _allowed_ to make decisions on his behalf."

Edward head drops but I can't see his face, but the harsh breath that he releases tells me he's anything but fine. "Okay."

Mom's "thank you" is so soft, but when she straightens again, I know she has more to tell him. "Edward, I need to know that you'll respect his…_our_ wishes. We have a DNR on his file."

He nods but is unable to meet her gaze again. When she sighs in relief, he pulls her onto his lap. "I'll take care of him. But you're not leaving, so this is just to give you some peace of mind."

"Okay."

I know exactly why she's asking him to become my legal guardian and I wonder for a few moments if what I'm asking of her is too much. I could never live with myself if she gets into trouble. Worse, be called an unfit parent.

I also wonder if she's going to ask him about what I brought up the last time Mom and I had a long talk when Edward wasn't here.

"You can come out now, Riley," Mom says.

"How did you know?" I ask as I scramble to my feet.

"I'm a mom and all moms have extra sensitive hearing."

Edward chuckles and adds, "And your feet stink." This, of course, makes Mom laugh. What I notice is that they do nothing to move apart. And I like that.

"Do not," I grumble as I pull out the box of cereal. My stomach complains with a flip and painful clench. I ignore it for now and continue putting my breakfast together. I told Mom that she couldn't make big breakfasts every day. My stomach can't handle it anymore.

"After you're done, we'd like to talk, Riley," Mom says. Oh no. Did Edward tell her about the video? I'm in so much trouble. And that's why eating takes longer than usual.

After several minutes, Mom cocks that evil eyebrow of hers and scowls. I sigh. As easy it is to read her, she's just as good at reading me. She knows I'm stalling.

"What's up?" I ask, bracing myself for more time added to my sentence.

"We'd like to know how you feel about me moving in," Edward said.

Whoa. Where did that come from?

A hundred questions come rushing out. "What? Why so soon? I'm cool with it, but why now? You're not pregnant already, are you?"

Edward didn't expect that and the orange juice he's drinking ends up all over the kitchen table and coming out of his nose. _Gross_.

Mom's patting his back as he's coughing. Oops. He runs to the kitchen sink and I'm sure he's cleaning out his nose. Soda or any kind of juice through your nose hurts. Mom's looking at him worriedly as she whispers something in his ear.

"I'm not pregnant, Riley," she says with a soft smile.

"If he moves in, how soon can you be?" Edward starts coughing all over again.

Shaking her head, Mom laughs. "Oh boy, you're full of questions today. No, I'm not pregnant. And we're not ready for more kids right now."

"Because of me," I whisper.

Her smile falls and I hate it. "Yes and no."

"Explain, please."

"I need to focus on you –us, and that wouldn't be fair to a new baby." She takes my shaking hand and kisses my knuckles. "But I want you to know that I do _want_ more kids. Are you okay with that?"

I nod and try not to start crying, but her lips tremble and that always gets me. She pulls me onto her lap and I nuzzle her shoulder and neck. After a few moments, I feel Edward's arms wrap around us both. And as I soothe Mom and she soothes me, I know in some way, we're healing Edward, too.

~oOo~

"Remember everything, Riley?" Jane, Edward's super-agent that I met earlier, asks.

"Yup. Smile at the cameras. Answer any questions about my illness, but not that I'm sick again. At least, for now. And if anyone asks about Edward, I say he's a very good friend."

"Perfect."

Edward huffs from the seat beside me. He wants to come out and say that Mom is his girlfriend and I'm his son. But Mom and Jane says that it'll look like he's my real dad and that he had left us. And we can't do that to his image. It's still fragile, according to Jane.

"Edward," Jane says firmly.

He rolls his eyes at her. "Yeah, yeah. I can't _say_ anything other than that they're friends."

"And Bella," Jane says, turning her attention to Mom. "Any information concerning your relationship with Edward is to remain private. They don't need to know the nature of your relationship. Understand?"

"Yes," she answers brightly. Taking Edward's hand, she squeezes it a few times. He smiles as her and does the same. They use the handshake to secretly tell each other "I love you" without anyone seeing. It always makes me smile.

The car pulls up the stadium's side entrance and there are a lot of people there. Some big guys that were sitting up in front open the door and help get us inside. It isn't so bad this time, maybe because this time, we're ready for what's coming.

There are a lot of flashes and questions thrown my way. And I answer a few, including my name and if I'm here for Edward.

I turn to the reporter and say, "I'm here because I know what it's like to be sick. And we've always come to the game since I was a kid. Edward was coming for the same reason, so we decided to come together."

Edward smiles down at me and winks, whispering to Jane, "He'd make an awesome publicist." I have no idea what that is but I shrug and laugh as he pulls me up into his arms. My mom smiles as he takes her hand, and together, we walk inside a stadium filled with thousands of people as a family.

~oOo~

There are lots of kids here, not only sick ones, but strong healthy ones. They're a sister, a brother or cousin to someone that's fought or fight the same battle thousands of children do every day. I smile and wave at a few familiar faces. Some I know— Peter lost his sister Maria last year. Ricky, he's someone I met a few years ago; he's in remission and his future is bright.

Not everyone here will lose someone, but some will. And that's what we're here for. To celebrate those lost, those who fight and those who will live. It's fundraisers and charity events like these that bring all of us together, so we make a difference.

And I see celebrity and non-celebrity people blur the line that usually separates them from the other. Cancer doesn't discriminate. Young, old, rich or poor; it can happen to anyone. I point out to Mom the giant television shows a dollar amount that grows every second. She smiles and says that she thinks it'll at least double by the end of the event.

Edward is surrounded by reporters for only a few minutes, before he shows us where our seats are. Mom and I wanted to be as close to the field as could be and he helped make that happen. After that, he introduces us to a bunch of famous people. Some guy with grey hair and a big chin stops long enough to ask if Edward's still working on some car.

While they're talking, Mom is busy speaking with Jane about Edward's television spot on some CSI show next week. He'll be gone for days and even though I understand, I hate that he has to leave. Its unavoidable, Jane says sadly.

As they continue to talk, I see Alice and Jasper trying to get my attention. I wave at them and they both smile, but point to someone standing a few feet from us that's looking at us with hard eyes.

She looks a little evil and when her gaze meets mine, I shiver. I tug on Jane's jersey and point to the lady with dark hair and matching eyes. Jane actually hisses! I had no idea she could be mean, too.

"I can't believe she's here," Edward says, his hands clench into fists. "She's walking over, Jane. There's no way I won't tell her ass off." Without a second thought, he hands me a dollar. I've made a lot of money lately, wonder what I should buy Mom.

"I'll take care of it," she says to him, while pulling Mom and pushing her into Edward's arms. And it's at that moment that I can see how Mom is really mad— like crying, red-faced mad. Edward's holding her close, whispering into her ear as Jane walks over to the mean looking lady.

I have no clue what's going on, but it's bad. And I look around and thank God that the camera people are not allowed on the field right now.

Jane says something to the lady and the woman eyes look like they're going to pop out of her head. Whatever Jane said to her, it's enough for the woman to leave without another look toward Mom and Edward.

"Mom, are you okay?" I ask, rubbing her back like she does to me when I'm upset. She gives me a smile and kneels down in front of me.

"I'm fine," she says, dusting off the lint that only moms can see. "She's someone that hurt me and Edward. But it's no longer important."

"She still makes you mad," I say softly, brushing some hair behind her hair. I adjust her baseball cap and tug her earlobe like I do when I want her to smile.

"This is the first I've seen her in a long time, Riley," she explains, smiling widely. "And if I wasn't here and somewhere else…"

"You'd go all mamabear on her a—butt?" Phew, that was close.

She laughs and Edward rubs my head. "Something like that."

"She didn't do anything to me," I say, confused.

Her smile falls a little. "Don't worry about it anymore, baby." I nod and wrap my arms around her neck for a little bit. And as I breathe her familiar smell, I can't help but want nothing else to upset her – ever. But it's something I can't promise.

~oOo~

Mike shows up before the game starts, and as he tells the audience how important the cause is, he cries, explaining how it can help kids like Brittney. He helps a little boy named Jason, who survived his second series of chemo for his leukemia, throw a baseball toward the pitcher.

The game is for fun and is just funny. Sometimes a runner on third base would moonwalk toward the home plate. Another player would catch the pop flies after doing a few flips. A pair of magicians play with Usher, who's stuck between first and second, making him run in between the bases back and forth for a few minutes.

Everyone's having a great time, laughing, eating and helping those in need. As I look up at the big screen, I laugh and point at it. Mom gasps. On the big screen, Edward and five of the old power rangers from the television show hold up big painted letters.

R – I – L – E – Y – !

"That's me!" I scream and jump up and down. I'm on the big screen and Mom is, too. The screen changes to show both me and Mom and Edward and his friends. The crowd starts to chant Riley, Riley! I'm laughing, fist-pumping and I can't stop smiling.

After a minute, the letters flip over.

I – L – O – V – E

And Edward steps forward and flips his exclamation point over with a big smile on his face, he winks at the camera.

YOUR MOM


	19. Games and Moving Day

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Nineteen – Games and Moving Day**

* * *

**Riley**

My mom is crying, like she usually does when she's happy. Each and every tear that falls down her cheeks are there because of the love that Edward proudly shows her. I hope he'll show her every day for the rest of her life. She deserves it.

Jane, sitting on my other side, sniffles. "Of course he'd do something so…" she looks at me and smiles, "perfectly him. I'm still going to kill him."

Mom laughs. "He's never done anything small," she says, waving in the direction of the camera. She even blows a kiss and then she does something that makes me smile more. She says that he loves him, too.

It's loud and noisy and everyone is still chanting my name and now Edward's. What a perfect day, so far. But I'm worried about Edward leaving for a whole week. That only leaves us today and tomorrow.

What if something happens to him while he's gone? I wonder if this is how parents feel about their kids every time they walk out the front door. In my case, is this what Mom feels every time I go to sleep? I hate it, but I need to stop thinking about it. Now isn't the time. It's a good day, and I need to make the most of it, with Mom, Edward and everyone here to help make a difference.

I look at Mom, who hasn't stopped smiling, and she pulls me against her and kisses the top of my head. Thankfully, the camera isn't on us anymore. She rolls her eyes like she knows exactly what I'm thinking and she usually does.

"I can't imagine what he'll do when he proposes," Jane says over my head.

Proposes? First, he admits that he loves Mom, and as of this morning, will be moving in and should be living with us by the time he comes back from filming. Wow. A lot has happened in the last week. And I really think Edward and I need to have a man-to-man talk – soon.

A few minutes later, Mom jumps to her feet when it's Edward's turn to bat. Our whole section stands up, screaming and cheering for him. He waves at us and steps up to the base. He looks so serious but then jokingly points where the ball will go – along the outside of the foul line!

The first pitch is a ball, the second a strike, but the third is perfect and nothing but the crack of wood sounds through the stadium. And just as he predicted it going toward the foul line, but lands just inside. He seems surprised but manages to get to second base and with another player on third, his team will win if the next hitter can get bring them home.

And there's another surprise from Edward. Emmett is up! Mom is just as surprised as I am. And Jane explains that one of his graphic novels has been picked up by a movie studio. That is totally cool. I smile and wave; he sees Mom and me and grins.

Everyone is screaming his name as he tries to get a little of the first two pitches, but never connecting. On the third throw, he swings so hard, he almost breaks the bat. It goes and goes, I cover my eyes with my hand and it's gone!

Edward and Emmett round the bases and the crowd goes wild as fireworks go off near the score board. Even though Edward's team won, all the players meet in the center of the diamond, congratulating each other. Everyone is a winner for this game, because all the proceeds go to the local children's hospital, where it'll help kids like me.

And maybe someday —hopefully soon— they'll find more cures for childhood cancers.

~oOo~

It's hot, like really hot in Los Angeles and it's the beginning of November. While Edward is busy with press, and Jane, Mom and I are talking with some of the other families as we all wait to get some autographs from some of the stars that came out today.

Mom is making friends and that makes me happy, too. For a while now, it's only been me and her since Grandpa Charlie died. There has been Emmett and Rosalie for the last few months, but no one else. She doesn't work and spends most of her time with me. Whenever I'm in school, she's busy trying to maintain our small house and grandpa's.

She's talking to Jane now, laughing as Edward is telling some fan that he's smiling because he's happy. They ask if I'm his son, and though he doesn't answer, his smile grows wider. And it's all the answer they need. I might not be his son by blood, but I am his in his heart.

And that's what he whispers to me as he pulls in his arms. Together, along with Mom, we pose for pictures. The world now knows that we're a unit – a family. And I can't ask for anything more.

The minute we get inside the limo, Jane goes off on Edward. And so does Mom. He only laughs and pulls Mom on his lap, nuzzling her neck. When he whispers something in her ear, she kisses his cheek and I know she's forgiven him.

She never really was mad at him in the first place. She only hates surprises. As she lays her head on his shoulder, his eyes turn to me. He winks and gives me a thumb up. And I know that another part of my wish will come true sooner than I thought.

~oOo~

The perfect day ends with pizza with Jane, Rose and Emmett as we all play Just Dance 2. Watching Emmett dance to Tik Tok is hilarious and Edward's impersonation of Elvis has Mom laughing out loud. I think she may be swooning, too.

The day has been beyond everything I expected, but for some reason, I feel like I'm watching from the outside. Not because Mom and Edward aren't involving me in everything, because they are. No, it's because in the back of my mind, a thought is always there.

Tomorrow may never come.

~oOo~

Edward will be gone for the next five days and Mom is in a mood. If it wasn't for the fact that Edward was playing some serial killer on one of her favorite shows, she may have asked him to stay. And he would've, but I know she couldn't do that to him.

The morning he leaves, it's with a long good-bye and a promise to my mother and me that he'll call every day. Within an hour, he's calling Mom, who afterward, can't stop smiling. We run errands and pick up some books, since now I'll be home schooled.

When we get back home, there's a moving truck pulling up, too. I jump out of the car to greet the movers and I'm surprised to see that Emmett's here. I wave at him and with Mom's help and Emmett's, we start moving Edward's stuff in.

"He doesn't have much," Emmett says when he and Mom instructs some of the movers to put a recliner in the living room.

"He said most of his stuff went to Goodwill since it wouldn't all fit here," Mom replies. "He only brought the cool stuff." She says this with a roll of her eyes as a foosball table floats on by, carried by two guys.

Emmett and I grin when she shows them where it should go. We both fistpump and high five each other when her back is turned. Oh yeah, foosball. The minute Edward gets home, we're gonna play.

It's been over an hour later when I hear Mom. "Hey, Riley," she calls me from her bedroom. I walk inside to find her unpacking Edward's clothes in the closet. Yeah, it's definitely time for me to have a talk with Edward, one that would make Grandpa Charlie proud. I smile and rub my hands together at the thought. "Here, Ri." She hands me her cell phone and smirks.

"Who is it?"

"Brittney," she says and tells me to take my time, smirking the whole time. I blush as I grumble under my breath. She makes the biggest deal out of everything. It's just Brittney. I mumble a hello and when I hear her voice I smile.

Yeah, it's just Brittney, my best friend and one that knows me. The one person that understands everything I'm going through and all that I'm feeling. I swallow roughly as I notice how hoarse and small her voice is.

"When can you come to see me?" she asks softly. And I know how much it has to hurt her to even talk.

"I'm not sure," I say, closing my bedroom door behind me. "We're moving Edward's stuff in, but Mom says we should be able to tomorrow for a little while."

She doesn't say anything and I wonder if she fell asleep. It's something so easy to do when you're so tired after chemo. "Brittney?"

"I need to talk to you about something," she whispers.

"We can talk right now, Brittney," I reply, running a hand through over my head. Something about her voice and the way she's whispering makes me think I may not like what she has to say.

"I never kissed a boy," she blurts out.

I drop the phone. What am I supposed to say to that!


	20. Homesick

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty – Homesick**

* * *

**Edward**

It had been less than a day, and yet, being away from them hurt like fucking hell. What was I doing? Why had I left? Time was moving so fast since I walked back into their lives and I realized that I didn't want to waste it doing shit I had no business doing.

But Jane and Bella were right. I had to find what I wanted to do, find my niche in the damn world. And I had to get my name back up there, with those that were still respected in the business. I knew for some time that acting wasn't what I wanted to do forever. No, it was behind the scenes that I preferred.

Whether it was behind the camera or as the screenwriter, I still wasn't sure. All I knew was that I no longer craved the spotlight. Then again, Bella had brought something to my attention. She told me I had loved to act, and that I had been good at it. It only lost its allure when my life went to hell.

I needed to be in the right frame of mind for my call to Bella. It had been in the darkest reaches earlier; when I had to find something to channel the sick fucker I was playing on CSI. I loved the idea that I was doing something that Bella would get a kick out of. I knew the CSI series were some of her favorite shows, preferring them over the onslaught of reality television.

And the coolest part was that the role had a chance to become recurring, depending on the show's fans reaction to the character. It was good to step back into a role, even that of a serial killer. Though we'd hit a snag earlier in the day, when I had to run down a New York street. The paps were fucking dogging my steps ever since they found out I was in New York.

I was not looking forward to the welcome at the airport when I got back to LA, especially since I forbid Bella to meet me. It looked as if my latest jaunts out in public were making news. There was the baseball incident, my haircut, Riley and I flipping off the paps, and of course, Bella. She was the mystery woman, who they all only knew as Riley's Mom.

Whom I confessed at a game that I loved and hundreds of videos of that confession went viral in fucking minutes. I smiled, remembering the look on Bella's face on the jumbo-tron. She looked fucking shocked and beautiful as she smiled that smile that said it all.

She loved me, too.

I scrambled for my cell phone as it rang on the nightstand by the bed. Diving for it, I landed in the middle of the bed with a muffled grunt as I answered.

"There's no need to know what you're watching," Bella said with a giggle.

"Shut it, woman," I said playfully. "I was across the room when the phone rang."

She laughed and asked about my day. After explaining about what happened while shooting on the street, she sighed. "Yeah, I saw that on television. They're brutal."

"I know, baby," I said softly. "You okay?"

"Sure," she whispered, and then sighed. "No. I thought having your stuff here would help me feel better." I sat up against the headboard and remained silent. I had no idea what she meant by that. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss you."

I sighed in relief and tried to make her feel better. "I miss you, too. Is Riley already in bed?" I looked over at wall clock; it was past his bedtime.

"Emmett and Rosalie came over for dinner," she replied. "And to watch over me like someone asked them to do."

I smiled, because I knew she'd see right through them. Rosalie and Emmett never held anything back, it seemed. "I have no idea what you're talking about. You didn't answer my question, though?"

"Yes," she sighed. "He's in bed."

"Is his nightlight on?" I asked without thinking.

For a few moments, she said nothing. "You know about that?"

"Yeah, baby," I replied in just as soft as a whisper as she did. I could almost see her wipe away a tear, even if she kept herself from making a sound. She had to have figured out why he suddenly was afraid of the dark. And it broke my heart.

"I'm glad I managed to talk to him earlier," I said, hoping to change the subject for both our sakes. "Though, he seemed distracted, now that I think about it." I had called earlier in the afternoon, during a break in filming.

"It's the foosball and hockey table you moved in," she said with a laugh. "He refused to play with it yet, because he wants to challenge you first."

"As if he has a chance to win!"

She laughed and explained where they had the movers put my stuff. It warmed me that she had no problem, making room for me, not only in her home but her heart. Damn, what the woman did to me was overwhelming but not unwelcomed.

I told her about meeting some of her television stars; she might have fangirled a little when I told her I managed to get some autographs for her. I yawned, unable to hold it back. "Sorry, baby."

"You're exhausted."

"Yeah, long day." I stretched. "Don't think I'll sleep, anyway, I've gotten used to being with you when I do."

She laughed softly. "Same here. Have you decided where we're going for Riley's big sleepover weekend?"

I swallowed deeply, running my fingers through my hair. "Not sure, um, but we're still spending Friday together, right? You know, since by then, it'll be like four and a half days since I've seen him."

She was silent for several moments, making we wonder if I said something wrong. "Yeah, we can do something together once you get back."

"What did I say?"

"Nothing more perfect."

I smiled, finally coming to the realization on what made her pause. The fact that I wanted to spend time with her _and _Riley the minute I got home. "Both Rosalie, Emmett and my parents wanted Riley to sleepover this weekend. So where we'll he be staying?"

"We worked it out with them already," she sighed and I could hear the soft squeak of her bed. The woman needed a new bed, badly. I would have to think of a way to broach that subject. "This weekend is for your parents and the next is Rosie and Emmett's."

Again, there was a lot of squeaking. "What are you doing, babe?"

"Oh, I have my Bluetooth on," she huffed and took a deep breath. "I got a new mattress for our bedroom and I was moving the old one."

"You could've had the movers do it," I said.

"I saved myself sixty bucks, mister."

I laughed. "You don't have to worry about money."

I could hear the frustration in her voice over the phone. "We're not having that conversation over the phone."

"What conversation?" My tone was just as defensive.

"The one where we discuss what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine."

Luckily for me, she couldn't see me roll my eyes. We had that discussion before, when I paid for the filtration system for the house. "Well, what's mine _is_ yours."

"I know that," she whispered. "Look, we're both doing a lot of adjusting right now. It'll take time for me to get used to spending your money."

"Our money," I stated firmly.

"We're not married," she said, and I swore I heard her whisper something toward the end. But I didn't catch it.

And for some reason, it fucking stung to hear her say that. "We're not having _that_ conversation over the phone."

"Oh good, I won."

Rather than having the last word, I asked, "Did we just have our first fight about finances?"

"It was a brief discussion, nothing more. Personally, we could've spent our time on better things."

"Like what?" I asked, curious.

"I'm not stupid, Edward," she said with a little hiss. "You deliberately changed the subject. Where are we going for our first weekend?"

Damn, she caught me. I smiled as I lay back fully on my bed. Bella would forever keep me on my toes. And I wouldn't change a thing. "It's a surprise."

~oOo~

Bella and I spent only about a little over an hour talking the previous night, mostly because I was tired. The schedule for filming television shows was grueling and combined with my lack of sleep, it was downright exhausting.

I spent the next morning with a cup of coffee glued to my hand between shoots. I had seriously considered smoking again, but that was a habit I had promised to quit to more than one person. I shook away the thought of grabbing a smoke from one of crew members and grabbed a bite to eat instead.

I nearly choked on my sub when I felt my cell phone vibrate. No one would call me during the day unless it was an emergency, since everyone knew I was filming.

I grabbed it quickly, my heart beating harshly in my chest. The worst fucking things went through my head, all the possibilities.

_Is Riley sicker? In the hospital? Is something wrong with Bella?_

My blood ran cold when I saw that it was Bella's house phone. She never called me from that number. Something was wrong with her that had to be it. _Fuck, please let everything be okay._

"Bella?" I answered on the third ring.

"Edward," Riley whispered. Oh God, please let them be okay.

"Riley? What's wrong? Where's your mom? Are you okay?"

"Jeez, one question at a time."

Relief. It was swift and sure and overwhelming. My heart slammed in my chest, over and over again, until it thudded into a slower, gentler rhythm. His voice was soft, but it wasn't filled with sadness or fear— maybe even held a little taunting.

"Your mom never calls me from this number," I said softly.

He seemed to realize what happened. "I'm sorry. Nothing's wrong. At least, not with Mom."

I checked with a crew member on how much time we had left before I had to be on the set. Twenty minutes. "You all right, Ri?"

"No. Yes. I don't know!"

"What's up?" Please tell me he's not in pain. Though a part of me knew he'd hide it for as long as he could from me and Bella.

"Brittney called," he replied. "She…she…Oh man, I can't even tell you!"

"Is she okay? Buddy, I can hop on a plane right now if you need me to."

"Oh no, sorry! She's still with me…or here with ugh! Okay. I can do this."

"Riley, you're making my heart stop with every word. Tell me what's wrong."

"She said she never had her first kiss." It was said so softly, that I wasn't sure I heard him correctly. "I think she wants to kiss me."

I smiled and thankfully he couldn't see me. It wasn't something as drastic as her getting sicker, but it was just as scary. At least to a nine year old boy. "And you don't want to kiss her?"

"No. Yes. Gah! Yes, I do, okay. This is all so confusing. Does she want to kiss me because she likes me or because I'm probably the only one that would?"

"I'm not sure, Jesse at the game kept asking about her," I said, hoping to entice the right reaction.

"I don't think so!" After huffing for a few seconds, Riley continued. "He doesn't know her favorite movie, book or color. I do."

I wanted to laugh, but managed to contain it. He fell for that easily. "Well, if you don't like the idea of another of her one of little boyfriends kissing her, you might want to step up."

After a few moments, Riley hissed, "You totally tricked me." I laughed that time. "You're good. Okay. Obviously, I want to. Oh man, now I'm going to worry about what to do."

"It's a simple kiss, Riley," I said. He was way too young to be even considering much more than that. Besides, Bella would kill me if I suggested otherwise.

"Simple. This is her first, and likely only, kiss, Edward."

And that was when I figured what was really bothering him.

"Is it your first kiss, too?"

I was pretty sure I heard the obvious sound of him thumping his head on a table or wall. I also wondered where Bella was that allowed him the privacy he needed to call me.

"Yes," he croaked. "I don't know what I'm doing. And you can bet I'm not having one of those movie kisses, either."

I laughed. "If you knew how awkward and unromantic those kissing scenes are, then you'd realize it's a good thing not to want of those."

"Oh good," he said, teasing. "Because it looks like you're sucking the girl's breath out of her." I snorted, making him laugh. "I'm freaking out over nothing, right?"

"Not really," I answered honestly. "This is a big step for you both, and something you shouldn't take lightly. She's been your friend for a long time."

"Yeah, I met her at the hospital. She'd been there for at least a week and didn't make me feel like a baby because I cried a lot." And though I heard the sadness behind the memory, I also could hear the awe. "She's been one of my very best friends."

"All I can tell you, Riley, is to do what you feel is right."

"I know," he grumbled. "I want to, though."

Even though Bella would likely object, I gave him some advice on how to kiss, a peck really, without bumping noses or heads. He listened, even asking questions about certain things. It felt surreal to be talking to him about something like that. And a part me thanked God that I was able to have that moment, that talk with him before it was too late.

"Do you feel better about it now?" I asked, noticing that I needed to get off the phone soon.

"A little, thanks, Edward."

I smiled and said that I'd call later that night, but before we said goodbye, Riley had more to say. "Hey, Edward," he said, a little softer than before.

"Yeah?"

"Next time you use our computer, you might want to sign out of your Yahoo mail."

I stilled, trying to remember all the emails I'd gotten notices for through my smart phone. Oh shit.

"Please tell me you logged me out."

"Of course." When neither of us said another word, I cleared my throat, preparing myself for what I knew he'd say next. "Wanna tell me who Kate is?"

Fuck. I knew it. He'd seen the email. "She's a salesperson," I murmured.

"Yes, I saw that. I didn't recognize the place that's in the subject line. Don't worry. I didn't open it."

I sighed a breath of relief; over the phone was not the way I envisioned that conversation. "Yes, it's a place to go shopping close to where I'm staying. I requested a private meeting."

He hummed. "Shopping?" I swallowed. His tone was serious and maybe even a little angry. Shit. "Is there something you need to tell me, Edward?"

I didn't say anything because I still needed to talk to him about it. Maybe I was jumping the gun, but when I wanted something I dove right in. So, I took another leap.

"Yes, Cartier is one of the best jewelry stores in New York to buy a wedding ring."


	21. My First

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-One – My First**

* * *

**Riley**

I'm nervous. And now, I wanna roll my eyes at myself, because that's the understatement of the year. I'm more than regular nervous, though. I'm at a _whole_ new level of nervous.

My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty and I think my left eyebrow is twitching. And don't get me started on the state of my stomach. The knots inside are huge.

I want this – with her. I do. It's just so wrong at the same time of being right. This shouldn't be our only chance to share something special with someone we care about.

I know it'll be our only chance today, since she's constantly surrounded by family. A part of her hates the attention, she told me that before. But the other part, knows that they need this time with her.

My mom asks as we walk down the hallway toward Brittney's room, "What's wrong, Riley?"

Should I tell her? No, not yet. I sigh and shake my head. She knows that when we go to see Brittney, it's usually bittersweet and that I'm not very talkative before we go.

She gives me a small smile, the one that says, "I know. I wish it was different."

I wish it was, too.

When we walk in Brittney's room a few minutes later, her parents are there. I smile and kiss Jessica— she asked me to call her that last week— on the cheek. She smiles as Mike and I bump fists and run a hand over our short hair, making all the ladies laugh.

I'm surprised to see Brittney in a wheelchair instead of in bed. But I don't let that show, since I know she has to be hurting. It always hurts, no matter how much medicine they put in you. She gives me a smile that doesn't reach her eyes like it usually does.

And she quickly turns away. This is something she'd done for weeks when I first met her four or five years ago. Mom had said that Brittney was shy back then. But why would she be shy now? Was it because of what she said the other night?

Oh man. Is she as nervous as I am? Did she change her mind? I didn't want her to change her mind. Ugh, what if she'd rather kiss Jesse?

I clench my hands into fists, stuffing them in the pockets of my jeans, not looking at her. If she'd rather kiss Jesse, it's okay. I only want her to be happy.

From the corner of my eye, I see Mom looking at me curiously. She's always curious. I sniff a little to break the nervous tension behind my eyes. That's when Brittney touches my arm, almost making me jump.

"Hi, Riley," she whispers, her voice small and sleep-rumpled.

"'ello," I grumbled, though I'm not really mad at her.

"You're her third set of visitors today," Jessica says happily. "Some more of your friends came over earlier. You just missed them."

Like Jesse.

I'm not mad, I tell myself over and over. Total lie, but I'm not going to admit that to anyone.

"Riley," Mike says, patting my back, pulling me from my thoughts. "Do you mind staying with Brittney while her mom and I go grab something to eat down the street?"

I know why they ask. They don't want her to be alone, just in case something happens and the cafeteria food here sucks. I nod, wondering if Mom is joining them. After a few minutes though, it's clear she's isn't leaving when Brittney's parents walk out of the room.

But I need privacy to talk to Brittney. Mom hands Brittney some variegated purple and pink long glove things that have an opening along the top of one for her IV Lines. Brittney is all smiles and happily accepts them and asks Mom for help to put them on.

Mom is extra careful so that she doesn't disturb any of the lines or hurt Brittney in any way. Everyone treats her like she's made of glass. And in a way, Brittney is like the tiny spun glass unicorn I gave her for her last birthday that sits on the table behind the hospital bed.

The tiny, fragile lines of clear glass that make up the hair and ribbons of her gift are like the spidery-web like blue veins underneath the pale skin around her big blue eyes and along her hands and arms.

And like the unicorn, it's pretty in its own way. Just like Brittney is beautiful, inside and out.

"Well," Mom says after a few minutes. "I'm going to grab a drink and maybe some pudding." She looks directly at me, and I have no doubt she's sensing that I need to talk to Brittney alone, though she's not sure why.

I wasn't about to tell her. She'd probably squeal and "ooh" and "aw", while trying hard not to cry.

I give Mom a smile that I hope states that I'm okay and everything is fine. Brittney watches the entire exchange uneasily and all I want to do is tell her everything is fine, too. When Mom finally leaves, I drop my head down and breathe out harshly.

"I thought she'd never leave," I say, smiling at Brittney. And just like that, the nervous and worry in her eyes and smile vanish. Brightly, she laughs, taking my hand in hers.

"Break me out?" she questions as if I'd say no. When have I ever?

Never.

"We're going to get in trouble, you know?" I say as unlock the brakes on her chair, swirling her around once.

She giggles and nods, but doesn't change her mind. I knew she wouldn't. I make sure that her IV bags are safely secure before I look into the hall to make sure the coast is clear. Once I'm sure, I push Brittney in the chair quickly.

Once we're in a more isolated part of the wing, I bend down and whisper in her ear, "Fast or slow?"

"Fast," she says, giggling and pumping her fists in the air slowly. I won't dwell on that. Not today.

"As you wish!" I say, running down the hall, hoping on a brace on the back of her wheelchair that will support my weight. She has her hands near the brakes, a practiced move since we've done this a hundred times before. She giggles and squeals as I jump down to make the turn around the corner. She's practically on one wheel, but we're both laughing.

And I'm out of breath. Ignoring the sting in my lungs, I peek to make sure no one is paying attention near the station at the end. I see a couple of nurses and a doctor, but they're all looking in another direction.

I see the door I'm trying to make it to right across the hall. Brittney is biting her lip nervously, waiting patiently and quietly. I book it!

Seconds later, the sun shines down on us; the garden that surrounds us is filled with awesome smells and the sounds of birds chirping. Nothing compares to hearing Brittney sigh softly.

She hadn't been outside much in the last week or so, because she was too weak. Again, I don't dwell on that, on being sick, and shake away the thought before it takes root. Instead, I concentrate on Brittney and on the day.

"You don't have to, Riley," she whispers. I look down to see a tear fall down her cheek.

How could she possibly think I wouldn't want to?

"Have you changed your mind?" I asked softly. She asked if we could share our first kiss together after I dropped the phone the other day. She shakes her head and the nerves that had almost taken over completely disappear.

Instead, there is only us, the sun that shines down on us and…anticipation. That's the only way to describe what I'm feeling now. Like it's Christmas morning and I'm running down the hall, eager to open my gifts, to have pancakes with Mom and share one more holiday with her.

I move her chair toward the bench that's near a fountain, she sighs even more. "I have something for you," I whisper, stuffing my hand in my pocket and digging out the necklace Mom said I could give her. It used to be hers, something my dad, Riley, had given her in high school.

The thin silver chain has a tiny heart pendant with a small pale blue stone in the middle, the same color of Brittney's eyes. When I asked Mom for an idea for a gift for Brittney, this is what she suggested and it's perfect.

Her eyes light up and she touches it gently, like it might break if she holds on too hard. I smile and ask if it's okay for me to put it on. She only nods and shyly removes her beanie since it covers her neck. I have a little trouble with the clasp, but I finally get it on right.

She touches the heart again and looks up at me. And I knew she was waiting. The nerves are back, but they're second to the need to move forward.

_Do what feels naturally. _I hear Edward's words again in my mind and smile. Brittney smiles, too, but she surprises me and takes my face in her cool, small hands. I'm not smiling anymore. I'm looking at her lips. They're soft. I can tell.

Then, it happens. I feel warm and cold and it tingles where our lips meet. It's not weird like I first thought it would be. It's perfect. I'm not sure how long our mouths touch, I just move slightly to the right and the left. She giggles and I laugh.

We pull away. We're both smiling like dummies, but I don't care. It may be our first kiss, but I'll make sure it's not _our_ last. She pecks me again, and I'm sure she's in agreement. She's giggling again, hugging me close and whispers, "Don't look, but your Mom is watching from the window."

Of course she is.


	22. Coming Home

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Two – Coming Home**

* * *

**Edward**

I cursed when I realized that I was running late, again. It wasn't unusual while I was filming on set; we always ran late. It was a good thing that the sales rep had anticipated something like that would occur and set aside ninety minutes for me.

The busy streets of New York sped by as I sat in the backseat, being driven to Cartier's. I did the best I could to remove the fake blood that seemed to have seeped into my skin. I still looked as if I had it under my fingernails. I hated that shit, but I had to admit the scene looked fucking awesome.

When we pulled up a few minutes later, I smiled at the security guard that awaited me. I gave my driver instructions to wait for me since there was a chance I'd be spotted and would have to make a run for it. My disguise of a baseball cap, hoodie and sunglasses were typical for me, but seemed to have been working whenever I left the set. Then again, I no longer had my signature hair.

The last thing I wanted was for the media to find out where I was and broadcast that I had visited one of New York's finest jewelry stores. I knew I could easily had looked for her ring online, but pictures didn't do any justice to the quality and cut of the diamond. At least, that was what Mom said, so I had to take her word for it.

All I knew was that Bella could not find out that I had been there, shopping for a ring before I had the chance to ask her. It would suck to find out that your boyfriend planned to propose at the same time as millions of other people. I couldn't even begin to imagine what Bella would do or say.

That, of course, had me to second-guessing myself. I knew what I wanted and I knew that Bella wanted me –us—together. But it had been barely two weeks since I reentered her life.

She had made it clear, early on, that she wanted us to be together. The pace of our rekindled relationship was practically warp speed, and though I worried that it was because of Riley, it felt right. We'd gone slow our first time around, and since we both knew what we wanted, there seemed to be no reason to wait.

At least, that was how I hoped Bella would see it. Thankfully, I seemed to have gained Riley's blessing. I wished we could've had the discussion of me marrying his mom face to face. But, I couldn't lie to him when he asked about the email. He would've Googled the place and found out what I was up to easily.

I was led into a side door and into a small room that looked like the showroom, but in a smaller scale. Kate Whitfield greeted me and seemed pleasant enough that it wouldn't be a chore working with her to find the perfect ring.

It had to be something nice, unique and beautiful in its simplicity. Bella did not like to show off, so a huge rock would likely have her telling me to return it, buy something simpler and donate the rest.

I was looking over different settings, trying to decide on the type of precious metal to use, when my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I muttered a curse, barely understanding anything Kate was saying when I checked who was calling.

Bella.

Shit.

I silently sent a look at Kate, who immediately caught on and motioned that she was would remain quiet.

"Hey, baby," I answered.

She was crying and sniffling, scaring me a bit. I had a feeling what the call was about. "Bella, tell me what's wrong?"

"I think I just saw Riley," she whispered, sniffling twice before continuing. "Have his first kiss."

I smiled and fist-pumped, he did it. Good for him. Before I continued to mentally high-five Riley, I knew I needed to get Bella out of the state of mind she was likely in. Though she had tremendous strength, she usually fell apart privately when it came to the idea that there would be so many things she'd miss after he was gone, and Riley's first kiss would've been one of them.

I wanted to coax her into laughing and smiling.

"Bella," I said in firm tone.

"Yes," she hiccuped, something she always did when she'd been crying. I hated when she cried, good tears or bad.

"Did you spy on Riley?"

There was a beat of silence before she responded. "Oh, shut up," she murmured, and I could almost picture that pout of hers. "I couldn't find him and he was acting really weird earlier, which now makes sense, when we went to see –" she hiccuped against, so I finished her sentence.

"Brittney." _Oh shit._ There was a long silence as Kate nodded at the setting I liked in platinum.

"You knew," Bella said softly. "Did he tell you or something? Was this not his first time?" With each question she asked, her voice rose.

"He called me last night," I sad quickly. "He asked for advice and I'll admit, he was upset and confused about the whole thing."

"You gave him advice," she said softly. "Like a dad would."

I smiled at Kate when she motioned she'd return in a moment, and turned to away to say something. "Well, yeah. You don't mind, do you?"

"No." She was crying again. "I'm glad you did. If he'd asked me, I think I would've crumbled."

I sighed and wished I had her in my arms at that moment. Hell, every moment. "You've been so strong, Bella." It was one of the things I admired about her. "Stronger than me and anyone I've ever known. I know it's not easy, but you're doing great."

"Thank you," she whispered. "I love you."

God, every time she said that, my heart raced. "Love you, too. I wish I was there."

"Me, too," she sighed. Kate answered a question another associate asked, a little too close to me. "Are you still on the set? I'm sorry."

I couldn't lie to her since I promised that I wouldn't since I'd come back. But omitting might work. "Nope. I'm out shopping." I sent Kate another look that her apologizing quickly. Damn right.

"Ooh, are you out getting us New York souvenirs?"

I laughed at the thought. When we were together before, whenever I visited or filmed away from home, I'd bring them back the tackiest souvenirs I could find.

"Maybe." I pulled out my wallet, handing Kate my credit card, dropping a worn picture of me, Bella and Riley on the floor.

"I know what you can get me," she said as I picked up the photo. We were both smiling in it. She was in an amazing red bikini as I stood behind her, holding the camera out and Riley was in her arms. Damn, we looked good together. I had almost forgotten the picture was there still in my wallet.

"And what's that?" I knew whatever she had to say would surprise me and she didn't disappoint.

"An 'I love New York t-shirt,'" she teased, her voice once again bright and sexy. "You know the one with the big red heart over my left boob." I snorted and coughed, making her laugh. "I'll even let you fondle the heart."

I laughed until I had to turn away from Kate, who was looking at me strangely. "Only the left one?"

"Hmm," she said after she caught her breath. "The right one would feel neglected."

"I wouldn't want that," I said. That was exactly what she needed. To laugh and be herself, joking around like her world wasn't falling apart. "I love you."

She sighed softly as the seriousness of my voice. "I better go."

"Same here," I replied. I still needed to pick out a diamond. "Two more days."

"Actually thirty-six hours and twenty-nine minutes."

"And thirty-three seconds. Not that I'm counting." She laughed. "Now, before you go. Don't make a big deal about the kiss. Don't ask questions, because he's likely not going to share. And if he wants to, he will on his own time."

"I know," she huffed. "Are you still calling tonight?"

"Yes. Love you."

"I know," she said with a laugh and hung up. She refused to say good-bye, even over the phone. And I was okay with that.

~oOo~

The remainder of my week away passed in a blur of last minute changes and redo of two scenes. Thankfully, that allowed the time to pass quickly enough that I was headed home soon.

I made it clear that neither Bella nor my parents could come to pick me up at the airport since Jane had warned me that there seemed to be a media circus waiting for my arrival. Though my trip to the jewelry story hadn't become public knowledge, my time hitting the souvenir shops had.

They were hoping to catch another glimpse at the woman who I'd publicly announced that I loved and, of course, Riley. There had been speculation since the game that he was either my son, or like a son to me, and that he was indeed sick.

We knew it would happen, but from then on, Bella and I agreed that public outings together would have to be kept as private as possible. Once I returned home, there were a few questions I needed to ask her.

For instance, why she hadn't said anything about Riley's treatments? Shouldn't he have started already? She had to know that I wanted to be involved in every aspect of it, so why was she not letting me know?

Well, once I got home, I'd find out the answers behind all my questions. Until I had a private moment with Bella, it would have to wait.

Hours later at the airport, Emmett greeted me, which was a good surprise. "You didn't have to come out to get me," I said, shaking his hand.

"Had to get out of the house," he said with a groan. "They're talking wedding stuff and I don't know my tulips from my lilacs."

I laughed, since Rosalie and Emmett announced their engagement, the girls had been planning daily. "That does sound bad." We grabbed my bags and headed out.

"I'm guessing you have the ring," he asked as he pulled into traffic.

"How did you know? Riley told you," I said with a sigh. "Of course, oh he would."

"That and you've touched your jacket pocket like a dozen times. Don't blame the kid." He grinned. "He was all antsy and excited. So, I asked him about it. He almost blurted it out in front of Rosalie."

"He didn't though, right?"

"Nah, we were playing video games and the ladies were in Bella's bedroom with their shopping bags."

"Yeah, Bella said something about shopping with Rose."

"You're in for a world of trouble if you think that you're remaining on third base this weekend."

"Oh fuck," I groaned. "We're not leaving until Friday night."

"Let's just hope she doesn't go to sleep in anything from the store bags I've seen."

"The woman loves to torture me."

"Don't all women?" he teased.

I grinned and laughed. I wouldn't have it any other way.

He dropped me off about thirty minutes later and the ring seemed to burn in my pocket. At that point, I feared I might end up blurting it out, too. I said good-bye to Emmett and grabbed my bags, walking up to the front door.

I heard the television on in the kitchen, the telltale sign of Bella cooking, of her and Riley talking as I stood still transfixed by the sounds of home. I didn't have to knock, because I had a key. I didn't have to ask if I could stay the night, because we shared a bed. I didn't have to kiss them good-bye before I left, because I was finally home.

As the doorknob turned in my hand, all those sounds stopped and then I heard them coming around the corner. We all stood still as my bags dropped at my sides, their faces lit up when I smiled at them. In seconds, they overwhelmed me, causing me to have to step back to take the brunt of their impact.

It felt so good to have them in my arms. I kissed the top of Bella's head, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, Riley's around my waist.

"Damn, it feels good to be home."

Riley looked at me with a goofy grin, holding out his palm. "Pay up." I grumbled as I pulled out a ten dollar bill, making Bella laugh, handing him the money. He giggled and said, "Oh good, an advancement."


	23. The Truth

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Three – The Truth**

* * *

**Riley**

Mom is acting weird. We've never had secrets before, but she's keeping something from me. Not sure what it could be— oh yeah, she'd seen me kissing Brittney. Why did she have to follow me? It's embarrassing!

I'm pretending Brittney hadn't seen her, and Mom seems to be doing the same. Well, not really. Every once in a while, I see from the corner of my eye, her looking at me and smiling. It's the kind of smile that says "aw."

Yeah, I'm going to keep pretending she didn't see anything.

I have a feeling Edward is the reason she hasn't said anything. I don't like keeping secrets from her, but this is different. This is me and Brittney. And Mom would make it not me and Brittney. Oh man, thinking about girls and moms and secrets makes my head hurt.

Edward's been home for a while now and we're waiting for him to finish cleaning up so that we can have dinner. I hope he doesn't bring up the kiss.

Why can't I stop thinking about it? Jeez. I'm too young to be obsessing about girls. I'm only nine, but like Mom says, I'm really going on thirty. She's right in a lot of ways.

You grow up fast when you're surrounded my hospitals, doctors, nurses and tons of medical equipment. You also grow up when you're up in the middle of the night because your stomach hurts so bad and you pray that Mom doesn't wake up, because she needs her sleep.

Or when you cover her with a blanket because she fell asleep on the couch again, thinking that you can't hear her cry.

She's cried a lot in ten years. She lost my father before they could get married and have me. She found out I was sick, but the chances were good, until they weren't. She lost Grandma Renee and Grandpa Charlie. Then there was Edward.

And soon, she'll lose me, too.

I try not to think about things like that, but they keep popping up in my head. It's why I decide right at this moment, that I'm going to write a journal. I hope someday she'll read it and know and remember how much I love her.

I smile as Edward rubs a hand over my head as he passes on the way over to Mom. From behind, he wraps his arms around her and I can't help but notice how small she looks in his arms. He's so tall and strong; he'll take real good care of her.

He's always been protective of her, of us.

He's whispering in her ear and there's that smile on her face. This is the one that says she's so happy. Edward keeps putting that smile there and I love it. I hope he'll keep doing that, because she deserves to smile every day.

"Come on, tell me," Mom whispers as Edward backs away, shaking his head. "I'll get the secret out of you."

He grins at her and makes a grab for one of the biscuits fresh out of the oven. She smacks as his hand, making him laugh and wiggle his eyebrows. "I won't tell until I'm ready," he teased, taking a bite. "You can't make me."

Mom's eyebrow rises and I know Edward's in trouble. It's her "Wanna make a bet?" face. She used to have one every time Grandpa Charlie called her bluff during a hand of poker or pool.

"It's not that big of a deal," he says with a shrug. "If you really want to know, I'll tell you."

Mom sighs as she hands him the basket full of biscuits. When her back turns, he stuffs another one in his mouth, his eyes rolling at the taste. He winks at me and places the basket on the table. By the time Mom turns around, he finishes chewing and even pulls out a chair for her.

With her narrowed eyes on Edward, I notice him stick his hand in his pocket. There's a small square bulge there before his fingers curl around it. He has the ring already! Why was he carrying it? Mom is bound to notice.

Then again, she's noisy and will probably end up finding it _accidently_. It looks like I'm not the only one unable to hide a secret. Only earlier today, I blurted out to Emmett that Edward was going to ask Mom to marry him. Then not even an hour later, I told Rosalie, but not on purpose.

Okay, she got it out of me. One look in her blue eyes and I gave in. Thankfully, Mom was busy with laundry at the time.

I shake my head when Edward looks at me, and his eyes bulge. He knows that if I noticed, Mom will, too. He quickly removes his hand from his pocket and runs it over his head. Already, his hair was fuller and darker than before. It has been a week or so since he cut it off.

We're having dinner together, when I ask, "So where are we going tomorrow after all?" If Mom can't get it out of him, maybe I can. I see Mom's smirk before she hides it by taking a sip of her water.

Even though she did, Edward glares at her before he turns his attention on me. "I thought we'd drive up to the beach house, stay there the night. My parents will come by to pick you up the next day."

I smile and double-fist pump in the air, making Mom laugh.

"Are you sure it's alright with your parents?" Mom asks.

"They have their own place nearby," Edward says. "And on Monday morning, we could have breakfast with my parents and Riley."

Mom smiles and spaces out for a bit. She's probably mentally going through all her things and mine to see what needs to be packed. After we finish, she rises from the table and says she better get us all packed, which leaves me and Edward to do the dishes.

As we're washing, I can see something is bothering Edward. His eyebrows are scrunched together when he looks at the fridge.

"What's wrong?" I ask, placing the last glass in the cabinet.

It takes a while before he says anything. It's almost like he doesn't want to talk about it. "When's your next doctor's appointment?"

I tense and I can feel the little color drain from my face. Instantly, that makes him look at me and then down the hall. Without another word, he leaves me in the kitchen and walks toward my room where Mom is packing my bag.

I keep up with him and his hands are fisted at his sides when he walks in the room. Mom looks at him in confusion and then at me, so I try to tell her that I'm sorry with one look.

Her eyes close as Edward asks, "Why have you been avoiding the doctors at the hospital? Why isn't there a calendar on your fridge with all the dates of Riley's appointments like before? Are you leaving me in the dark for a reason?"

His voice is rising and I know he's real angry. Then his voice lowers and it's rough as his next question is only a whisper, "Don't I have a right to know?"

Mom nods and sighs. "Let's go sit down."

"I don't want to sit down," Edward says, his voice rising again. "I want to know what's going on with my son."

"I know, I'm sorry," she gasps. Before she can answer, I do it for her.

"I asked her to hold off on treatments for as long as we can without her getting in trouble."

He spins on his heels and looks at me. There's pain in his eyes and a deep sadness, he can't seem to hide it as well as Mom can from me.

"Why would you ask her that?"

"Because I want to be able to do things before I get too sick," I answer. His eyes close and he once again turns to Mom.

"How could you not tell me? Is that the real reason you asked me to be his guardian? Just in case you get into trouble, Riley would be taken care of."

Mom shakes her head. "Not only that. You're the only person I trust to take care of him if something should happen to me."

"But yet, you don't trust me enough to tell me the truth," he says loudly. "I'm trying to understand why you'd listen to him." He growls slightly when he realizes that I'm still in the room. He looks at each of us and walks out of the room. His hands are fists at his sides again as he heads to the front door. "I'm going out for a drive for a while."

Mom only nods, he won't even look at her and I know he's really mad because she didn't tell him. But that's my fault, too. I told her not to tell him yet, because I knew he'd be mad.

"Dad," I whisper and he stills with his hand on the doorknob for several moments. "Please, don't be mad at her. She's only doing what I asked."

"You're asking too much, buddy," he says softly. He's mad at me, too. "I'll be back later." He looks at Mom again and his jaw clenches. We watch from a window as he walks quickly to Mom's car and slams the door after he climbs inside. Before he turns it on, I can see his head, resting on the steering wheel for a few seconds. Mom tries to pull me away, but I shake my head.

I can see through my tears as Edward smashes his hand against the dashboard several times. His eyes suddenly snap up to see us at the window. Immediately, he turns on the car, pulling out quickly. And as he drives away, I see him swipe angrily at his eyes.

I feel my mom's hand run along my shoulders, and I turn into her arms as I start to cry and tell her I'm sorry. She whispers, "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Carefully, she hauls me up, and soon, I drift off to sleep, hoping that Edward will come back like he said. I wake up sometime later, curled along Edward's side on the couch. Mom is stretched out, her head on his lap.

"About time, sleepy head," Edward says as Mom sits up and lays her head on his shoulder.

"Sorry," I say around a yawn. "What time is it?"

"Time for us to have a talk," he says.

I cringe at the thought. Haven't we talked enough? _All talked out right now_, I wanna say. I only nod, though. "About what?" I try. He arches an eyebrow. "Don't be mad at Mom, please."

His face softens as do his eyes. "I'm not mad at her or you," he finally whispers. "More like hurt that you two never said anything to me."

"I'm sorry," I say again.

"Why did you ask her to do this? The treatments would mean you'd be with us longer." I can tell it hurt him a lot to say that.

"Yes, they probably will. But I'll be in a bed most of the time, too sick to do much of anything."

"But you'll be alive and with us," he murmurs.

"Not really living, though," I say, trying to get him to understand. "I want a chance to really have a dad and be a family. I can't do that from a bed." I start to cry again and he wraps his arms around me.

Edward sighs and says, "I understand why you want to wait as long as you can, but we have to take your Mom getting into trouble into consideration. Legally, she can't for very much longer."

"A month," Mom says. "Maybe less."

"That's all I need," I whisper. It's really not, though, but I'm not going to say that out loud.

"The moment there is even a whisper of trouble for her, you have to go see the doctor," Edward says. "I think it's safe to say that's what you want too."

I nod. "I never wanted Mom to get into any trouble. I just need some time before –" I shrug and nervously run my hand over my mouth. "Before I'm too sick."

Edward nods. "All I ask is that you two never lie to me again." Mom apologizes and kisses his cheek. I offer him our not-so-secret handshake. "And I have another request."

"Anything," I say quickly.

"I ask that every time we sit in the living room together," he starts, his gaze dropping to his lap. "That it's just us. No talk about doctors, lawyers, the damn media and treatments." Mom and I nod several times. Edward sighs and adds, "And no talk about how it's going to be when you get sicker or after you're gone."

His eyes look up at me and I know how much he needs that time while we eat as a family to be just about us. And not the things that hurt and make us fall apart. I know I've said things since he's been back that he hates. He doesn't like the easy way I've accepted the fact that I may not see my tenth birthday, and all the references about after I'm gone.

"I can do that," I whisper and crawl onto his lap.

~oOo~

Later, when Edward is putting me in bed and Mom is packing their bags, I ask him what I've wanted to ask since he got home.

"Can I see it?"

He smiles as he makes sure my bedroom door is closed. His hand dips into his pocket, pulling out a small red box. Opening it quickly, he keeps his back to the door, covering what we're looking at just in case Mom walks in the room.

Inside the box is a silver ring that looks almost like a flower. The middle diamond is round and looks like leaves are holding up. There are small round diamonds along the sides and even around the bottom of the big one. It's smaller than I thought it would be, which is good because Mom doesn't like big, flashy jewelry.

I smile as I touch the diamond in the middle. "Does it say anything inside?" I ask.

Edward smiles as he pulls it out carefully and reads what it says, "You will forever hold my heart."

The smile I have falls when his does. "What is it?"

"I'm not asking her yet," he whispers. "Not this weekend anyway."

Oh no! This is my fault! He's still mad at me and Mom.

"Stop that," he says quickly. "It has nothing to do with what's happening with you. I'm waiting until I feel she's ready. I don't think she's there yet."

"Why do you say that?"

"Don't worry about it," he says, rising to his feet as he stuffs the box in his pocket again. When I don't say anything or look at him, he tips my chin up. "What is it?"

"I won't be around when you marry Mom," I whisper.

"That's another reason I'm waiting a little longer," he says as he presses a kiss to my forehead.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that when I ask her _soon_ and she says yes, it'll be the day she marries me." I get what he's saying and laugh. Mom will think its romantic at the same time as she wants to kill him.

"Night, Riley," he says before he turns on my nightlight.

"Night, Dad."


	24. Journal

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Four – Journal**

* * *

**Riley**

October 16

I'm not sure if this is going to be dumb or not, but I feel like it's the best way for me to get everything off my chest.

Dad and Mom have become nauseating. I thought it was bad before, but since we came back from the beach house, they got a lot worse. It's so gross! But Mom is happy. Really happy. I've noticed that sad look in her eyes, the one that's been there since we found out I'm sick again, has almost disappeared.

It's still there, but not as much. And I know that it's Edward that's helping keep that sadness from her eyes. She needs someone else besides me and Edward is perfect for her.

Well, I'm off to see Brittney again. I haven't seen her in a week, between the mini vacation and the family stuff we're doing together, there's not enough time.

I have to make time. Sometimes, I wish I could slow it down, not only for myself and my family, but for Brittney, too.

~oOo~

October 18

I don't think she has a lot of time left. She's always sick now and sleeps often. Mom usually comes with me, but sometimes so does Edward. I mean, Dad. That's taking time to get used to. My heart says Dad, but my mind keeps saying Edward. He understands, though, which is good. He only smiles and tells me it's okay.

Today he's taking me out to a friend's house, so we can plan his proposal and the wedding. I don't like keeping secrets from Mom, but I have to admit, this secretive, stealth stuff is really fun. We developed a code so that we can talk about it without her knowing what we're talking about.

But she's smart, I think she suspects something. She's always asking questions, but Edward just kisses her, whispers in her ear and she forgets what she was talking about. It's both disgusting and cool.

I hear Mom and Dad talking in the kitchen and he's murmuring in that voice again. She must've asked a question he couldn't answer without lying to her, which he said he refused to do. I have to wonder how we're going to pull a surprise wedding without cluing in Mom and the media.

Not easy.

~oOo~

October 23

Dad brought up a subject today, during dinner. He wants to do the trick-or-treat thing. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I can't really eat candy right now. My tummy and chest are starting to hurt worse, but I know it's not _all _about the candy for him. It's about spending time together, doing things a father and son would do.

Time is running out.

~oOo~

October 30

I can't believe I agreed to wear the costume. I mean, it's cool and everything. But I'm nine and a boy. Not sure I should be wearing tights. How did he wear these things? Edward had a friend make a custom made White Ranger costume, how could I say no to that?

I can't. So, I tried it on earlier. I might have done a few poses in the mirror and kicked the door closed when Mom caught me doing it. She laughed…for a long time.

She says it's the cutest thing ever. If only Edward would wear his costume from the show, but noooooooo, he says there wasn't enough time to have one done for him. Yeah, right.

~oOo~

November 1

Mom took a lot of pictures last night. I hope she doesn't Facebook or tweet them. How embarrassing. I mean, I looked pretty cool and stuff, but it's tights. That's not so cool. Edward was a good sport, managed a whole night of trick or treating dressed as a zombie.

He was more of a kid than I was. He had a map drawn out. At the last barbeque, we had to meet the neighbors, and he found out which houses would have the full size candy bars, not the fun size ones. We hit those houses first, to make sure they wouldn't run out before we got there.

Mom joined us halfway through our expedition for the elusive full-sized Butterfinger candy bar, Edward's favorite. She gave us something to snack on and drinks so that we'd be able to go the extra mile. And that's when the pictures and Edward's DV camera was pulled out of her purse. She followed us the rest of the evening.

She wanted to preserve the memory of our first trick-or-treating trip so I didn't blame her. It was likely to be my last.

It's hard not to think about things like that. I wonder how Mom doesn't seem to. Then again, she's a good actress.

When we got home last night, Edward went through all the candy, giving an okay to a Payday, which he handed to me as if it was a treasure to have. Mom constantly giggled beside me, watching him with the same look she usually did, except her smile was wider.

After taking only a bite of my candy bar, Mom would nibble on the rest whenever Edward wasn't watching. She knew why I couldn't eat it. I'm grateful she didn't say a word to Edward.

It would be like taking candy from a baby. His heart would break.

~oOo~

November 9

Edward had to work this morning, but he's meeting us at the hospital. We're going to see Brittney again, and he promises to bring his guitar with him. Even though I have my own, I still haven't learned how to play very well. But Edward taught me all week, three cords, so that I can play for her. I wanted to, even if my parents will be there to see.

I'm okay with that. It's Brittney and it's no secret that I like her. Maybe more than like her.

I can hear Mom getting ready in her bedroom, singing. It's something I haven't heard her do in a long time. She does it when she's happy. She's always had a really pretty voice and I wonder if she'd sing to me as she used to when I was in the hospital.

The holidays are coming soon. I hope to see the New Year.

Gotta go, Mom is on the phone now and it's almost time to leave, which means I have to remind her. I don't want to be late, and if it's Rosalie on the line, she'll be on the phone for a while.

Why do females talk for so long?

~oOo~

I'm glad I brought my journal with me. I carry it around all the time. A person never knows when the need to write what you feel.

And right now, all I do is feel.

We arrived at the hospital on time and Edward was waiting. Something was wrong with Mom. She'd been quiet ever since she was on the phone. It wasn't until we got to Brittney's room that I found out why.

Brittney is in a coma. I feel an ache in my chest, nothing like the pain of my cancer. My head hurts from crying.

And most of all, I feel cheated. I'll never get to play her a song.


	25. Play for Her

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Five – Play for Her**

* * *

AN: This is the part that Riley glossed over in his journal from Edward's point of view. I'm issuing a tissue warning. Thanks.

* * *

**Edward**

Life has a way of twisting things around, making it an almost impossible course to journey through. The only way to get over the bumps and speed traps is to traverse it with someone special. The problem is that person that means the most to you can have just as many bumps on their own road. At the fork in that path, they find themselves traveling beside you.

Then, the bumps turn into fucking pot holes. The kind that jar you, make you grit your teeth and wish you could drive on the shoulder or the wrong side of the highway.

Seeing_ her_ in that too big bed, covered in tubes and tape, with her mother quietly crying as she held her hand was one of those pot holes.

Mike stood like a sentinel behind his wife, rubbing her back and whispering in her ear. I tried not to think that it would be Bella and me one day. Shaking that thought from my mind, I watched as Riley stood by the exit, refusing to come closer.

"Riley," I whispered, and yet, my voice still startled him enough for him to jump back a bit. His eyes were on Brittney, taking in the paper-thin skin, the blue-spidery web of her veins beneath the surface. There was the nearly translucent tape around her nose and mouth, keeping the intubation tube from falling. It was her lifeline, in essence.

Bella reached for her son, who started to back out of the room. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shook her head. "I didn't know until now, but Brittney's mom called me and said she'd taken a turn for the worse."

"You should've told me!" he cried and turned, running out of the room.

"Bella?" Jessica said, looking even more upset by Riley's reaction. I could see Bella retreating toward the door, but also desperately wanting to be there for her friend.

"I'll go after him," I said, leaving before she had a chance to respond. The moment I left the room, I could see him halfway down the hall. "Riley!" I called out but he kept moving toward a hospital exit. "Riley!"

I'd never seen him move so fast and with his emotions so near the surface, I was afraid he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. I sprinted out the door several seconds after he had and found him running across the parking lot.

"Riley!"

My shoes pounded against the asphalt, eating the distance between us. No matter how many times I called out to him and asked him to stop, he refused. The sides of his unzipped hooded jacket flapped wildly as he ran, his sobs breaking through the rhythmic sound of him running.

I finally caught him around the waist, hefting his body against my mine.

"Why now? Why before me?" he cried as he struggled for freedom. "It's not fair!"

"I know, buddy," I whispered in his ear.

"Let me go," he gasped. "I can't…I can't." Tears ran down his cheeks, his breath ragged until finally he went limp in my arms. His head fell against my chest, his hands clutching tightly to my shirt. We were both breathless as I set him near a grassy area with a tree and bench. Riley struggled to breathe, panting as we sat down to rest.

"Are you okay?" I asked after a few minutes. I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket, no doubt a text message from Bella.

"You better answer her," he whispered. I simply did as we both knew I needed to, neither us wanted her to worry needlessly.

After sending her a quick message, I slipped my phone in my pocket. I turned back to Riley, his eyes rimmed red from crying, clutching his journal in his shaking hands which he'd been writing in for a few minutes. Though I thought the idea of him keeping one was good, I also wanted him to talk to me, so I asked again. "Are you okay?"

He shook his head. "I have seen a few friends in bed like that. So still, dying. But this is different. Why is it different?"

"She means a lot to you," I said, rubbing his back in much the same way Bella provided comfort to me. "She's been there since you were very young." It was a few minutes before he said anything again. I felt relieved when he started to breathe normally.

"I thought I was ready to say goodbye to her," he murmured. "I don't think I am. Not even close."

I nodded and gathered him by my side. He cried softly against me, as he told me about the first time they met. "She took the book I was reading," he mumbled. "She tried to make me play with her dolls. We were only five."

It amazed me how much he remembered. I'd heard a lot of stories about things I normally overlooked. During our trip, he said he remembered from our first time at the beach house years ago, the smell of the salty sea air that permeated every room. There were instances he recalled about us building a fire right on the beach. Little things, too, like the color of the sheets, the way Bella looked as she sun-bathed and the way she hummed as she ate whenever we managed to have fresh seafood.

To hear that he hadn't forgotten how he met someone that would always mean the world to him was incredible, despite how old he'd been.

"Did you play with her and her dolls?" I asked. It was a simple question, one that made the corners of Riley's mouth twitch at the corners.

"Yes," he said. "She made me pretend to drink from tiny tea cups with my pinkie sticking up."

I laughed and teased him a bit. "That's pretty funny, and it must've been hard to do for her."

He shook his head, like I knew he would. He'd do anything for that little girl, his best friend. "Not really. She needed a friend. Only grownups visited her. She hadn't ever been to school."

According to Bella, Riley had managed daycare and pre-school before he'd gotten sick. He knew Brittney had to feel lonely, and at five, wanted to be a little girl's first real friend.

"I guess we should go back," he said, minutes later.

"Only when you're ready."

"I don't think I'll ever be."

He was right. How could someone really prepare for the death of friend, sister, brother, father or mother? Sure, arrangements could be made beforehand, but that didn't mean that you'd be ready to face a life without that person.

"Maybe not, son," I said softly, offering him a tissue from the small packet I carried around for Bella. "No one expects you to, and if you don't think you can be there, we'll go home."

He nodded. "If I play, do you think she'll hear me?"

"Yes." I had to believe in something like that. One day, I was positive Bella would ask me the same thing. My heart ached at the thought.

Fifteen minutes later, an apologetic boy went into his best friend's hospital room, whispering a sorry that was real, down the soul. Jessica and Mike engulfed him, offered him a little comfort. That Brittney still loved him, even at that moment.

"She can hear us," Jessica whispered. "I know she can."

Riley looked up at her. "Do you mind if I play her a song?"

Mike gave him a watery smile. "No, we don't mind at all."

Bella handed him my guitar, something not too flashy and more traditional than his electric ones at home. She settled him in a chair nearby, kissing the top of his head. Of course, it only made him blush slightly, and duck his head as if it hadn't happened.

Riley cleared his throat once and strummed a few chords before he said anything. "This is for you, Brittney. I know you can hear me." From what we'd practiced, I had no idea he'd written lyrics. Bella's hand grabbed for mine, and I knew I'd have to hold it together for them.

At the sound of his voice, soft and unsure but utterly perfect for the moment, I knew no amount of holding back could stop the tears from coming for anyone in the room.

_From the first time_

_I knew you were meant to be mine_

_Little girl with blue eyes and a smile_

_With tea cups, doctors, needles, it took a while_

_Oh blue eyes, oh blue eyes_

_Love me as I love you_

_Oh blue eyes, oh blue eyes_

_Wait for me as I would wait for you_

_Oh blue eyes, oh blue eyes_

Brittney Ashley Newton awoke several minutes later to say goodbye. Though she couldn't say the words, it was there in her eyes. She slipped back into the coma and passed the following afternoon, surrounded by friends and family.


	26. Words to Say

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Six – Words to Say**

* * *

**Riley**

The next few days pass by in a blur. I don't remember how I got home that day. The only thing I remember is waking up the next morning between my parents on their bed, and wrapping my arms around Mom as I whisper that I loved her, thankful that she was still with me.

The funeral is today. I'm not sure, but everything seems to be going good. I know that I have to be here for Mom and Brittney's parents. Jessica— she asked me to call her that yesterday— is a mess. I can't help but think that Mom will probably be just as upset at my funeral. I shouldn't be thinking like this— we have time, not much, but we do. I have to remember that.

No one expects me to want to say anything at the funeral, but who better than her best friend? Mom and Edward are nervous. They're probably thinking that I can't do this. But I can and I will. There are just some words I have to say.

Mom smiles at me as I walk up to the front, but it's not the one that meets her eyes. It's the smile that tells me she's proud of me but a little scared, too. Edward's sitting beside her, his arm is across her shoulder as he whispers something to her. He's dressed like I am, in a suit. I didn't have a suit until yesterday, when Edward called in a favor for me. After wearing it for the last hour, I can see why he always tugs at his sleeves and tie when he wears one.

I clear my throat and look at everyone that came to say goodbye to Brittney. There are a lot of adults, but some kids, too. They're friends Brittney and I made in the support group Mom organized a couple of years ago. They smile at me, offering waves, letting me know that they're here for me as much as for Brittney.

I grab the remote on the podium and step onto the box Edward had left for me so that I'm tall enough to see over it.

"Hello, everyone," I say as clearly as possible. My palms are sweating a little, but I ignore it. "My name is Riley, and I'm Brittney's best friend." I turn toward the big screen beside me, pointing the remote to the projector unit nearby. "We met a little over four years ago." On the screen was a picture of Brittney and me; she has a big, nearly toothless smile, while I look upset. There are several laughs, likely because of the scowl on my face. At this point, she had told me I _had _to play with her.

"As you can see, we became instant friends."

More laughs. And that's what is important to me. Brittney would want for all these people to remember her as the blue-eyed little girl with blond curls and not for the cancer that took her from us.

"We shared a room," I say softly, again looking at the screen. "Along with a few other of her friends." I went through four other pictures of Brittney's "friends," several dolls and stuffed animals, who we'd put in the empty beds after the tea party she made me join. The week we had met, we were the only ones in the cancer ward at the hospital. We weren't alone for long, though.

"We did a lot together," I say, this time with a small smile. "Like hide from the nurses." There's a picture of the nurse we had named "Miss Crabs" on the screen with her hands on her hips. At the time, Brittney's mom had bought her a camera so she'd have something to do for the hour or so that she left to run errands. She would take the dumbest pictures, all crooked but they were perfect to her, and me, too.

"She was there for me in ways no one else could be," I whispered, thankful for the microphone. I change it to the slide of her sitting beside me on the bed, holding my hand as someone took some blood. You couldn't see her face, because she took the picture, but you can see her hand tightly holding mine as I looked away from the blood.

"I always thought her smile, whether she was sick or healthy, lit up a room. Even when she was scared, she never let her cancer bring her down completely. She always straight out asked for what she wanted, no matter what it was." I shake my head and smile, this time looking at Edward. "I finally understand the saying 'wrapped around her finger.' She had everyone she met like that. They'd do anything for her. Like love her through the ups and downs, hold her hand, drink fake tea from cups with your pinkie in the air, make her a big sister, or share a first kiss." I try to hide my face a little as it heats up. I look up enough to see my mom smiling gently, trying not to laugh. She's doing so good.

"We spent our first Christmas together in that hospital." This time it was a picture of us in matching Santa hats on our bald heads. "And we've spent every Christmas together since then." I wipe at a tear that slips down my cheek, refusing to look at anyone. I'm afraid if I do, I'll never finish.

I'm very thankful that Mom had helped me come up with my speech. My hand comes up to my mouth, clearing my throat to stop from crying. "We may not be able to do these things anymore, but I know she'll still be there for Christmas, watching over us."

The last picture is of us from Christmas last year; this time I'm in an elf hat and she's wearing a halo on top of short, dark blond curls.

"As our Christmas Angel."

~oOo~

I fell asleep in Mom's arms in the backseat of the car as Edward drove us to Brittney's house. I'm really tired and want to go home, but I need to do something first.

After about an hour of faking smiles for people that don't know me, and Mom nearly forcing me to eat something, I go up the stairs. It's the same ones that Brittney and me mattress-surfed with her dad. I used to think her giggle was stupid when we were smaller, but right now, I'd give anything to hear it again.

I stand outside her bedroom door for a few minutes, unable to move. I feel him stand behind me before he put his hands on my shoulders. "She wanted you have something," her dad whispers. "It's on her desk. It's something so that you won't forget her."

I sniff and wipe my nose with the tissue in my hand. "I won't. Not ever." I turn to look up at him. His eyes look so much like Brittney's and Jasper's, the brother he lost. "I think you should know, I'll take good care of her when it's my turn to go."

His eyes close but he nods. "Take your time," he offers with one small squeeze of his hands.

I nod and watch him go down the stairs. Through the railing, I can see a lot of people, some whispering and laughing, talking as if it's any other day. I'm not sure I like these things after funerals. I don't understand them and hope my parents don't do anything like this after I'm gone.

A man moves to the side, enough for me to see my parents talking to someone, they both look upset. Then I realize who they're talking to – my doctor.

I think time has officially run out. But now isn't the time to think about it.

I shake my head and turn back to Brittney's door. Shakily, I turn the knob and all I can smell is her when I step inside. To me, the smell was too girly, but now I know it's like her, sweet and soft.

There's not a lot of pink, but there is some purple and blue in the room. I walk over to the desk and find a notebook; "Letters to Riley" written on it in big letters. I grab it but don't read. I'm not ready for that. Maybe tomorrow or when I need to know she's here with me.

I sit on her bed, and for several minutes, I'm back, remembering when I would sleep on the floor like I'd done many times. It isn't until I hear a soft knock on the door that the memories disappear, along with that giggle that used to make me roll my eyes at her.

"Hey, buddy." It's Edward and I can see from the look in his eyes, he's not going to say anything about what happened downstairs. That's okay, though; it wasn't the time to talk and think about it.

"Hi," I mumble, wiping at my eyes harder. Not that he'd make fun of me or anything.

"Your mom is ready when you are," he says, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. It's the same chair that broke my toe once, because Brittney was mad at me and smashed my foot when I tried to get her talk to me again. She was mad at me a lot, but she always forgave me.

I want to be mad at her. I feel bad for that, makes me feel stupid and like I'm being a baby. I can't be mad at her, never could for long. Why should it be any different now?

"One more minute," I say. Edward nods and doesn't say anything, and lets the silence take over. After a while, I say something I've been thinking about. I need to know that her death didn't change the future.

"I hope that just because she's gone," I say, clearing my throat, suddenly thirsty. "That we don't cancel the plans next week."

"No. I don't think Brittney would want that. And neither do I," he whispers, watching me closely. I think he's worrying about my reaction, but he said exactly what I wanted to hear.

I grin because he's right. She wouldn't, she'd want life to go on, and so by this time next week, Mom and Edward will be married.


	27. Heart to Heart

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven – Heart to Heart**

* * *

**Edward**

There was still something I needed to do before I went ahead with my plans of proposing and marrying Bella. Though I had Riley's blessing and he had assured me his was as good as Charlie's, there was one more person I had to talk to first. I approached Bella with my intentions a few days after Brittney's funeral.

I wrapped my arms around her from behind, feeling grateful for the new level of intimacy we shared since our trip a few weeks earlier. She hummed and automatically tilted her head to the side so I could access her pretty neck. She giggled softly as I mockingly growled and nipped at her shoulder.

"Good morning," I mumbled, still sleepy after a fitful night's rest. I knew Bella's restlessness would get worse when we lost Brittney, but she was barely functioning on only hours' worth of sleep each night. It had taken an argument the day before, after she had fallen asleep practically standing up, while cooking, for her to start taking naps during the day.

"Morning," she whispered, wiggling a little in my hold. "You never said where we're going today. What's on the agenda, babe?"

I sighed. "I'm not sure you're going to like it, and I have to admit, I'm worried you'll get upset. You're welcome to say no and we'll go somewhere else."

She turned off the stove, pushing the pan of scrambled eggs off the burner before facing me. Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, she pressed her lips to mine much too briefly. "Just tell me. You've been acting strange for days. I know you're worried about what happened at the funeral, but we'll get through it. With you, I know I can."

Oh shit. Did I make her think I couldn't handle what was happening with Riley anymore?

"It's not that. But you mentioned that you've never visited _his _grave since he passed," I said softly, gauging her reaction. For several moments, I watched a parade of emotions march through her eyes. "I thought it would be a good idea for you and Riley to see him before –" I shook my head, unable to say the words.

In ten days, Riley would have to see his doctor and start treatments. Our time, undeterred by appointments, doctors, hospitals and sickness was coming to end much too soon. There was still so much to do. Riley had a relatively short list that surprised me, but it had been put on hold since Brittney's passing. That was until the day after when he told Bella and me that Brittney would be mad if we didn't smile again. It amazed me sometimes, how much older he seemed. It wasn't fair that his childhood had been so different from what he deserved.

"You want to take me and Riley to see his father?" she asked ever so softly. The grave quality of her voice alarmed me, but she didn't pull away. Instead, she pulled me closer, sniffling quietly against my chest. "I love you, so much. Yes, that's perfect."

"What's perfect?" a sleepy voice asked from behind us.

I turned to see Riley in some pj's and they made me smile. Despite his sometimes too-adult demeanor, it was moments like that morning that reminded me daily that he was a child. His face still looked rumpled, with a crease along his cheek, one hand rubbing an eye and the other scratching at his slightly exposed stomach as he stretched in his Star Wars pajamas.

"Let me talk to him," Bella whispered. "Go take your shower. Breakfast will be ready when you're done."

I wanted to protest, but I understood that some alone time between them was needed. I nodded and rubbed Riley's head as I walked by. "Morning, buddy."

"Morning, Pop," he said with a grin. He'd been playing around with calling me different variations of "dad" after Bella and I discussed on our vacation my adoption of Riley. A part me wondered if he felt he wasn't completely ready to call me dad yet. And perhaps our trip east would help him out with that. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable; whatever he wanted to call me was all right with me. I was happy enough to have him in my life.

I left them to talk and made my way into a shower. I allowed the spray of the hot water wash away some of the sorrow that seemed to stick on my skin and seep down to the soul of my already weary body. How did people move on from such a thing as losing a child?

Though we'd done what we could to go on with life, Brittney wasn't far from our thoughts. I knew it would take time to not feel guilty for having fun since she was gone, but I hated feeling so torn. The day before, we had finally gone t to ride in the go-carts at the local adventure park and had a blast. Who knew my girlfriend drove like a speed demon?

A small knock on the bathroom door alerted me to her presence. "Hey, babe," Bella said through the steam that billowed outward when she opened the shower door. "What time is our flight?"

I swallowed at the heady look in her eyes as her gaze ran over me. Would she always affect me so easily? She grinned and winked.

"Um, it's in three hours. We need to be there an hour before."

"All right, Riley and I are heading out for a bit. Breakfast is on the table."

I raised an eyebrow in question. "Where you going?"

"Riley wants something before we go."

I scrubbed a hand over my face as was sluiced over it. "Is he okay with all this?"

She smiled beautifully, easing my worries. "Yes, he's actually excited."

She puckered that pretty mouth of hers for a kiss, leaning toward me. I hummed as my lips met hers. However, I yelped when she slapped my backside. She laughed as she ran out the door, leaving me wanting.

Then again, I always wanted her.

Hours later, moving on the runway, I watched a very excited Riley look out the window of our plane. The idea of a private flight brought out the little boy in him. The captain, Alec Williams, a good friend of mine, showed Riley the cockpit and even let him sit while Alec did during pre-flight checks of the Cessna.

A small model of the plane we were flying in was clutched tightly in Riley's hand as we started to ascend. He grabbed his stomach and yelped at that weightless feeling for a second before he laughed out loud. It was so good to see him smile, as if he didn't have a care in the world. Though there had been some in the past week, there was a tinge of sadness behind them.

"Whoa!" he said, looking out the window again. "This is so cool. I wish I could touch a cloud." Bella laughed beside me, removing her seatbelt when the light came on overhead. She walked over to him, helping Riley out of his seat to sit him on her lap.

"Can you please take a picture?" she asked me, laughing more as Riley rolled his eyes. I grabbed the camera from Bella's purse and took a few shots, and then launched myself across their laps to take a few of the three of us.

They laughed, and somehow, we ended up on the ground, tickling each other until we were all gasping for breath. As Bella straightened up her clothes, sitting on one of the chairs, I felt Riley's arms wrap around my neck from behind.

His camouflaged clad arms tightened. "Thank you for this," he whispered in my ear. I nodded as Bella took another shot of us together. His outfit was what they had gone out earlier to get from the store. He wanted his own fatigues to wear, along with his father's dog tags.

"No problem, Ri," I said, patting his arm. What surprised me was the feel of his lips on my cheek. From time to time, I would do the same to him, but I thought it made him feel awkward. I knew from experience that his grandfather wasn't overly affectionate, and Riley didn't like the attention from Bella in front of other people. I felt good to see that he was letting go, relaxing a little more about that.

"He would've liked you," he said softly. "Right, Mom?"

Bella nodded, offering her son a hand. "I think they would've been good friends, if they had met."

Since I'd known Bella, I had always been aware that she was loved by someone else and she felt the same for him first, too. It probably should've bothered me, but it didn't. Riley had given her a beautiful little boy, given _us_ a child to love unconditionally. From what I'd heard and seen from videos, he was a good man, who died much too young, never given the chance to be with the family he had helped to create.

I listened as Bella described how she and Riley had met, in high school. Though she gave her son an edited version, it was sweet to see that she had his undivided attention. As stealthy as possible, I clicked a picture of her talking with Riley snug on her lap.

"It was love at first sight, right?" he asked her.

Bella smirked and shook her head. "Not exactly," she said with a laugh. "He threw a football in the middle of cafeteria, causing me to spill my lunch on my shirt. I called him a … butthead and threw the ball back at him."

Riley giggled and asked, "Then what happened?"

"I broke his nose."

For the entire flight, we listened to her talk about the first man that captured her heart. I didn't mind, to see her talk so freely about him made me realize something. She was ready.

~oOo~

With Bella's hand in mine and Riley's in hers, we walked through little stone pathways from where we parked in a small town in Virginia. Riley's hometown and where he was buried with his parents. I looked at Bella, to find her bottom lip between her teeth. She'd been quiet since we'd driven the rental car down into the cemetery.

Riley hummed some nameless tune to himself, a tiny American flag in his hand as we continued ahead. Bella hadn't been to there since Riley's father passed away, having been unable to afford both time and money to visit.

It was Riley's first time.

She stilled yards away from the unearthly white headstone, and since I had been prepared for such a reaction, I stopped with her. However, Riley pulled on her hand, tossing a look over his shoulder.

"Mom?"

Bella offered him a small smile and turned to me. "Give us a few minutes."

I nodded, squeezing her hand once, handing her the flowers I held. I stood beneath a tree and watched as they both crouched down to put down the bouquet of white and yellow roses. She held onto Riley's free hand as he planted the small flag in front of the tombstone.

I turned away, allowing them the time they need to be alone. The grounds there are breathtakingly beautiful, with many erect stones in various sizes and shapes throughout the greens. Trees and bushes dotted the landscape, and occasionally, a spot of bright color stood out. Flowers, flags, pictures and balloons adorned many of the stones, new and old.

I sighed, trying my hardest not to think about what lay before us in the months ahead. Before I allowed the thought of Riley being gone, I walked along a row of dark stones, most belonging to the same family. It was after several minutes that Bella called for me.

I joined them, happy to see the small smile on Bella's face. Tears lingered along her lashes, some having fallen down her smooth cheeks. Caressing the areas beneath her eyes, I cupped her face and brushed my lips on her forehead. She sighed softly, whispering how much she loved me.

"Dad?" Riley whispered as he made his way between us. "Come meet my father." I nodded, taking the hand he offered. I stepped past Bella, her fingers enclosing around my own. I crouched down along with Riley, rubbing my hand over his head.

"Dad, this is my father, Riley Biers Senior," he whispered, gazing at me with a nervous look in his eyes. "This is Edward Cullen, my dad."

"Hey, Riley," I said, smiling as Riley did the same. "I thought you should know you have one great kid."

"Tell him about the time you saved me from the ball," Riley said beside me, looking shy for a moment. "I did something pretty bad."

"No worries, buddy. We got through that."

"I messed up and didn't leave the cage like I was supposed to, but Edward saved me and took the ball to his chest. He's the best."

"That he is," Bella said as her hand rested on my shoulder. Raising hand to touch hers, I whispered a thank you to her and Riley.

"I wanted you to know," Riley said, looking at the tombstone.

_Riley Biers _

_Soldier, father, friend and always loved_

_March 13, 2002_

He had died two months before Riley was born in May, to the day. Riley continued, tracing the letters of his father's name slowly. "He'll do everything he can to protect us, but most of all, he'll take very good care of Mom when I'm gone."

I felt the bite of Bella's nails on my shoulder, alerting me that she was doing everything she could to hold herself together, but barely. I squeezed her hand to let her know I was there with her. I couldn't stand up, because it would draw attention to her. She wouldn't want Riley to see her upset anymore.

"I'm going to do everything I can to make them happy," I said, making Riley smile grow. "Try to make them laugh and smile every day."

"He likes what he hears," Riley whispered. "He's listening, you know?" He looked at me, as he expected me to deny his words.

I never would, because_ I_ needed to know that, despite the loved ones we'd lost and would lose in the future, they were still with us in some way.

"I know he can," I replied.

"May I have a few minutes?" Riley looked up at both Bella and me, biting his lip nervously.

I stood up, wrapping an arm around Bella's waist. "Of course," she whispered. We turned away, walking several feet ahead to give him the privacy he needed. "Thank you so much for this."

I kissed the top of her head, offering her some more tissues. "I had a feeling you both needed this." She nodded and wrapped both her arms around me, pressing her forehead against mine. "I love you."

She hummed and laid her head on my shoulder, watching her son talk animatedly with his father. Whatever he told his father, he seemed to swell with some untold pride. It had to be toward his mother— who else would deserve some passion from a little boy?

I felt Bella tense as Riley repeatedly wiped his eyes, but we relaxed when he looked over his shoulder at us, smiling. He said goodbye and ran at his full speed, wrapping his arms around us both. For a few minutes, we held each other, allowing the cool breeze of an eastern fall bite through our jackets.

It was my turn to have a private moment with Riley's father and Bella's first love. Bella and Riley didn't seem to be surprised by my request and started walking toward the car. I turned back, running a hand over my already growing hair. It wouldn't be long before it had grown back enough to run my fingers through.

I watched as Bella and Riley walked hand in hand, pointing out a few more headstones that were similar to Riley's, more soldiers who laid down their lives for their country. Slowly, I walked toward Riley's spot, standing overhead. I crouched down long enough to finger the tiny flag that waved in the wind.

"I thought you should know, that I pretty much fell for her the day I met her. She's unlike anyone I'd ever met, so beautiful and strong, but not only her— Riley, too." I stuffed my hands in my pockets, sighing deeply, trying to find the words. "I messed up, and lost them _and_ myself for a while. They forgave me, and eventually, I hope I'll forgive myself, too. Until then, I'll do everything I can to make it up to them. I'll take good care of her, like Riley said, but him, too. They make it so easy to love them, to want to give them the world. But you know Bella. She's stubborn and is having trouble adjusting to letting me help completely."

The breeze picked up, but instead of being cold, it was warm as it wrapped around my chest and skimmed the top of my head.

"The thing is, I'm pretty stubborn, too." I laughed, since that was an understatement. "I love them. I'll watch over them from here as I'm sure you'll watch from overhead." I looked over my shoulder, watching as Bella's long hair trailed behind her. "God, how I wish I could've seen her as you did." She had to have been beautiful, all that innocent youth, new love that tinged her cheeks with every look and with nothing but love in her eyes.

"We have a hard road ahead," I whispered. "I'm not sure who's stronger, Bella or me. I'd like to believe we're stronger together."

I touched the top curve of the headstone and over his name, the one he shared with his son. "I hope you don't mind me adopting him. He's a great kid. I didn't think you would. From everything Bella has told me about you, we would've been good friends."

I heard her call out, knowing it was getting too cold to stay out there much longer. "Before I go, you should know, I love her so much. I never thought I'd feel this strongly about anyone, and I don't want to let her go. So, I intend to marry in two days." I laughed and shook my head. "At least, I hope she'll marry me."

Another breeze blew around me, sending a small pile of leaves in the air, whirling in circles beside me. I smiled, having gotten the approval I wanted.


	28. Bridezilla

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight – Bridezilla**

* * *

**Edward**

My lips twitched into a smile when I felt her fingers tighten around mine. Her breathing had changed from slow and steady, to something a little faster. It was an indication that she would wake up soon. I couldn't help but love when she first opened her eyes in the morning and to see that smile light up her face every single time.

I couldn't believe that she would soon become my wife. A part of me was nervous, but I knew she'd say yes. She loved me, and time hadn't changed her feelings. That still amazed me. I ran the back of my finger along her cheek, a tiny smile emerging gently.

It was the whisper of my name that had me pressing my lips against hers, unable to resist. "Mmm," she hummed against my mouth. "Mornin'." Taking advantage, I slipped my tongue between her lips, earning a soft moan. Her hands clutched around my bicep and in my hair as my own cupped her face.

"Ugh," a disgusted huff had come from the doorway. "Can't you stop for just a minute so I can serve Mom some breakfast?" Though his voice sounded disgruntled, the smirk on his face said otherwise.

"If I must," I murmured, receiving another smile from Bella. I helped her sit up against the headboard, she'd been especially tired lately and I knew it was because of the dreams. Since Brittney's passing, they had been coming more often. Her emotions had seeped into her dreams. Bella had told me that most of the time, they were bad ones, because Riley wasn't in them. They were glimpses of her future without him.

I gave her a look, silently asking if she had another one. Those dark eyes, unfathomably deep and filled with emotion that had captured my attention from the first time I'd seen her, shuttered closed, which answered my question.

I offered Riley a smile, taking the tray from him. It was his idea to make breakfast in bed for Bella. And after we all ate, he'd disappear for a bit so I could do my part—popping the question. We both agreed that I didn't need a grand gesture, or a fancy dinner and candles to ask her. It wasn't us. We ate our breakfast while watching some cartoons on television, talking about our plans for the day.

Bella was in for a surprise. She thought that we'd be busy with Emmett and Rosalie's wedding, when in fact, the small intimate gathering she'd helped plan would be her own. I owed the both of them a lot for allowing us to take over, using their wedding as a cover to avoid the media. Their actual wedding would take place the following week instead.

After the initial shock, I hoped she'd skip over the embarrassment and anger, and marry me. Was that too much to ask?

After we were done eating, Riley offered to do the dishes. That sent all kinds of signals to Bella, because the moment he stepped out of the room and closed the door to allow us some privacy, she turned to look at me and glared.

It was the look that most men feared; the one that usually sent you to the dog house. Turning on the charm, I grinned and wrapped my arm across her tense shoulders.

She crossed her arms over her chest and the eyebrow of doom went up. "What did you do?"

I offered her a look of surprise and shock, added a little confusion. I was an award-winning actor, after all. However, as always, she could see right through me. She waited patiently, as I rose off the bed and started to pace. I had to hand it to her; she always knew when something was bothering me.

"You love me, right?" I asked, causing a real look of confusion to cross her features.

"What's this about, Edward?" she said. Her expression softened as she raised her hand for me to take, which I did, without question. "You know I do."

I sighed, kissing her palm and the inside her wrist. Taking a seat beside her, I caressed her fingers, watching her carefully. "And you know that I love you, too?" She nodded and pulled me closer. "I can't imagine a life without you," I whispered, breathing deeply as she pressed her forehead against mine. I pulled out the ring from the pocket of my sweats.

Her breath hitched as her gaze fell on our hands on her lap. The diamond shone brightly from the sun that filtered from a nearby window as it rested around the tip of my smallest finger. Her own fingers tightened around mine, her tongue nervously licking her bottom lip.

"I can't imagine a life without you, either," she replied softly. "I don't want to." The tip of her finger traced the edge of the ring and her lips started to twitch. For a few moments, neither of us said a word until she laughed softly. "Edward?"

"Hmm."

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

_Oh shit. _We both laughed and I kissed her lips softly. "Will you marry me?"

She squealed, throwing her arms around me and flattening me against the bed. "Yes, yes, yes!" she said, repeatedly kissing my mouth.

The bedroom door slammed opened a few seconds later. "Whooooo hoooo!" Riley cried out from the doorway, fist-pumping. He ran and jumped on the both of us. "I told you she would say yes," he said, laughing. "Did you tell her? Did you?"

"You knew, Ri?" she asked, rolling her eyes as he climbed onto her lap. She sat up after a few moments, laughing, gathering her breath. I was pretty sure Riley's bony little knee hit her stomach, during his dog pile. I rubbed her tummy, earning a smile. "Tell me what?" she asked breathlessly.

"About what we're doing today," Riley said brightly. "We have to be all _stealthy_."

Bella gave me a look, so I answered her unspoken question. "To avoid the media, we have to go out to get the marriage certificate this morning. It's a good thing that they offer same day marriage certificates in our county."

"Why would we need same day? I mean, I want a short engagement, but today? Did you forget about the wedding we're a part of in a few hours?"

Riley grinned that Cheshire-like smile that instantly had Bella's back up again. She was smart and I was sure it would only take a few minutes to put two and two together. It took much less than that. First, she gasped, then her lips thinned, and finally, she looked really pissed.

"Uh oh, it's Bridezilla!" Riley hissed and leapt out of bed. The kid had been watching too many reality shows. "Dad, you're on your own!" He was gone before I could protest – traitor!

"All this time!" Bella hissed as her hands clenched into tight fists. "I can't believe this." She jumped out of bed and stomped toward the dresser across the room. She started to pull out pretty lacy things, slamming drawers shut as she continued. "You'd been back in our lives for only a few days when Rosalie asked for Riley to be in her wedding. Since then, you've all been laughing behind my back! Am I right?"

She walked over to the closet before I could answer, not slowing down for a second as she pulled out a garment bag. A throat cleared from the hallway, and there stood Rosalie with a raised eyebrow.

"You done bitching?" she asked sweetly. My fiancée's eyes narrowed into the death glare that always scared the hell out of me, but Rosalie matched it with one of her own.

"I'm not talking to you," Bella hissed and slammed the closet door closed.

"That's too damn bad," Rosalie said with smile on her face and glint in her eyes. "But since I'm doing your hair and face, I'd advise you to stow the bitch glare and attitude. I'm armed with cosmetics and a curling iron."

"You all lied to me!" Riley was right. We were about to end up with a bridezilla on our hands if I didn't find a way to get her to forgive me – us.

Rosalie didn't flinch or miss a beat. "We didn't lie, we simply omitted. You're supposed to think it was romantic. But no, you have to be different." She grinned as Bella glared. I was positive that had Emmett pulled a stunt like I had, he'd find himself alone at the altar.

"And technically, I'm still getting married, at the exact same place as you are, but next weekend. You needed the media off your asses. Emmett and I won't raise any eyebrows but you and Edward would. The three of you are media fucking gold right now, so I made the suggestion to him a couple of weeks ago when I found out he was popping the question."

"No wonder you insisted on that off-white maid of honor gown," she nearly growled. Her shoulders slumped, though her glare remained. I was happy to say it seemed that fire within them had banked. "I'm taking a shower." She turned toward me. "You can leave," she said firmly. "You're not seeing me in the dress."

Well, at least that meant she was still marrying me. I smiled, hoping to get one from her. "See, it's a good thing I said I wanted to be surprised when you wanted show it to me, right?" I offered. It was the wrong thing to say. She glared, her soft, full lips thinned considerably.

"You got three minutes, Cullen," Rosalie said. "Get her in a good mood. I don't want to deal with Bitchella on her wedding day," she hissed with a straight face. It was a good thing Bella loved her and seemed to know that any words that came out of Rosalie's mouth were said with affection.

I rose to my feet and walked over to Bella, she didn't move away when I ran my hands down her arms. "I'm sorry that I kept you in the dark. We had too many things going on, and I had originally planned on asking you sooner, but then Brittney… And I knew once I asked you, I wanted to be married as soon as possible."

"Because of Riley," she mumbled, dropping her gaze from mine. Was that what she thought?

I shook my head, enclosing her into my arms. "No, the rush isn't about Riley. It's about us," I whispered, pulling away and tipping her chin up so that she'd look at me. I was very thankful that Rosalie had left to give us a few moments. "It didn't take us long to figure out this time around that it's for keeps. Right?"

"No," she replied. "I was mad at first, still hurting and finding out that what I felt for you hadn't changed," she shook her head and sighed. "That I still loved you as much as I had the morning you left us only made me angrier and more confused. But when I could see that you felt the same way, I knew I'd forgive you and give you another chance."

"See? There's no reason to wait, baby," I said thoughtfully, cradling her neck and kissing her gently. "But if you want to, we can."

"It's not the timing, Edward," she huffed, a little ire in her voice. "It's the fact that you lied." Her pout almost made me laugh, but luckily, I held it back. She could turn violent. The thought did however make me grin. She pinched my side as if she read my mind. "You better go get ready, we're getting married today."

I arched an eyebrow at her grave, solemn tone. The corners of her mouth twitched and I knew she was trying not to laugh. I growled and nipped on her bottom lip gently.

"Once more with feeling," I sang, making her giggle.

"We're getting married today!" That time it was accompanied with a smile. I laughed, twirling her around.

"All right, I thought you'd never make up," Rosalie huffed from the doorway. "Edward, you might want to take groveling advice from Emmett. He's a pro and your technique needs a little work. Now go, your tux is in Riley's closet." She turned to Bella, gesturing toward the bathroom door. "We need to hurry. Three hours to go time."

Bella smiled and rose to the tips of her toes, pressing her lips to mine. I groaned when she licked the seam of my mouth. She laughed as she pulled away, wiggling her eyebrows. "Payback is going to be so good tonight."

I stared at her in horror as she pushed me into the hallway. They laughed their asses off when she shut the door in my face. She wouldn't hold out, would she?

~oOo~

"I can't believe we dodged the media at the courthouse," Emmett commented beside me. My parents stood nearby, helping Rosalie put the final touches on the arch framing the gazebo that was the centerpiece of the garden.

"We couldn't have done it without you," I said. Bella had called in a favor from one of the support group parents and managed to get us into the building undetected. While there were several people that worked within the office we had used, most were older and assured us they wouldn't say a word to the media.

When some reporters arrived at the courthouse due to the dark sedan and increased security when we arrived, it was Rosalie and Emmett that diverted the media's attention for Bella, Riley and me to get away undetected.

After a few vehicle changes and a talk with the venue, we were able to make our way to the ceremony. While I drove with Bella through town, from beneath a trench coat, she had changed into her dress, making me a walking damn erection since. And all I had caught glimpses of were bare shoulders and some leg. Thankfully, I had gone with a long jacket for my tux. The woman was certifiably evil and seemed to thrive on my suffering.

I loved it and her.

Riley sat with Mike and Jessica, who surprised us with their presence. I hadn't expected to see them, and though it was obvious they weren't at a hundred percent, the smiles on their faces as they listened to Riley talk were real. They would be all right, though it would take time.

We had only invited our dearest friends and family. We would've had more people attending, but the more that knew about the wedding, the chances of a media free event would be nearly nonexistent.

Alice, who Jasper had said could help coordinate with Rosalie and Bella, sat at the piano nearby. Jasper had disappeared down the walkway where Bella was waiting. He offered his services to take photos, which worked out perfectly. How he knew we needed him, I have no idea. I'd seen him and Alice at the hospital often, so I guessed they had family there, too. I'd have to ask them about it some other time.

At that moment, my mind wandered to the brown-eyed woman, who I couldn't wait to call my wife. Rosalie had done her hair and makeup in the morning; she was breathtaking. But to see her in a wedding dress, my breath hitched at the thought alone.

Alice grabbed my attention, cocking an eyebrow when the officiator said he was ready. Riley walked over to me, stood with his back straight and gave me a small smile.

He patted his pockets, all of them until he found the ring he held for me. As my best man, it was his job to keep it safe, which he took seriously. "You ready, son?" I asked, adjusting his bow tie.

He smiled and nodded, holding out his hand for me to shake. It was my turn to smile as we went through our not-so-secret handshake. He groaned when I squeezed his hand hard. I tried not to notice that his grip had weakened considerably.

"It's time for me to get Mom," he said and sighed deeply when I nodded. It was obvious he was a bit nervous.

"Got everything?" I asked.

"Start with the right foot, feet come together then start over," he said and repeated it again, turning toward the path where Bella awaited. Jasper passed him, asking him to give him a couple of minutes so he could get into position.

After a several moments, Rosalie stood at the end of the aisle in a soft blue dress, a small bouquet of flowers in her hands. The music had started but my mind seemed to only focus at the figures behind Rose.

Bella was so beautiful. The dress was perfect, not quite white but it shimmered as it molded her body. She hadn't gone for traditional, and instead, went for simplicity. The smile that graced her face had to match my own. I tried to avoid her eyes, knowing I wouldn't be able to hold back if I did.

I could see she'd worn her hair mostly down, only half of it was up, held up with a pretty silver pearl comb. It was the something old from my mother, so it was also borrowed. Ribbons in various shades were her something blue and from Riley's baby photo album. They streamed from her soft white flowers in her hands. I recognized the simple locket and the earrings, so I couldn't figure out her something new.

Riley walked beside her, patting his inner jacket pocket again. I laughed, watching as Bella smiled down at our little man. He was dressed in a nice black tux, looking like a million bucks. His grin when he looked up at his mother was just as perfect, and when he missed a step, I could tell he tried to bite back a swear word. Bella cocked an eyebrow, knowing what he was about to say, making poor Riley blush.

There couldn't a more perfect moment that I wanted to see and be a part of. Mother and son, smiling at each other with a love in their eyes so damn obvious that you couldn't help but grin along with them. He whispered that he loved her and that made her smile brighten. A moment after, she looked up to meet my gaze, I couldn't hold back any longer.

She shook her head, silently telling me for me not to start or else she'd start crying, too. I blinked several times, refusing to have my vision blurred. I wanted to see her clearly. She mouthed, "I love you," at the same time I had.

When they reached me at the gazebo, their smiles were bordering on goofy. I made a face at Riley, who giggled under his breath. The officiator stepped forward and looked at Riley and Bella. "Who presents this woman to be married to this man?" he asked.

Riley's chin lifted an inch as he proudly stated, "I do." He placed Bella's soft, warm hand in mine. The little booger's eyebrow arched, giving me a look that stated, "I expect you to take care of her, or else."

I nodded minutely, squeezing Bella's hand as Riley moved to stand behind me. He patted his pockets again. Bella and I watched as his eyes widened, his mouth falling open. His head snapped toward the aisle. Emmett and Rosalie started laughing, Mom was giggling and Dad was trying not to. Then, Riley grinned and winked at us. Perhaps it hadn't been a good idea to show him how to_ act_ a little better.

Laughing, Bella and I turned to face forward. In the same direction of our future, one we'd share together, through the worst and best of times, through sickness and health – forever.


	29. Journal: Thankful

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine – Journal: Thankful**

* * *

**Tissue Warning: 1**

* * *

**Riley**

November 23

It's been almost a week since my parents got married. We got into a fight the day after. I wanted them to have a honeymoon. They wanted to spend time with me instead. I hated that I was the reason they cut their time alone to one stupid night and morning.

Even if a part of me understands, I don't want things to be different because of me. But they're so stubborn! (Sorry, Mom, but you know it's true.)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We're having dinner with some friends and my grandparents. Emmett and Rosalie's wedding is on Saturday. I have to wear the tuxedo again. She promised me a dance, so I guess it's worth it.

Mom always has this thing we do at Thanksgiving dinner. We each have to say what we're thankful for. I have a lot of things, but will she?

~oOo~

November 24

Tonight at the table everybody was there, Grandpa Carlisle, Grandma Esme, Mom, Dad, Emmett and Rosalie seemed really happy. Brittney's parents didn't come. Mom knew they wouldn't and had gone to drop off some food at their house after we ate.

We did that thing after all. Mom and Rosalie cried when I told everyone I was thankful to be able to see them get married. Sometimes I don't understand how much and why they love me. How can they be thankful for a kid that can't even enjoy a holiday dinner?

My stomach really hurts tonight. It's spreading, I feel it.

~oOo~

November 25

Mom, if you're reading this, can you please make sure Emmett and Rosalie see this? Thank you.

Rosalie you looked very pretty today. I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much, even when you hit Emmett on the head for saying a bad word during the vows. Thank you for letting me be in your wedding, even if I had to wear a dumb tux.

Emmett, I told Dad earlier that if you ever hurt Rosalie to beat you up. He thinks he can take you and he promised he would. Maybe he can hire someone to do it. Take care of her and when you have time, check on Mom. I know you said you would make me a hero in my very own graphic novel, but I think you should know you're _my_ hero. You helped Mom when she needed a friend. Thanks for that.

~oOo~

November 26

We went to a movie premiere! It was so cool. Dad and I dressed in matching shades and awesome threads. That's what Emmett called them, he met us there. We looked good.

I met lots of other stars there, including Will Smith and his kids. They were pretty awesome, too. Dad seems to have a lot of friends, because everyone came up to talk and meet us, not just him. There were cameras everywhere. Mom looked really pretty, and when I checked the internet earlier, she made best dressed list tonight. She doesn't care about that kind of thing, but it was the first official public appearance together as a family since the baseball game.

There's talk about the ring on her finger. By tomorrow, the world will know they're married.

I was totally wrong! On the news, everyone knew Dad and Mom got married. Now they want pictures, of course. They said they should release some and a statement to the press tomorrow. Jane said it was impressive how long we kept it a secret.

~oOo~

November 27

I know what they're doing. They told me this morning that tomorrow, I'm going to see my doctor. Today, we're going to the beach house, even if it's only for a night. They're having our house fixed so that I'll be able to stay there when I'm sick, and they're even talking about getting a nurse later. They think I don't hear them talking at night, but I do.

I watch them a lot, like I'm doing now from the backseat of the car. They look so happy, but every once and a while, I see Dad watching me in the rearview mirror. I can see it in his eyes, I don't know how much longer he'll be able to keep himself together.

But he really needs to, for Mom.

I place my journal in my backpack as Dad pulls the car into the driveway. We're here. They're laughing about something and I smile. I need to forget everything besides us for now; tomorrow will come soon enough.

"Riley!" Dad grunts as I jump onto his back. Mom shakes her head, opening the front door. The house is warm and bright. I wish we could stay here forever, but Mom says it was too far from the hospital.

So much for forgetting. I sigh and climb down from Dad's back, running across kitchen and living room, toward the doors that open to the beach.

"Last one in the water washes dishes!" I say, tossing my t-shirt on the couch.

Dad growls and lifts his shirt over his head, too. He stops, turns and gives Mom a quick kiss before he follows behind me. I laugh as my feet touch the warm sand, running as fast as I can. It's never fast enough, though. Dad catches me, hauling me over his shoulder.

"I win," he gloats and walks us into the ocean. After it's about waist high, he tosses me into the surf, but keeps a hand on me. It's cold, but it also feels real good. I surface and spew some water at his chest. Laughing, I swim toward the shore, and away from his shocked face.

"Oh! It's on!" I hear him say behind me. Before he has a chance to dunk my head underwater, I do it to him. I hear Mom giggling. I turn toward her, smiling at the pretty picture she makes.

Her hair is blowing in the wind, it's gotten really long and she has a blue sundress on. I run up and make her squeal when I wrap my arms around her. "No!" She tries to squirm away from my cold, wet body, but she's laughing, too. A shadow forms around us, and then she really starts screaming, "Edward! Don't you dare!"

Dad laughs an evil cackle behind me, making Mom run toward the house. But she isn't fast enough, either. Before she can reach it, Dad has his arms around her. She screams, slapping his back as he carries her into the water.

I watch as they laugh, splash and whisper something to each other. It doesn't take a genius to know what it is. It's all over their faces. I feel a warm tear run down my cheek, but the drops of water hide it from my parents. They pull me into the ocean, and soon, I'm on Dad's back, chasing Mom through the surf.

~oOo~

The fire is warm as I wiggle my wrinkled, cold toes nearby. Dad is strumming something on his guitar, and Mom is sitting between us, her head on his shoulder, watching me. I can't help but look at them, even after all the time that Dad has been here with us.

She smiles and winks. "You okay?" she asks. I nod and try to smile back at her. But mom knows when I'm faking it.

Dad stops playing, watching me closely, too. "What is it, son?"

I clear my throat and whisper, "Promise me that you'll still come here. You know after."

They don't even have to think about it. Maybe they see how important this is to me. "We will." I crawl on Dad's lap, wrapping an arm around him and opening the other for Mom. She snuggles up against me and Dad, kissing our cheeks.

"Thank you," I whisper. I refuse to think about anything else but them…I mean us, for the rest of the night.


	30. Tears, Tests and Family

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirty – Tears, Tests and Family**

* * *

**Tissue Warning: 3-5**

* * *

**Edward**

I stood against the doorjamb of Riley's room, wondering what he was dreaming about. What does a little boy's dreams consist of when faced with an uncertain future?

I couldn't imagine what it would be. However, my dreams as of late had been running rampant. It seemed unfair that while Bella dreamed of a future without Riley, my own were filled with him. Of him healthy, giving his baby sister piggy back rides as she tugged on his ear, of teaching him how to drive and even having "the talk," that in reality, may never come to be.

I'd done my research. The chances were slim that he'd survive. The first time he'd gone into remission, was a miracle, considering the type and stage at which they caught it. I didn't want to focus on the illness, not when our time would be plagued with doctors, tests and treatments as it was. At home, though, I wanted to concentrate on him and Bella.

We discussed moving to my house in the hills, since some paps had been camping out on the sidewalk. For the moment, we all agreed to spend as much time as possible in Riley's _home._ It was the same house he'd lived in since before he was first diagnosed. It was the same place that he shared with his mother, even Charlie and Renee for a while, before they passed.

I couldn't take that away from him. But we all knew that, eventually, once it became obvious that he was sick, we'd have to consider the protection the other house provided. As much as I would have loved to believe that the media wouldn't exploit an ill child and his family, the fact remained that magazine rags didn't give a shit about that kind of thing.

I felt her before she even laid a hand on me, shaking me from my thoughts. My body relaxed under the touch of her soft hand as it ran along my back and curved around my naked waist, my sweats hanging low on my hips.

I sighed, pressing a kiss on Bella's head. "I'm almost afraid to ask him," she whispered, as if she knew exactly what I'd been thinking. Of course, she did.

"I am, too," I murmured as I adjusted my stance so that I could wrap an arm around her. "What time is the appointment again?" I didn't really need to ask, since I remembered the details vividly. It was only that I wanted the day over with already, so that we could come home and make more memories.

"Not for four hours," she replied softly. "Come back to bed, please."

It was still dark outside, since it was only three in the morning. I closed Riley's door fully, taking Bella's hand in mine walking toward our bedroom. To the only sanctuary we would have for months to come. It was the only place where our "fronts" could come down and we could be ourselves.

I still held myself back, needing to be strong for Bella. I was sure though that she could see what I'd been doing, but she never called me on it. She was so fucking fragile and we were only just getting started.

She watched me with her too observant eyes, giving me a wary smile and touching my face softly. Her back arched, taking my mouth in a tentative kiss as I crawled over her body. Soon, we lost ourselves to the comfort and need that was lovingly provided to one another.

~oOo~

"The MIBG, CT and MRI were all conclusive. We'd have to start a round of chemotherapy to shrink the tumors before we could attempt surgery. After which…"

The doctor's voice started to drone on, though I retained the information as he explained it all to us while Riley waited, but I put it away in a compartment in my mind to deal with later.

I held Bella's hand while she listened intently, passing my thumb over her wrist to provide some type of support. Whether it was effective or not, I wasn't sure. She'd squeeze my hand on occasion, alerting me on how bad things had gotten. How much pain he would have had to be in; it seemed impossible for a child to endure.

For fifty-seven days, we managed to fit in months of family outings and time together, but it was hardly a lifetime. I felt so fucking cheated and I wasn't ready to let him go. To let go of the family we'd become. I had fooled myself for weeks, I wasn't strong enough.

I drove home as Bella held Riley while he slept. My body and mind felt numb after the morning was a fucking blur of faces, tests and tears.

After we spoke with the doctor, Bella and I used his office and sat down with Riley to give him the news. I had tried to keep it together for as long as possible, and holding Bella's hand provided me with the strength I needed. Riley had become very upset when he found out that a tumor would soon prevent him from walking if they couldn't shrink it. He'd start treatments in a few days, and his medication intake had almost doubled. His eating habits would have to change a bit, to help combat nausea.

The holidays were around the corner and it seemed to already be marred by what was to come.

We'd been home for a little over an hour, finding some peace in the warmth of the southern California sun, even in late November. The three of us lightly swayed in the hammock in the backyard, draped with a blanket. Riley had fallen asleep, seemingly more tired than he had ever before.

Some of what the doctor had told us started to seep from the safe places in my thoughts. I held back the emotions that threatened to spill, but Bella must have felt the tension in my body. Her head popped up from my shoulder, questioning me with a simple look of concern.

I refused to lie, but I seriously needed a moment. I needed to go see someone. "I just remembered that I need to see my parents for a bit," I murmured. Her brow furrowed for a second and I prayed it wasn't disappointment in her eyes, I didn't want that shit. I was about to say forget it when she nodded.

"You go ahead, while you have a chance," she said. "If you still plan to be camping out tonight, I need to pack up some snacks and such."

Smiling down at her, I claimed her mouth softly. "Are you joining us?" I asked, smoothing a hand down her back. I knew she wanted to, but would say no because she thought it would be what Riley wanted –guy time.

"I don't know," she said with a small shrug so she wouldn't wake up Riley. "I guess it depends on Ri."

My lips curved up again as I indulged in another kiss. "He wants you there, baby. But no electronics, we're camping out, not merely changing locations." She laughed and rolled her eyes.

"A real outdoorsy experience. Does that mean you're both forgoing the deodorant and showering for the next few days?" She scrunched up her nose, as a look of horror overcame her. Damn, she was good. I growled and grunted when she smacked my lips with hers in attempt to stop laughing.

She wrapped her arms around Riley more securely as I maneuvered myself off as carefully as possible from the hammock. I placed the blanket over them, dropping a kiss on both of their foreheads before leaving.

The first hint that the mask I'd been wearing had cracked came the moment I stepped out of the house. I nearly growled, noticing for the first time that day that the number of paps had tripled. Fuck! They had found out somehow. I heard the front door open behind me, and I turned to find Bella looking like a deer in headlights.

I herded her quickly back toward the house, when Jane, Emmett and Rosalie pushed through the crowd that had gathered. Cameras rolled, lights flashed as rumbles of questions were tossed in our direction.

"_What type of cancer does your son have?"_

"_Is it terminal?"_

"_What are chances of Riley surviving?"_

"_Is it true that you're adopting another man's child?"_

I wrapped my arms around Bella, who looked overwhelmed as tears welled in her eyes. Damn it! It was exactly what I'd feared it would become.

"Baby," I whispered, cradling her against me and frog-marching us back inside the house. "I'm sorry, we can't stay here tonight."

"A night won't be enough, Edward," Jane stated as she closed the door behind Emmett. "Maybe a week or so, and only if we made a statement," when I glared at her over Bella's shoulder, she defensively continued. "It doesn't have to be detailed. It just has to be enough information to curb their curiosity with a hint of a plea to give your family the privacy you need while dealing with all this."

I knew she wasn't trying to sound callous, just being honest. Turning my attention back to Bella, I looked to find her biting her lip nervously.

"I think she's right," she murmured. "I don't know if they'll listen." She shook her head as tears started to run down her cheek. "But I don't want to have to fight those people just to get to the hospital."

I nodded and thumbed the apples of her cheeks, wiping the tears as they fell. "I'm so sorry for this."

"Whoa!" Riley said from the hallway, no doubt hearing the commotion outside. Soon, they would overcrowd the street and stop traffic. That meant police, eventually. "What's going on?"

Bella managed to compose herself so fucking efficiently while her back was still turned toward Riley. She turned on the charm, smiling as she addressed Riley and she walked over to him.

"The paparazzi are looking for a story," she said softly. "We think it might be a good idea to go to the other house."

"The beach house?" Riley asked curiously.

Bella shook her head. "You haven't been to this house, Ri," she replied. "It's the one Edward told us about, the one in the hills. It'll only be until all this dies down."

"They found out already?" he looked surprised. Bella sighed, defeat slumping her shoulders. She only nodded.

"I'm sorry, son," I said, feeling like the shit I'd always felt I was when my world touched them so harshly.

"It's not your fault," he said a little firmer than usual. "Yeah, you're famous, but they're the dummies trying to get a picture of a sick kid and money for someone else's pain. It's mean and just wrong, but not your fault."

All the adults in the room, including me, were in awe of the little boy that seemed to have a knack for stating the obvious.

"So when are we leaving?" he asked, looking excited. "Please tell me there's a media room!"

I laughed and nodded. "But we're still camping out tonight," I answered. "Instead, it'll by the pool."

He fist-pumped, tugging on Bella's hand so that they could start packing. "I'll go help them," Rosalie said, sharing a small smile with me. She had to know that I was still pissed about the situation.

"I'll email a sample of the statement to see what you think," Jane said. "I'll keep most of the details from it. We should look into hiring a publicist." I was wary of bringing anyone else into my circle.

"How did they find out?"

She sighed and ran a tired hand through her blond curls. "They're suspecting someone in medical billing or possibly maintenance."

Bella returned a few minutes later to give me a quick hug again. "Why don't you head to your parents and meet us at house after?" She remembered and I was hit with the emotions I held back earlier as my anger almost disappeared.

"I should be with you when you leave," I murmured, shaking my head. I wanted to go, but I couldn't leave them with the fucking sharks.

"If we leave before Bella and Riley do," Jane suggested. "Maybe some of them will leave with us." Bella nodded and encourage me to go.

"I'll make sure they're all right," Emmett said, no doubt sensing something was wrong with me.

"See?" Bella said, smiling up at me. "We'll get through this, and we'll be yesterday's news before you know it." God, I hoped so, I kissed her once more, thank Emmett on my way out.

~oOo~

Once I was on the road, I turned my stereo as loud as I could. Most of me felt so fucking numb but there was a stabbing pain in my chest that started to radiate outward. At a red light, I bit my fist to keep myself together.

Almost twenty minutes later, I stumbled out of the car and up my parent's front steps. The front door flew open and I was so damn grateful. My dad caught me his arms, pulling me inside from the prying eyes and lenses that were at their front gate.

One look in my eyes and he called out for Mom.

In seconds, she walked into the foyer, her eyes rimmed red. I swallowed deeply and with another step toward me, she opened her arms. I choked on a sob and slumped into her embrace. It was Dad that held us up, my weight nearly sending my poor mom to her knees.

Then I felt the cool marble tile as we all slipped onto the floor carefully. I felt her hands in my hair and along my face, wiping tears. I barely recognized the agonized sounds around us were my own. They whispered soft words, soothing an ache that threatened to destroy me. I wouldn't let it, because I had Bella to think about. I had to remain strong for her.

But for just a little while, I had to let go.


	31. In My Arms

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirty-One – In My Arms**

* * *

**Edward**

An hour after I arrived at my parents', Bella had texted me that they were safe at the house, and that Emmett and Rosalie had taken Riley out for a movie and would be gone for a few hours. It was still early and we had time to set up the tent once he returned, but I needed a little time with Bella alone. I was positive she was well aware of that since she seemed to anticipate my needs.

I made a stop at nearby florist, one I had used frequently when Bella and I had started our relationship years earlier. It was one of the only things I could get her without her complaining about the cost.

It had taken a great deal of time to get her to understand that I wanted to give her the world because I cared for her and not because I had nefarious reasons. Sure, I was a man and I wanted her in my bed the night I met her. However, it wasn't the only thing I wanted with her.

Before Hollywood, I wasn't much to look at in high school; skinny, pimply and too tall with ears and nose too big for my face. It wasn't until college that I grew out of that awkward stage. Working out with my Dad's personal trainer, Peter, in jujitsu gave my body the definition it needed. Even then, I hadn't been into casual encounters, having two long term relationships in my college years.

I knew what I wanted— a loving woman by my side like my father and grandfather. Their relationships had been solid and something I wanted. I was with a girlfriend when I'd been discovered at a party in Los Angeles; she was a daughter of a friend of a friend, who was a producer named David Williams.

I landed several commercials, a few small parts in films and was even in a pilot for a couple of new series that didn't pan out for one reason or another. It wasn't until David came over that he'd seen me sparring with Peter that he found the perfect job for me.

At first, I hadn't been too excited about doing a children's television show, but at the time, Dad and I had been bickering about me dropping out of school to act. He hadn't been happy about it and had threatened to cut me off. I needed to get my name out there, so I tried out for the part and nailed the audition.

Shortly after the show had gained a large audience, many of the mothers' of the fans threw themselves at me. At the time, my girlfriend, Rebecca, didn't take the kind of attention I drew very well. I knew early on, that whoever I dated would have to be secure enough and trust me if we were to handle Hollywood as a couple. She left after a woman threw her panties on stage at me during a convention.

After that, I could've had only casual relationships. I had learned my lesson that perhaps, in the spotlight, love would be hard to find. But having a one night stand with a woman, and to only meet my needs, left a sour taste in my mouth. I couldn't do it.

When I had met Bella, my relationship with Rebecca had ended several months earlier, and I had only dated occasionally since then. She was a breath of fresh air that night. She blushed! A damn rarity in Hollywood and I hadn't been able to stop thinking of her.

Or Riley.

The day after the premiere, I had gotten the information about the support group that had come that night. It wasn't much to go on, just a few numbers and where they usually met. It wasn't until a few days later that I stumbled across them while Riley had a doctor appointment in the hospital.

It was an unforgettable experience, one that I often thought back on after I had left them. I had been visiting with some of the children in the cancer ward of the hospital, playing games and guitar, talking with them. Their zest for life seemed to awe me every single time I came upon a child that faced so much at such a young age.

Tanya had accompanied me and offered little gifts that she usually gathered from her circle of friends that supported her favorite charities. I had often wondered how she coped after losing my cousin, and I was amazed at her ability to be around children that had to constantly remind her of what she lost.

Bella and Riley had walked into the ward's play area to see a few of his friends. It had surprised her and Riley to see me there, but he had gotten over his shock faster than Bella did. I laughed, remembering that wide-eyed look and flushed skin when her eyes met mine. Riley enthusiastically greeted me with a high five, fist bump and gentle squeeze around my waist. The smile on his face made my day.

It was my guitar that brought Bella out of her complete and utter silence, "You play?" She rolled her eyes and answered her own question, "Of course you do…" muttering something else that sounded close to "perfect" under her breath.

While Riley greeted the rest of his friends, I asked her something, "How's he doing?"

The smile she'd given me at that moment had taken my breath away. "He's better and he doesn't seem to be so sick like before, you know? The doctor is hopeful." Even though there was still a tinge of doubt behind her eyes, she so desperately wanted to believe.

"That's good to hear," I whispered, clearing my throat. I looked over to where Riley was listening to something a little blond girl I knew as Brittney was saying. They were both giggling under their hands, whispering in each other's ears.

"Riley said he'd seen you and your aunt here before. I guess it was when I wasn't around."

I nodded. "Probably, I don't think I met Riley until the other night, though."

"We haven't been coming here for a while," she whispered. "A friend of his passed away last month, he wasn't feeling up to it."

There wasn't anything I could say to that, so I helped her out of her jacket, hanging it on the coat rack in the corner of the room. She followed me, which allowed me to do something. Get her alone for a second.

I ran my hand nervously through my hair. "Do you think we could, um," I had started but felt that I was struck stupid when Bella blushed further. The little reaction, made me want things I shouldn't have had the right to at that stage of our relationship.

Relationship— we barely knew each other.

"Would you like to have some coffee sometime?" she asked before I could embarrass myself further. I must've looked shocked because she stuttered and tried to take back her offer.

"No," I blurted out, taking her hand in mine. "It's just that you took the words right out of my mouth." She smiled so brightly at that moment and I prayed I'd be at the receiving end of that smile again and again.

The memory of that day held a special place in my heart; it was the first time I felt hopeful of finding the type of love that my parents had, and that my Aunt Tanya had found twice in her lifetime.

It was several weeks later, after shooting a few television spots and promos for the movie, that we shared our first kiss.

It had been after a long night of shooting and a missed date at her house. I had felt like shit about it all day, because dates had been few and far between, one of the downfalls of a suddenly in-demand actor. Worse yet, I felt that Bella and Riley were the reason why Tanya had been flooded with requests to meet the man behind the photograph of the month.

At the time, I felt undeserving, having only starred in minor roles and Power Rangers. My new success had opened doors I thought were impossible since I'd been stereo-typed due to my past work. It was a role in an HBO special that made Hollywood realize that there was more to me than my looks and ability to kick ass on the screen.

The following morning after the broken date, I immediately went to her house with a peace offering— coffee and her favorite pastries, and some for Riley, too. She wasn't bitter as any other woman would've been. She understood that my life was a little different and would take some getting used to, and the fact remained she wanted a chance to do that.

Everything she had said seemed to ignite all the emotions I had felt toward her, bubbling to the surface. That morning, as we talked over scones and coffee and Riley played in his room, I watched her closely, looking for any indication that she felt something akin to what I already felt for her. It wasn't until she said something that I was finally able to snap out of my thoughts.

"If you keep looking at me like that, I won't be held accountable for my actions," she said, arching a pretty dark eyebrow. It was a downright challenge and she was very aware of what she'd done. She laughed when I leaned toward her, inches from her captivating mouth. I gave her a chance to tell me to go away, because a part of me knew, in that moment, that we'd be irrevocably tethered to each other after that first kiss. Corny as that sounded.

She looked into my eyes head on; ready and willing to give me everything I ever wanted. Her hands slowly slid up my chest, her fingers tightening around the collar of my button-down shirt. I wasn't sure what it was, the brazen little move on her part or the feel of her breath on my mouth that drove me to pull her against me further.

I went into that kiss with my eyes wide open, watching her as she watched me. Her dark eyes saw all the emotions that were in mine, a perfect reflection. How we felt so much after only two months wasn't something I could deny any longer.

Slowly, ever so softly, I touched her lips with my own; she tasted of vanilla, coffee, and the slightest hint of mint. And that was just her bottom lip as I licked it softly, taking it between mine. The soft moan that escaped her had me pulling her closer, my fingers moving through her hair and delving just a little deeper to take more of what she readily offered.

Our tongues and lips moved over each other, breaths rapidly spinning out of her control had us pulling back after several minutes. The top of her head tucked perfectly under my chin as we fought to breathe, my hands ran down her back as hers tightened around my waist.

I couldn't forget her words after. "It can so be like the movies."

I laughed at the memory as I punched in the gate's code, waving at a few paps that stood nearby. Once I parked, I grabbed the flowers and ran into the house, eager for a moment with Bella. I loved Riley with all my heart and always would, and though I felt guilty, there were days like that where a person needed a few moments to gather themselves.

I had that moment with my parents and I needed another with Bella. Later that night, I would have several with Riley. In a few days, when his treatment would start, the world would once again intrude. Until then, we'd enjoy every minute that we had together.

"Bella," I called out. I heard the soft sounds of piano music floating through the air, coming from the patio. I had a very nice backyard with extensive gardens and pools. The trickle of the nearby waterfall had me moving closer to the sound. There, under the suffused light from overhead, I could see Bella watching the water fall and dance across the surface of the pond. Small and large koi fish swam around, picking at the food that she must have fed them moments before.

I wrapped my arms around her from behind, finding her body stiff and covered in gooseflesh. The wind played with her hair and tickled my ear as I kissed hers.

"I love you," I whispered, handing her the flowers. She sighed, telling me they were beautiful and placing them on the small bench beside the pond after a few minutes holding each other, until finally, she melted against me.

"I love you," she gasped as a tear slipped down her cheek. "So much." She turned in my embrace, threading her fingers around my neck. Her eyes traveled from our feet to my chest, unbuttoning my shirt slightly to feel the skin and she placed a soft kiss there. I hummed when her tear-softened lips met mine in a gentle kiss.

I sang softly to the new song as it played, "So now I come to you, with open arms, nothing to hide, believe what I say. So here I am with open arms, hoping you'll see what your love means to me. Open arms."

We swayed, dancing under cloudy sky that was dappled with sunlight that broke through. I brushed some of her hair from her face and continued to whisper the lyrics as I kissed her tears away. After another song, I lifted her into my arms, carrying her to our bedroom where I planned to show her how much I loved her. I wanted to make sure that she'd never forget how I felt about her.


	32. Backyard Fun

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirty-Two – Backyard Fun**

* * *

**Riley**

"Hey, buddy," Emmett says as he pulls into the parking lot. "We're here. You sure this is where you want to spend your money?" He looks questionably at the Michael's Craft Store and makes a face of disgust.

"That's what he said earlier," Rosalie says with a glare in his direction. "Come on. Let's see what you have in mind for a gift for your parents."

As we climb out of Emmett's jeep, he takes the envelope from me with the money we had cashed at the bank earlier and stuffs it in his jacket pocket. We had gone to cash in all my swear jar money— all two hundred twenty-three dollars of it. I was nearly rolling in dough, and all because of Emmett and Dad.

Taking my hand, Rosalie asks how I'm feeling. She had seen me pressing a hand to my stomach a while ago, so I know she's just worrying about me.

"I'm okay, Rosie," I whisper, squeezing her hand. "I'll tell you if I have to rest, I promise."

She nods and her big blue eyes say it all. I hurt, she hurts. Just like Mom and Dad. She's going to be an awesome mom when she has babies. I only wish I could be here to see them. Emmett offers me a smile and opens the door for me and Rosalie.

We go through all the aisles for the things I need for my parents' Christmas presents. I don't even think about the cost, not really. Because even though no one is really saying it, it will be my last.

After we finish, the total is more than what I have, but Emmett offers to pay the rest. I tell him I'll pay him back as soon as the swear jar gets full again.

"This is me you're talking to, Ri," he says, laughing when he head back to the car. "Think of it as an advance." Rosalie smacks his shoulder, but she's smiling and trying not to laugh.

We head to an early dinner at the adventure park and play some miniature golf, which it turns out Rosalie is awesome at it. She totally kicks our butts. I learn something else as we play— Emmett is a sore loser. He demands a rematch with this wife. I stand back and watch them like I do with my parents.

They're so happy.

"Can you two promise me something?"

I think they sense that I have something important to say, because they pull me to sit down at a bench, both listening.

"You know we'll promise you just about anything, kid," Emmett says.

"Will you check on them after I'm gone?"

Emmett gives me a, "you're kidding right?" kind of look and pats my back. "Dude, you think I'm gonna walk away from your sweet momma and those biscuits she makes?" He groans, pulling out his cell phone and starts texting Mom. Laughing, I roll my eyes. "Besides, did you see the media room at the big house? Sweet."

I know he's just joking around. It's his way to say yes to a hard question. I look up at Rosalie and touch her hand.

"Rose," I whisper when I see that she's upset. She squeezes my hand gently.

"I'm sorry," she gasps, wiping at a couple of tears. "It's hard to hear you talk like this, you know?" Her hand runs over the top of my head. "And I think you need to know, if it's this hard for me, it's a hundred times harder for your parents."

I look down at my lap, nodding. She's right. Edward has said something like this to me, too. It's hard to not think about how your time is limited and sometimes words slip that reminds everyone of that fact.

"I'm sorry, too," I say, sighing as Emmett's big hand rubs down my back. "I'll try a little harder."

Rosalie nods and kisses my cheek. "I'm going to be there for your mom and Edward for a long time. I love them as much I love you, okay? Try not to worry about them so much. Just remember they love each other."

I nod, trying hard to believe that love is enough to get them through this.

~oOo~

"Mom!" I call out when we arrive at the house. "Dad!"

"We're out back," I hear Dad say out loud.

"I'm going to put your stuff in the room, buddy," Emmett says and walks down the hallway. Earlier that day, after the paps made us go into hiding, I was able to pick out my room. It's almost as big as our little house.

I don't really understand why Mom and Dad like our home better. I should probably ask. Groaning softly, I try to rub away the pain that feels like a Charlie horse in my back.

After I give Rosalie directions to the bathroom, I walk out the French doors to the backyard. I smile when I see all of the flickering lights in the trees. Those are totally new. My parents have been busy. I look around to find that they set up some sort of stone fire ring with an actual roaring campfire.

"Hey, Ri," Dad says, waving me over as he stands watching Mom put up the tent. "Where's Rose and Em?"

"They're inside," I say and look at him in confusion. "Why is Mom putting up the tent by herself?"

"Apparently, I can't read directions," he grumbles, cocking his head to one side as Mom crawls out of the tent backward.

"There's a difference between 'can't' and 'won't', Edward," Mom growled.

"Hmm, did you get it, dear?" He was totally checking out her butt. Gross!

Mom growls at him again, "Yes, I got it, no thanks to you." She sighs, dusting off her jeans and ignoring Dad. I grin. "Hey, sweetheart." Her arms wrap around my shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Did you have a good time?"

When she pulls back, she yelps when Dad slaps her butt and runs away. She turns to give him the death glare, only making him laugh. "_I_ had to start the fire," she tells me loudly, but looks at Dad.

"I tried!" he says, tossing a football toward Emmett, who easily catches it, even though he has this big flat book with him. "Whatcha got there, Emmett?"

Rosalie walks up from behind, taking the ball from Emmett. She throws it back to Dad, who also has no problem catching it. I wave my hands, calling out to him. He smiles and tosses it toward me. I catch it with the tips of my fingers, pulling it against my chest.

"Whoa," Dad says, running toward me. "Nice catch. I was kinda aiming at your Mom," she throws him another glare over her shoulder as she zipped up the tent. "Since she's still mad at me." He presses a kiss to Mom's forehead, laughing when she smacks his stomach.

"Mom," I whisper as Dad walks toward Emmett. "Why are you mad at Dad?"

She hides behind her hair, but I can see a secret smile on her face. "No reason, but he thinks he did something wrong. He just doesn't know what."

I look at her like she's a little crazy. She laughs, wrapping her arms around me. "We're just playing a game. In a little while, he'll say he's sorry for something like leaving the toilet seat up or leaving his socks on the floor. He'll kiss me and have an excuse to say that he loves me in front of everyone."

"But why?"

She laughs again and I can see something in her eyes I haven't seen in a long time. After Grandpa and Grandma died, it was still there, just not as bright. It's this light that makes her glow. I touch her face and she sighs softly. I brush some of the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear like Dad does all the time.

"What is it, Riley?" she asks.

"Nothing," I whisper, tugging on her ear, letting her know how I feel and making her smile widely.

"Hey, Riley, come over here and look," Dad says from the patio table where Emmett and Rosalie are sitting with him.

Mom and I walk over and see that several drawn pages of the comic book he's writing for me. "Oh, wow," I gasp and sit on Dad's lap, leaning on my elbows to look better. I don't touch anything just in case. "Is that me?"

Emmett nods. "Sure is," he says, tapping a character that looks very much like me, but with sharper edges.

"These look great." Dad pats my back so I can get up. "I'm gonna grab some drinks. Anyone want any?"

Mom and Rosalie ask for water, while he and Emmett want beers. I'm not thirsty but I know I should have some water, too. It'll make Mom worry less. We're all closely examining the pages and pointing me out in every page. It's still needs color, but it still looks so cool. Emmett says he'll finish it by Christmas, which is awesome.

"Who's this?" I ask, pointing to a really pretty reporter with Dad's alter ego.

"That's your mom," Emmett points out. "See, she's got a secret identity, too. That's the twist in this story."

"Awesome," Mom says, looking over my shoulder. As Dad passes drinks to everyone and hands Mom a sweater, too, I point something out.

"Emmett," I whisper as Dad takes a drink from his bottle. I feel my face heat up as I say, "My mom is_ not _that bumpy in the front. Is it because of her suit?"

Mom gasps and Edward sprays beer all over the tile floor, coughing. Emmett and Rosalie are trying really hard not to laugh. After a few seconds, Dad closely examines Mom's character and laughs. He yelps when Mom smacks the back of his head.

She pouts, her lip even trembles a bit. She's good, real good.

"Aw," Dad coos at her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry for laughing, baby." He kisses her softly on the forehead once, on each cheek, then finally, on her lips. She sighs as he hugs her tightly. "I love you."

She wraps her arms around his neck, and from over his shoulder, she gives me a wink.

They're so weird sometimes.

"You didn't say if it's because of the suit, Emmett," I say. "There is no way my mom would wear something like that. If she tried to go out in that, _I'd _lock her inside the house."

Everyone laughs. I grumble, "I'm serious."

"I wouldn't let her, either," Dad says, groaning when Mom pinches him again. "Besides, no one but us will ever see this comic book. Right, Em?"

"That's right," he says. "I'll only create four copies of it. One for me, two for you and I thought your parents would like one, Edward."

"Thanks," Dad replies, nodding.

A couple of hours and about fifteen burned marshmallows later, we settle in our tent for the night. It wasn't the best day ever, but it was memorable. That's what is important. I need to give them more memories, before I can't anymore.

~oOo~

Both Mom and Dad take one of my hands as we walk into the hospital a few days after that first night camping out. It was so much fun camping that first day that we decided to do it for a couple more.

Mom was here at the hospital the other day, discussing and registering me for my stay. I'm hoping it'll only be a couple of days, but it all depends on what they decide to do after all.

Doris, my nurse, directs us to my private room. I strip down to my boxers and Dad helps me into my ugly blue gown. He giggles a bit, tying the strings together loosely.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"You probably don't remember the time your Mom sprained her ankle," he says and I see Mom blush. "But let's just say she's pretty funny on pain medication."

I grin as Mom rolls her eyes. "Oh, yeah? Like what did she do or say?"

"Don't you dare, Edward," Mom hisses. "Or I'll tell him about the time you tweeted that picture of you in a hospital gown." Dad's eyes widened and he shakes his head.

"What? Did he post a picture of his butt or something?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"She dared me!"

Mom laughs and nods at me. "I couldn't believe he did it."

"Why were you in the hospital?" I ask him as I settle in my bed for the next few days, hopefully, at _most_.

"Messed up my shoulder while filming," he said, pulling down his shirt to show me the scar. It looks a little crooked but cool at the same time. As we wait, I listen to him tell the story of how he got it. His job can be a little dangerous. We're going to have to have a talk about that later.

A few minutes later, after trying to get Mom to confess about her time, the doctor comes in and says they've decided to do a biopsy of the three major tumors I have; they're too big so he wants to try shrinking them a bit first.

Dad holds my free hand and Mom rubs my back as a nurse looks for a vein to start my first IV. Over time, they'll just leave a needle inside me, even when I'm not at the hospital, with little tubes sticking out, just to make it easier. I cringe when I feel the bite and Dad's hand squeezes mine.

Under my breath I whisper my mantra, "Today I woke up, time to live it the best way I can." Silently, I add, _for as long as I can hold on_.


	33. Journal: December

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirty-Three – Journal: December**

* * *

**Tissues Needed : 2-3**

* * *

**Riley **

Dec 4

I can't stop throwing up.

Mom's used to it, but I think Dad's having trouble. He's there every time to hold up the ugly pink tub on my lap, rubbing my back. But I hear him always asking Mom if it's normal to be this sick. He wasn't there when I was younger, when I went through this before. He was there toward the end, and he only saw a peek of this.

It's normal.

I wish it wasn't.

~oOo~

Dec 12

The shrinking is working, well mostly, just not the one near my spine. The doctor expected this. It's kind of weird to see someone standing next to Mom, asking lots of questions. It used to be her and my grandparents. Now it's Mom _and _Dad.

I know the questions they're asking. I fell down earlier at home. It really scares them. Why does this kind of cancer take so long to…just kill me?

I shouldn't think things like that. It's not fair to them.

But you know what? It's not fair to me, either.

~oOo~

Dec 14

Mom and Dad went out for dinner, leaving me with Emmett and Rosalie. I made them go, screamed at them and kinda had a tantrum.

I didn't want to, but they wouldn't leave.

Mom, Dad – I just want you to have some time for yourselves. That's all. Love you, I really do.

I'm sorry.

My parents came back from dinner just now, when I should be sleeping. I can hear them laughing and talking with Rose and Em. It's nice to hear that. They try to be themselves around me, to be that happy couple they were before I started treatments. But it's not easy when you're watching someone you love waste away.

I feel it – eating at me.

At least their Christmas gifts are done. Thanks mostly to Rosalie and Emmett. They've been awesome in all of this. I feel bad, because I haven't had time to make their gifts. I'll have to ask Mom or Dad to help me with that.

I need to sleep, I'm so tired.

~oOo~

Dec 16

I'm free to leave the hospital and house. For a while, at least. The doctor says I can go for a day to the beach and come back the next morning.

I don't think I'll be able to run into the water. It's not safe, but I can watch them. I like that. And I really like the way the sun feels on my face. So warm.

While Dad was driving, I counted the number of bald spots I have in my reflection in the rearview mirror. After surgery and I start my other treatments, I'll lose my hair pretty fast. Dad noticed, though, I saw the way his chin shook. Somehow, he kept it inside.

I didn't look in the mirror again.

Right now, I'm sitting on the beach with a blanket wrapped around me. I feel the sun and the wind. It's nice, different from the smelly hospital. I watch Dad take Mom's hand as they walk along the water.

They're quiet. Not saying a word. I know that means they're thinking.

We have so much longer to go and I hate that this is the best we'll get until the end.

I can barely feel my toes.

~oOo~

Dec 20

Emmett and Rosalie have to leave town for the holidays. They'll be back after the New Year. So we're having an early Christmas dinner with them. Mom is busy in the kitchen. Edward's strumming his guitar, sitting with me in my room. He's bored. I can tell.

He won't say a word, though. That's the way he is. He won't complain.

Now, he's being nosy, asking me what I'm doing. Wonders what I'm writing about him. He just decided he can't win, and is gonna give me another guitar lesson.

I better go.

The lesson was okay. Kinda hard when my fingers are stiff and I'm too tired to hold up my guitar. Dad helped with that, though, got me a strap. It did get easier after that. I have a lot to learn still. Soon, I think I'll be able to play to Mom.

She'll like that.

Yes! Emmett and Rosalie are here. Maybe we'll get the comic book. That would be so cool!

Dinner was nice. Mom over did it. There was enough food to feed an army. She's crazy like that. I didn't eat much. I'm still having trouble holding anything down.

We sat near the Christmas tree to open gifts. We all wanted to share opening them together.

Emmett was totally awesome. Since the comic book was a gift for me and my parents, he had each completed panel put in a slideshow and onto a DVD so we could all see it at the same time.

We even read our parts. Mom's voice was funny, kind of like she's sick. It was totally weird, but Dad couldn't stop touching her when she read. Whatever. Dad did this over the top dramatic voice for the alter ego hero and his regular voice for his cover up character. They kind of sound the same to me.

I don't do voices.

But one of my superpowers in the comic book was awesome. I had the ability to call upon hundreds of other fighters– Emmett called them Riley's Angels. I also had super speed, which was really cool, too.

I can't wait to read it again.

In the end…It wasn't Dad's character that saved the day. It was all of us together.

We were stronger together.

I wish it could be like that in real life. I don't think I'm very strong.

~oOo~

Dec 22

I really hate myself right now. I got mad at Dad, because he asked for the hundredth time, "Are you okay?"

I was so tired of hearing that question over and over again. Not when I can't give him a good answer. I don't want to answer.

I'm not okay.

I screamed at him, even threw a book at his head. But the worst thing was that I called him Edward. I said I was sorry right after. But I think I really hurt him.

I'm sorry, Dad. I love you.

Mom is holding herself together. I think. She knit me a cool beanie with a hidden heart inside the folded hem. I know it's there. It's our secret. She made one for Dad, too. He doesn't know about the heart.

He's leaving for a day for a work thing. He's not happy. But he'll be back in time for Christmas Eve morning.

I'll miss him.

Dad, be safe.

~oOo~

Dec 23

With Dad gone early, Mom is barely holding on. She helped me take my pills this morning and had tears in her eyes. Thankfully, there are no more treatments until the day after Christmas. Three days.

Lunch time with Mom was pretty cool, even if I barely ate. But we made cookies for Dad. I don't understand how he hasn't gained like 20 pounds since he came back to us. He eats so much. Mom thinks it's cute that he likes her cooking. I think it gives her something to do.

Mom videotaped us making those cookies. She only wants to remember.

Don't forget me, Mom. I'll never forget you.

Dad called after dinner. His flight is going to be late because of snow in New York. I could tell he was really mad. Not at me or Mom, but himself. Said he shouldn't have gone. Mom told him it'll be fine for one night.

It's not. I can _feel_ her crying.

I better go check on her.

I close my journal and put it inside my nightstand. Climbing out of bed, I bite the inside my lip to keep from crying out. I don't want to make it worse. I take a few deep breaths and shuffle across my room slowly.

At the door, I rest against the wall. I'm dizzy. It happens a lot now. It helps a little to take breaks during the day. I'm like a baby when they first come home. Sleep all day, keep everyone awake at night.

I walk down the hallway, reaching their bedroom. The door isn't closed, but I see her lying in the bed. In her hand is a funny picture of her, Dad and me. We're at the beach in it. It was before I started treatments.

I'm happy that we got to do so much before.

I walk into the room real slow, because really, it's the only speed I have now. She's lying on her side, holding the frame to her chest. The wood floor creaks under me, making her turn quickly.

"Oh, Riley," she gasps, wiping at tears before looking at me.

"Don't, Momma," I whisper, taking her hand in mine. She nods and gives me a small smile. "Can I sleep with you?"

Some more tears fall from her eyes as she pulls me up with her. She's so soft and warm. Smells so good, too; like mom and cookies.

I hope Heaven smells like her.

She hums a song, the same one she sang to me before, when I was sick. She calls me her "sunshine," and I might be.

But she's my heart.

I feel her words on my head and the touch of her fingers there, too. "I miss Dad," I say, looking up at her. I close my eyes as her lips touch my forehead.

"I miss him, too."

"Can we stay like this until he gets home?"

"I think we can do that," she says softly. "I'm thinking Saturday morning cartoons in bed?"

I smile at her and she taps the tip of my nose. "Until Dad gets home."

"Yeah," she whispers, pulling me real close to her. I sigh as I hug her hard. "Love you, Riley."

"Love you, Mom."

I make another wish as she falls asleep; to get Dad home before she wakes up in the morning.


	34. Wishes and Time Glitches

**This is My Wish **

**Chapter Thirty-Four – Wishes and Time Glitches**

* * *

**Tissue Warning: 3**

* * *

**Edward**

I waved to Dad at the door before he drove away, cursing the fact that I had no idea where my house keys were buried in my carry-on bag. There was no way was I going to ring the doorbell and likely wake a sleeping Riley. The kid might have slept a lot lately, but it wasn't a restful sleep.

I shouldn't have left them. What had I been thinking? Contract or no contract, the chances of making it home the same day would've been slim, considering holiday traffic and the weather in New York. Stupid fucking reshoots.

The more and more I thought about it, the more I realized I was better suited for behind the camera than in front of it. One good thing that had come out of the trip back east was I had someone very interested in my idea for a new independent film. If he backed me up, with him behind the camera, I could not only learn from one of the best directors in the business, but would have the name recognition I'd need to bring the film to the big screen.

Even it was only a few. I'd be happy with that.

I shook away those thoughts; business had no place at home. I was grateful that Bella and Riley decided to stay at home rather than the house in the hills. The paps had seemed to have forgotten about it, and I hoped it remained that way.

Finding the keys in one of the many pockets, I made my way inside the dark and silent house. The lit up Christmas tree still glowed in the corner of the living room, indicating that it wasn't passed two in the morning yet. Thank God for freaking timers.

I dropped off a few gifts I'd gotten in New York for Bella and Riley, since they were hardly ever out of my mind. Tucking them further back, so that the sneaky little devils wouldn't get a peek, I found a new box labeled to me from Bella.

I bit my lip, looking over my shoulder, hoping she was fast asleep. Guilt flashed through my mind for a moment as I took the box from under the tree. But I was curious what she could've gotten me in such a small box.

"Gotcha," she hissed in my ear. Damn! So close.

"I was only looking," I said defensively, placing my gift under the tree again. "And since when did you learn to move like the fucking wind, huh?" I growled and grabbed her by the waist before she could get away. "I didn't even hear you."

"I'm a ninja," she whispered, laughing. "I'm smooth like that." Rolling my eyes, I sat us down in the chaise and wrapped my arms around her tightly. I tried to keep from yawning, but I was tired. Her fingers brushed along my jaw, her lips following their wake. "You made it home before I woke up, like you promised."

"Damn right," I replied, looking down at her. My brow furrowed, making her instantly avert her eyes. I slipped the tip of my finger beneath her chin and turned her face up so that I could see. "You've been crying."

She shrugged, her eyes wet with tears. "I didn't think it would be so hard to fall asleep without you here with me."

"Oh baby," I whispered as brushed them away. "Please don't cry anymore, I'm here." She nodded and nuzzled the crook of my neck. "How did it go today?"

"We made cookies," she murmured, her fingers tracing patterns across my chest. I loved when she did it. Most of the time, her shirt doodles, as Riley called them, were only shapes, but every once in a while, she wrote the words _I love you_.

I fist-pumped. "Yes!"

She laughed, like I had hoped. "Your favorites, too." She yawned, blushing as she tried to hide it.

"Come on, let's go to bed."

She snuggled even closer. "Riley and I shared our bed, he's fast asleep." Smiling, I carried her to our bedroom, and as I pulled the covers over us, I kissed her cheek, careful not to jostle our son, who slept between us.

~oOo~

Christmas Eve morning was beautiful in LA. The light that filtered through the window fell on them, giving them a warm glow. Fingering one of Bella's curls, I gently coaxed her awake. Her eyes fluttered open, but only for a second. They scrunched closed, making it obvious that she still hadn't been ready to get up.

I tapped the end of her nose and tried not to laugh as she peeked at me from one eye. "I don't wanna," she protested.

A small groan between us forced reality to intrude. "Ow…ow," Riley whispered as he slept. He turned toward me, nuzzling against my chest with a small whimper. "Ow."

I could see her face crumble for only a few seconds but as usual she pulled it all back under control. Her hand smoothed down his back, murmuring softly in his ear, until the pinched look of pain on his face softened. Before I could say something to her, she climbed out of bed, saying she'd start breakfast.

_Oh baby, don't hide from me. _

~oOo~

"Hey, Dad?" Riley said, trying to shake me awake a little later. "When did you get here?" I groaned, turning to my side, letting out a big fake snore. I heard him giggle and shift on the bed beside me. From where I laid, I knew he was hovering.

Before he had a chance, my eyes snapped open, I growled and started to tickle him, paying close attention to his face, just in case it hurt him.

He laughed and snorted, "Uncle! Uncle! Mom, help me!" I cackled evilly and jumped off the bed with him draped over my shoulder. "Mom! He's got me! Help!"

I laughed and made my way down the hall. There at the end, Bella stood with a cocked hip and brow, sexy mama at her best, armed with a spatula. I smirked, wiggling my eyebrows. "Oh, scary."

She growled, "Breakfast is ready. Put down our son, so we can eat and head to your parents' house."

"Yes!" Riley sang from atop my shoulder. "Morning, Mom." Propping himself up as much as he could, he looked at his mother. "Did you make the banana ones?"

"Sure did," she replied, gesturing toward the kitchen. "The breakfast table is all set."

I set Riley down and his feet barely touched the ground before he was running. He skidded to a halt in front of Bella, looking up at her, smiling. "Hi. Can I watch cartoons in the kitchen?" When she nodded, he wrapped his arms her waist for a few moments. As he pulled away, he looked over his shoulder at me. "Last one to the kitchen does the dishes."

Bella laughed as he took off, not looking back. She cocked an eyebrow at me in challenge, and the second I tried to get past her, she slapped my butt with the spatula. "I'll show you scary."

I grinned and grunted, pulling her into my arms. I had taken her by surprise when I tossed her over my shoulder. "Good morning, Mrs. Cullen." After another smack of the spatula from her, I wrestled it out of her hand and retaliated.

Good times.

My family had a tradition to have dinner on Christmas Eve and open presents at midnight. It was something that we had to do often while Dad finished his residency and worked long shifts in the ER. Since then, we stuck to the tradition.

Bella and Riley didn't mind, so in the end, it all worked out great. We had a nice day at my parents' house, played a few rounds of mini golf while Mom and Bella worked on dinner. Since I was exhausted from the day before, I slipped in a nap in my old bedroom sometime after a light lunch.

I wasn't sure how much sleep I managed, but was surprised to find Riley curled up to my side. "Hi," he said softly.

"What's up, buddy?" I tugged on his ear, trying to get the somber look on his face to go away. He smiled and laughed, pushing my hand away.

"I know you have to work," he said after a little more convincing. I knew something was on his mind. "But, I feel stupid and bad asking you this."

"Just tell me, Ri."

"Can you not work for a while, you know, until mom's better, after I'm gone?"

For a couple minutes, I said nothing, absently running hand down his back. I had been thinking along the same lines for weeks. However, I knew my wife. She wouldn't want me to give up everything, just to watch over her. "Tell me how she really was while I was gone."

He shrugged, his eyes glazing as he spoke, "She was teary when she gave me my medicine. Real quiet sometimes, then she would do something to keep her busy."

"Like make cookies," I said thoughtfully.

"I found her crying last night." I figured that much, but it still pained me to have him confirm it.

"I can't tell you what's going to happen after –" I couldn't even say the words, yet. "But, your mom and I already talked about it. She'll come with me when I'm filming on location. I have nothing planned for the next six months, possibly longer. I didn't want to leave the other day. You know that, right?"

"I know," he sighed. "I'm just afraid that when she has a minute to herself she'll…think too much. Does that make sense?" I nodded. "I still cry for Brittney and it happens when I'm alone."

"Your mom will never be alone, Riley. Even if I'm not there beside her, I feel her right here." I hit my chest with my fist. "And I know it's the same for her, not only me, but you're in there."

I brushed the tears that fell from his eyes. "She's my heart, Dad."

"She's mine, too."

~oOo~

Dinner went surprisingly well. Though Mom had always been a great cook, the last few years' Christmas meals were tense and usually ended with either Dad or me slamming the door on the way out the house. My Aunt Tanya's death had made the rift between us even greater, since her death was associated with my fame.

I was eternally grateful for the talk Dad and I had shortly after Bella and Riley had returned to my life. It helped me better understand why he was so dead set against me acting. I had forgotten that he had a younger sister. One I had never met. He told me that my aunt, Miranda, had run away from home to pursue career in acting, only to be found dead in her shitty apartment months later, due to a drug overdose.

She had been only nineteen.

I understood his fear, and when I first started, Tanya and my mother kept me grounded. I probably would've remained that way if I hadn't lost Bella and Riley, eventually leading to the shit storm that lying witch, Heidi, had created. I shook the thoughts away, reminding myself that it wasn't the time or place to worry about that kind of shit. Didn't matter much anyway; Heidi no longer posed a threat, thanks to Jane and Bella.

After dinner, we all congregated in the living room to share the DVD video Emmett made of Riley's Comic Book. We settled down for a Christmas movie after that to wait for the time to open gifts.

Riley was impatient. He constantly fidgeted or paced. The little guy had even gone to my parents' tree, arranging gifts into piles for each person. His, by far, was the biggest, which he proudly stated with a cheeky grin. It was good to see that his illness wasn't weighing him down that night.

It hadn't been easy. Good times were often outnumbered by bad ones. Watching him waste way took toll on all of us, especially him. He tried to be the strong boy that we knew he was, but I thought that perhaps watching us made it so much harder. He knew we were hurting and that we only wanted him to be fine, but he hated seeing us in pain.

It wasn't fair to lay all that on a little boy. I didn't blame him for his outbursts. Not when my own anger, fear and deep sadness dwelled on the surface of my skin. I stamped down the need to analyze the emotions and the events for the last couple of months.

It was Christmas and he was still with us. That was all that mattered.

A few hours later, we gathered around the tree. There were clothes, video games, and a new journal for Riley, a day trip for Bella and my mother to the spa. A nice gadget for Riley for when he was bored that he could read or watch movies on. Actually, I ended up getting one of those for Bella, too.

The little present for me under the tree at home, Bella said I had to open it in privacy, so we hadn't brought it. We had decided to leave some of the gifts at our house, to have to open later in the morning. I didn't mind. They were mostly gifts to each other and some from the friends we'd made at the hospital.

Riley handed a big box to me and Bella, a soft smile on his face. "What this?" she asked.

"Something for the both of you," he said.

"When did you do this?" Bella asked, tugging on the tape that held the box closed.

"Rose and Em helped," he replied as he bit at his nail. An ugly habit I'd been trying to get him to break. It wasn't safe.

Inside the box was beautiful, dark blue leather scrapbook, embossed with _Our Family._ Bella gasped, fingering the lettering softly. "I wanted to do something like this," she whispered, opening it to the first page.

The front page was a large picture of the three of us on the hammock asleep, the caption beneath made Bella laugh. "Family – Some Assembly Acquired."

There were baby pictures of me; I glared playfully at Mom, who simply smiled. Bella and Riley giggled as Dad told them about some of the pictures. The next section of pages was of Bella as a child. God, she was a cutie. Tiny bow lips, chubby cheeks, freckled nose, and big round eyes. She groaned at some of the sillier ones, explaining the story behind each one.

Next were pictures of Riley growing up, however, it was the picture of his father and Bella that got my attention. "Wow," I said amazed. "I always thought he looked a lot like you, Bella. But Riley is a spitting image of him."

"I do look like him," Riley said from between us, sitting up a little more to see. "Except I got Mom's ears I think." I bumped his shoulder, making him laugh. "And this part is just me and Mom, some of my friends, too." There was a picture of him and Brittney long before the illness had taken over their bodies.

"What's this?" Bella said, confused by press photos and candid shots by fans of me. I looked at the dates under each photo, realizing why they were in the book. They were from when I had left them. In each one of them, there was a warm but distant look in my eyes. As if something heavy was on my mind.

"That was an event I had on your birthday," I said, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. "I wasn't even aware I had worn the tie you'd given me." I laughed darkly, pointing to another. "That's Riley's birthday. I had gone to the one little place we managed to eat out at once without getting caught by fans or paps. I forgot some paps had caught me that time."

"We were still on your mind," Riley said softly. "I may have been really little back then and I don't remember everything, but I do know that you looked like that at Mom all the time." He laughed and rolled his eyes. "This next part is a bunch of pictures since you came back."

Unaware of the turmoil the pictures had caused me, he continued through a few pages. I felt Bella's hand run down my back and softness of her lips on my ear. "You need to let go. We forgave you. You need to do the same."

I swallowed and nodded, pasting a smile on my face as Riley continued to tell us about the pictures. The ones that the photographer Jasper had taken were among some of them. They really had come out great. Bella and I had a hard time picking just a few poses, choosing all of them instead.

It was toward the end that Riley quieted down considerably. "This is where I want you to put more pictures. You know of my brothers and sisters." Bella ran a hand down his back, kissing his temple. He looked at her with eyes that had become too large in his face.

Just a few weeks into chemotherapy and he barely resembled the boy I'd seen a couple of months earlier.

"Mommy," he whispered, the catch in his voice had Bella scrambling for my touch. Her arm snaked behind his back and clutched my shirt along my back in her fist tightly. "Can you promise me something?"

"You know I'll do just about anything for you," she replied, smiling softly. He shook his head, pursing his lips. She hadn't actually committed to making a promise.

"I'm only asking that you don't put any pictures of me, when I'm like this and worse in this book. I don't want you to remember me like this."

I heard Mom's small sob, covering it with a cough and an excuse to leave the room quickly. Carlisle watched her leave, smiling as he rose to his feet to follow her. I wasn't sure how Bella wanted to respond, but if it would make him feel better, I didn't see a problem with his request.

"No," she said firmly. Surprise registered on his face, as it had in mine. She sighed and smiled. "I can't make that promise because even though I hate what you're going through, you are the bravest, most thoughtful and loving boy I had ever known. I want to remember you, every day of your life. Can you understand that?"

He nodded as he wrapped his arms around her. "Love you, Mom."

She sighed again, fighting her own tears, brushing his away. Her eyes met mine briefly over his shoulder and I knew – she was cracking.

_Hold on, baby, just a little longer._

~oOo~

It was after two in the morning when we made it back home. The darkness in the living room was a stark contrast to when I arrived earlier to a brightly lit tree. We put sleeping Riley to bed, his eyes still puffy from crying. As he settled, he cried out in pain and Bella spent several minutes soothing him back into a more peaceful slumber.

Nightlight in place, we left him to sleep and walked into our bedroom. "Did you want to take a shower or bath?" I asked softly, rubbing her arms to warm her. She'd been trembling for a while. She nodded absently, saying "shower" in a whisper. I helped her out of her clothes and set the water for her.

I went back into the bedroom, looking for the fresh towels that were washed the night before. Finding them, I intended to hang one and her bathrobe near the shower. Instead, I found her on the floor of the tub, her knees tightly held close to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them. Rocking back and forth, I could hear that she was still trying not to break down completely.

"Bella," I whispered, climbing into the shower with her. Her eyes, glistening with her tears and the hot water that washed over her, met mine. Her bottom lip and chin trembled. I sat beside her, cradling her in my arms and lap. "Let go, baby. Just let go."

"I can't," she gasped. "I'm afraid I won't be able to stop if I do."

"You will. For him, you will."

Her whole body shook with her unrestrained sobs as she finally allowed herself to feel all the emotions that she avoided as often as she could for months. I couldn't even whisper to her that everything would be okay. It wouldn't be.

Time was running out. How was it possible for it to pass unbearably, achingly slow one moment and fly by the next, as if only seconds had ticked away?

It was a question that often came to mind as weeks had passed since treatments started. Those there were slow and painful all centered on Riley in some way or another. There were the moments, like seeing him battling his often chaotic emotions, to watching him fight nausea and pain, and now, Bella…Oh God, my beautiful wife.

Holding her as she cried was one of those moments that seemed to pass like an eternity. Even the strongest of women could have a fragile heart at times. It was only at that moment that I realized the extent of her pain. There had been small cracks in the veneer of her mask here and there since Riley had come out of remission.

Most of those moments were not as devastating as seeing and hearing her cry as the water rushed over us.

~oOo~

As Bella rose with the sun, she started breakfast, knowing Riley would be up soon. I went to check on him and found him on his side, asleep. I turned to leave but heard him call out with me softly.

"Morning, buddy," I said, walking to his bedside. "Mom is already in the kitchen starting her Christmas pancakes." The last time Riley had seen his mother, he'd been in tears in her arms. In seconds, as the memories of the night before came back to him, his face flushed brightly.

He mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?" I asked, carefully rubbing his back.

"I need help," he said softly. "I can't stand up."

I closed my eyes, thankful that he hadn't looked at me yet. "All right," I said as I helped him out of bed. He blushed again as he asked to visit the bathroom first. I could tell he hated what was happening to him. We'd been warned that the circulation and mobility would only get worse. After finishing up in the bathroom and grabbing a blanket, I carried him into the living room.

Before I could settle on the couch, Bella had seen us. Her eyes widened and she immediately picked up the phone.

It looked like we'd have to move up the surgery.


	35. Our Son

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirty-Five – Our Son**

* * *

**Tissue Warning: Grab a box**

* * *

**Edward**

Surgery had moved from the second week of January to just after the holiday. Riley had been fluctuating from barely feeling his feet to intense pain radiating down his back. We'd been at the hospital for hours, admitted.

Though we'd discussed a private room, Riley was adamant on meeting the other children while he remained in the hospital. After a battery of tests, the doctor confirmed that surgery could be scheduled the following morning. Until then, Riley would be fed a concoction of drugs to better prepare his body for surgery.

We were in a big sort of recreation room they had for the kids that could make it out of bed. There were a few children and parents there that we'd met through the support group. It was a group that Bella had helped create and was trying to turn into a non-profit organization that not only raised funds for cancer research, but money for the struggling families who needed help with bills and support.

Riley was immensely proud of what she'd already accomplished and I was in awe of her. Though she'd taken a step back since Riley started treatments, she still checked in on some of the group's activities. Angela, a mother of twin girls who both were ill with a type of skin cancer that were in remission, helped take over the reins in my wife's absence.

"Hi, Ange," I said, kissing her cheek. "How are the girls?" I could see the spirited four year old angels, wiggling their butts to the music that played on the radio in the corner.

Angela blushed, still not used to having me around. "They're great, Edward. Thanks for asking."

"Ben?" I looked around, not finding Angela's husband.

She smiled brightly, clapped her hands. "You got the house?" Bella asked.

"We got it!"

They laughed, wrapping their arms around each other. "That's great, Ange," I said, smiling at the bit of good news.

Bella had spent a lot of time campaigning for funds last summer to help Angela and Ben, along with a few other candidates, get the money they needed to buy homes. As most couples with kids dealing with cancer, they were strapped for cash due to medical bills, some quitting their jobs to care for the child.

"Is that why you're here?" Bella asked. "To give us the news?"

"The girls had a check up." When Angela saw the dark look in Bella's eyes, she scrambled. "Just their regular one. They're fine, B." Bella nodded, biting her lip, a habit that had become more frequent. I started to think that she did it to keep from crying.

"Who's that?" I asked, hoping to get Bella's thoughts on something else. In the corner of the room, a little girl, probably about ten years old, sat in a chair with a handheld game device. She was someone I had never seen before, but she looked somewhat familiar.

Under the turquoise bandana was a wealth of dark hair. Her skin, a warm mocha color, was dry, the shadow of peeling white skin on the surface.

"That's Leah," Angela said softly. "She's a firecracker and a hoot." She turned to look at me and Bella. "And alone. Her mother couldn't deal with everything, and was single, too. She signed her to the state yesterday." Bella gasped, shaking her head. It was something we'd seen before, kids that were in the hospital with little or no visitors.

There were children whose parents didn't have the time or couldn't deal with what was happening, and then there were the orphans. However, there were a few times, when a child came in with a parent, but would likely leave without one.

That was fucked up.

We all watched as Riley walked up to the little girl, who seemed to want to ignore him. But she watched him from the corner of her eye. "What do you want?" she asked. I could sense Bella wanting to intervene, but Riley had a gift.

He snickered, "Nothing much, just wanted to point out that you missed the secret energy pack in that bush on the right."

"I didn't ask you," she said with a roll of her eyes. Riley only shrugged, but watched Leah and smiled. "Thanks," she mumbled. "What are you in for?"

"Surgery tomorrow."

"That sucks," she said with a shrug. "I was in ICU for that last week." That would explain why we hadn't met her yet. She lifted her shirt, exposing a bandaged abdomen. "Itches like crazy."

"Yup," Riley said, showing off all his surgery scars. There were a few on his torso, a couple on the left side of his ribs and along his back. "I got these when I was six, seven and eight."

Her dark eyes widened as she whistled. "Did they tell you about this?" She pulled off her bandana. Though she still had a lot of hair, there were obvious chunks missing. She blushed as if she just realized what she'd done.

Riley didn't let her stay embarrassed for long. "That's nothing. I had no eyebrows for like two years."

"You gonna be okay?" she asked, scooting over on the chair so he could sit with her.

"Not this time," he whispered.

"I thought I had it bad," she said to him, staring at him. "Just because you're sick will not be enough of a reason."

"Reason?" he asked confused.

"It's not a good enough reason. I expect you to try to beat my score." She smiled smugly, extending the game device. "Don't think you can, though."

It appeared that Riley wasn't the only one with a gift. Friendship came easy to him and the newly formed one between him and Leah would provide them both with the comfort they needed for the weeks to come.

"Pul-lease," Riley said, rolling his eyes. "I have that game at home. I'll have you know, I'm awesome at it."

Bella tugged on my hand so I wouldn't stare anymore. She smiled, whispering in my ear, "Come on, babe. Let them get to know one another." I looked behind my shoulder one more time, smiling as Leah tied her bandana around Riley's head.

~oOo~

It had been three weeks since Riley had his first surgery and his treatments started up again. My parents and I had taken turns with Bella so that someone was always with Riley when he was in the hospital. The doctor was worried that Riley might get an infection, so he had to remain there.

My son hated the hospital. Not that I blamed him.

If it hadn't been for us and the friends he'd made, it would've been worse. It had taken a few days for him to tolerate anyone's company when it had become obvious that he might not walk any time soon. There was swelling, which we were told could happen.

I finally understood why Bella tried to give Riley as much time as she could. I could see both sides of what the state tried to do by forcing treatments on a child. They bought him life, he'd live and they had to try everything to do that. Then, when I see the quality of life, it was hard to deny the need to give him the peace he wanted.

"Hi, Dad," he rasped, looking back at his mother. She offered him some ice chips. "About time you took a shower." I know Bella wanted to tell him not to talk, because it hurt him. But she never stopped him anymore.

His lips are chapped, his body coated in dry patches of skin, much like Leah had when we met her. His big brown eyes, glazed over with a dull sheen were almost lost in his sunken sockets. Purple and red bruised the area and many others.

They found more tumors, which meant another damn surgery. We had yet to tell him. How can a dad tell his son that they have to cut him open again? Riley said he understood we couldn't do anything. If we did, we risked being deemed unfit parents or charged with neglect. How the fuck was that shit fair?

The new surgery and the next round of treatments _might_ buy us another month. _Might?_ What the fuck kind of assurance was that? What would be the use if he had to stay confined in a room? And unable to feel the sun and wind on his face? To live?

I instantly felt guilty. A month was a month longer. Time to read more to him, teach something that he'd never put to practice, to feel his hand squeeze mine. It was simply more time, but I looked at him and worried about the pain.

Oh God, the pain.

My heart ached with every wince and cringe he made. It twisted with every ragged breath as he tried to catch it after expelling what little food he could hold down.

Bella rose to her feet, kissing Riley's forehead. "I'll be back in an hour," she said softly. Before she passed me, she reached out for my hand, squeezing tightly. "Just a shower and back."

I shook my head, cradling her face. The dark circles under her eyes rivaled her son's. I brushed my thumbs over them, watching her closely. "Get some sleep, baby," I whispered.

"I can't," she replied.

"Please, Mom," we heard Riley call out from bed.

Her eyes pleaded with me, but I wouldn't give in. "Fine. Two hours, but no more."

I nodded in agreement, lightly brushing my lips from hers. "A letter arrived. The second hearing is set for the end of February." Her eyes closed and I know she wanted to rant, cry and scream.

My adoption of Riley might not be processed in time.

~oOo~

It was warm for Valentine's Day. We were granted a day out, so we all packed up and headed to the beach house. Mom and Dad were preparing dinner for the full house inside.

Leah, along with Riley and her little cousin, Seth sat in the sand. After Bella had heard what happened with Leah's mother and absentee father, she searched for relatives. Leah's mother had a half-sister named Sue in Washington. Her aunt was heartbroken at what her sister had done, but took that sweet little girl into her family as if she was her very own daughter.

Leah and Riley had matching beanies, the ones that Bella knitted herself. She was working on Seth's as she quietly sat beside me a few feet behind the kids. Sue and her husband had gone into town to grab some fresh fish from the market.

I heard the alarm in Bella's pocket and the sigh that accompanied it. She rose to her feet, stretching lightly, rubbing the small of her back. I caught the glimpse of skin from under the hem of her t-shirt, mesmerized, as always. She laughed, kicking my thigh, that coy little smile on her face.

Without another word, she grabbed the box from her bag and a bottle of water. Before she reached our son, she looked up at the sky and closed her eyes. Her chin dropped to her chest as she took a deep breath, trudging down to the kids. She lowered onto her knees besides Riley, handing him the items in the same silence as she had retrieved them.

Once he was done, she rearranged his blanket around his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Once on her feet, she ruffled Seth's dark hair and squeezed Leah's shoulder.

When she returned, she smiled. "They always stop talking when I get near them."

"Do you think he's still upset about our discussion last week?"

"About having a baby?" She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't want to get his hopes up for nothing."

From the very moment that it was obvious that Bella and I were a couple again, Riley had tried to convince us to make him a big brother, more so after we were married. Though Bella had told him that she didn't think she could handle being pregnant while dealing what was happening with him, he still tried to talk us into it.

I nodded. One of my gifts from her for Christmas, the ones in the small box I had to open in private, was a torn appointment card for her next birth control shot. We had a long talk with each other and decided to let it happen naturally. She hadn't gone in for her next shot. Of course, the chances of her getting pregnant before Riley passed, were slim to none. The average time was over nine months after the shot lost effectiveness. It had been only one.

The other gift in the box was a small badge that Emmett helped her design. It was his comic book gave her the idea for the name of the organization she was trying to create – The Riley's Angel Foundation. It was a group of volunteers that helped families of children with cancer with various things.

I was the first official Riley's Angel. That still sounded funny to me, but our son loved it.

I pulled her toward me and said, "We could tell him that we're ready and if it happens, it happens."

She sighed as she sat between my thighs, her back against my chest. "Is that really fair? We know the chances. He's constantly trying to convince us to go for it, especially now with Jessica finding out about having a boy and Rosalie being pregnant. He'll probably be asking us every morning."

"Nah, he'd be too embarrassed, baby."

I smiled, kissing the top of her head. Emmett and Rosalie had announced their pregnancy when they visited the hospital the previous week. I was happy for them and I could tell that Emmett would have his hands full. He seemed to want to wrap his wife in bubble wrap to protect her. However, Rosalie did not like to be treated like spun glass.

"It might make him feel better," I said softly, spreading my hands over her stomach. "And that you'll have someone to share your heart with besides us."

"I know." After a few minutes, she sighed again. "We'll tell him tonight."

~oOo~

I checked all the locks of the house that night, but found Dad on the balcony. "Dad?" The night sky was dark and littered with stars. I was surprised that it wasn't clouded.

"It'll happen soon," he whispered.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and rubbed at the ache in my chest. "I know."

"It's unfair," he said, his hands clasped around the railing tightly. "We've lost so many."

"Riley has a family up there that will watch over him," I said, squeezing his shoulder. "Charlie and Renee are up there. Not to mention his father and Brittney, even Aunt Tanya and my cousin."

His body shook beneath my palm. "Do you really believe that?"

I nodded more for myself. "I have to." I felt his arm bring me closer, into a hug. "Thanks, Dad, for helping us through this and for being here with us."

"There's no place I'd rather be than by your family's side."

~oOo~

The following morning, I checked on Riley while Bella showered. I found him sitting on his bed, his hands cradling a familiar notebook. He smiled when he saw me, the mouth sore he had from the previous week had finally healed, so it no longer hurt to grin.

"Can you read something for me?" he asked, clearing his throat once. We believed it hurt for him to talk, not that he would actually say it. He tried to shield us as much as he could. But he didn't seem to realize that his pain was clearly found in his eyes. Eyes so much like his mother's.

I nodded and made my way to the bed. He scooted to the side a bit, and sunk against me when I sat beside him. "What is it?"

He blushed, which was nice to see, since his skin was so pale. Holding up the book, he scowled at the smirk on my face.

"The love letters from Brittney?"

"They're not love letters," he huffed, poking my side.

"If you say so," I teased. It was one of those times that we tried to downplay the situation and try to find a way to laugh. The acceptance in his eyes nearly overwhelmed me every time I looked at him.

I opened the notebook to the letter we had last left off. There weren't many left; only a handful and Riley seemed to only indulge on reading one a week. Bella had read the last letter, leaving her and Riley in tears.

Brittney had been such a special child. She had written most of them herself, but the few we'd read recently were written by one of her parents. It was likely she couldn't write those last few weeks of her life. I cleared my throat and tried to soothe my voice as I read.

_Dear Riley,_

_Do you remember the first time we met? I thought your mom was an angel and you were those funny little guys with wings- cherubs. I still laugh about that. After you stopped being mad at me, you held my hand when they poked me with needles. You let me into your life and small family. Thank you for being a part of mine._

_Love always, _

_Brittney _

As always, Riley sat there after we'd read a letter and told us about the day or event that Brittney would mention. I felt Bella crawl into bed, carefully winding her arms around him as he continued his retelling. His mother would sometimes interject with her own recollection. It seemed to soothe them both, to go through each memory about someone they both loved.

The previous night, Riley had fallen asleep before we could tell him what we had decided. Bella looked up from her perch on my lap, smiling softly. "You tell him." _Coward._ The look I'd given her said as much. She only smiled wider.

"Hey, Ri," I said, quietly tracing a pattern of veins on the soft skin atop his head.

"Yeah, Dad," he replied. I'd never get tired of hearing him call me that. Though, I guess I would never get a chance to. I cursed, wishing the twists and turns of my emotions would keep from becoming known. I had to remember. Live each day as if it was his last.

"Your mom and I got to talking last night."

He smirked, curling a finger around his mother's hair that splayed across the sheets. "That usually leads to trouble." Bella rolled her eyes, teasing Riley with a nip at his finger.

"We wanted you to know that we're going to try for a baby."

"Really? When?" I could see the excitement in his eyes.

Bella and I shrugged. "When it happens, I guess. It might not happen for months," I replied.

Riley nodded. "I thought as much. And I'm okay with that. Can you tell me something though?"

"What's that?" Bella asked, lacing her fingers around Riley's hand.

"Can you tell me the names if it's a boy or girl?"

"We knew you'd ask," she said with a smile. "We wanted your help with picking them."

His smile grew and he nodded. "I'd like that. I might not be able to meet my brothers and sisters, but I'll watch over them."

I ran my hand over his bald head, kissing it softly. "We know."

~oOo~

A couple of weeks later, Bella and I sat down as ordered by the judge. My beautiful wife, dressed in a conservative blue pant suit, fidgeted nervously in her seat. I held her hand tightly in my own, awaiting the ruling. The procedure had taken a little less time, likely because there were no living relatives to represent his father's side, but it still had been a long process.

When the judge had me stand, asking why I wanted to adopt Riley, to be financially and emotionally responsible for the child, I answered honestly.

"In my heart, he is mine. We don't share blood, but a bond that is even stronger. I want to be able to call him my own."

The judge nodded, having me return to my seat. Bella wrapped her arms around me and whispered, "No matter what happens today, he is your son."

I bit my lip, squeezing her tightly. "I love you," I whispered. Twenty minutes later, I held the paperwork in my hand.

Riley Biers II had become Riley Biers-Cullen – my boy.

Outside of the courtroom, I excused myself for a few moments. In the mirror of the courthouse bathroom, I could see the toll the past few months had taken on me. I still weighed the same and my hair was the same color. The changes were subtle. A few new lines at the corner of my eyes and the ones around my mouth had deepened. It was my eyes that held the most change. There was a brightness to them that hadn't been there in years and returned thanks to Bella and Riley.

However, in the last few weeks, it had dulled slightly. Cancer didn't only befall the person afflicted. It affected him and all of those who loved him. And I felt guilty because I no longer wanted him to suffer. But for the pain to end, he'd have to leave us all behind.

I wasn't ready to let him go.

We returned to the hospital that afternoon, with the news. Riley smiled, his chapped lips cracking into a small smile. "Dad," he said hoarsely, lifting his hand a little from the bed for me to take. I did. "I knew it in here already." He placed our hands on his chest. "Now, I guess everyone knows I'm your son."

I laughed and nodded. We had been seen leaving the courthouse, where I had to put to rest any separation rumors with the real reason we were there. We celebrated in his room, balloons and friends visiting throughout the day.

Before he fell asleep, he said he loved me. "Love you, too." I bent down to kiss his head, wondering again, when we were allowed to take him home.

~oOo~

I received my answer two weeks later. Aside from managing his pain, there was nothing more they could do for him. And Riley wanted to come home.

The following few days, there was little time of lucidity for Riley. He often spent his days asleep due to the medication. Bella and I often shared the bed with him, holding him through the worst of it.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," Bella softly sang, pressing kisses across his forehead. I soothed a hand down his side as the nurse we hired checked him.

After she was done, she asked me to join her in the hallway. "I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. I think it's best you call the rest of the family to come and see him. It won't be long now." I nodded and sighed as she walked away.

I walked into our bedroom, one we hadn't used in a couple of weeks, always having chosen to stay by his side, instead. I held the phone in my hand for a few minutes, trying to control the torrent of emotions and grief.

First, I called Dad, who had answered on the first ring. Next, I called our friends that we knew that Riley would want there with him. Emmett had said they'd be right over, while Mike and Jessica would come as quickly as they could.

I tried to talk Bella into climbing off the bed, but she refused. Pulling up a chair, I sat beside them trying to soothe my wife. Two by two, our closest friends and family slowly trickled in. Her soft voice continued to sing the songs she often sang to Riley.

I felt his hand tighten around mine the tiniest bit. "What is it, Riley?" I followed his line of vision to the nightstand where Brittney's notebook laid. "Do you want us to read the last one?" He nodded as Bella's voice stilled, her body curling closer to him.

I sat back in the chair and felt as Mom touched my shoulder in support. I pulled the book onto my lap and read.

_Dear Riley,_

_Do you know that you taste like cherry chapstick? Thank you so much for being my best friend, my first kiss and my first love. There is no one else like you. I want you to know, I'm not scared anymore. I know that one day, I'll see you again after I'm gone. _

_I'll be waiting to lead you home._

_Love always and forever, _

_Brittney_

I heard Mike and Jessica cry softly from the corner of the room. Riley smiled gently and held up a few fingers toward them. They rushed to the bed, grasping his hand and kissing his cheeks.

Even if he couldn't say the words, his eyes said it all. _"I'll take care of her. I'll watch over her. I'll be with her."_

They nodded as if they heard the words stuck in his throat, kissing him again. Mike led Jessica to a chair and held her tightly. Riley's eyes swept the room until they met Rosalie's and Emmett. The two them huddled over Riley and Bella on the bed, whispering to all of us.

Bella started to rock and both, singing softly as my parents moved closer to the bed. Whatever they said to him, she heard and would nod and sob with each promise they made. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the tears at bay, needing to be strong for my wife.

Dad held Mom close, helping her to another chair. Riley lifted his pinky toward me. It was our new way to tell each other how we felt since he couldn't squeeze my hand anymore. I nodded and crawled into bed behind Bella.

Above her, our pinkies hooked and he squeezed my finger four times. _Do you love me?_

I squeezed his three times. _Yes I do. _His smile widened as a tear slipped down the corner of his eye. Bella sobbed softly, wiping it away, watching us.

He squeezed mine again, that time twice. _How much?_

I twisted our fingers closer, bringing them to my lips, kissing his pinky and squeezing harder. His eyes closed and a small sigh escaped him. And when he returned the gesture the same way, the tears I held back slipped down my face.

I wrapped my arms around them, as Bella cried softly, still trying to sing to him. We whispered how much we loved him and we'd never forget him.

"Look for grandpa," she whispered, touching his face over and over. "And Grandma, Brittney and your father, okay. They'll take care of you, baby."

Riley's eyes slowly closed, his breathing coming in slower. "Riley," I murmured against his cheek. "I love you, son."

"I love you, baby," Bella said softly, her hand cradling the side of my face, trying to pull me closer.

A smile graced Riley's face as it softened and another breath parted his lips. "Love you."

Our son, Riley Biers-Cullen, passed peacefully in our arms an hour later on March 13, 2012. Exactly ten years after his father.


	36. After

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirty-Six – After **

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**Tissue Warning: 3-4 **

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**Edward**

I wanted to rage, make calls, and ruin lives as she remained by his side for three fucking hours after Riley passed. That was how long it took for the coroner to send someone and another hour for someone from the funeral home to arrive.

However, I had to keep that shit bottled up. For my wife and family that grieved and cried for the boy we had lost. I had to remain strong; be the rock Bella needed to hang onto as she drowned in her grief.

For those hours, I watched as she became quieter, grew still and slipped into almost cationic state. The tears stopped after the first two, which should've been my first clue that I had to get her out of there.

When they finally arrived to take him, she awakened from her trance and clung to him as her tears renewed. It took several minutes of coaxing between my mother and me to get her to let him go.

"I'm going to start her a bath," I whispered, holding her close as she continued to sob against me. My parents nodded, saying that they'd find something for everyone to eat. I had no appetite and doubted Bella would, either. However, I knew we had to eat to get through the next few days.

I didn't allow her to watch as they'd taken him. I wasn't sure I could endure watching it, either. Lifting her into my arms, I carried her to the bathroom and started the water. I set her on the counter, pressing my lips to her forehead as she stared blankly ahead.

"Come back to me," I whispered repeatedly for a couple of minutes. I was afraid I'd lose her to her grief and when I felt her fingers brush along mine, I sighed in relief. I clenched them tightly in mine for a moment, grateful. "I'm going to start you a bath, baby."

I felt her nod and another tear slip down her cheek.

"You'll stay with me, right? You're not leaving." Her words so soft, I wasn't sure I had heard her correctly.

I cradled her face, searching her glistening dark eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. Not ever. Not without you."

She nodded, her chin and bottom lip trembling. "He's gone," she choked as she said the words. "He's really gone."

I wrapped my arms around her tightly, giving some of the warmth she desperately needed. "He's not, Bella. Not really. He's right here," I touched over her heart, then my own. "And he's not hurting anymore." She sobbed and nodded.

After a few minutes of just holding each other, I slowly removed her clothing and helped her slip into the warm water. She trembled as she clasped the sides of the tub, watching me closely. It almost seemed if she was afraid I suddenly disappear, ready to jump out and run after me if I tried.

As if I would. I'd been warned about possible abandonment issues, considering all those that Bella had already lost in her life, she'd feel that kind of fear toward me. Since she was a teenager, she'd lost over eight people, that didn't even include the children that she'd gotten close to over the years.

That was a lot to endure. How the hell had she held herself together all that time?

I folded a towel and knelt on it beside the tub. Her tear-filled eyes stayed on me as I started to pour water over her back. "I love you," she cried softly.

Biting the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check, I repeated the sentiment in a whisper.

As I washed her hair, her tears continued to flow. She needed it and was ten times better than watching her stare at nothing and despondent. Her fingers swept occasionally over my arm, shoulder and face, always touching.

As I helped her out of the tub, drying her gently with a soft towel, she said, "I remember the first time I felt him move inside me." She shook her head in confusion. "I don't know why that day just popped up in my head."

"Tell me about it."

She ran her fingers through my hair, stepping into a pair of yoga pants I held out for her. "I was in school," she said softly. "I was trying to finish the semester before he was born. And I was walking to my next class when I felt a little flutter."

Her hand moved over her stomach. "I thought I imagined it at first because I stood real still, waiting to see if it would happen again."

"And did he move?" Slipping a long-sleeved shirt over her, she shook her head beneath.

"Not until I started walking again." A sound like a choked laugh –sob escaped her, her fingers tightening along my hips.

"That sounds very much like something Riley would do." I sighed as I wrapped my arms around her tightly. "I wish I knew you then and felt him move inside you."

Her head tilted up, pressing a kiss to my jaw. "I know, but I don't think I was ready for you then." I nodded and held her face as I rested my forehead against hers. She was right, because she had been with Riley's father at the time. "But I love you now."

"I love you, too."

"I need…I need to –" Her whole body trembled. I swept my arm under her knees and pulled her into my arms. Her hands moved across my shoulders as her head tucked against my neck. "I can't see anyone right now." She crawled into bed. "Just you. Will you please hold me?"

I nodded, slipping into bed with her. Her body molded to mine, her hold impossibly tight as she wrapped around me fully. She was so much stronger than me. I wanted to sob and clutch at her, find some miracle elixir to make sure I would never have to endure another loss.

Not her.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her, trying to forget the smell of his passing and of his illness. My eyes fell closed, his face there, bright and young and full of life. I wanted to remember that look, his smile, and I had to fight to remain numb.

At least while I held her and in her presence. _Be strong, she needs you. _

~oOo~

Friends and family came and went for the next twenty-four hours. However, I remembered little of their condolences. They all sounded the same. Candles, flowers and stuffed animals filled our lawn from fans and neighbors, but other than that, we had little disturbance.

Jane had released a statement, stating Riley's passing and that the funeral would be only open to friends and family.

I sat on the couch, watching Bella as she spoke to my mother in the kitchen. Rosalie was sitting beside me, trying to make conversation but I barely heard her words. I slid my hands down my thighs, propping my elbows on them, keeping an eye on my wife. She had barely eaten anything since that day. I worried that she'd faint or become dizzy.

I felt the couch move slightly and the touch of Rosalie's shoulder on mine. Her choked whisper barely registered in my mind. Bella looked toward us, her face a mask of confusion and despair.

God, I hated that look.

It wasn't until Mom made her way quickly toward me that I became aware of Rosalie sobbing beside me. I closed my eyes and willed the emotion deep down. _Be strong, she needs you. _

Bella rose to her feet, walking toward me. I watched her every step until she stood in front of me. Her fingers ran through my hair, but I wasn't sure why. I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my forehead against her stomach. Maybe she needed comfort and I wanted to be the one that provided it.

~oOo~

I hated the smell of the place, a damn funeral home. Why the hell did we have to be there? Bella's hand tightened in mine, her body shaking at the thought of what we were about to do. Dad ran a soothing hand down her back, whispering something in her ear. She nodded and followed the director into another room.

I cringed at the sight in front of me, caskets off all sizes and colors. The bright overhead lighting did little to dispel the eeriness of the scene. My chest tightened, as well as my fingers clutched in Bella's hand. Words continued to come from the director, telling us about options and things I hardly heard about. Dad asked questions, Bella only nodded and looked lost and completely overwhelmed. I hated it and just being there.

My stomach churned as I took a good look at a small pale grey casket, lined with white satin. As Dad closed it, lifting it again as he asked the director something else, I couldn't help the groan that escaped me.

"We can't," I whispered as something in my memory broke through my armor. "We can't put him in one of those. It's too dark." Bella's hold on my hand warned me that I was too close to the edge. The agonized moans I could hear sounded distant to me, even if they were my own. Sobs and words clogged in my throat as I shook my head. "We can't! He's afraid of the dark!"

**Bella**

I closed my eyes at his words hit me. I knew he'd break sooner or later. I'd known that he'd been bottling up his emotions and grief inside. He'd been oblivious of a sobbing Rosalie earlier, as she clung to his side. It worried me then and even more so at that moment.

I hadn't given him a chance to let go since everything started. His body shook and his knees gave way. I sob tore through me as he fell to his knees, calling out Riley's name.

"My boy, he's afraid of the dark. We can't, we can't leave him in the dark."

I heard Carlisle ask the director to leave us as I knelt down beside my husband. His hands clutched his face, and the sounds he made ripped another sob from me. Eyes deep green and glazed with pain and tears met mine.

I could see him battle to contain himself. There was a plea within his eyes, too. "He'll be scared," he whispered, sighing when I wrapped my arms around him more fully. "We can't." He repeated it a few times as he clung to me. I kissed his forehead, watching as his eyes slowly closed, tears falling slowly down his face.

"I know he is…was afraid, baby," I whispered softly. "But I can't have him cremated, either." Another deep shudder ran through him as an agonized groan rumbled in his chest. "I know it's hard to do this," I choked and took a deep breath to gather myself enough to continue. "But I can't do that, all right?" His arms tightened around my waist, his choked whisper lost against my skin at the crook of my neck.

I felt his head shake from side to side, hard. "No," he said softly, trying to pull me up, despite his own shaky legs. "We can't do that. No fire. No, no." His body slumped further against me before we could get to our feet fully, remaining on our knees. Carlisle squatted behind his son, smoothing a hand along his back.

"We'll think of something, Edward," he said softly. "Maybe put in those battery operated lights that last a long time." I felt Edward's head move, his breathing slowing after several minutes. Above his head, Carlisle whispered, "Has he slept?"

I thought about it. He always waited for me to fall asleep for the past several weeks. And he'd been awake when I got up every morning. "I'm not sure."

He nodded as Edward continued to softly cry and sigh, whispering more words I couldn't hear. I wasn't sure I was meant to; perhaps, they were just words to comfort himself.

"I love you," he said suddenly, louder than before. "I love him, too. So much."

I sighed and squeezed him tightly, looking at Carlisle. "I'm getting him home. Choose a light color inside and out." Thankful that Carlisle had met us there.

Carlisle rose to his feet, helping Edward and I onto ours, leading us back to the car, where the new security Jane hired waited for us. Jon and Devon helped me get Edward in the backseat of the car quickly as I spotted a few paps across the street.

I was so afraid that Edward, in his current state, would lash out if he saw them. Though I would not fault him, I knew he would later regret it. The moment Devon pulled away from the curb; I breathed a sigh of relief.

I turned my attention to my sweet husband, to find him staring blankly ahead as he had been earlier at home. Though it pained me to see him cry, seeing him that way was so much worse. He almost appeared like a ghost, an empty shell of the man I knew him to be. He needed to stop doing that to himself. I knew, in some ways, he thought what he'd been doing was the right thing for me. It wasn't.

I needed him with me completely. Good and bad. Cradling the side of his face, I turned his head to look at me. His eyes seemed to have to focus for a moment, until they widened. "I'm sorry," he gasped, wiping at his tears. "I'm sorry." He cleared his throat, averting his eyes again. "I'm fine. Let's go home."

He looked to his right, surprised to see that we were in the car. Prone to panic attacks since before the accident that caused his Aunt's death, I knew I had to get him to calm down, his breathing already harsh and coming in pants. "He's gone," he croaked. "He's really gone."

I pulled him against me, kissing his head as he held me close. "He's not, sweetheart," I whispered, remembering his words from that first night without our son in the world. "Not really. He's in our hearts and he's not hurting anymore, remember?"

"I miss him," he whispered his breaths finally slowing.

"I do, too."

Once we got home, I supported him as we walked to our bedroom. We climbed into bed, holding each other close. His fingers drifted over my face softly, his eyes still held that tearful shine, making them so much brighter.

"What are we going to do without him?" he whispered.

"What he'd want us to do." His eyebrows raised, confusion filled his eyes. "Live."

His brow creased as his eyes closed, pressing his forehead against my own. "I can only do that with you beside me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward."

~oOo~

**Edward**

I was ashamed to say that I had to be given something to sleep that night. When I woke the following morning, I wondered why I felt so cold still. I had no more brilliant smiles from my son to look forward to everyday, no more "Hey, Dad," and no more not-so-secret handshakes.

But there was someone to make the days easier. I felt Bella stir, her hand skimming along my side. Even in her sleep, she tried to soothe me. She slept beside me, peacefully without the weight of what happened on her sweet face.

We'd get through our loss, though I knew it wouldn't be easy. And we'd do it together.

Our son was laid to rest beside his grandparents and Brittney two days later. Though it was a private service, hundreds of people that heard about our Riley, lined the streets that led to the cemetery. Bella held my hand throughout, comfort in her touch as her grief showed in every nuance on her face and tear that fell.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar face. Alice. She'd been a godsend since Riley had been diagnosed according to Bella, though I hadn't met her until Jasper had introduced us. She'd always been there when we needed her most, and at the moment, as she sang "Hero," Riley's favorite song.

As her voice moved around us, sweet and angelic, I looked up to the grey clouded sky. It'd been raining on and off for the last few days, but for a few moments, the sky parted enough to allow a glimpse of double rainbows and rays of sunshine.

I felt Bella's hand squeeze mine tightly, her eyes on the sky above, too. I watched a small smile grace her face, knowing as I did, somehow that was from our boy.


	37. Halo

**This is My Wish**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven – Halo**

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**About Three Years Later**

**Edward**

From the balcony, I could see her silhouette against the setting sun disappearing into the ocean. Her hair was long and wild, moving like a banner behind her as she watched. I could see the flutter of her dress around her knees and the way her arms wrapped along her abdomen protectively.

She hadn't woken me from my nap, knowing I needed it after a long week of shooting my current project. I wiped the sleepiness from my eyes as I descended the stairs until my bare feet sunk into the soft sand. The tilt of her head indicated that she heard my approach and the smile that graced her lips was just as telling.

"You're supposed to be sleeping," she whispered, the breeze carrying her words through me.

"And miss this?" I murmured as I wrapped my arms around her from behind.

"We have thirty sunsets coming to us on this vacation, so missing one isn't that big of a deal." I laughed and kissed her exposed neck before resting my chin on her shoulder. She sighed contently. "But I'm really glad you're not missing this one."

"I don't want to miss anything if it involves beaches, water and the sun," I replied and nuzzled her ear. My hands roamed gently over her sides and the curve of her hips, earning a sweet laugh from her. "And you."

After a few minutes, she finally said what had been bothering her. "We can't keep hiding every time some asshole pap does something like this."

I sighed, squeezing her tighter. "I know, but we've been under enough stress already. We both needed to get away from that place."

"You shouldn't have sunken to his level, either," she murmured.

I nodded. I knew that, too. Everyday life had been hard since we lost our son, more so under the scrutiny of Hollywood and the public. We'd gone out to dinner with my parents almost seven months after and we were attacked outside the restaurant.

It was one thing to deal with a few fans that asked for an autograph inside and gave their condolences, but it was completely uncalled for when some punk came up to Bella when we tried to leave. He just kept shoving his camera in her face, asking how she was dealing with her loss.

But he really needed a thorough beating after asking if we were planning on having more children anytime soon. He hit a nerve. I nearly lost my shit right then, and if it hadn't been for Dad and Bella, I probably would've been facing a lawsuit.

The pictures he'd taken, the anger I showed and Bella's devastated face that night seemed to make three times as many paparazzi show up whenever we went anywhere. They wanted to capture that vulnerability, the heartbreak on her face and my protective side that almost always ended up with my desire to meet someone's face with my fist.

It wasn't until the month before while after leaving a spa with Rosalie that I finally retaliated. Though my wife, on occasion, was accompanied by a bodyguard, he'd gone to lunch after she excused him while she was inside the spa. Normally, he would've stayed with her but Bella hadn't wanted someone watching over her as she tried to relax.

I didn't blame her a bit; they could be intimidating.

In the end, her bodyguard had been set up in an altercation with someone at a restaurant down the street, keeping him from getting to Bella at the required time. She had gone outside to look and call for him, only to be harassed by the asshole pap from that night at dinner, named Felix Dominguez.

He cornered Bella in the spa's entrance in between two large sculptures, clicking away with his camera and provoking her until she lashed out and swung at him. That only made him happier, since it would guarantee pictures that were money shots.

If it hadn't been for Rosalie, and eventually, her bodyguard, there was no telling what Bella would've done. It wasn't until when she arrived home soon after that I realized the extent of her anger. She was in tears, red-faced rage and nearly spitting out every curse word in the books. The asshole had accused her of substituting Riley with another child, with pregnancy rumors running rampant since our last outing.

I used what resources I had and gathered plenty of friends, knowing that what I was doing was wrong. But I hadn't cared. He fucked with my wife, and no one did that shit and got away with it.

A dozen of my friends— famous ones, too— gathered outside Felix's home and showed him how it felt to be one of us. At first, he'd been shocked, then arrogant, pretending it didn't bother him in the least. And it wasn't until we followed him everywhere, including his girlfriend's house— _both of them—_that he started to show that he was ticked.

For three days, we made his life pretty damn hard. Adding our own paparazzi and fans following us around, too— well, it had become a nightmare. By the final day, when he lost his shit, there were at least a hundred cameras outside his house, office, _girlfriends' _houses_, _and car.

I knew we pushed his buttons, pretty much ruined his life, but at the time, my only concern was my wife. It wasn't until a few days earlier that I learned that no one would take pictures off his hands anymore. Any magazine, newspaper or website that had used him, noticed a sharp decline in sales and website visits because of a boycott some rabid fans that organized.

I hadn't meant for it to go that far. All that led to our house being swamped by reporters and a much needed vacation. Despite all that shit, Bella still forgave me and followed me to the ocean.

"I love it here," she whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. The sun had long set, the breeze whipped around us but I felt warm with her in my arms.

I was thankful that she hadn't found it hard to be at the beach house since we lost Riley. In fact, she found it peaceful; perhaps because it had been his favorite place to be before he had left us. In the three years he'd been gone, we visited frequently. And had spent three months after his passing there, in each other's company and provided the comfort we both desperately needed.

Some days were harder than others, holidays being the worst of them. However, when we visited there at his favorite place, we found it easier to let go of our stressful lives and just be together.

"Let's go inside," I murmured, pressing small kisses along her shoulder. The thin strap shifted easily with a simple touch of my finger, as I explored a trio of freckles on her sun-dappled skin. She hummed and her arms tightened around mine.

Before her dress could expose her right breast, she turned in my embrace, wrapping herself around me. I helped her up with a simple tap on her backside, earning a cute smirk and laugh. With her legs secured around me, she smiled wider.

"You know you won't be able to do this much longer," she said sweetly, pressing herself against me tightly. I groaned at the feel of her so fucking close and kissed her with the same passion she always seemed to have close to the surface.

Panting, as our foreheads pressed together, I asked, "And why is that?"

Her smile grew as she fingered a few of my chest hairs. "Soon there will be something big and round between us."

I stilled as her words only brought one thing to my mind— well, two things, because I was a man and knew breasts get fuller during pregnancy.

"Yeah?" I asked stupidly. "We're…really?"

"Really," she answered simply. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. After we lost the last one, I wanted to be farther along before I said anything."

I nodded in understanding. We had miscarried when she had gotten pregnant several months after Riley was passed. We had known that, due to her childhood accident, there was a chance it would be hard to get pregnant, even harder to carry the child to full term. We had discussed surrogacy, but in the end, decided that if we couldn't on our own, we'd adopt.

Instead, she beat the odds and we got pregnant, but for some reason or another, we had lost the baby in her eleventh week. It was one devastating blow on top of another, but we got through it. We sought out help after that and found a doctor willing to help Bella with a surgical procedure to undo some of the damage from the accident.

"How far along?"

"Almost four months," she whispered, looking up from my chest to meet my eyes. "When we get back, we can find out what we're having."

I smiled. "We're going to have a baby." Those words sounded so fucking perfect to me.

She wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. "Yes, we are. You're not mad for waiting to tell you?"

I shook my head. "We've been under a lot of shit lately, baby. I know why you kept it from me, but you had to have been scared, and I would've wanted to know to help you through it."

She sighed. "How about I promise to tell you next time?"

"You promise?" At her nod, I kissed her again. It was soft and sweet brushes over her lips until she deepened it with a tug of my hair, nearly growling as I laughed. I guessed what Emmett said about pregnancy hormones were true.

With a quick peck on her mouth, I trudged through the sand toward the house. I exaggerated my breathing, stiffened my steps and exhaled sharply several times. She smacked my shoulder. "I'm not that heavy yet!"

She giggled wildly as I ran across the deck and inside the house, instantly pressing her against the wall.

"Now, what were you saying about something big and round between us?" I playfully ogled her chest, licking my lips. She laughed and tightened her legs around my waist. "Maybe we should take advantage while we still can."

She moaned as I pressed against her, titling her head enough for me to explore her collarbone and revisit the fallen strap of her dress.

I hadn't felt that happy in such a long time.

~oOo~

**One month later**

"Edward! Edward! Mr. Cullen! Over here!" They called for my attention in every direction, but I kept my eyes on my wife as I helped her from the back of the limo. She gave me a soft, nervous smile as she stepped out, taking my hand.

Bella hadn't had much exposure to events such as a movie premiere in a while, so I understood her anxiety. And it was also the first public outing we'd had since the media meltdown after my retaliation against them.

With my eyes still on Bella, we stood near the edge of the red carpet, holding her close to my side. My hand curled around her hip, my fingers rubbing a soothing circle to let her know we were together and could get through it.

I waved, smiling genuinely when her hand squeezed my waist once. Hearing a soft sigh, I looked down at her, to find her grinning brightly, waving at someone in the crowd. Turning to the source, I could see several kids behind some rope, along with their parents. Taking Bella's hand in mine, we walked over, ignoring the cameras as Devon and Jon flanked us.

"Hi, guys!" I said, high-fiving little Jason, who'd been cleared by his doctors last month. It looked like several people from support group had made it out to see us.

"Edward! Edward! Miss Bella!" several kids called out. Bella shook several hands, kissed a few cheeks, a fucking natural in everything she did. "Can we have your autographs?" a few others asked. They bombarded us with questions, asking about the upcoming charity baseball game that most of them were attending the following week.

"Yeah," I said, looking down. It was a little with boy big blue eyes and matching cheeky grin, who had pulled on my jacket to get my attention. He couldn't have been more than five, not even reaching my waist. I bent down enough to be more his height, taking his baseball hat and the silver pen in his hands. "Did you want me to sign it?" He nodded, biting his lip as he adjusted the one he wore atop his head. Once I was done, he swapped it for the one he was wearing, giving me a glimpse of the lack of hair beneath. "You coming to the game next week, buddy?"

He nodded again as his dad offered the answer, too, "William and I go every year, and this year is one we wouldn't want to miss." I laughed, nodding as I stood up and shaking his hand.

Bella had helped organize an event before the game, one that allowed people to see and hear about some of the charities that the game benefited, and perhaps give a little more, too. A lot of the stars that would be in attendance for the game were helping with the booths, including a dunk tank.

I was first up for that, thanks to my wife.

"Come by and see us at our foundation booth," I said to the William's father.

"Will do," he answered, his little boy echoing him.

Bella started to say goodbyes. Most of the kids were more familiar with her since she had made the arrangements for them to come out for the premiere and attended more of the meetings than I had.

Missing them wasn't intentional, at first; more like something I had done subconsciously. I made excuses on why I couldn't attend each time; a night shoot, a meeting with Jane, and filming. Most of them could've been worked around, but I never tried to reschedule.

Bella didn't start attending them until months after our son was gone, and I understood her reasons. It was too hard, each of the kids and families reminded her about our loss. I had felt the same way. It wasn't until we miscarried that she mentioned that we should go. She had gone for the first time on her own, since I had a meeting with a director. And from then on, I hadn't joined her.

She called me on my shit soon after, though, pointing out that I somehow always scheduled things on support group days. We had our first big fight when I continued my excuses, and all the while, I had come to realize what I'd done and why. I was once again hiding my feelings, being strong and I knew I wouldn't have been able to hold myself together around other parents like us.

That night ended with us in tears, holding each other close and agreeing that not only would we attend the meetings, but also seek grief counseling together. It took time for us to be able to get through a day where a thought about our Riley wouldn't bring tears to our eyes or put one of us into a near catatonic state.

However, there was only so much I could take. I felt her hand clutching tightly to mine, tugging enough to get my attention. I bent to listen as she said, "Are you all right?" With my smile still in place, I shook my head slightly. She squeezed my hand, and whispered, "Can you get through the line?"

My jaw clenched as my chest tightened. "I'm not sure," I choked.

"I know that reminded you of…of when you met Riley," she said softly. "Try to think about something else, baby." I wasn't sure she was even aware of what she was doing, but she'd taken my hand and rubbed it over her belly.

I smiled for real then, fucking thankful that she knew me so well that she picked up the subtlest of clues to my moods and helped pull me from the edge of the abyss.

Brushing my lips along her cheek, I replied, "Smile, Bella. You just told the world we're having a baby." The dress she wore, in a gorgeous green fit her perfectly and hid the small baby bump she had, but at that moment, it stretched tightly over her belly.

She grinned, winking. "I know."

"Jane is going to kill us."

"Do you care?"

"Nope."

"Should we tell them what we're having?"

I remembered the day we found out we were having a girl. Nervous would be an understatement about how I felt that day. But the news that everything seemed to be fine and progressing normally was a welcome relief.

Devon grabbed my attention, pointing at a very irritated Jane at the end of the carpet. She pointed at her wrist, letting me know I had to get a move on quickly. I winked, smirking. It wasn't like she could come and grab me. Bella offered Jane a look of pure innocence and a small wave.

"Whatever you want," I said after a moment, kissing her cheek as we continued down to take photos. "All I'm hoping for is that she looks like you."

Bella smiled as the other co-stars of the film surrounded us, embracing my wife before we posed for pictures. The media screamed for our attention, and for once in a long time, I offered them a real smile.

Little Lizzy Rivers looked up at Bella then me. "I thought she just played your wife in the movie," she said, confusion curling her little lips. She had portrayed my daughter in the film. She'd been five when we filmed, so it was understandable that she was confused.

"Nope, Bella is really my wife."

"Oh," she whispered. "That's why you were always kissing her when the cameras were off?"

I laughed, Bella giggled, trying to keep a straight face. "Yes, that's the reason why."

Lizzy sighed and whispered, "That's good, then. Cuz I told EW by accident that you were kissing all the time."

Bella continued to smile, the nervousness gone as her hand stroked her stomach gently. "I'm so glad we did this together."

The premiere was for a film we worked on called _The Way We Were_. Something Bella had cooked up in college and had me look at while I was in between projects. I had known she wrote short stories, even a few screenplays in college, but I hadn't even considered that it would be something she wanted to try.

Within a few weeks, I had a director, producers and a studio lined up. It was that good. After that, she had submitted the original manuscript she'd written, that was the screenplay was based on, to a publishing house as an accompanying novel.

She wasn't interested in filming, even though she was damn good at it, but I convinced her easily to play the leading female role. It was sort of therapeutic and allowed us more time together. After we filmed, she really was against becoming an actress and said she'd stick to screenplays and books. Anywhere from twelve to eighteen hour days would do that to a lot of people.

I'd convince her to work with me again.

Then again, where the woman found time, I had no clue. Between keeping me on schedule, joining me more often than not and the foundation, I wasn't sure how she managed to write.

After only a few minutes, Jane had Devon and Jon moving us inside, avoiding the media. That should've warned me about how mad she was for that stunt Bella pulled on the red carpet.

"You two drive me insane," she said, pacing near the entrance. "I thought you didn't want anyone to know until you're further along."

Bella shrugged. "I'm growing every damn day. It wouldn't have been that much longer until they figured out anyway. And besides, the tabloids said I was pregnant last week, so it's technically old news."

God, I loved her. She didn't tell Jane that I had been close to losing my shit on the red carpet. She'd only done it to bring me back to her. Not that I was ashamed of showing emotions anymore, just not in public. And a breakdown or something like that would take months, perhaps even years, for the media to forget, if Bella hadn't been by my side.

Jane sighed, tossing her hair back. "Don't come crying to me if this backfires," she said. "I swear if my goddaughter gets a Twitter before she's three, I'll kidnap her."

She probably would, but Bella and I had no intension of exposing her to the media in such a way. It didn't matter much anyway, since I was starting to work mostly behind the camera. Soon, I'd be old news and I was perfectly all right with that.

I waved at my parents, who stood nearby, the first premiere of mine that they were attending. I realized something; I no longer needed the light to shine on me to make me who I was. The only thing that mattered was the love and support of my wife and family.

**Game Day**

I shook my wet hair over Bella, earning a high-pitched scream. She laughed, pushing me away as several onlookers took a few pictures. Taking another towel from her, I started to dry my hair.

"You're so mean for making me do that," I grumbled, sitting down under the shade of the canopy overhead. "I managed to get dunked twenty-three times in an hour."

Bella smiled and handed something to someone in front of the Riley's Angel Foundation booth. "Yes, and every successful dunk and attempt raised money. Let's see," she looked down at a clipboard that someone brought over to her. "In your hour, you raised six thousand dollars."

I grinned. "Thanks to Mike," I said, curling the towel and slapping her hip. She yelped, rubbing the tender spot. "But he didn't get to dunk me!"

She rolled her eyes. "You're still mad because I managed to," she sang. Handing me a bottle of much needed water to drink, she said I could go change before my shift in the booth. I nodded and took her face in my hands. She raised an eyebrow in question.

"Did I tell you today that you look beautiful?"

She looked thoughtful for a second. "Nope, it was gorgeous that you used earlier."

I growled and kissed her, humming when I pulled away a few moments later. "I'll be right back."

I walked out from under the booth, posing for a few fans, even though I was drenched from the dunk tank. They seemed to find it rather funny…or hot, not sure which. A few of the other stars waved and called to me from their own charity booths that they sponsored.

"Are you going back to the dunk tank?" Jacob Black, an up and coming actor who I worked with the previous year, asked.

"Sorry, buddy," I teased. "You missed your chance."

He laughed and introduced me to his wife, Emily. I directed them to the foundation booth where Bella was expecting them. Jacob was next in line after Mike for the dunk tank. I was determined to send him in the water.

I looked up at the giant screen, remembering another day. The day Bella and Riley were larger than life on it, as I confessed to them and the world that I loved them. I rubbed at the ache in my chest, something that was always there and probably would always be.

It was sort of a reminder that he was with us in some way, and that I would never forget my son. As I approached the locker room, I swore I saw Jasper, who had disappeared soon after the funeral.

I jogged ahead and lost him around the corner. What the hell? Shaking my head in confusion, I made my way back to the showers, greeting a few other guys, who were playing later in the game. I asked a few of them, but no one had seen anyone that matched Jasper's description.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, including a jersey that basically advertised the foundation, I went back out to Bella. Except that she wasn't at the booth. I swore the woman could never remain still, even at five months pregnant.

I passed the booth and walked toward the dunk tank, wrapping my arms around her—still could, too—from behind. "Can I ask how you learned to pitch a ball so well?"

"Only child," she said with a shrug as Jacob taunted her from the platform over the water. "Dad signed me up for t-ball and softball growing up, and I was basically a dad for the six years of Riley's life."

Even almost four years later, here was something new I learned about her life before I came into it, and no just hers, but Riley's, too. I had been too overcome with emotion the day of the funeral to question why there was a baseball mitt in the coffin.

I shuddered, still unable to handle thinking about that. Shaking those thoughts away, I laughed as Jacob started to make side bets with some of the people watching Bella attempt to dunk his ass.

"You're distracting me," Bella said when she missed her second ball. She elbowed me in the gut, the brat.

"Keep making excuses," Jacob teased. "Just admit it, you throw like a girl…Like Cullen."

She raised an eyebrow as everyone laughed and held up cameras, recording. "That's right, I do." She bit her lip, after asking me to step back. Once I had, she let it rip and bam!

Bull's-eye! Perfect hit!

Except, it didn't work!

The people working the dunk tank raised to their feet, looking that the mechanism while Jacob continued to tease Bella. "See, there was no power behind that throw. It wasn't hard enough."

Bella pouted, but narrowed her eyes. She walked toward the big target and smashed her palms against it as hard as she could.

_Splash!_

Jacob gasped, "What the –" Someone luckily turned up the music— there were kids present.

Bella did a little victory dance, walking over to the tank to offer Jacob a pat on the top of his head, and then pushed him back under water. I sighed. Perhaps it was time to get her out of the sun; she'd obviously been in it too long. Besides, I had somebody paying us a surprise visit soon.

"Come on, baby," I said, leading her back toward the booth. We stopped at few booths, talking to friends and discussing another event happening soon before we settled beneath the canopy again.

Bella was immediately embraced by Jessica and Mike the moment we reached the booth. They had left California shortly after we lost Brittney and Riley, spending time with the rest of their family, grieving and mourning the loss.

We hadn't seen them for a few months and each encounter was special, as was the sweet child that barely reached Mike's knee.

"Hello, Amy," I murmured to the little girl in blonde pig tails that reminded me so much of her big sister, Brittney.

"Hi," she said, looking left and right to see if anyone was listening. "Come here." She wasn't even four yet and cute as could be. I couldn't wait until I had the chance to hold my baby girl, or have a conversation with her. She held up a piggy bank with a bright smile, showing off the dimple in her left cheek.

"What's this?" I asked as Bella stepped toward us.

"Can I be a Riley Angel, too?"

I touched the little face before me, nodding. "You're donating your savings?" She nodded, her little curls moving with her.

"Mommy said I can help kids like _them_." She touched the button pinned to her shirt, one of Riley and Brittney together in a hospital bed. One that closely matched the ones Bella and I wore on our baseball caps.

Bella attempted to bend down enough, but shook her head, sitting instead in a chair nearby. "Let me see what you got, Amy."

The little girl with big, light blue eyes skipped toward Bella, holding up the small pink piggy at her. "Seven dollars and um," she tapped her chin, squinting her eyes as she tried to remember, "Forty-three cents."

"Are you sure you want to give all this money?" my wife asked, twirling a curl of Amy's curls. I knew she was thinking of Brittney, too.

Amy nodded enthusiastically, wobbling a bit on her feet. Bella helped her gain her balance as Amy giggled. It was such a sweet sound and something I sorely missed – a child's laughter.

"Yep," she said. "I want to be a Riley's Angel."

Bella smiled at her as one of the volunteer's handed her a small pin. For every person that donated more than a dollar, they received a pin, making them a Riley's Angel. The type of pin depended on the level of donation or amount of volunteer time given, which was just as important.

"You need your badge first," Bella said, getting approval from Jessica, who stood nearby, with a simple nod. "May I put it on you?"

Amy fisted her tiny hands on her hips, nodding, thrusting her shoulder toward Bella and earning several laughs. I could hear the familiar click of cameras and winced. It was the one downfall to the game; it needed the publicity that the media and paparazzi provided to get more people in the seats. Though we almost doubled the attendance from the year before, we hoped that once we opened the doors, we'd fill the seats.

"Yes, pwease," Amy whispered, watching as Bella gently pinned the winged pendant on Amy's pink shirt. We took a few pictures with her, talking with Mike and Jessica about her little brother that was due any day.

It was moments like that, sitting amongst friends, discussing children and work that made me realize that life does go on, no matter how much you wish it didn't at times. I wouldn't lie, not even to myself. There was a time that I didn't think I could move on, even with Bella beside me.

Weeks after we lost Riley, the pain had been so intense that I spent it mostly in bed. I had felt so numb from it all that I closed down. Bella was the one that pulled me back like I had done on several occasions for her since.

Even years later, the acute loss was felt down the core. A person never got over losing a child and that was something I learned. I kept wondering when it would stop hurting.

It never would. Once I realized that, I felt a little lighter. Day to day, he was never from my thoughts and with Bella's support, the pain lessened. We focused on the good and not the bad that usually overcame a person's memory. We simply didn't let them.

We'd always have good days and bad ones, too.

"I need to find a bathroom," Bella grumbled, using my shoulder to rise to her feet. "Again." Though she sounded a little upset, she smiled. For her, being pregnant was a wish come true, and promise kept.

"Hurry back," I said, grinning. "I have a surprise for you." She looked confused, but since I didn't elaborate, she only shrugged. Normally, she would've worked on getting a confession out of me, but she looked a little desperate. Even at that stage in her pregnancy, I watched the sway of her hips as she made her way to the interior of the ballpark. She was beautiful.

The booths were all placed in the front in the parking area, though we would've loved to have held it on the field, it wasn't logical since it would have taken too much to break down before the game. I sat back and watched several of our "angels" as we called our volunteers take donations that trickled in as more and more fans started to arrive.

The nearby radio station booth blasted out some music, calling for volunteers to come sing some karaoke, announcing the event citywide. I spoke to a few fans as Mike, Jessica and Amy left to check out the other booths, before Mike had to work at the dunk tank.

I exchanged a donation of a hundred dollars from a sweet, little old woman named Maggie that not only earned her angel badge, but much more. My wife was super smart— her hidden heart beanies always sold out on the website weekly. Proceeds from those sales went to the research aspect of the foundation. The silver haired woman waved over a gaggle of her friends, all clamoring for a picture with me. It was the Beanie Brigade that volunteered their time every week, knitting the beanies for the foundation.

"Ladies," I nearly purred, pouring all my charm into a real smile for them. They posed for several photographs, laughing all the while. Several of them asked for Bella. "She should be here shortly."

After fifteen minutes, I started to worry about Bella. Even if the bathrooms were a ways away, she should've been back. Jane, dressed in a way I'd never seen before, a fucking dress, walked over to the booth.

"Where's Bella?' she asked immediately. The look in her eyes was calculated and I knew something was wrong. _Fuck, not today. _I didn't want anything to mar our perfect day already; it was hard enough to be at the ballpark, where we hadn't been back to since the last game Riley attended.

"Bathroom, why?"

"Heidi is back in town," she said bitterly, her hands clenched into tight fists.

I shook my head. "She knows better than to make appearance. We made it clear that I would report her despite the consequences to me if she made a move toward either me or Bella."

"Doesn't mean she'd stay away," she replied through gritted teeth. It was pit bull Jane.

Damn it. _Not today._

I told Melissa, a volunteer that I was expecting someone to arrive and to have them wait nearby until we returned. Jane and I made our way toward the building, needing to find Bella.

It was shortly after that first charity baseball game we attended together that we found out the truth about the video that ruined my career. The other woman in the video, after Jane tracked her down, confessed that my drink had been laced with something and that I hadn't slept with either of them. After several minutes of confusion with them, enough to make a convincing video with clever editing, I had told them to get the hell out, passing out shortly after.

Bella, Jane and I had decided to keep the information to ourselves, since coming out with that could have turned my world upside more than it already had and reopened up old wounds. Not to mention, it could have reached Riley's ears. However, Jane suggested we used the truth to ensure that Heidi kept her distance, though she handled that confrontation on her own. Embarrassed and scared, Heidi had run back to New York and stayed there, until recently.

Luck seemed to be on our side, because we saw Bella emerge from the bathroom with a smile still in place. From the corner of my eye, I swore I'd seen a flash of auburn hair, Heidi. Fists clenched at my sides, I tipped my head for Jane to see.

"Alice?" Jane said curiously, looking in Heidi's direction. I turned to see, and sure enough, it was the tiny woman we'd met shortly after I returned to Bella's and Riley's life years earlier. But before either of us could call out to her, she and Heidi disappeared around the corner.

"I'll check it out," Jane whispered. "You grin and make sure your wife doesn't know. She doesn't need that bitch causing her stress."

I nodded and met Bella halfway as she walked toward me, thankfully having missed Heidi completely. "I don't need as escort, you know," she grumbled, taking the hand I offered her.

I wiggled my eyebrows and smiled down at her. "I missed you." The corners of her mouth slipped into a smile as she snuggled against my side. We walked back toward our booth but stopped as a crowd of people surrounded the radio station booth.

Recognizing the familiar beat, we went to check out the singer. A rich, but young voice came through loud and clear, "Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace. Baby, I can see your halo, you know you're my saving grace."

The crowd started to move to the beat, clapping along, some singing. As we made our way to the front, a gasp came from Bella, "Leah."

Standing front and center of the little stage the radio station provided, she sang her heart out, swaying to the music, her little cousin, Seth, and the rest of the family standing nearby, clapping.

"You did this, didn't you?" Bella asked, her hand tightening around mine.

Leah and her family had left for Washington, where her aunt was originally from. She finished her treatments there, shortly after attending Riley's funeral. We hadn't seen her since, but we'd spoken with her a few times a month. She never forgot Riley. She was a friend to our son and always would be.

At fourteen, she was beautiful. Her blue-black hair hung thick and shiny to her shoulders. The bruises and paleness of her illness gone, and in their place was flushed, warm colored skin.

"Yes," I replied softly, watching as tears fell down Bella's eyes. I knew seeing Leah again would affect her, especially after we heard that she was in remission. "I invited them, send them tickets and they'll all be staying at the house while they're here for the next week."

She smiled up at me, tears trapped in the length of her lashes. Taking my face in her hands, she tiptoed to kiss me softly, her thumbs wiping beneath my eyes. Overcome with the same emotions as she was, I took her in my arms, signing softly in her ear. "Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night."

I curled around her, my head fell on her sweet shoulder and her hands surrounding my neck, fingers playing with my hair. I loved her so much. By the time the song came to an end, hundreds of people were singing along, broadcast throughout the parking lot.

They asked for an encore, which Leah shyly accepted, having everyone join her. Dark eyes finally found me and Bella as she sang. Her gratitude was in voice, gaze and breathtaking smile. Soon, her aunt and uncle greeted us, sharing more tears and hugs.

It was an emotional scene, but a good one. Though there were soft sobs from both women, I knew it was because they were happy, at least some of them were. As the song once again came to an end, Leah ran into Bella's arms, she was taller than my wife! She'd grown so much in three years. It was another clear example of life moving on.

And I knew it was what Riley would've wanted. For all of us.

We returned to the booth to find all of our volunteers up and ready, buses and cars full of people joining the hundreds of fans already there. The game was going to start in two hours and most of the people were fans of the twenty or so celebrity players.

I caught Jane's eye as I handed an autographed photo to a fan. She shrugged and joined me, whispering, "They both disappeared. I swore it was Alice, though."

"Not sure, if it had been her, she would've come over," I replied, smiling as someone asked a question. I answered and directed her to another volunteer to donate some money. "I thought I saw Jasper earlier, too." She shrugged and decided that we shouldn't worry about it. Hopefully their disappearance meant that Heidi wouldn't make an appearance.

Minutes later, Mike, who was helping in the booth, was craning his neck trying to look through the crowd. "Are you expecting someone, Mike?" I asked. I could see him shake his head as I handed another autograph.

"I thought I saw someone," he said, shaking his head again. "But it couldn't be." I looked out the crowd, not seeing anyone recognizable. He smiled and rolled his eyes. "It's my imagination. I swore I saw my brother, you know, only older." Laughing nervously, he went back to what he was doing. I was confused because I was positive he'd lost his big brother to cancer over twenty years before. "I know it's stupid, but before we lost Brittney, I swore I'd see a glimpse of him, enough for me to do a double take. But when I look again, he's gone."

I patted his shoulder. "Those we lost, no matter how long it's been, are always with us in some way."

"Yeah, maybe I see him because it would've been his thirty-fifth birthday today," he said, smiling. "I have to admit, though, it makes me feel better knowing he's up there with my baby girl. She's not alone, you know?"

I nodded; it was the best I could do. There was nothing to say to that, since I felt the same way about Riley and the family he shared heaven with.

"Jasper would've loved being here," Mike continued. "He loved baseball."

Jasper? I looked at the crowd and there, near a white sedan, was Alice and Jasper, waving. A couple passed in front of my vision and when I looked for them again, they were gone.

I couldn't be, could it?

~oOo~

Bella stood near the front of the booth, signing autographs, getting names for those interested in donating time along with Leah, who couldn't seem to leave her side. Little Seth was a bit taller and about seven, a talkative and dimpled little cutie that seemed to make all the ladies in the booth pinch his cheeks. And Emmett and Rosalie's son, Eric, seemed to look up to him.

As my parents carried another two boxes filled with pins and beanies, lines of cars started to form. It was getting closer to game time. Bella and I walked over to the radio booth where DJ Mark asked her to make an announcement to be broadcast on air.

"I'd like to thank all of those here," Bella said, smiling as she took the mike from the DJ. "That not only donated time and money, but their hearts. This hasn't been an easy road for many of us. Cancer affects us all in some way, young or old, girl or boy. It doesn't discriminate. Thanks to all the game tickets already sold, those that donated at each of the booths, we've raised over two hundred thousand dollars."

And that number didn't include the matching donation, dollar for dollar, from the rest of the players. That was a surprise I would tell Bella about later.

The crowd roared and clapped, calling out names of those lost and those that have survived.

"And we have over one thousand volunteers lending a helping hand every month. Every dollar counts, as does every minute that is donated to all of the charities that are here today for this amazing event for the children's hospital. Just as every breath counts in the life a child. Please, take the time to drive on over, come see us at the booths, and stay for the game. And this event is for all the kids out there and their families that are affected by cancer. And for my late son, Riley Biers-Cullen." She looked at me, pressing her forehead against mine, as we both said, "We love you, Riley."

A few minutes later, we returned to our foundation booth to find a line had formed in front of them. People of all ages stood and waited to become a Riley's Angel. Child after child handed in their savings or birthday money, and receiving their pins.

"Look, I'm a Riley's Angel," William, the little boy from the premiere, no older than five, said to his dad.

"I'm so proud of you, buddy," he whispered to him, taking him in his arms and hoisting him onto his shoulders, a beanie proudly displayed on his head.

I looked over to Bella, finding tears in her eyes again. She was overwhelmed; we hadn't expected so many to come the first year we held the event. "I don't understand," she said. "We barely got through the red tape for the foundation, how did so many hear about it?"

I shrugged. "Never underestimate the power of radio, the internet…or Twitter." I held out my phone, smiling as I took her hand. "I've been tweeting for the last hour on our verified account. And I got the rest of the players today to do the same."

"You're amazing," she whispered, stepping into my arms and resting her head on my chest. "I love you so much."

"Love you, too. Always."

~oOo~

**March 13, 2016**

Brianna Rose Cullen was born two days before her mother's birthday at a whopping nine pounds six ounces. Bella tried to give me the silent treatment after, since I had forgotten to tell her that I was a big baby as well, at almost ten pounds.

But when Brianna was placed in my arms, she melted and her eyes glazed with tears. There had been fear in them that morning, too, matching the depth of mine. The future was uncertain, but we refused to be afraid of it, to stop us from moving forward. We couldn't let the fear of illness overcoming our daughter consume us and shelter her from the world. It wouldn't be fair to her.

At the moment, she smiled up at me as I changed her dirty diaper. Her bright hazel eyes were the perfect mixture of Bella's whiskey colored ones, blended with my own green. She had Bella's nose and perfect little lips that seemed to be an in perpetual pout. Her hair color matched mine, as did the unruliness that drove Bella crazy. No matter what we put in her mass of baby fine hair, it stood straight up.

It was freaking adorable.

She giggled as I finished with her diaper, pulling up a pair of shorts over it. Her chubby little hands reached for mine, forcing her to squirm. She had a ticklish tummy. "Brianna," I sang, kissing her sweet dimpled cheek. "You're supposed to be quiet. Mommy's still asleep."

The night before, we had attended the premiere of my first film of being behind the camera as director. We also made an appearance at the after party. It was a smashing success and it humbled me that I seemed to be accepted by critics for the change of direction my career had taken.

"Ma!" Brianna cooed softly, waving her little fists in my face. At seven months, she was smart, could crawl all over the place, and wave to everyone she met.

"That's right, ma's sleepy."

I pulled her in my arms, discarding the diaper in the trash. We stopped near the door, beside the large picture of Riley on the wall. His smile shone brightly, his big brown eyes filled with amusement as he showed off the fake tattoo on his arm.

Brianna reached out for the picture as she had been doing for the past few weeks. She touched his face, looking at me in question. From the very beginning, Bella and I had been actively making sure Brianna knew of her brother. Watching videos together, sharing pictures, but one day she had her mother stop at the picture on the wall to touch it. Since then, it was something she did often.

We had no idea where it had come from, but we loved that she could already recognize him.

After a quick trip to the bathroom to wash my hands, I walked toward the kitchen. Brianna started to protest, expressing her anger. She was hungry, her little hand closing out the cookie quickly. She whimpered softly as she took it her mouth, but smiled up at me.

"Can you bring one of those for Lindsey?" Rosalie asked from the kitchen table, where she had her baby girl perched on her lap. She and Emmett and their two kids had spent the night to babysit.

I nodded, pulling out a second cookie, only to have Brianna reach for it, too. "No. This is for Lindsey." Her eyes started to water, her bottom lip quivering.

_Oh shit._

She wailed.

"She needs to learn to share," Bella grumbled as she walked into the kitchen. "Come on, baby." She held out her hands for our daughter, who immediately leaned toward her. "You're still making breakfast. My feet are still killing me."

"I told you to change your shoes," I said with a roll of my eyes.

She bumped my hip as she passed me, still grumbling at the hour. Bypassing the coffee maker, she went to sit by Rosalie instead.

"Did you do it?" I asked, looking at my wife.

Bella nodded as Rosalie looked up at the random question. Her eyes went to the lack of coffee cup in Bella's hand, and her eyebrow rose in amusement. "You couldn't wait a while longer?" she asked, shaking her head. She suddenly yelped as Bella kicked her under the table. "No coffee and you become a bear."

"Who's a bear without coffee?" Emmett said, coming into the kitchen with Eric on his shoulder. "I know Rosalie can be without her chocolate." She leveled him a glare as I helped their son off his father's back.

Eric's big blue eyes and dark curls looked up at me. "Can I have a cookie, too?"

"Give him one," Rosalie answered my unspoken question. "And you might as well pass one to Emmett, too."

"Go ahead," I told Emmett as I turned to the fridge to start breakfast.

After a great and entertaining meal with everyone, Rosalie finally pulled back from chair. "Do I have to go upstairs and have a look for myself?"

Bella shrugged. "I'll check in a while."

"What?" Emmett asked confused.

I grinned and helped with clearing the table as my parents walked in, bearing gifts. "Morning everyone," Mom said, handing Brianna a new colorful teething ring. At the silence from all the adults in the room, she looked at me in concern. "Did you need us to take her this morning?"

I shook my head. "Bella and I decided to take her with us today." She nodded, closing her arms around me. It had been four years since we lost him and it would be the first time we would be taking Brianna to the cemetery.

Emmett disappeared with Eric to the bathroom while Rosalie and Bella spoke in whispers at the table. Dad walked over to the private bubble Mom and I had created in the kitchen. "Is something wrong? I saw the news and reviews this morning. You should be proud."

And I was. The movie was another of Bella's screenplays that was much darker and full of angst, something that made me aware that her darkest places were deeply embedded in her, triggered by all the loss in her life. She said that the screenplays and writing were often draining, but also therapeutic in a way. I'd never been prouder than I was to bring something she worked hard on to life on the big screen.

"It's nothing," I said, not wanting to say anything until we were sure. "But we are taking Brianna with us today."

"We've already been there," Mom whispered, resting her head on Dad's shoulder. "There were already flowers there, along with Brittney's, as well." I knew that already; Mike and Jessica were back in town for the next few weeks.

"Shit!" We heard Emmett call up from upstairs. "Who's pregnant?"

I looked over at Bella, our eyes meeting, smiles pulling at our lips.

Well, so much for keeping that a secret.

~oOo~

The excitement of the morning had quieted as I drove to the cemetery a couple of hours later. Bella sat in the backseat, carefully watching our daughter, touching her as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

And she was really.

Brianna was used to that type of attention, cooing at her mother, making her smile. I loved watching them together and I knew she did, too, whenever I shared such moments with Brianna.

The gates ahead, opened but somber, beckoned us inside. After Riley was gone, I had a hard time visiting his grave, much more than Bella had. And the first time I had gone with her, weeks after we'd lost him, I broke down in front of it. Thankfully, I had her sitting there beside me, allowing me to fall into the comfort of her arms, her heart and soul.

No, it wasn't easy after losing a child.

Hand and hand, Bella and I walked toward his gravestone, stopping in front of Brittney's, surrounded by flowers and had a small bunch balloons anchored to one of the vases. We laid our wrapped bouquet of tea roses and baby's breath amongst them, trying to stop Brianna from reaching for the arrangements.

After a few minutes, we walked over to Riley's and I stood back as Bella went to work. She pulled out special wipes to clean his headstone, humming his favorite song. We had decided not to add a picture, finding it too hard to watch it degrading over time under the elements.

I whispered to Brianna what it said.

_Riley Biers-Cullen_

_May 15, 2002 – March 13, 2012_

_In loving memory of our son, friend to many, and crusader with the biggest heart of all._

My daughter, unusually quiet, looked from me to the stone angel that stood overhead. She whimpered softly in my hold, turning to nuzzle my cheek, unknowingly – but perhaps, more perceptive than most – providing me some comfort.

She turned to watch Bella, who continued to hum and arrange the flowers we brought, along with the white balloons that danced in the light wind. After another minute, she stood up and took my hand again with a soft sigh.

"Four years," she whispered. "Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, and other moments, like it was yesterday." I nodded in agreement, her words expressing my own feelings and thoughts. Taking Brianna from my arms, she knelt on the soft grass.

She didn't say anything for a while, allowing our daughter to play with the necklace she wore around her neck. The same one I'd given her years previously, only it had two small pendants with Riley and Brianna's birthstones, nestling the locket in between them.

"This is a place," she said softly, taking Brianna's hand in hers. "That we can come and talk to your brother." As tears started to fall gently down her cheek, I sat down behind her, letting her rest against my chest. My arms surrounded them both, and once again, I was in awe of our little girl, who was silent as her mother started a story about our boy.

For almost thirty minutes, we simply sat there, whispering softly about Riley and Brittney, Brianna absorbing it all. As a breeze started to chill her skin, she snuggled against Bella's chest. It had been cloudy all day, with the threat of a light shower of rain.

"Should I go get her jacket?" I asked Bella. She shook her head, tapping my thigh, letting me know that it was time to leave. I helped her up, taking Brianna from her. She smiled at me, kissing my lips softly. Her eyes still glazed with the tears that dried minutes earlier, expressed everything she was feeling.

Love.

Sadness.

Pain.

But she was happy. There was no doubt about that as she smiled at me. It was what mattered. It was what I wanted for her, for us and what Riley would've wanted, too.

I kissed her forehead gently, closing my eyes as the wind picked up again, swirling around us. It was surprisingly warm as Brianna giggled sweetly. She patted my cheek, calling for attention.

"Ma!" she cried out, reaching for one of the balloons.

Bella took her little hand, kissing her palm and shook her head. "Brianna," she sang softly, making our daughter smile at her. "Let's go home." Brianna shook her head from side to side, pursing her lips in protest, but giggled wildly as Bella tickled her tummy.

I led the way to the car, adjusting Brianna so that her head could rest against my shoulder. She continued to laugh, reaching for something behind me. Bella laughed and squeezed my hand, but as a whirlwind of a warm breeze danced around us, we both froze.

A strange peace moved through me, and by the tensing of her fingers, I knew she felt it, too.

Brianna giggled again, pulling on her earlobe twice, crying out suddenly. Bella and I turned to look over our shoulders in time to see that a balloon had come loose, hovering for a few seconds near the angel's wing before it floated slowly up.

Our daughter lit up, but her eyes were on the angel instead. I felt Bella's hand clench tightly in mine, as she whispered, "Love you, Riley." Instead of tears in her eyes again, she smiled, tipping her head up to the sun's rays that broke through the clouds, bathing us in sunlight, warmth and peace.

~oOo~

We arrived home after some lunch at a quite café that gladly provided a private room. The house stood before us, big and welcoming as I led my family inside. Soon after Riley was gone, we had to move to the big house because it provided the privacy we desperately needed.

Bella had had me cut out Riley's handprint with our fingerprint heart from the wall, something that had been framed and hung over the fireplace mantel.

"What's that?" Bella asked, pointing toward the kitchen counter. It was a white and gold envelope with our names written on it in a beautiful script that caught her attention.

"The question is, how did it get inside?" I said as I walked over to pick it up. The paper was smooth to the touch, but warm, too.

"Maria was supposed to come in while were gone," Bella said, looking at the spotless kitchen. Maria was our housekeeper that came in three days a week. With our busy schedules, she was a godsend. "She probably left it herself or it came in with yesterday's mail since I had asked her to pick it up. I'm going to put Brianna down in her crib.

I nodded and pulled out a bottle of water, checking the answering machine for messages. As I listened to Jane praise me and Bella about the reviews– a miracle – my attention went back to the envelope.

Bella walked in, messing up her hair since it had been in a pony tail earlier. "I really need to work on my back muscles and biceps. Brianna is getting harder to carry up the stairs."

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her, as hers wound around my neck. Quietly, we stood there, holding each other close, allowing the emotions of the day to run through us. It was something we did every time we returned from a visit to see Riley's grave.

After several minutes, she pulled away with a sigh and picked up the letter on the counter. "I recognize the handwriting, but can't place it."

I shrugged, because I had no idea who's writing it was. "The only way we'll find out is if we open it."

She slipped her finger beneath the flap and she pulled out the contents of a single page letter. Her brow furrowed with confusion as her eyes fell on the words written in an unmistakable child's penmanship.

Her hand shook as fresh tears started to gather at the corners of her eyes.

"What is it?"

"Brothers," she whispered as her eyes continued to move over the page. I stood behind her to see, and I understood why she'd said brothers. A gasp froze in my throat as I silently read the words written by our son over her shoulder.

After the words started to blur, I felt Bella fall back against me, crying softly. I held her tightly and closed my eyes, overcome with the love for our son. The generosity of his heart was still so powerful even after he was gone, the proof of it fluttering onto the counter. The words seared into my mind.

_Dear Wishes for You,_

_My name is Riley Biers and I'm nine years old. Soon, very soon I'll leave behind my mom because I have terminal cancer. I write to you today and this is my wish._

_How can I make one wish when I want so bad to help everyone? But I know by helping Mom, with her big heart, her love would reach others. _

_I wish for my parents, Edward and Bella Cullen, along with my sister and brothers, to help as many families like ours as they can, providing the support they need, like they have given me, so that they could move forward when facing an illness like mine. _

_I guess it's my turn to share them with the world. My mom has it in her to help, and with Edward beside her, together, they could do anything. _

_Sincerely, _

_Riley Biers-Cullen_

As Bella and I quietly laughed, understanding coming to us both at the same time, as our hands touched her stomach. For along the bottom were the words stamped in a shimmering gold letters –

_Wish Granted_

THE END

* * *

**AN: **

**Song: Halo by Beyoncé**

**Thanks to kyla713 for all the hand-holding and helping with this story. Thanks to Vanessa_ventura and chartwilightmom for asking me to write this. After careful consideration, lots of back and forth, even tears, I decided that there will be no out-takes or future-takes. If there are questions that you feel still need answers, please send me a message, I'll be happy to reply.**

**Thanks to everyone that chose to brave this story, I know it hasn't been easy, but I hope that you find that it still brought some warmth to your day. **

**Thank you.**


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